How do you feel about people who don't take social cues?

Question

SmartButBroke · Accepted Answer

Reading everything you have here, you seem to be focused on negative situations, but when I hear "social cues" I tend to think more about more positive ones... like, someone is interested in a person socially or romantically and that person doesn't get it.

In a lot of the more "positive" social situations, I will understand the social cues and ignore them if I'm not interested. I'm sure sometimes people think I don't get it, lol.

In more negative situations... I've known people who don't get social cues because they don't care. My father and one of my nieces are this way. They are the kind of people whom if you try to tell them they're being annoying or whatever, it will make no difference. They'll keep being annoying, or maybe even get more annoying. It's all about what they want to do and how they want to behave until you really hurt their feelings or piss them off. I can be like this but in a different way, usually, like I don't enjoy getting on people's nerves like they do... but there are some social things I flatout don't care about and will do what I feel like regardless.

As for dealing with men, like there are a lot of men who don't understand women's social cues when they're approaching them or hitting on them, or just teasing... it's just an awkward situation to be in, and I think in the past I have wondered why men don't understand some of the cues or issues you discussed with Roland instead of my having to either spell it out or keep dealing with a man I don't want to deal with.

For me, I think when you say "do it some more," it's like I don't want things to get confrontational or even turn into a security issue because I have to tell a guy to back off. There are men who will curse you out or who will get violent with you, or if you work with them it will turn into long-term drama (actually had this issue with some older men, one in his 60s, at work, so older men aren't exempt)... a guy just needs to be able to understand "okay, let me go away" or "okay, let me stop" or even "okay, I can get away with this type of teasing with Barbara but not with Kelly." But I know it doesn't work like that, guys will keep relying on you to be straightforward with them and not consider legitimate reasons why you don't feel cool with that.

It's not really any of your options, for me--I think it's more 1) some people don't care about social cues, and 2) I just wish some would accept that's the best way to communicate sometimes and get used to/learn some.

vishna · Accepted Answer

I feel like as humans, we are so social, it's so important to be able to navigate social interactions-and so, it seems like people would just know... like they would know when to be goofy or serious and when the 'pack' is turning on them.
And so when they don't, I feel sad for them.
I'm socially awkward at times, but I pick up on things quickly and know when to avoid people who won't gel with me (leave tense situations) or adapt to make things easier (ex. when this super reserved type A girl was one of the only people I could talk to in the summer program, I was less goofy)-but that's only for a while, don't be fake!

Justacatlady · Accepted Answer

All depends on the social cue you are referring to. There are many that don't bother me and then there are some that drive me nuts and I don't know how that person has made it this far in life without something bad happening to them.

Izumiblu · Accepted Answer

That's a very subjective thing. Happens often enough I generally get annoyed and that's about it. I often start to wonder then if they have some socialization issues or if they are pursuing an agenda.

Bananaman177 · Accepted Answer

Aspergers here. I have no idea what you people are trying to hint at or even that you are trying to hint at something. And unless you're trying to hint that you want to talk about establishing space colonies and asteroid mining, honestly, fuck off.

0112358 · Accepted Answer

My son has severe autism.

But there's no clear line where autism ends, they just sort of blur into the normal human population. So a lot of people read social cues 'poorly'.

I think it's a shame we don't formally teach it a little more, so many people would benefit.

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

Some context would help here.

I tend to be very blunt with people, partially because I don't really have much for social skills. When other kids were learning how to socialize, I was working on not getting the Fuck beaten out of me by a few older kids, or trying to be unnoticed so that I wouldn't get harassed or blamed for something that the popular kids did. So I'm a little more forgiving of people that don't have much for social skills. I actually prefer people that are blunt, it saves time and eliminates any possible confusion.

RichardBrooks · Answer

I am autistic and don't pick up on social cues too well. I've worked on it a lot-- studying body language, watching Youtube videos, practicing with friends-- and I've made progress, but I still occasionally don't get when someone's joking or being sarcastic. My friends are good at pointing this stuff out to me. I definitely cannot tell when someone is flirting with me. I have learned, though, that if I think someone might be, she probably is, because it must be pretty obvious for me to pick up on it.

KantStop · Answer

None of these, as the variables for the situation and the person being exposed to the situation are innumerable.

If I perceived them to be a good person, then I'd take the social pressure off of them some so they can orient themselves and improve for the future.

If I perceived them to be a bad person, then let the public humiliation teach a lesson in humility or self-reflection.

As for social cues in general, I'm split on this matter. Sometimes tradition creates social circumstances and I'm not at all a traditional thinker. What is Right matters more to me than social cues alone.

kilowatt04 · Answer

Speaking of the autism spectrum, it's just that, a spectrum, and plenty of people lie on it without appearing to be blatantly autistic, all the way to just being normal people. These people (of whom I am probably one) do not naturally figure out social cues, and still get ridiculed for it. Not everyone takes social cues! Social cues suck. They do not get to the point, and they are a sort of test of something that should not be used to determine how good someone is as a person.

yeahnahyeah · Answer

I have trouble with this myself. My best friend has Asperger's and his lack of ability to understand inflection and sarcasm really creates some difficult situations. He'll apologise as though you scolded him one second and then fail to apologise when you really are scolding him, seriously hindering his ability to learn. If I don't believe someone to be autistic and they're simply being annoying or needy then I will not tolerate it

existing_not_living · Answer

I mean sometimes it's hard. I don't always take social cues. I don't hate others for it, however if it is pointed out to them, I do believe they should learn how to take social cues instead of continuing on the same path.

ravedave · Answer

I'll lightly tease the person if I'm friends with them

Talha_Akhter · Answer

it's rather unsmart, stupid, unintelligent, boring and obtuse.  but it's more annoying for the person who is giving the cues !

Decentguy · Answer

what you mean by social cues? people who dont socialize?

Prof_Don · Answer

I don't mind telling these people they are dorks! It is easy to get caught up in one's head and overlook a social cue.

Pimop95 · Answer

I would point it out to them in a way that's not rude but where I can get the point across

backonthelist · Answer

they have a choice to take or not take them. im guessing the general interpretation of these individuals is dissappointing but its a choice you can't fault that. it may be annoying but its a justifiable choice. either way

niermix · Answer

I don't have autism, I'm just seriously oblivious

pinkesweet · Answer

can u give an example of what u mean?

oldoldold · Answer

I'm never experienced stable social ques so

Lithium65 · Answer

I see them, but I someone's ignore them.

rascalRAH · Answer

they annoy the hell out of me

Pizzalover101 · Answer

That I beleave is do what you want back to you

ASEXY · Answer

Unless they are Autistic, there is no excuse...

LaughingStick · Answer

Depends on the cue. mostly fine with it.

clampfan101 · Answer

D, and probably A too.

Hotterpop · Answer

such as?

catelyntje · Answer

I try to ignore it

alice55 · Answer

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