What to say to your girlfriend is she doesn't want to put relationship status on facebook?

Question

i know people say facebook is nothing and that it doesn't make your relationship any less by not posting it on facebook and I believe that to an extent. however facebook is like a snapshot or brief description of who you are. and the fact that you refuse to put that you're in a relationship with someone that you care about tells me that you are embarrassed or I don't know what. and if my girlfriend used fb like 2x a month I wouldn't give a sh*t, but the thing is she uses facebook alllll the time, she loves it. and so that's why I know facebook matters to her and the fact that she won't put that she's in a relationship with me kinda p*sses me off.

what can I say to her to show her this. I basically want to tell her, I know fb matters to you and so by leaving out this big aspect of your life on something that is supposedly supposed to be a description of your life kinda offends me.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

I can see where you stand about it, and why it would offend you, but I STRONGLY advise you to change; or else this "hurt" is gonna develop into something more severe. By changing, I mean that it would be much more beneficial for you to not worry about such subjects as MySpace or facebook - it's good to be informed of what your s/o is doing on these types of sites, don't get me wrong.

But as you asked, I'll stop lecturing and start helping:

"Jessica, how come you didn't post your relationship status on your facebook page?"

Then her response could sculpt several different ways:

- Wow I didn't know you were stalking my page

- Why would that matter? You know I love you, so why do I need to show that to everyone?

- I never thought about changing it, let me take care of that

etc etc etc

In each different situation, YOU have to control your tone and vibe. If you make it seem like a problem, it's gonna be a problem.. but if you are relaxed in your tone but assertive, while conveying the message that you want it corrected - then you'll have the best outcome.. here's an example of what I mean

Bad way to handle her response of: "Wow I didn't know you were stalking my page"

- "It's kind of obvious! We've only been dating for a year and a half. If you didn't wanna be dating me you could have just said so, but being as you can't change a simple thing on your page, maybe we should just call this off. Would that be better for you?"

Good way to handle her response of: "Wow I didn't know you were stalking my page"

- *Silence for a couple seconds* "Jessica I asked you a question, I want to know the answer"

Then let's take it a step further, assuming the worst - so I can show you another situation. Her response is: "Jesus christ, I can't believe your freaking out about my facebook page. I'll fix it okay!?"

Bad way to handle the response

- "Thank you baby, you know I care about you, I just don't trust the guys on those types of sites. Wanna go see a movie?"

Good way to handle her response:

- "Get a grip, I don't deserve the attitude over a general question. When your ready to appologize we can talk again, until then I'll see you later"

Most people think that you shouldn't call people out on there sh*t; I tend to disagree cause I hate puting up with it for years. If you want that SIMULATED treatment to end, you've got to step back at it - avoiding the issue is only gonna create insecurities in yourself and doubt in your relationship. I've been there enough times in real life that you don't want to live in my shoes.

I know that some women are more sensitive than others, so I always recommend using your best judgement. if you know your girlfriend means no harm and she only seems snappy - it could be because she's having a bad day, in which snapping back at her might have a "opposite of intended" outcome.

~ ArtistBBoy

DoctorSex · Accepted Answer

Facebook is nothing agreed...but I seriously disagree with everyone trying to defend her! This isn't about facebook or statuses, this at its basic, 1 girl denying or refusing to display that she's in a relationship with a guy. However way you want to defend her, at the basic level its rude and unfair to you.

Im not going to tell you what to say and what to do,but you need to see the bigger picture, not 1 of us would deny being in a relationship with someone we really liked and cared about.

What upsets me more is that we're living in an age where people are geting into relationships like its the new fashion, wthout actually making a consious decision about wether the person is right for you...or in this case, wether they even like you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I would be a little offended too. What do you have as your relationship status?

If I were you I would take what I'm about to tell you into great consideration... I know it p*sses you off, but here's what you need to do: calm down. When you talk to her about it try not to be upset, and most importantly, don't be all p*ssy at her. This is just going to push her away and complicate things.

I can tell this is a relatively sensitive topic; if I were in your situation I would feel extremely insulted and upset, but be sure to collect your emotions properly. Give it a couple days before you mention it again. When you do mention it, make sure (assuming you see each other and are not in a long distance relationship) you're together. Make sure the day goes great, try not to be upset or think about it so much.

Bring it up when you two run out of things to talk about, but while you have time. Bring it up gently, starting with how much you like her. "___, I really like you, you make me feel happy blah blah. but something has been bothering me. I know you say it doesn't matter, so it must sound silly, but I would really like it if you changed your relationship status on facebook. I want to be able to constantly brag about being with you"

flatter her, show her you don't just want her to post it because you want to control her, show her its because you're proud :)

LilRedHead · Accepted Answer

Here's the thing. I know the privacy thing and that's cool. But I agree with you on that being suspicious. If she was honestly private about it, then she wouldn't be flirting on a public site and she'd leave her relationship status invisible on her profile. It's just that simple. Obviously she's a flirt if she still has it single and fliriting with other guys while dating you.

So you do need to talk to her about your feelings. if this honestly bothers you, state an "I" message to her to understand your concern. Being in a relationship means being honest with each other. And if you can't be honest to her or she can't be honest with you. Then obviously you two need to work this out in a place where it's private and away from a public place. This isn't something you can just consult on a phone or in a text message... or facebook for that matter.

2010atitagain · Accepted Answer

I agree with chadwick. It'd be one thing if she's never on FB, let alone flirting with other guys.

FB and other profiles *are* a reflection of who you are and if she's using FB to flirt with other guys, to feel more desirable then she's the one with the problem. It's about being consistent, having integrity, and valuing her real world relationship with the Question Asker.

If someone needs to use a website to flirt with other guys or create a completely different persona, don't you think that's suspicious? And, I'm not talking a/b other sites like people who are into gaming or whatever because there's a different focal point.

Anonymous · Answer

bro some of these selfish bitches are ragging on you for this question. Don't listen to them. You got a valid point...and this IS A RED FLAG. If she really likes you she would broadcast to the world how happy she is to have an awesome boyfriend. The fact she isn't willing to do that shows she has low interest in you (search for "doc love" on the internet to learn what I am talking about).

I was going to suggest that you politely ask her to change her status. Come to think of it though if she respected you in the first place she would have changed it a long time ago.

From what I read something tells me she is hiding something. She wants to seem "still on the market" to people. If you 2 are official...I MEAN OFFICIAL...and she refuses to change her status than it's a dealbreaker. She'll give you every excuse in the world except the truth which is she is looking for something better and you are temporary entertainment.

This is my suggestion. Withdrawal from her for a while. Don't call her for 10 days. Hang out with the boys. If she confronts you ask her "do you really want me as a boyfriend". The FB deal would sound like immature reason to act this way...but I bet 100% there are problems with her behavior. It sound like you like her a lot (hence the concern about FB). Talk to a close, smart friend about how she acts...get his opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

What you commenters don't understand is the qa's issue. It's not that she has her status hidden.(which might be confusing, but harldy meaningful) It's that she has "single" as her Facebook relationship status. To those who might not know her well enough (most likely people shameless enough to flirt on Facebook) this would be an indication that she is in fact on the market.

Imagine a charming old crush considering pouring his or her out to your partner(girl or boy). WHile this person might not be entirely deterred by "In a Relationship with____" or NO relationship status(not "single" but NONEXISTENT), they would proceed with a little more caution than if the person claimed to be single.

While I somewhat agree with both sides for and against, it's clear that she's unsure of the relationship. I don't know if you've been dating long... but that's kinda weird. If she really did want people out of her business she would have the relationship status blank. So, she either doesn't like you or is technologically impaired. I hope that whatever you chose to do, it worked out well.

Any chance of an update? hahaha

peace-love-couture · Answer

This is the part where I would break up with you.Facebook is not the center of the universe and does not determine a relationships.You're immature in my opinion.

I'm private so I would never put "In a Relationship" because :

1)I'm private,always have been,my relationship is no one elses business

2)If we're close enough friends,then my friends will know about it

3)My profile is private so I don't add random people so they have no business knowing about my dating life.

sunshinegal1988 · Answer

Well how long have you been dating? If it's only been a couple weeks then you shouldn't worry too much about it she might not want to jinx the relationship.

If it says relationship status: single than yeah that's a problem. But if relationship status isn't included in her info section at all then I don't think it's a huge deal.

Does she ever have status updates talking about you/stuff like that or does she hide every part of you from her facebook life? Like are there profile pictures of you two together? Does she write on your wall, etc?

Euro-Raver · Answer

Maybe it's just me but as a college guy who's in a relationship and constantly have girls who friend me check my facebook find out "oh you're not single" really affects how much girls go after me. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Seriously if my girlfriend were to put she's single on her facebook I'd probably be suspicious of her cheating on me since no one would have to know and there wouldn't be any loose end to have to watch out for to make cheating work. Tell her how much it means to you and if she doesn't budge you just gotta make an ultimatum, relationships are give and take, you have to compromise not have her be "my way or the high way" that's not a healthy relationship.

Cool-Relax · Answer

I know people who put that they're in a relationship when they're single to keep anyone from flirting with them. I know people who put that they're single when they're in a relationship to keep people out of their business. I know people who are upfront about their relationship status. And there are people like me who simply leave it blank.

My point is that there are different takes on posting relationship statuses on Facebook, so you're going to get a lot of mixed messages here. No one here is in your situation with your girlfriend though, so she's the one you need to bring it up with. You said what you want to tell her, so that's what you should tell her. If it's no big deal like some people are saying, she'll reassure you of that. If there's an underlying problem, you need to find that out for yourself rather than jumping to conclusions.

aaaaaaaaahhhhhh · Answer

you should just nicely ask her why she hasn't change her relationship status. Just get straight to the point but nicely. Just be like hey I noticed that you still have single on fb, just wondering why you still have it like that?

I'm in a relationship as well and use fb but I still have it as single because my family is on fb and they are always asking me personal questions. So I rather just keep it like that for now and see where the realtionship goes and if everythings good then ill take the risk and change it :) haha

miki94 · Answer

She probably does like you, but she must be flirting with someone trough Facebook who shouldn't know that you two are dating because of it, or at least know you two are serious.

If she isn't ready to give that person up, then she isn't ready for a relationship. Of course this is the most reasonable and the worst case scenario.

If you have better ideas, I truly hope I'm wrong.

TALK TO HER. Don't just bury yourself in dark thoughts, especially MY dark thoughts. xD

Anonymous · Answer

Usually GIRLS are the ones who lament that their boyfriend won't acknowledge them on facebook. to generalize, most girls think there is significance in being "facebook certified". so the fact that the problem is flipped, and your girl is the one that doesn't want to put her relationship status on facebook worries me. there is a reason that she doesn't want to do that and I am thinking its probably not a good one. if she is not taking the relationship seriously then I think that you shouldn't either.

Brando · Answer

I understand what you are saying, but go back and read your question out loud to yourself. You are stressing over Facebook.  You are potentially starting an argument over a website that is completely not worth it. I use Facebook all the time too, but it's still just a website. The more you think about it, the more it'll bother you. So do yourself a favor and just stop thinking about it.

Standingpretty · Answer

Yeah, that's kind of crappy that she flirts with other guys but can't just change her status. The only thing you can do is tell her how you feel and tell her what you don't like and change her mind. Maybe you can at least get her to post some pics of you two on there. It's fishy if she can't even do that.

danalane · Answer

I think you're right on the money here. She wants people to think she's single, or she wouldn't care. Lots of people say that it doesn't matter what people have and don't have on their facebook but in this day and age it's exactly the opposite. If she's that obsessed with fb she should definately put "in a relatiopnship" or whatever lol. Hope this helps.

purpleflames · Answer

It's clear. She does not like publicity. Not that she does not want you and stuff. Don't be childish, man. ;)

And I am kinda like her, too. I don't want any facebook people into our relationship.

For instance, this facebook friend of mine got single and she had 35 comments in just one day. People were discussing her and her ex's relationship. That totally sux.

Anonymous · Answer

I've never shown my status, not when I'm in a relationship or when I'm single. To me, it really doesn't make a difference. But when my boyfriend insist that I do, I'll do it, but like I said, it doesn't make a difference to me.

I don't think she cares, not that she's embarrassed by you or anything

lananoel · Answer

you are completely right, The only decent way I can think of to ask her to put it is by telling her how you feel for her and that's why you want the world to know as well as the virtual. You might have to romanticize her into changing it. If she won't change it I'm with you... it's offensive..

Justmean · Answer

Im like that :P...

I don't put anything about my relationship Because My relationship is not other people's business.

It doesn't have to be facebook,any other website.

If it's that much a big deal to you then go ahead and tell her that you want her to tell everyone that she's your gf.

End of discussion.

funnyjoke · Answer

I don't use facebook because of issues like this.  People think they know you just by looking at your facebook profile, friends, and pictures.  Then you are tempted to constantly look at what other people are doing.  I think it turns people into sheep who constantly have to keep up with the Jones', and not forging their own unique path in life.

MartinC · Answer

Well, if it offends you, it's your issue.

Honour your girlfriends wishes if your relationship is all around sharing, caring and giving. Facebook is an external and fantasy world - the main point is that you both know you love and respect each other. Anything else is external fodder.

concearnedlady · Answer

Well it definitely depends on the person. Some people don't put it on there becasue it isn't a big deal, but most don't because facebook allows them to connect with a lot of different people. By them being able to connect with those, some of which they might only know through the internet, they are able to keep things like being in a relationship private and still lead a somewhat single life. Sounds likes she doesn't want to let go of being single via internet!.

Trust me I'm in a relationship where my guy does the same thing. He flirts online and tells ladys that he is not dating anyone, therefore he appears single and not a doche bag. He has his relationship, with me, and his single life online. It's not fair for someone to do this to you! so try to bring it up if that doesn't work, get out now!

smok3y · Answer

It depends on how long you guys have been together. However, it also sounds like since she's flirting with guys on facebook, she probably doesn't want her status on there because she likes the attention from other guys. I don't have a problem changing my relationship status on facebook, because I don't use it as a means to gain attention from guys or to pick guys up. I'd say if you've been dating a while and have established you're in a relationship and she hasn't posted that... You've got issues with the relationship. Suggestion- just ask her about it and express that it hurts your feelings and you're just trying to understand why she doesn't want people to know this. Girls respond to "I feel like ______ when you do _____." and I'm finding it works really well when you're working something out with a guy too.

Dan2287 · Answer

I think at this rate, people will no longer be socializing at all with other people face to face in a few years. I mean seriously, your almost taking what she says on facebook more seriously than what she would tell you and how she'd act around you face-to-face...

TOXiCLOV3 · Answer

well do you have a facebook? if so you should change your status to single and that way it will say " Anonymous- went from "being in a relationship" to "single" and she will see that and if she asks why just say "Well yours says single too, so I didn't want people to think were wierd!" then maybe she will want you both to change it! ha good luck to you keep us posted!

maybeTransparent · Answer

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to change her relationship status or told her that it really upsets you?  Maybe she just doesn't want to advertise it or doesn't think relationship statuses on facebook are a big deal.  Talk to her about it.  Although, if this is the only reason you have to doubt how she views your relationship, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

makenna · Answer

I wouldn't worry about it. I mean my boyfriend had the same problem until I explained to him that I just don't want everyone in my business. The only people who need to know about my relationship and what's going on in it are the people who matter to me, therefore our relationship doesn't need to be on facebook.

henesseybabe · Answer

its nothing to worry about I placed on my profile that I was a widow and my boyfriend almost had a fit, its not like am ashamed of him or anything but I don't want people in my business. we both know about each other and people that are close to us know as well.

darkknight1x · Answer

If I were you I'd be p*ssed too. Ask her friends as to why she would do something like that if your girl won't give you a reason or give a good one. Just come right out and say to her that your p*ssed off about it. Its not like she'll punch you if you ask. It does seem like she's embarrassed.

Xenophobia · Answer

It's facebook, it shouldn't matter. Once you start living life through facebook, it engulfs you and causes you to become insecure, fake and full of paranoia.

Anonymous · Answer

The only girl who had a problem with putting up her relationship status on facebook, turned out to be the only girl who cheated on me.

If she's not putting it up; something is up.

But rather than nag at her about it, just start paying less attention to her, start seeing other people, and if she asks why or gets angry; tell her strait-up; look, we're not in a relationship, we're both single, so we can do w/e we want to do.

Anonymous · Answer

It doesn't really matter. Why do you want it to be in facebook anyway? It's not like facebook will make the relationship official. I wouldn't put my relationship status on facebook because there would be too many questions, oh and because I have my parents in facebook...and they are not aloud to know ;)

cacapisu · Answer

Just put yourself as single on face book, If it doesn't matter at all like all the girls say she wouldn't react, if she reacts you have a problem.

Don't get angry about it, say you were just playing with the site like her.

Some persons like to keep options open (good ideea lol)

marykeane · Answer

well. some girls just don't like sharing everything online. Because they don't feel like geting bothered, and geting asked so many questions, it starts to make them think, oh what's going on here, so in life they know their dating their boyfriends, but just some aren't comfortable to put it all online.

TexPlayboy · Answer

It just means she does not think of you as "the one".. which means she might not be your "the one" either. Keep moving forward in the relationship, until you become her "the one", or either of you find who that person is.

Good Luck,

James

dtaylor31906 · Answer

this has a simple solution

1 grab your balls

2 man up

3 tell her how you feel

4 if she doesn't comply or give a good enough rebutle then you should keep insisting she tell you how she really feel cause she might just be embarresed about you

chettah-two · Answer

Just start seeing other people, because this girl is not that into you..

If you are prepared to tell everyone about her and she is not, there lies the problem...

Next time try to find a girl who is more than willing to change her facebook page..

Varigos · Answer

If facebook is apart of her life that does mean that she's "attention whoring" if your in a relationship with anyone you need to be able to say it loud and proud, keeping it hidden in any media proves that she's not as loyal as you would want, or that her feelings aren't as strong as they need to be for a healthy relationship.

Try telling her directly, if that doesn't work, start fake flirting with whomever. when she gets p*ssed at you point out the hypocrisy.

lady_b89 · Answer

try to invite her in a relationship with you. then if she doesn't approve it in a couple of days since she uses fb a lot remind her that hey I invited you as my girlfriend in fb. might want to approve it. then see how she reacts. :)

SAR2be · Answer

omg facebook is gay. don't let it get to you! if shedoenst who cares she will soon! maybe she issnt ready yet!

Anonymous · Answer

My girls the same too, I never undersood why? When I confronted her she basically didn't want her family and ex's finding out, or at least that's what she's told me. I don't think your the problem, I just think she's maybe a bit shy about who may find out about your relationship. I found it hard to understand at first, but she reassured me that she loves me and isn't embarrassed at all. Just she gets lot's of sh*t from her ex's. I think you should confront her because there's something up.

BabyJenks · Answer

Urrgh I had this problem with my ex!  Confront her, because she's hiding something!

Anonymous · Answer

Why on earth does it matter? A relationship it between the two of you, not the whole of facebook

jj1990 · Answer

I was in the same situation and the answer to your question is "she wants to keep her options open."

Anonymous · Answer

She may not want all the attention, in case you were to break up, perhaps she'd rather not want everybody to know and to tell the people who care in her own time :)... and also tell them she has got a boyfriend in her own time to the people that really matter. Don't take offence.

Anonymous · Answer

There's something going on in her head. Maybe she's having troubles with her life that's forcing her to also consider her relationship with her.

Princesz_R13 · Answer

Maybe you should just ask her nicely that you noticed she goes on all the time but has not put that she is in a relationship and it kind of bothers you maybe she will understand if you give it a try but try not to act like its a big deal

nermalinda · Answer

sounds like she's just not that into you.

AlyssaMarie093 · Answer

It sounds like she's ashamed of you.

Anonymous · Answer

That she has a life.

What to say to your girlfriend is she doesn't want to put relationship status on facebook?

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