Should I tell my roommate I like him?

[Anonymous]

About four months ago, I moved into a house with four new roommates, all of them guys who have all been friends for many years before I entered the picture. I became fast friends with them, and I really enjoy their company. Problem is, over time I have developed a small crush on one of them. I'm extremely hesitant to say anything, out of fear of rejection, and putting everyone else in the house in a bad spot should something go wrong; but I'm also petrified that if I don't act, I may loose any opportunity I may have to date him - something I've done before and kick myself everyday when I remember what I gave up. He's extremely nice, respectful, cute (Heck, they all are!) and I would hate to see myself miss out dating and getting to know an all around good guy (something every woman deserves). What should I do?

[district_girl]

Hey girl. I think you're smart to be very cautious - it could become really tricky if things don't work out since you do live with him. What's worse if you could potentially lose or at the very least strain the friendships you have with him and the other guys.

Honestly? I would stay away from developing too much of a buddy buddy relationship. You need to keep a sense of intrigue about you, keep him curious, keep him guessing. You are a busy, fun, very in demand girl that he should want to get to know better. I'm not saying that's a hard and fast rule, but I think that generally piques a guys curiosity more than the female best friend. Again, not to say that doesn't work, but particularly because you live with him I would be a little wary.

Try making him a little jealous. I know people say they hate the game, but honestly I don't think it's a game so much as understanding human nature. Everyone wants what they can't have. Make yourself unavailable, casually drop that you have a date. Even better, cross paths with him with a date. See how he reacts, see if he's curious to hear how your date goes. His reactions will tell you what you need to know. If he's curious, or seems a little jealous, it's worth pursuing. Good luck!

[Asker]

Life communication is definitely open. I let him know all the time what activities I'm getting myself into (volunteer work, free community activities, new job, etc) and it does put a smile on his face. The dating suggestion is hard to judge because neither of us have dated since moving in together. Next time we're out as a group at the pubs will probably be the best way to judge his reaction when the possibility of new guys are in the mix.

[ladsin]

well if he's a good guy then you shouldn't really fear rejection to much, by the way do you think he likes you as well? do y'all currently do things together, like hang out go to the movies etc. if so I think you could raise it to Boyfriend Girlfriend status (wow I feel like a homosexual writing that). and if he doesn't feel like it then yall could just stay friends, I doubt it would make other guys uncomfortable

[Asker]

I really can't tell if he likes me or not. He's definitely friendly and picks on me like he would anyone else in the house. We've never hung out outside of the roommate/group setting. Sometimes we'll watch something on TV together (I've learned that if I play my cards right and put on the right show, I can subtlety coax him out of his room to join me :p), but it doesn't go beyond that.

[ladsin]

hmm wel you can start by just getting to be better friends ask him if he's got a girl he likes or is working on, if you get him to kind of think of you as like one of the guys then itll probably a lot easier to datee him because you already know a lot about what he likes etc. Personally I like to get into relationships with longtime friends because we know a lot about each other and takes a lot of the anonymity from the first few dates

[amatuer_zombie]

since you stay wiht him and his guy friends...i don't think so it would be a good idea

if you guys start dating each other and then move out then its cool

btw how the hell do you manage to be with four guys... are you the only girl...i can imagine all sorts of problems with a girl sharing room with four guys

[Asker]

I am the only girl, and to be honest, I love living with these guys. They're all upstanding gentlemen and treat their chick friends with as much high regard as their guy friends. I also find guys to be a lot easier to hang out with than girls, especially if they're as geeky as I am. The only awkward thing about living with them is that I've only known them for about one year while most of them actually went to school together. It's hard to fit in when there's no CliffsNotes to their history.

[amatuer_zombie]

hmmm...good for u,there are lot of things tht guys would wanna do...which will be ruined by the chick

if its a huge place...den its no big deal

[Asker]

What can I say? I find participating in the time honoured tradition of Hockey Night in Canada (whether it be at the game or lounging on our couch) a Hell of a lot more fun than a night out in the clubs. Cheaper for everyone involved, too!