Earlier on I asked on GAG whatever polygamy should be legal or not. This time I've another polygamy related question and that's: Which one are better between monogamy and polygamy?
With better it may be more enjoyable, beneficial, healthier or whatever you mean with "better". Please elaborate Why.
Polygamy (updated definition) = When you're either married or has a relationship with several people. It may be either a man with multiple wives or a woman with multiple husbands. In theory it may even be woman with several wives or man with several husbands. In addition to the partners being married/together with that person, they may also be together with each others too.
Monogamy (updated definition) = When you've just one partner at a time. That means only a girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband that you're committed to.
I voted equally good or bad. But because I don't know why instead of polygamy I was thinking more in polyamory :/
In the end what it's more beneficial or not is something that might change according to each individual. Every human regardless of their sex have a natural tendecy to get all the sexual partners they are able to conquest and have intercourse with them, and at the same time they want that partners to only reproduce with them and not with others. So feeling attracted by more than one person is natural, and feeling jealous is a natural impulse too. This create a conflict, as two individuals would want at the same time another sexual partners that are not the current partner but the don't want their current partner to desire and be with other possible mates.
So, what can we do to solve the conflict. We have to control one of the impulses, either both agree to control attraction towards other people staying loyal to each other or either they agree to have another people in the relationship but they would have to get a greater control of jealousy.
So to this point all depends what the individual feel is easier for them to control, attraction towards other people or jealousy.
In case of monogamy, is obvious what's the agreement. In case of polygamy, it depends. If it's polygyny or polyandry, feels really unfair for those who share a same person, as a lot of women (or men) would have to hold jealousy while one person don't have at all to do effort of either not beign attracted to other people or holding jealousy because their partners are with others, they don't really have any kind of sacrifice, and without everyone making an equal sacrifice there's something that feels stinky. In case of groupal marriages is usually more common for everyone to be in love with more than one person, meaning that if it's a marriage of three each one is loving the other two and have sex with those two and therefore there's equal sacrifice or lack of it.
I think that if there's equal sacrifice in all sides it works. However I guess is easier to be in a monogamous relationship, not necessarily better, but easier to make it work. Giving support, attention and love to just one person is not an easy job, do that to 2, 3 or or even 12 doesn't seem at all easy work and the more people involve the more the word that comes to mind is impossible, as one person would end not receiving the necessary affection, deteriorating the relationship with that partner.
If we're talking about biological factors, we can say that monogamy has nothing advantaged. The entire human biological system is designed to survive and make children for the next generation. Monogamy is not advantaged in terms of human biology because it minimises the number of new generation. but we, as conscious animals, do not have to serve our bodies. we are aware that what our biological system commands us doesn't always have to be the best for us.
Also from a cultural point of view, I think that monogamy is more appropriate for the child's health in terms of the eventual evolution of human psychology.
It further allows the assurance that the children the male produces are raised to maturity and are healthy. Whereas before many spread their seed to ensure at least a few survived. But this largely proved inefficient and as a species we stopped.
@curiousnorway Of course, that's what I meant when I wrote this statement: "we are aware that what our biological system commands us doesn't always have to be the best for us."
This is the results from the perspective of evolutionary biology and I was talking about the main evolutionary law that governs our hormones. I'm not saying that it's culturally correct. I personally don't want to have children and don't believe that world needs newborn babies anymore but I am aware of my own libido, and the other hormones that control my menstrual cycle and my daily life.
Right but children out of the picture, we desire intimacy and loyalty. We are a territorial species and we become somewhat dependent on our significant other to help provide emotional security. Polyamory and casual encounters prevent this basic need from being fulfilled.
Polygamy is specifically a man with multiple female partners. Polyamory is the term you are looking for.
Also there is a reason nearly every country in the world throughout history has been largely monogamous. Because it works. It allows for the assurance that the child will grow and succeed. It gives the child the attention is needs. While less children are born, the likelihood of those fewer children to grow up strong is higher. Financially and emotionally we seek out partners and when we discover infidelity it causes us to break down in sorry or even commit violence. We are not taught to do this by society. It is ingrained in our DNA to form pair bonds and that disloyalty breaks the comfort and security of that bond. Intimacy is an important part of our hiearchy of needs.
Polygamy does not succeed, it never has. That's why we don't see it more often, it used to exist more commonly but we ditched it for something better. Also, domestic abuse is more frequent in these polyamorous relationships.
I don't accept that to be an updated definition of monogamy; that's called "serial monogamy".
There is a difference between serial monogamy and polygamy, but the line can get very blury; within say, a year, you can have either 3 "monogamous" partners or 3 polygamous partners.
Either you are with one person or you're not; monogamy to me still means one person for life barring infidelity, or abuse, etc.
Sorry for being unclear. English isn't my first language and we use more broad terms instead of nuanced ones in my mother tongue. Especially when speaking.
I can only speak for myself, but I think I prefer monogamy. I've been married over four years now, and have recently entered a polyamourous relationship. We had troubles in our marriage throughout the years, for a number of reasons, but things got a little better as each year passed. I always wondered what it would be like to be single again or to be polyamourous, particularly when times were hard, to be free, and conquer again, but it's not all that it's cracked up to be. It was her idea. She had developed feelings for our mutual friend and wanted to pursue it, but wanted to remain married to me. We discussed it, and we came to an agreement.
The sad thing is that now she has two guys and I have a part time wife who I see when I can between her boyfriend and work. Dating is difficult the girls on datings apps don't know what they want or aren't interested, and it's trying my patience. I've had sex with one girl since we started this, and it was odd. I expected to feel guilty, but I didn't. I felt remorse instead. For what we had lost. She wasn't mine any more. We had lost our closeness.
The reason cheating is viewed as such a huge deal breaker in our society is because two people have a relationship together that they don't share with anyone else, by cheating, one of them has violated that relationship. Made it less special.
In some ways our relationship is stronger now. I feel freer, and she seems happier. It's only been two months, so we'll see how it goes. Maybe I just need a girlfriend for it to work properly, but I think realistically that polyamoury will never work in a heterosexual relationships It will only work if everyone involved is dating one another.
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Anonymous
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Polgamy is complicated because it involve 1 person being married to multiple people at the same time, all are married to that one person only and not each other and only have sex one at a time. I'm not sure if polgamy could work outside of hetrosexual relationships, more like polyamorous. I think the o my way polgamy can work long term is with one man and multiple wives. He'd have to be an attractive strong wealthy man to make it happen, I dont think I or any woman could respect a man that's willing to share their wife sexually. Polgamy brings lots of problems in soceity, the number one being that wealthy usually old men marry all the women and marry their daughters to other wealthy men so there's not enough women for other not so well off younger men. It's a major problem in the middle East which is why so many men there move abroad to try to find a wife or try to bring back a non-middle eastern woman.
Monogamy is the only way it would go for me. When I enter a relationship, I expect intimacy, respect, and exclusivity. I feel that the more people enter the relationship, the less intimacy/respect/exclusivity is given and it starts to lose all value. How can you feel special when your partner is handing it away to all sorts of different people? How can a relationship be of any meaningful value other than sex when you know he treats other people the exact same way? There's a reason cheating is as taboo as it is, and I feel that polygamy is essentially consensual cheating. That being said, if you're polygamous and you are okay with it, go ahead. This is just my take on it and everyone's different.
Personally I like monogamy as I know myself to be a jealous person and one who doesn't care to share my love. If I'm committed to someone, I will invest my heart solely to that one person in making sure he feels loved by me and knows that I put him above any other guy.
Monogamy. "The Suicide Bachelors of Polygamous Islam":
Polygamous societies lead to a few patriarchs "bogarting" the women, leading to rootless single men, prone to violence and chaos. The Islamic world is a case study in this:
1) monogamy is best cause when a society starts to become poly the men begin to kill cause all the women are sleeping with the same guy lol and it happens today EVERYDAY thousands of women are being killed every year for cheating lol
2) on top of that the seed war Genesis 3 and GOD said to Satan one of eves kids is gonna kill you (be fruitful and multiply) we are designed to have kids and for good reason abortion is of the fallen angel kasdeja and satan is scared of us having kids
3) GOD is always right
and you know this already your opinions or the anyone else's opinions DO NOT MATTER
My self I would love younger woman exclusively for myself however some women's needs are greater than mans. so if she wants other lovers that's fine with me
Polygamy needs to be redefined somewhat. Polygamy needs to be defined as parallel polygamy (more than one at one time) or serial polygamy (many over time, one at a time, separated by a relatively short time period).
To each their own honestly. It's not my thing but if that's what other people like, who am I to tell them that they can't do it because I don't agree with it?
Polygamy pros: more diversity, better social life. Cons: hard to trust the other guys mostly about stds (yes I think these situations have to be for both partners). Monogamy pros: more stability. Cons: only one woman... that's a big con.
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