How can a guy stop thinking that every girl he likes is too good for him?

[Anonymous]

I know with all things considered, on the whole I have so much to offer a girl. I KNOW I have an amazing personality and I can definitely make a special girl so happy one day! Even if I am unattractive/physically undesirable (which I am). And I know it's what on the inside that counts. That's what I am basing this question on although there is still that element of physical attraction which I would say is vital.

However, no matter how much I know I am capable and deserving of a loving relationship, I just keep saying too myself ''oh that girl is too good for you, waaaay outta your league, don't even bother!''. Whether I am comparing myself to this girl on looks, intelligence, family background, money, class etc, deep down I know I am worthy of a special girl but I still have that voice in the back of my head that tells me she's too good for me.

How can I stop thinking that every single girl I want to ask for a date is too good for me? Is it even possible that a guy knows he has so much to offer a girl yet think the girl is too good for him? Or am I just being weird?

Sorry if I sounded conceited. I just think my interior outweighs my exterior by far.

[Brando]

Good question, I'm subscribed for the answers.

And while I'm here, I'll say what you said on an answer a month or so ago. Self confidence means nothing to another person if you don't believe in it for yourself. If you can't feel it, then it's no good. I'd say from my experiences up to this point with stuff like this, it might just take getting out there, going out on a limb and seeing if girls value you.

Lately I've been wondering about this. I've noticed that I'm talking to random girls out in public (mostly the ones that I see working) more so than I have before, which was none. I'm doing the whole "let them see me checking them out" thing and holding more eye contact with them. But other than that, I'm not a "ladies man" by any means. And as much as I wanted to deny it to myself, I think I still suffer from a few insecurities- this being one. I don't feel much like a normal person (however that is supposed to feel), and so I don't feel like I would be received well by a girl I really am attracted to. Most of these girls are ones I don't know and see out in public. I'm not a PUA so the only thing that happens with these girls is me looking at them, then watching them leave. I don't think about it constantly, but occasionally it creeps up and gets stuck in my head.

And to add to what you said about this stuff, I also wonder if she has a boyfriend already, if she'd even be alright with a random stranger talking or flirting with her, and things like that. It's just a tough game to play, and I'm clueless on how to play it lol.

[Asker]

Lol. Me and you both bro. But yeah I see what you mean about getting out there. I have been getting out of my comfort zone lately and it's actually not too bad. I'm like you too. I have been talking to random girls lately too and becoming more comfortable doing it too. You would be surprised how many people will give you even the slightest of chances if you just put yourself out there a little. Keep it up man. Sounds like we making at least some sort of progress lol.

[Brando]

Yeah, good luck to you too.

But another new thing I've found is that it's either other people that don't seem like they are trying to keep a conversation going, or I'm not talking about the right things. After a while of many people doing this, it becomes more apparent that I'm the common factor between all these people.

So yeah, that's my challenge now- figuring out what I'm doing to make people be short with me

[Asker]

Well what kind of things do you talk about? And who are these 'other people'? Are they potential dates? I think that also plays a factor. I find that I can have a much more interesting and in-depth discussion with someone who I am already acquainted with, and maybe just gradually becoming friends with, whether or not I want to ask them for a date. I'm genuiney a quiet guy so I don't tend to talk much anyway but I know I feel much more comfortable conversating with people who I am acquainted with

[Brando]

Well it's never the same thing, I can really only think of observations to talk about so that's usually what happens. Or I'll just drop some random topic on them that might get a "Ha" out of them, so nothing heavy and serious. These other people aren't potential dates, just random people I see out in public. I too am a quiet guy so I'm trying to break out of this shell and talk to random people. But they don't seem to want to talk back.

[Asker]

They probably just shy man. People are just as shy and quiet like us when someone random comes and talks to them. But yeah, some people are just too difficult to get a conversation out of lol.

[Brando]

Yeah I've come to find that out. What gets me though is when you see the ones who are perfectly normal but get shy around you. I know this could be a good sign, or it could just be wishful thinking, but regardless it's not any easier to deal with. I'm sure you get what I mean by this stuff. Having to hold up the conversation when I'm not even a talker myself is tough. If they played back, I'm sure things would flow much better.

I don't know man

[Asker]

Yeah I get what you mean. Sometimes I just wish the person I was talking to was more of a talker, whether or not they were just shy around me and nobody else. In my experience it's much easier for the conversation to flow when the person I'm talking to is much of a talker than me. I know it sounds selfish on my behalf but that's how it usually is with me. I can bring myself out more when the other person lays a foundation for a conversation to proceed.

[Brando]

No I completely understand. I'm a natural observer, so I can work off of a lot when it comes to conversations. I'm just not so great at starting them. But if someone starts a topic, then I can roll with it I suppose.

[Asker]

Exactly the same as me. Once an interesting topic gets started I can really get involved. But if there's no convo I pretty much remain quiet.

[Quadrophonic84]

"Out of your league" is something pretty people believe in as a disqualifying factor because it implies they have innate value simply because they're pretty. You can see lots of ugly guys with hot girls and lots of ugly fat girls with hot guys. It's all about 1-on-1 relations unless the other person is a totally shallow shell of a human being. That's not to say attraction isn't important, it is, but people ultimately base their serious relationships on more than a pretty face.

How do you stop thinking about it? Mentally laugh at yourself every time you say it and don't go any further. The key to talking to any woman is acting like you belong. It could be Jessica Alba and you'd have a decent shot at least having a nice conversation with her as long as you act like that's what you're supposed to be doing and that's what she's supposed to be doing. Take control and stop thinking.

My mom always had the funniest saying since I was little, "Beauty fade, but dumb is forever." We're all gonna end up looking melted candles one day.

[Asker]

Haha yeah true. Thanks man

[girlmeetsworld]

Oh wow, I wish the guy I'm dating would read this. :) For him it was being nerdy and a little over weight. After going off to college, getting buff, and buying contacts he kept that same mentality. His appearance changed, but not his self concept. Truth is I had a thing for him way before the glasses came off. He never had the confidence to approach me and he still has a hard time believing that the senior class prom queen wants to date the class valedictorian. It was honestly his personality, and the way he made me feel special. That caught me not his exterior.

I won't lie and say looks don't play a role in dating. But the truth is the more it matters to a girl the more superficial, stuck up and snobby she is. I don't think you would want to be with a girl like that anyway. At the end of the day, looks fade. If you have an amazing personality and can make a girl extremely happy go with that. Find a girl that wants you just the way you are, if you keep saying that girl is too good for you. Your making her out to be. These beautiful ladies you see dating losers, have only one thing you don't. Confidence! To be confident you have to believe in yourself, and all that you have to offer. Beauty does fade and at the end of the day it's the person underneath that matters.

[eyesxdontxlie]

Just be more confident, it's always easier said then done, I too am the least confident person I know, but if you just be yourself then the girl should like you, otherwise she's not the kind of girl you want to begin with. Looks are at least a part of a relationship but looks fade and then all you have left is what's inside, if they can't see how amazing you are from the inside out then you can DO BETTER not them. From what it seems you are good enough and you're just thinking too far into things. Good luck (:

[MKIITRD]

No man it doesn't sound conceited, its actually a good thing you think like that. Everyone should think like that!

I think that little voice is something to do with your childhood when growing up. Our subconscious mind is programmed the most through the ages of 5-10 so probably someone constantly said you weren't good enough throughout those years or you compared yourself to people and made that belief early on.

To get over this try to constantly think that YOU are deciding weather she is good enough for YOU not the other way around. This will be hard at first because all the early years of programming but if you keep at it, it will work.

[Asker]

You know what, you're onto something here. Throughout my childhood I did get a lot of verbal abuse and criticism and I was constantly made fun of which I think has brung down my self-esteem. Thankfully by surrounding myself with the right people I am starting to gradually get over it, slowly but surely. Thanks for the advice though dude.

[DirtyDlish]

hOW DO I TELL AN INTROVERT TO BECOME AN EXTROVERT.

[Asker]

you don't