What do guys do when they think a girl's too good for them?

[ravenlily318]

Say you're shy and there's this close girl friend of yours that you like (you both get along great) that you think is too good to be true (as in she seems to match almost everything you're looking for, physically and mentally).

What do you do?

Or if it's never happened to you before, what would you do in this situation?

[Brando]

If I think she's too good to be true and that she's out of my league, then I'd just make myself try to be alright with it. If you've ever seen the movie She's Out of My League, both Kirk and Stainer tried to justify to themselves why they weren't good enough. That kind of rationalization is what a guy thinks will help him get over his feelings. So rather than get his feelings all wrapped up in something that he feels won't work, he will actually push you away and might even get agitated if you keep pushing him.

All of this is from his perspective though, so that's why it seems (and is) irrational.

[ravenlily318]

You'd still think that way even if you were good friends with her? Also, isn't pushing her away just counter-productive? Which is I guess why you said it seemed irrational. Then in such a situation, it's almost pretty much up to the girl to make the move huh.

[Brando]

Yes, because it's happened to me before. I was friends with this girl back in my freshman year of high school. She was extremely gorgeous, and just a cool girl to be around. She was literally the girl that every guy wanted because they all talked about her. But she showed interest in me, the shy, nervous, almost geeky kid. I didn't feel like I was anywhere close to her "level" so I didn't think anything of the fliers she dropped and felt uncomfortable talking to her even though we were friends.

[Brando]

If he pushes you away, it's not because he's thinking consciously about it. He does it out of fear, it's a way of calming and protecting himself. So yeah, you might have to make the first move (or three). I wouldn't feel discouraged if he doesn't immediately respond to your advances because he has to get comfortable first.

BUT, it's not your job to give him any kind of self esteem. If it gets to that point, then he's a little too stuck on his fear and needs to find his own courage.

[ravenlily318]

Boy then what's a girl to do then? I feel like for a period of time he'll be really responsive and pretty much be really obvious and just when I'm convinced of his feelings and I'm about to do something, he backs off. It's almost like he takes a couple huge steps forward and then a million steps back, and it leaves me wondering if I would've been making a fool out of myself if I'd done something.

[ravenlily318]

I also really like our friendship (we talk about almost everything, except for other guys and girls we meet) and I don't want to mess that up. I've been friends with him for almost 4 years now and we've pretty much talked daily since we met (using various methods of communication). Which brings up another thing: like you said how he might not be able to tell whether I see him as just a friend, I can't either. I can't tell if he's just being nice because we've been friends for so long.

[Brando]

When you all back off at the same time, it might be both of you thinking the same thing. You think you have the other pegged, so you hope they make a move, but it ends up with both of you backing off at the same time. If it seems like he is into you(trust your gut if you have genuine signs he's interested), then keep pushing on. Give him more obvious hints that you're into him and see if he responds.

[Dylan1989]

I would think she would be too good to be true and then she would not be interested in me, no matter how close we were as friends. Some guys let the girl know what they think of her without actually making that move on her. I've done it before. By doing that, you can see what her reactions are and see if there is any chance of you getting with her.

[ravenlily318]

Really? I thought being close friends with her would maybe make a guy think he might just have a chance.

[Brando]

If I can jump on this answer too, being friends might not necessarily make him feel better about his chances. You also have to think that he might feel you only see him as a friend and are being nice to him because of that. He might also feel like it wouldn't work trying to go for a good friend instead of someone who isn't close to you like that.

[erekmax]

A girl like that is a keeper, someone who motivates you to constantly be a better man.

[jimi_s]

I pursued her.