Guys: How do you prefer a girl to tell/show you she's interested?

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard guys say they don’t like girls who hint and I’ve I’ve also heard guys aren’t good at picking up on girl’s hints or understanding them. If a girl was to blatantly tell you she’s into you, would you prefer the girl tell you in person verbally, or via text, email, note, etc?

Personally, if a guy was into me I would rather him tell me in a text, email, or note so that I’m not suddenly put on the spot and I have time to organize my thoughts. I know everyone wants the person they’re into to come up and confess their feelings in person. However, think about all the people that have liked you. What if you didn’t like them? That would be awkward. Even if you liked her, your surprise and maybe even shock at her sudden confession could be awkward itself.

I am a very direct person. I am NOT good at giving hints and I am NOT good at getting them either. There’s a guy at work I’ve been into for awhile. He seems into me too but a little on the shy side. As I said I am not good with giving hints so dropping them probably won’t give him any confidence. I’m considering simply telling him I like him, giving him my number, and saying if he’s ever interested I hope he’ll give me a call. I think just saying it in person will make him uncomfortable regardless of how he feels about me, so I was thinking of going with some form of written communication.

Not email, too professional and impersonal. I was thinking a card. I hand make all of my own cards; store bought ones are lame. It will be simple, short, and to the point. NOT one of those three page letters listing all his wonderful qualities. Short and simple; I like you, here’s my number. Again it is work so I need to avoid making him uncomfortable as much as possible.

Any flaws in this plan?

[DrJones]

Keep it short and simple so you're not asking too much. "I like you, here's my number" is about as short and simple as it gets! I've sent and received that text/email/internet message before and it works surprisingly well. Never tried a card, though... let me know how that works out.

Be prepared for both the possibility of disappointment and the possibility of him responding in kind. Since you're a very direct person, I think you already know this.

The only thing I'd worry about is that some guys (and girls) don't know how to respond to something that straightforward. The more immature he is, the more likely he'll just freak out or freeze up or show it to his friends in confusion. If that happens, well, he probably isn't your kind of guy anyway, methinks...

[biannnnnnn]

Your right man same thing happened to me. I'll never do that again

[Adidas12]

What I myself would like most would be if the girl asked me out (it's ok, girls can ask guys out) somewhere. That's actually really cute. It means they are willing to try with you. Then I wouldn't play any games with her, I would ask her out after that date and hope that she called me sometime before the next date once to check up. That and I like it when a girl likes to check up on me alot, as do most guys who aren't total jerks. If they value the girl, they don't mind what she does to get his attention. For me, anything works, but this would be ideal. Hope this helps you out.

[blufrenzy93]

i can't believe what the guys in here said.

yeah I love being straight forward

but if you were to bluntly tell him you like him

chances are he's gonna start playing games or turn everything around...

or worse: not even bother with you anymore.

this is coming from experience

[Asker]

Part of me agrees with you. Hence my hesitation in doing this. I've only ever confessed my feelings directly to guys twice. One never spoke to me again and the other made up some b.s. about needing to accomplish a couple goals before he could date anyone. However, both times I was able to moveon w/out the "what ifs". This is also why I'd rather do it in writing. I won't have to listen or watch him stumble all over his lies and excuses. If he's interested he can call if not he won't have to.

[blufrenzy93]

Yeah it seems these days technology is the way to go.

its not exactly the proper way to do things

but its the easiest which people seem to like.

[palek]

Unfortunately, there is much truth in your post, but, when you finally come across a guy of integrity and good character, the openness will be mutual and will serve you both well for a lifetime.

[dfrazmabel]

the first flaw I think is the card, as much as you may be comfortable with cards guys can get a bit freaked out and unless your gonna give it to him directly in person he may not get it and yeh bad things could happen. I'd say finding a subtle way of asking for his number or giving him yours. Just ask if he could email you something or get him to remind you then over phone/txt you can discuss things without it being very direct. But really if you feel a card would be best I can't see any major flaws at all with this

[FaceInTheCrowd]

It is a direct plan... although I have never seen this done before... and I admire its' simplicity.

So I will be curious to know how he reacts...

If I got one of those, it had better be hand delivered, with a smile and some suspense. There is something impersonal about a card ( like something my grandma sends at Easter) but this message is very different so you need to write more than you would on a piece of paper at the bar. I am not saying it has to filled with a long and word account of evrything you love about etc etc... but it could say " I love your smile" or " You are one fine piece of ass" or something endearing and personal.

If I got the card you described in the mail, with only I like you, and a phone #, I would feel it was cold-blooded. Why do you like him ? Write it down...

[davyjones]

easy. take it as a plan b. act interested in everything he says and ask him what kind of girls do you like. sh*t. it is complicated by the work thing. look I'm finding myself really attracted to you but I'm sorry ill get over it. bad girl. slap you wrist smile and walk away.

then go about your business. maybe you gotta put a little bit of heat into that relationship first ie flirt, take the p*ss a bit. when its bubbling between yu its a lot easier to get away with murder like that. however. its not a bad plan b, altho youve left evidence and you might just scare the sh*t out of him or cheapen yourself in his eyes. tho the confidence youve shown kind of gets past that sh*t. plan b that sh*t and aim to have some fun with him even if its just taking the p*ss. good flirting ain't about tellng them you like them, its more like giving him an irresistable opportunity to tell you how he feels.

[CerebralCaustic]

the problem with hints is they're subjective, 100% opinion. plus, sometimes people will flirt when they have no intention of dating you.

instead, just be open, friendly and consistent with guys. if you like him and want to spend time with him, say so. "I'd like to spend some time with you."

the card thing is okay. but I think the real reason you'd prefer the card is *not* to spare his feelings, but to spare yours.

[Asker]

If he rejects me my feelings will be hurt regardless of how I told him. If we were at the gym or the bar I probably would tell him in person. I was once told to tell the person in the way you would want to be told. If any guy confronted me in person at work it would make me uncomfortable and might affect my work performance for the day or a few hours. I think it would be impolite to confront him with this when he could be preparing a presentation or about to take a conference call from corporate

[NMMan]

If a woman was interested in me, I'd want her to pull me aside and tell me directly and honestly. No hints, no games, just 100% straight-up truth. There's plenty of time for coyness and romance when two people are actually in a relationship - but before that, I think people should just put their figurative cards on the table.

[SCSgirl]

How would you react/respond if a girl that you were NOT interested in did this?

[NMMan]

I'd be happy to answer your question, because that did happen to me on a few occasions. In those occurrences, I explained that my feelings weren't mutual, but did so in a way that was both honest and yet considerate of the situation. Even if I didn't feel the same way, the fact that the women in question came to me and were honest about how they felt commands my respect.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer. I think you are very right. I have been into this guy for several months and we've both been kinda beating around the bush with both of us too shy to actually make a move. I think that's why it's so awkward now. It would have been SO much easier if 6 months ago I would have just said it straight up and not wasted so many months worrying about it.

[NMMan]

It's OK, I see where you're coming from - I wasn't always so honest and up-front myself in these situations. In fact, until I was 20 years old, I didn't have the courage and/or confidence to be that way! You were probably worried about it because you really like this guy, and that makes sense. But let him know how you feel...better to know than for it always to be a "what if?". Best of luck to you!

[advicegiver]

Definitely verbally, it shows that you're confident and care enough to do it in person. Other than that, probably IM/text. It will give him a chance to respond immediately, but can avoid the awkwardness if he doesn't like you back. Or if you want to try hints, try moving closer to him and complimenting him in flirty ways. Or gently touch him on the arm or thigh. It may seem odd, but it's been proven to work most of the time. But don't come on too strong since he's shy.

[dazical]

yes it would be much better if people would just say to each otheri like you or will you go on a date with me as I like most guys can't get the hint until it hits me in the face in fact the next time I see the girl I like ill say to her exactly what I just wrote

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer and good luck with telling the girl you like her. I hope she responds positively! :)

[dazical]

Thanks as you see my problem is I like my mates sister

[palek]

To my way of thinking, just spit it out and lets get on with it. I know this sounds highly unromantic, it's just that so much time and opportunity seem wasted on shyness.

[Asker]

You are very right about opportunities being wasted on shyness. I used to be extremely shy. I have overcome it somewhat but am still sorta guy shy. Looking back I know I wasted so many opportunities due to shyness. I have made efforts to improve this. In the last couple years I told two guys I was interested. It didn't turn out well, but surprisingly it was A LOT easier to live with and moveon from rejection than it is from the "what ifs" and regrets of not doing anything due to shyness.

[palek]

Someone I hold in the highest possible regard once said, "The truth will make you free". I've never found an exception to this.

[Roates]

i love girls to make the first move and say thr intrested it makes you more happy as a couple from the start

[judge]

i like when the girls make the first move and actually say that they think you are cute