Why do you fear failure?

[dandiecandie]

[triff]

Failure is a negative emotion which if ignored can become a symptom of depression Failure could be looked at in a different way To turn Failure into a positive like It becomes a learning curve for example i failed to be on time due to my transport connection's Had I been on time I to could be a victim of the London Bridge fire So Failure is now a positive Dont always fear failure Open your mind to look at the causes Then you can use these to build success

[OnlyMyOpinion]

In what context? I generally don't unless it leads to other people getting hurt or killed at my expense. It's one of the reasons I shy away from security-related jobs where a mistake could cost someone else's life instead of my own. Oddly I tend to be quite headstrong though when a failure only imposes costs on me and not others.

[dandiecandie]

Hmmm maybe you feel ashamed of failure?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

Typically only if it hurts other people, at which point I do feel guilty about it. I don't find that sense of guilt though if I fail at something which only hurts me, like falling off a horse. There I can usually brush myself off and pick myself back up again or recover in hospital. It's another thing if I was riding a horse and, say, ran over an innocent person and seriously injured them. That's the type of failure I tend to fear.

[dandiecandie]

Hmmm interesting! Why do you fear that specific type of failure?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

It's the only type of failure I genuinely fear, I think. I'm an adrenaline junkie and sponsored vert skater when I was younger. The basic idea of being injured or killed from falling is something that doesn't seem to bother me at all. I'm actually rather reckless and headstrong in those contexts. But maybe because I can be a bit reckless, I'm more worried than usual about accidentally harming someone else. I am used to getting injured, embarassed, etc, when I fail. Doesn't bother me.

[dandiecandie]

But why does it bother you if others experience the same thing as You?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

It starts to become definitely immoral, I think. I suppose there is some sort of vice or immorality when I'm reckless in a way that gets me hurt since that can still worry other people and maybe impose some minor costs on them. Yet if I directly hurt them with a mistake I make, that seems far more immoral.

I don't mind people experiencing the same things as me if they want to engage in the same things. If someone wants to try to do big airs on a vert ramp on a skateboard and falls, I feel sort of bad but not that much because they chose to engage in it. They are not "innocent victims".

[OnlyMyOpinion]

A lot of my concerns tend to relate to morality and being a decent person. Well, this is not as directly related but take our general disapproval of cowardly people. I was thinking about why we tend to disapprove and consider it rather immoral because a coward is actually well off individually. If they run away at the first sign of danger, they are probably doing something good as far as self-preservation. Yet the problem is when there are other people who are also in danger. The cowardly might abandon them and fail to protect them at all -- maybe even place them in greater danger than without their presence. And that's the immorality of it as I see it -- when our actions have consequences that endanger or harm other people besides ourselves.

[dandiecandie]

Yes you fear harming others because if you did it would be rather cowardly or irresponsible of you. Have you ever made a mistake that you later felt guilty about?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

In contexts that don't hurt other people (i. e., where failure is not "immoral" in my eyes), I don't find failure something to fear at all. It's a part of growth as I see it when we're trying something difficult, and unrealistic to expect ourselves to always succeed on the first try. So I usually think failure is a good thing and a part of the growth process of a person, but not so much when their failures impose heavy costs on other people. At that point, I think they should have been more careful and thoughtful in advance.

[dandiecandie]

Yes I agree! Does failure to protect other people make you guilty?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

>> Yes you fear harming others because if you did it would be rather cowardly or irresponsible of you. Have you ever made a mistake that you later felt guilty about?

One time I got into a fight at a bar in Taiwan. I didn't start it. It was this huge misunderstanding where I accidentally knocked over a bicycle outside, picked it up, and the customer inside was speaking Mandarin to me and grabbed my throat. I didn't understand what he was saying or else I would have apologized immediately. Instead, I just thought I ran into a random violent drunk so I grabbed his hand off my throat and pushed him away, and we got into a brawl. I accidentally pushed him too hard and he fell backward into a woman who was a customer there and knocked her down off her seat.

I felt a bit guilty about that misunderstanding between us but I especially felt bad about knocking that woman down off her seat who had nothing to do with our conflict.

[dandiecandie]

What would you have done differently

[OnlyMyOpinion]

Err, that customer was the owner of the bicycle. Since I couldn't understand his Mandarin that well, he thought I was just an ass who didn't care and refusing to apologize. It was a really dumb brawl and later I learned from the bartender that he also didn't realize I couldn't understand his Mandarin (I spoke a tiny bit but not well enough to understand).

[dandiecandie]

So basically you felt guilty because you over reacted and felt responsible for hurting someone else even though It was not only you at fault because you both didn't speak the same language and you both misunderstood each other. It's kinda like your misunderstanding was a portrayal of his as well. Would you agree?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

Yes -- well, actually I didn't feel that guilty about him since it didn't seem reasonable for him to grab my throat even based on the misunderstanding. I felt most guilty about pushing him into that girl and knocking her down. She had nothing to do with our dispute whatsoever.

Well, another example that's simpler involved a time when I was a little boy riding on the swings at a playground. I loved to ride those swings really high and stand on them rather than sit. Then a little girl came running in front of my swing and I couldn't stop it fast enough. The swing hit her on the head and knocked her out. I felt so bad about that and didn't want to ride swings anymore since.

[dandiecandie]

Awww you poor thing!!😣😣did you get punished by your parents?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

No, actually neither her parents nor mine saw it as anything but an accident. I just felt really bad about hurting her. It's like I wanted to trade places with her and be the one that was injured instead.

[dandiecandie]

I understand that. You felt guilty cause you didn't want to hurt her but because you weren't being responsible you ended up accidentally doing that. Afterwards you felt responsible for hurting her and causing her pain. Seeing others in pain hurts you more than being in pain yourself. You're kind!

[OnlyMyOpinion]

Mostly if I attempt to summarize, I'm worried about not being able to see myself as a decent person... like all my impulsiveness, and recklessness, and bad habits, and stupidity might end up inadvertently hurting more people than they help. It seems more difficult sometimes the older I get to stay decent -- I end up with an expanding lifetime's worth of mistakes that can sometimes spill costs over to others. It's probably my ultimate fear -- not death itself but dying in a way where I can't see myself as a decent human being.

[dandiecandie]

Well I say if you fear decency then you should face your fears by being decent. What does that even mean? To be decent

[OnlyMyOpinion]

>> Seeing others in pain hurts you more than being in pain yourself. You're kind!

Not always. Sometimes I've reached levels where no matter how decent my intentions are, I end up making stupid mistakes that impose costs on other people. And sometimes that reaches a point where I cease to care, temporarily, become rude and crude, drink -- all with a "whatever" sort of mindset... until I care again. :-D It seems easier not to care... but I tend to keep coming back to care once more after a while.

[dandiecandie]

Because you feel guilty thats why you care. You feel guilty for causing burdens on others due to your recklessness. What do you think drives you to be reckless in the first place?

[dandiecandie]

You seem to be going in circles here hahahha

[OnlyMyOpinion]

>> Well I say if you fear decency then you should face your fears by being decent. What does that even mean? To be decent

One of the tough things I find now with COVID-19 lockdown is that I used to feel decent just being a decent friend... it's like we don't the chance so often to do something really good. But we can get a lot of chances to be decent to people around us if we're around a lot of people. Yet since lockdown, I'm just stuck at home mostly these days with my wife. And both of us are drinking a lot lately. I should probably quit drinking. :-D That might be a start.

[dandiecandie]

Hahahhaha yes you should. It's not good for your liver. I too enjoy drinking but I try to keep monitor myself.

[dandiecandie]

Do you think you also need to take action and be a little bit more responsible when it comes to being reckless? I think it will will make your life easier.

[OnlyMyOpinion]

I still love extreme sports and there are contexts where I've found my headstrong nature to be useful. I'm a software engineer by trade and it's helpful to me to prototype things quickly just trying ideas without thinking too much about them in advance. I find it very productive provided I don't get too attached to the idea or spend too much prototyping (keeping failures/mistakes cheap and finding them as soon as possible). There's a tendency in my field sometimes for engineers to get too stubbornly attached to a concept/idea in spite of bad execution. I tend to find my tendencies to help to counter that.

There are definitely places where I would benefit from being more cautious and thoughtful in advance though. I'm pretty unfiltered and don't always think about what I say in advance, for example, and sometimes that can inadvertently offend or annoy people. It gets worse when I drink.

Probably the best thing I could do is take it easy on the drinking. All my worst qualities become exaggerated when I'm drunk. I'm already impulsive and unfiltered when sober. It's ten times worse when drunk. :-D

[dandiecandie]

Hahahahaha I dont think those are necessarily bad qualities you just misuse them because you are hasty. Being unfiltered is a gift. Free expression is healthy but depends on how and where you use it. There is a time and place for everything.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because failure can be brutal. People who constantly spout "don't be afraid to fail" have never taken on a real challenge --- and failed. Often the failure is not the person's fault, but for whatever reason the event or project failed.

Major projects that fail can have career limiting effects, regardless of the HR motivational posters on the walls.

[Conspiracy_Theorist]

I don't But i would if i was in a risky job such as construction of high rises, oil rigs, coal mines, pilot, train engineer, doctor, police officer and so on.

[dandiecandie]

Seems like you fear death! Lol! All those jobs are potential threats.

[Conspiracy_Theorist]

i don't fear death, death is easy.

[Conspiracy_Theorist]

Living is the hard part.

[devil_8888]

Coz they are low on self confidence to achieve success. People should learn to accept failure too. Failure too is part of success and you can achieve success when you have self confidence to make it happen even after failures.

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

I've not feared failure, every time I've tried to fail something prevents it. An act of god.

[Not_Average]

I do, but I also recognize that failure teaches me the most. I always make it a goal to fall forward.

[coolaboola]

Never ever ever fear failure. If you fear failure then you'll never have an original idea.

Lose the fear!!!

[ManHater]

No. but most people do that's why the accept the fact that they are failures in life. They get happy working that low wage job when in truth they are capable of so much more.

[Danny_dan92]

Cause who wants to fail?

[dandiecandie]

Lol why don't you want to fail?

[Danny_dan92]

Cause it’s not a good thing?

[dandiecandie]

Why not?

[Danny_dan92]

Omg... wtf

[dandiecandie]

What makes it a negative thing?

[Danny_dan92]

Where you dropped on your head? Like honestly.

I’m not trynna be rude. But how do you not understand this?

[dandiecandie]

Relax Danny! Dont get upset! If the answer was so straight forward youd be able to write it down. It's like when someone asks you what is time? You know what it is but how is it to actually explain it?

[Danny_dan92]

I already explained to you.

It’s not a positive thing

[dandiecandie]

Would you say it's negative?

[Danny_dan92]

What is the opposite of positive?

[dandiecandie]

Hahhahaha Danny dont get sassy with me!

[Danny_dan92]

Just saying

[dandiecandie]

I know and I understand your confusion.

[Danny_dan92]

I’m sure you do

[dandiecandie]

Danny what makes you so sure though?

[Danny_dan92]

So sure about what?

[dandiecandie]

Lol Danny! Danny what is failure from your point or view?

[Danny_dan92]

My last relationship.

[dandiecandie]

Hahhahaha Danny you're ironically funny. How so?

[Danny_dan92]

It just was

[dandiecandie]

Ok. Do you know Why?

[Danny_dan92]

Yep. My ex is a dumb slut that thought she could still have me wrapped around her finger despite her being a hoe

[dandiecandie]

What is a hoe in your opinion?

[Danny_dan92]

A 21 year old girl that has had sex with over 40 men, a good portion of those men being double her age.

[dandiecandie]

Ah Ok, I understand I'm sorry you were faced with a lot of chaos Danny. The road through hell is the lesson that brings you to light at the end of the tunnel.

[Danny_dan92]

Precisely.

[dandiecandie]

Danny maybe you pick the wrong kind of women! Have you thought about that?

[Danny_dan92]

Possibly yeah. I got too focused on the good sex that I didn’t see the red flags

[dandiecandie]

Lol Danny! Would you say that makes focus on different things than females when it comes to relationships

[dandiecandie]

Males*

[Danny_dan92]

You are the only person here that says my name often.

Anyways, I don't know what you mean by thay

[Danny_dan92]

That*

[dandiecandie]

I'm sorry! I just find it that it's easy to write and it just rolls of the tounge. If it bothers you I'll stop saying it. Sorry about that!

[Danny_dan92]

Lol nothing wrong with you saying it.

Just felt like pointing that out since no one does it

[dandiecandie]

It's easier for me To address you when I reply thats why I called you by the name Danny. Danny is a catchy and easy name to remember.

[Danny_dan92]

Hahaha very well. If it’s easier for you, then by all means

[dandiecandie]

You dont mind do You?

[dandiecandie]

I dont want to offend you or anything.

[Danny_dan92]

No not at all

[dandiecandie]

All right Danny

[Danny_dan92]

😂😂

[dandiecandie]

Lol damn it why are you laughing now?

[Danny_dan92]

Your response was just funny haha

Kind of reminded me of ace ventura where he goes ALLLLLLLLL righty then

[dandiecandie]

Lol who is ace ventura?

[Danny_dan92]

My god...

[Danny_dan92]

https://youtu.be/PMHaRDISBOw

[dandiecandie]

I know who god is.

[dandiecandie]

Hahahahaha I remind you of this guy lol. Jim Carrey?

[Danny_dan92]

Your response!!

[dandiecandie]

Lol yes I understand

[Danny_dan92]

Ok perfect, we’re on the same page now

[dandiecandie]

Oh where were we before?

[Danny_dan92]

Shit I forgot

[dandiecandie]

Lol Danny!

[Danny_dan92]

What happened? Lol

[dandiecandie]

Nothing happened! What did you want to happen Danny

[Danny_dan92]

Hmm I feel like this is a very open ended question

[dandiecandie]

Lol yes it was. I was just joking though.

[dandiecandie]

Nothing happened!

[Danny_dan92]

I know, I can see that

[dandiecandie]

Ok :)

[dandiecandie]

Hey Danny, what happened? Haha

[Danny_dan92]

You wanna just message me? Lol I mean you don’t have to ask me if you can

[dandiecandie]

Lol wooow! Why don't you message?

[Danny_dan92]

Because it doesn’t allow me too

[dandiecandie]

Really? Why is that?

[Danny_dan92]

Your settings

[dandiecandie]

Oh ok.

[Regmorus]

Mostly cause I should fear failure.

[dandiecandie]

Why is that

[Regmorus]

Cause succumbing to not fearing failure would allow me to be completely content with not doing anything to prevent it.

[dandiecandie]

Aha interesting so what you're saying is you fear the consequence of failure.

[Regmorus]

Not quite. I fear inappropriate living, because I know what it makes a human inside, and by means of induced fear toward failure or consequences I "enforce" the appropriate living.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, I do fear failure

[Shah11]

I never. My fear is my motivation.

[chriscdi]

cause there's no room for failure

[Jamie05rhs]

Because failure is bad.

[OddBeMe]

I learned not to fear it. But to calculate it.

[asshole_]

That I won't be successful

[scarlett774]

I don’t like failing

[dandiecandie]

Hmmm what dont you like about it specifically

[Cryptic-Game]

I don't fear failures.

[Anonymous]

embarassment

[dandiecandie]

Hmmm interesting !!!

[Anonymous]

Oh yes i do.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry wrong answer.

Because my life is based on success.

[Anonymous]

Bc I fear failure