Difference between being a Bad Boy or Borderline jerk?

Question

So, in my last question, I explored the concept of why nice guys are last. I consider myself a humble, shy, and honest nice guy and this hasn't worked in my favor at all. In fact, it's worked to the contrary. I'm unconciously changing my perspective.

I did take a girl flying the other day. It was fun. Flew up to a place and got lunch and flew back. It kinda scared the hell out of her at first, but she got used to it and enjoyed the ride. She wanted me to go to some show that evening and I simply replied, "maybe". So she sends me all these texts to get me to go to the show and I ignore them. It's not that I don't want to go, it's that I just don't seem to care.

It sounds horrible. I've become so self absorbed into my own interests (airplanes), that I seemingly ignore the interests of others. I don't want to be a borderline jerk. Though somehow this attitude seems to attract women.

What defines the difference between being the sterotypical "bad boy" that girls these days desire versus the total a-hole? I don't want to fall into the latter category.

JanJan · Accepted Answer

Well I'm glad to hear that you are aware of your own mistakes and are willing to fix them. That is step one.

Women are sometimes subject to their own biological double-standards. We are so used to being chased, and a little chase can be fun sometimes. This is why your lady friend keeps pursuing you. You are giving her a run for her money. Men who are cool, aloof, hard to get... attract us. But at the same time we want sensitivity, humor, empathy. Sometimes we don't even know what we want. And eventually you playing games with her will come back to get you if it keeps up.

Men can see other "bad boys", but women often can't see these bad guys coming. This can sometimes be our downfall. In the same way, women can see "skanks" a mile away, and yet we wonder why men don't realize that she's a tramp. Both genders are prey to their hormones, and find themselves drawn to attractive traits, ignoring bad signs. It is when you have been in a relationship with one of these people for a while (bad boys or bad girls) that you realize what they are really like. Then you become aware of the traits that you wish he/she had. She may love your bad boy routine at first, but if you continue to remain distant she will soon get bored and lonely.

Women want the best of both worlds. The good things about the "bad boy" is that he has his own life and interests, is confident, and can be a little mysterious. The good thing about the "good guy" is that he is reliable, sensitive, funny, and takes care of us. You know how men want a "lady on the streets, freak between the sheets"? Well we want a tough guy exterior with a soft guy interior. You can be the best of both worlds by taking the positive traits of both of these guys. Don't be too easy to get, but call when you say you will. Don't be her personal servant, but offer an ear. Don't treat us like princesses and give us everything we want, but hold the door for us. Be confident with who you are, but willing to find out who she is. See the fine line? Just as men don't want a woman who is too easy, women don't want a man who is too easy to get either. Give her a bit of a fight. But gradually show her your soft side too. Bad boy meets good guy... perfect combination.

AmberChick · Accepted Answer

Stereotypical "bad boy" usually just wants to have sex with the girl, but does everything to get it. He drives a cool car, picks her up, takes her out, makes sure she has a good time, and then brings her home later. Total assholes have no friends and are generally just mean to everybody. They don't really care about people's feelings. The fact that you are asking this question shows you are not an asshole, but maybe just confused on who you should be. It's better to be on a balance scale where you take care of yourself and others that you care about.

There are guys who still get women and I will call them "good guys". They know how to balance their own life with someone else's, and values a girl's opinion as well as his own. The talked about "nice guy" who gets no girls is shy, insecure, and doesn't take any initiative. And, being like that will ensure he will never get any girl, because people in general don't want to give something to someone who expects it rather than asks for it or believes he should have it without doing any work. in other words, you have to work at being with a girl you care about to some degree (depending on the girl).

Good luck :)

justaskin8888 · Accepted Answer

well, I feel you should treat everyone with respect.  treat people the way you want to be treated.  not all shy guys are good guys and not all bad boys are bad for the girls who fall for them.  In other words, a girl who goes for a bad guy is getting exactly what she wants.  If she had wanted a shy or nice guy (not the same) she would have gotten one.  People have a right to make a choice.  Some shy guys are arrogant, bitter, jealous and vendictive--so you choose people based on character and whether they treat you the way you wish to be treated.  I don't know about anyone else but its hard to be proud of yourself when you act like a jerk.  And first and foremost, before anyone else, I have to be able to look myself in the eye in the mirror and like the person I am.

evander · Accepted Answer

The modern stereotypical bad boy and the modern total a-hole are somewhat combined for some reason.

I really don't know how to describe a total a-hole, if there was one that exists, that person would have no room for the good traits to treat a lady.

Now in my opinion, my own definition of a bad boy would be a man like me. The perfect example of that is James Bond.

James Bond is unpredictable, smart and sexy, and likes the taste of danger. When it comes to treating women, you would expect something different but its the same of how a nice guy treats a woman. The twist to it is hard to explain: Lets say a nice guy buys a woman flowers when they come by a flower shop. Now for the bad boy, he gets her flowers, but does not pay for them, he might grab the shop owner (if its a guy) and slam his face on a table right on the and continue on.

I hope I've answered your question correctly.

ryanrhino · Accepted Answer

Well, you have to compare being a boy versus being a man. Men understand how to effectively communicate their feelings - boys do not.

Men can express how they feel with confidence, while boys pout and are, as you effectively describe them - 'a-holes'.

You have to do what makes you happy, but do it without hurting others. If you're happier being with an airplane, then go for it. If you're happier being with a woman, then go for it. But, you have to balance your passions as a man, as a boy cannot do this.

In your situation, I would have replied to my date's texts and gently, but firmly told her that I like being with her, just not at the show. You would have regretted going had you gone, but I'm sure a part of you feels bad for not responding to her. Would you want someone blowing you off that you want to spend time with, especially something you enjoy?

bre123xoxo · Answer

The worst thing you can do is ignore a girls text message ! I cannot stress that enough. Guys don't wait around their cell phone waiting for one text. Girls do. You could've just said I can't. That was being a jerk. That's not attractive.

rotarymoon · Answer

Be yourself. Have genuine interests and do things you want to be doing. Have your own opinion and stick to them---have integrity and character. Jerks are clowns. Badboys are boys.

Hot4Alyssa · Answer

A bad boy is bad for himself, he is not trying to impress anyone.  A jerk is trying to impress others & is a douche bag.

FierceMegan · Answer

Bad boy - He just wants to have sex with a girl that's it. He'll seduce her. A-hole - He doesn't treat girls right at all.

Anonymous · Answer

bad boys don't follow the rules. assholes just f*** with people, not rules, for selfish purposes

Difference between being a Bad Boy or Borderline jerk?

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