Would you forgive you childhood bully if they apologized now?

[whitehide]

Or, if you were the bully and have grown up now, would you apologize to your victim if you got the chance?

[ChiTown33]

No. I had a guy that "claims" to have bullied me when i was in school. I say " claims" because while i had bullies i don't remember him as one of them. Anyways i was at a poker game with buddies where he showed up. And there was this heartfelt moment... i guess lol. Where he said "remember when we were younger and i used to bully you". I said "no". And he said " it's ok you can admit it. And i said " if i remembered i'd have no problem admitting it we were just kids it was a long time ago and doesn't really matter lol. Then i jokingly remarked if he bullied me i guess he should have done a better job so i'd remember it to this day. And he stopped smiling. And based on his facial expression i have little doubt that he was trying to rattle me, upset me, get under my skin. It wasn't an apology. His life crashed and burned after school in comparison to me. And i wouldn't consider myself anything but avg. I actually pity him living with his parents, in and out of rehab. But even in that moment he was looking down at me it's quite comical.

Bottom line: people don't change.

[fashionguy17]

I'm 30 now. When I was in high school, I was bullied mercifully by a kid at every turn. Even as an adult, I would think back to this bully and it would make me angry. I used to say to myself, "if I had the body I had now back in high school, I could've whooped his ass!"

I had gotten on Facebook last year and I saw I had a message in my inbox, I looked at it and it was a message from my bully! He was a little fatter, he has 2 kids, a wife and he was working a mediocre factory job as a line operator or something of the sorts.

In his message, he said that he randomly saw my Facebook page in the "People you may know section" and decided to send me a message. In his message, he apologized for all the things he had done to me and what not. It was actually a pretty good, heartfelt message.

Did I reply to the message? No. I didn't respond to be rude. I just didn't respond, because I didn't want to give him my energy. Do I forgive him? I do. After he apologized, I felt a lot better.

[ShiningWalwus]

Has this helped with your anger towards him?

[fashionguy17]

@ShiningWalwus To answer your question, it has. Ever since high school ended, I would think about my high school bullies often and would often have daydreams of me seeing them again and getting back at them and being as mean to them as they were to me. He was included in those daydreams. However, after he apologized, I stopped thinking of him as a bully and don't think about him anymore.

[Anonymous]

My bullies are the reason I had to transfer schools in middle school. It took a while for me to recover from the daily torment and thankfully life from that point on was bully free, but what good would an apology do now? That 12 year old girl back then needed that apology badly and to feel like she could walk down the hall without fear of physical assault, but never got it. I've never wished to see those people again and have actively surrounded myself after that and throughout my life with people with love and kindness and friendship in their hearts.

[Anonymous]

Forgiveness means different things to different people.
Basically I've already forgiven those who have hurt me - meaning I don't wish them harm, I don't seek vengeance/revenge, etc. Their behavior isn't worth my carrying around all that hate/negativity.
If they came to me and apologized, I'd accept their apology and I'd wish them well.

[Andres77]

Sincere apology?
Yes, I'd forgive them...
Actually I already have. I needed to let go of crap of my past so it wouldn't weigh down my heart and mind as I work toward the future of my family.
So I'd appreciate the apology but it wouldn't change anything. They're not welcome in my life. They'd have to earn their way in.
Forgiving someone doesn't automatically give them free pass into my life.
Now I know what they're capable of. If they've reformed then good for them. Go live out your reform... way the hell over there. Not around me.
If they "apologize" and suddenly expect something then the apology is a scheme and it's not sincere.

[Mr_longLegz]

Possibly. To make a long shitty story short my bully had Asperger syndrome. The big thing with that is they don't make any... and I mean any connection to what they say/do and how it impacts other people and how they feel.

If they did apologize to me, id say thanks and just keep it moving. I've moved on from that part of my life and knowing how they were coming up, they would likely only apologize because they were told to or confronted about it by several people, at once, with as deep an explanation they can give (aside from the syndrome, the guy was a real prick for saying shit wasn't true if he didn't feel the same... which was not really possible for him because of his syndrome)... the one time they did apologize was because a whole room of people had to stick up for me and literally talk him into shaking my hand over it (this was in 2008/9). Wasn't a genuine apology but I took what I got and rolled with it.

[exitseven]

I was a fat kid that everyone made fun of. i had a personal bully all through junior high school. This kid was 17 in the 9th grade and always picked on me.
When I got older i began to train with weights and found some older guys that taught me some martial arts. By the time I was in college I was picking up the back end of Volkswagens off the ground.
I am almost 50 and I have retained a lot of my strength and conditioning over the years.
I don't know where this kid ever ended up. I think if I ever did see him again I might kick his ass.

[WhiteSteve]

I don’t think I had a real consistent bully, nor did I really bully anyone too hard. But if anyone apologized to me, of course I’d accept, and if there was anyone I felt needed an apology, I’d give one. I’m a grown-ass man, I just can’t trip over shit that happened when I was a kid.

[dwiller943]

Nope. Because my "bullies" were rapists, narcissists, and fake friends
that couldn't have my back when said creep made me uncomfortable.
And I could NEVER forgive them for stealing my innocence from me.

[CalmYourTits]

If it came off genuine, yes I would. However, I wasn't really ever bullied. Anyone who tried was put in their place. If you don't respect me, I will make you fear me. Done.

[HollyK21]

Absolutely! Holding a grudge is going to do more to me than it ever could to the bully. I would never want anyone to have such a powerful position in my mind.

[HollyK21]

*mind was supposed to say life, but I guess that works too, lol*

[menina]

No, I wouldn't. They made me think about killing myself when I was just 12 years old. So they deserve nothing from me.

[Lone_wolf122]

Yes if they mean it and they're good people now... And I'm only accepting that because they were Children at the time.. If they were adults or semi adults i wouldn't

[roxystars19]

Only if they meant it. My 7th grade bully has gotten so much heavier, has a ton of acne now and her current boyfriend is only with her because he is ugly in looks and she is ugly in personality... it's like a match made in ironic heaven.

[Britishclassic]

I never was bullied and never bullied - i was pretty tall and quiet as a high schooler, so I just did my work, and had fun with friends. I know my ex friend got bullied a fuck load which is sad but I can't speak for him if he would accept the apology

[AdithyaR]

Absolutely not. For better or for worse, I'm very unforgiving in situations like that, so I wouldn't forgive them.
Depending how bad they treated me, I may acknowledge their apology, but maybe I won't.

[IsuckIguess]

Ha, I'd ask for a favor/compensation.
They were shit to me for my whole younger years, might as well pay me or buy me something so I can be the one exploiting them this time around.

[Holisticapproachsara]

No, not in a million years. What they did is unforgivable and nasty. You cannot wipe it away by saying a dumb void word like sorry.

[modelUN242]

No, I wouldn’t forgive that bitch. I looked her up and she’s super narcissistic.

[TacosRAwesome]

Nope. It's too little to late now and the damage is already done. Unfortunately my childhood bullies didn't grow out of it by the last time I saw them when I was 18.

[Celtero]

The truth is, apologies are for the people who did the harm. It serves to relieve their guilt.

[Stoner710]

Yeah we were in high school everyone’s an asshole I’m high school

[DiscomfortZone]

I'd rather explain how "traumatized" I am, get a more elaborate confession and apology, have everything recorded then sue :)

[modelUN242]

loll

[Dontaaa]

No, they're going to have to carry that regret with them until the day they die.