You have to figure that out in the moment. Some people are very straightforward and don't like bullshit so if they ask they're probably going to want an answer like that.
Some people will ask that because they think it will make a situation less awkward, in which case, your answer shouldn't put any pressure on the other person to have a possibly uncomfortable conversation.
If you're talking to someone who you don't think really cares, it's usually best in my opinion to deflect. Especially if it's someone who might try to use your mental state against you. Like a competing coworker.
I think it would depend on how close you are to the person! If it was just some random stranger, you don't have to give details because it is usually not any of their business no offense!
Most adults can take care of themselves just fine. And unless there was some time of accident or physical trauma or emergency, they are really usually fine! They are even HAPPY and or PEACEFUL!
It's really up to you how you want to respond. If you're too tired to give an honest answer and or don't have time to engage in a tedious conversation with a so called stranger or acquaintance, then you don't have to. That's the beauty of free will! Of course, use that with responsibility and your life will be better haha.
Depends on who they are and if I feel like telling them the truth could help me, but I don't normally tell people what I am feeling I kind of hint it to them, (which yes I know its wrong but it's just how I am lol). If it's like super personal then I wouldn't tell anyone
What’s an example of something personal
Something like when I feel depressed, suicidal, the things that cause those, or just something I would be ashamed to share with others
It depends on the person. Some people, no, you don't be honest. Either they won't care, or they're not close enough that they need to hear today's gripes, etc. If I'm in that situation, I'll deflect and say "Thanks so much for asking!"
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Depends on their tone and how well you know that person. Obviously I won't tell a stranger or acquaintance about my personal problems. I think in American culture in general, when people ask "How are you?," they tend to downplay anything bad, and you usually just answer "Fine, thanks," or "Good.
You may be right. Do other places not downplay the negative?
It depends on how they are asking, if they are messaging you or asking you out I the blue, I feel like they care, if it's just in a passing conversation kind of like when you bump into someone, just being polite.
If they care do you answer with details?
Sadly, a lot of people ask how you are as a formality and they don't actually care. Some people don't even dtick around to hear the answer.
I think the only time it's a genuine question is when you're being asked for a specific reason (they're checking on you because you're sick or going through a hard time) or when it is asked by someone who normally looks out for you like a friend or family member.
Yes exactly. You're wise for your age. 🙂
It depends on the person... If it's just a passerby I just say I'm fine, or fair to middling, but if it's a good friend, and most don't bother asking unless something is wrong because I tend to be rather positive and they can read when something is off... With them I'm honest about it.
Or I like to respond "I woke up this morning, it surprised me, has surprised me every day since I turned 18."
So it’s best not to be honest if you don’t know them
I think that the majority of people. whonask are just being polite and don't want to know. I'm an open book to anyone brave enough to open it... But it's a scary book
I also try to be open but have found that blunt honesty Throws off others. It can be surprising
I always assume people do that out of politeness, not because they genuinely care. You ever notice when your really tell people what's up their demeanor and behavior towards you changes?
Yes sometimes when I’m honest it surprises them
When someone ask that if you give your response most likely they won’t even say anything back.
Unless They find you attractive or Are a lonely person or just wanna Talk because of boredom.
Oh so why ask how I feel? Could just say hi
I’m not talking about me silly.
If it's someone you trust and is close to you, just answer honestly what you are feeling. Because somtimes people don't intend to ask how you feel until and unless they actually wanna know and you'll know when they're just being polite so answer accordingly.
If they are being polite how do you answer?
By just saying you feel ok, or good.
If it’s a close friend you’re allowed to be honest
If it’s not a friend should you be honest?
Mmm maybe. But the person may not really wanna hear honesty.
As I'm sure the comments are saying, it really does depend on the person. BUT, it honestly depends on the time and place as well--equally or possibly moreso. Working in retail, I wouldn't mind being a little honest if my day was shite when the waiting lines were nonexistent or if the customer was someone I recognized or had an accepting atmosphere about them. A lot of the time, yes, people are being polite as it is a common phrase that's used to show care and greeting, but that shouldn't dissuade you from expressing yourself.
What I would like to know is are you referring to a specific person or peoples? If so, what's your relation to them and could you expand?
It depends who is asking honestly, I wouldn't go out of my way to say if I'm really feeling bad if the person obviously is just asking to be nice unless I am sort of close with them. If its a complete stranger I would just say I'm okay
So when you ask you expect someone to give a safe answer if you don’t know them
It's been a while since I don't share my exact feelings. It does feel safe to always say I'm good.
What would happen if you said how you really felt to someone?
@BarryLiverstone because I don't feel safe to share every detail as of why I feel in a certain way. People have changed in the last 2 years... and not for the better
I'll answer, but I'm not going to be honest unless I trust you or I need to talk.
Got ya. So someone might not know you need to talk if you answer you feel ok.
Tbh I’ll do that at times because I don’t want to burden someone else with my challenges. Rather work it out if I can yk? I’ll admit that’s part of me being stubborn.
Seems like a part of life is learning who can be trusted and who can’t. When someone betrays us that is some kinda pain
Ty for being honest
If they are close to me aka we connected already, ill tell the truth, im good but with other following feeling that could probably sad or happy. But i also read the situation, are they on mood to talk to me or just being polite.
You mean to tell me you're not capable of telling which situations, circumstances and people require a smalltalk response and which ones allow for an honest response?
I'm asking because being able to tell these two apart is a very basic social skill of every functioning grown up. So, am I misunderstanding your question?
Obv if it’s small talk from a stranger then the ‘I’m good’ response works. I more asked the question for those cases when we feel angry or horny or elated and someone we know asks. We are told that honesty is the best policy so that’s the root of this question.
But still, you should be able to evaluate the circumstances well enough to know if hobesty in such scenarios would be a good idea or not. What exactly do you find hard about this?
I find some challenges when it comes to trusting people and judging levels of honesty. For some we can be bluntly honest and with others they wouldn’t be able to handle it
Genuine question: Are you on the spectrum?
Nope. But ty for asking
Well, then I'm honestly kinda baffled you're having such difficulties recognizing which circumstances are suited for complete honesty.
You may have misunderstood the q, it happens. I have already said there are times being honest isn’t socially acceptable
Well, then what are you asking?
If you felt mad and someone you trust asked you how you felt what would you tell them?
Isn't that the point of friendships and such?
Could be. What would you tell them?
Not sure what you mean. What I meant was that the point of friendships is that you can talk to them openly about how you feel, when necessary.
Are you telling me you don't talk to your friends about how you're doing?
And what do you mean "could be"?
Yes I will be honest and tell my friends if I feel upset. I said could be because the point of friendships is much more
I have noticed that you haven’t answered my question that I asked you twice. Any reason why?
I should have said "one of the major points of friendships".
I haven't answered because, as I said, I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
If you felt mad and someone you trust (like a friend) asked you how you felt what would you tell them?
Yeah, I already got that part. But I don't understand what you mean by that. You're asking me what I would tell them, if I was mad and wanted to tell them honestly how I felt? You mean, like, other than, like, tell them... I'm mad? Sorry I don't understand what you're getting at here. Try to elaborate.
Yes that’s what I mean. I guess I was raised in a conservative environment where it’s better to keep things positive than risk adding a burden to someone else. So if a friend asks how I feel if I start to vent and unload on them it’s like that’s not appropriate.
So if you were having a hell of a day and a friend asked how you feel do you let go and tell them?
Yet more prove how conservativism is unhealthy and toxic...
But you sound like an alien who just landed on Earth and tries to understand how human interactions work. I don't get you. What exactly were you asking me? I didn't really answer your question still, because I still don't get it. Are you saying you don't know how to express yourself when you're mad? Dude, you really need to learn to explain yourself.
Have you never been open to anyone about how you're feeling? Maybe watch some movies with people talking to each other and take notes, I don't know. But this is truly worrying me, because you're an adult lacking the most basic social interaction skills. And you're not on the spectrum. What's going on here?
Ha ha relax. I didn’t ask a specific question initially because I wanted it open ended as different people have different perspectives and experiences. You have been on gag and can see how people come from various cultures and upbringings. I wouldn’t say that all conservatives are toxic, that’s a broad brush. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. Sounds like we both have an inquisitive nature. Peace bro
I didn't say all conservatives are toxic, I said conservativism (as a belief system) is unhealthy and toxic.
Context of the question is everything. I've found when family or friends ask how I'm feeling it's best to be honest, whether the answer is positive or negative. However, when a cashier or uber driver or something ask how I'm doing and I'm honest they get VERY awkward, which is a lot more fun.
I don't see myself allowed to be honest. It is rude to say anything other than "I am good"
Oh why is that rude? I mean if they ask you can’t tell them
I don’t quite understand. If I ask a question I didn’t know I am forcing anything
And that’s a concern of mine as well. Like if I’m feeling angry and they ask I worry about telling them I’m mad
If it's a chick, I won't say anything. Because it's probably a test and she's going to judge me.
Well shit tests are real in that specific context but if it’s someone you have seen before like at the gym you wouldn’t answer her?
@BarryLiverstone I would still lie. I just don't trust women.
They re just being polite
you can say i don’t feel well and they would just say good and walk away…
it make no sense to me to ask people this if you dont’ care just keep quiet but people are weird
Depend on the person if you are comfortable with or not
It's being polite your not giving a weather report or a phycological report.
Right. But if I feel angry and someone asks how I feel it’s hard to lie yk
Sometimes I say I'm good
Sometimes I say how I'm really feeling
Depends on my mood, I guess
I'm always honesty, they're just being polite. Most often, they don't even notice when I respond to their question of, "How are you?" with the words, "Awful! How are you?".
Depends on who is asking. My doctor wants to know the truth. My friend ma probably don't. I will probably tell them I am hungry if I am though.
I just say fine
So you assume they are being polite. If you trusted them would you be more honest?
Oh why is that?
I see, so you are being safe
I always say I’m good.
How would someone know if you are not good?
I think it’s hard to tell because even on these days when I don’t feel good I act like my usual self (for the most part). I’ll talk and laugh about things. Sometimes I can get quiet and get lost in my thoughts, so if someone knows me well and pay attention could notice this, but usually, I try not to show it.
m case by case scenario... lol
Wdym?
I mean, there's a lot of different scenarios in which this same question can be asked... and there's many levels of familiarity with the people that are asking you this question... they could be strangers, they could be your close friends, they could ask you after a long time since you two last met, or maybe you two spoke yesterday, maybe it's a random interaction that happens by chance like the store or something
it could be about moods, personalities and also the moment, maybe they mean it because it's needed, maybe they're just being polite
let's give it a try... lol
How are you feeling Barry?
How are you really feeling Barry?
How have you been Barry?
How is it going Barry?
How are you Barry?
Are you alright Barry?
All good Barry?
You're allowed. But if you're honestly depressing much of the time don't be surprised when the stop asking and maybe start avoiding you. Most people ask that as a greeting most the time they don't really want to know that much.
Depends who asks
If it’s someone you trust
Oh so saying you are good is code for gtfo
Okay
If they ask I tell them.
Even if you feel Im one extreme?
I just say I'm fine, it's not the truth but they don't care so I won't bother them.
"Never better."
depends on the person
Just be honest
I usually lie
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