Is it rude to have a conversation in front of someone in a language you know they can't understand?

[Anonymous]

I was at an event the other day, and I had already met this woman. She knows I don't speak Polish, and she is talking with her colleague.. who was a speaker at the event, so I know he speaks English.. and we're standing at the same table at the reception and they're talking to each other in Polish... But then we ended up having a really LONG conversation later... which was probably a waste of my time because I found out 80% through the conversation that she has a husband (she didn't have a wedding ring on)... But anyway, that bothered me.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. "I was at an event the other day, and I had already met this woman. She knows I don't speak Polish, and she is talking with her colleague.. who was a speaker at the event, so I know he speaks English.. and we're standing at the same table at the reception and they're talking to each other in Polish..." I understand how you feel, as my girlfrend is Chinese-American and most of her friends are Chinese-Americans. They all came to the US when they were adults, English is not their native language, and they will never be as comfortable conversing in English as they are in Mandarin.

Whether this is rude depends TO SOME EXTENT on the intention of the speakers. Are they trying to exclude you from ther conversation, are they talking about you, or are they merely happy to have an opportunity to speak their native language to someone else who is also fluent? You can't KNOW the answer to this question, since you don't know what they are talkng about. . . but I give my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt, as well as others, and assume they have merely overlooked the fact that I am standing there shrouded in fog of not understanding their conversation.

And, yes, sometimes it gets aggravating. I KNOW!

2. "But then we ended up having a really LONG conversation later... which was probably a waste of my time because I found out 80% through the conversation that she has a husband (she didn't have a wedding ring on)... But anyway, that bothered me." If a woman is married but not wearing a wedding ring, either

a. she has never worn a weddng ring (there are a few women in this category,)

b. she is not wearing the wedding ring because the relationship has failed though not yet legally dissolved.

[RavVid]

It is I think but the rudeness level can vary. If it were two people amongst a dozen I would not be fussed with them speaking their native language. If it was just you and the two polish speakers than i would find it ruder that they were excluding you. They could have said excuse but it is so rare I get to speak polish or made some acknowledgement like that. I would have walked away when it was clear they weren't going to include you.

[Asker]

I was eating … limited places with tables but I was there first. And they were visiting the US from Poland

[RavVid]

Hmmh. I would think it rude then given they could speak English.

[Anemone978]

I find it rude when people do that but I been around that sort of thing with my ex's family so often that I would just sit there and zone out. They would be calling me and it would take me awhile to realize they were talking to me LOL Then later on I just started being on my phone most visits because it was boring and no one would talk to me even though they all know English...

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's rude no. Do you think maybe the fact that it you felt your time was wasted is carrying over into feeling upset at her just in general?

[MuskratLove]

I have an opinion.