Are you cool with a billionaire having access to your government info?

[OddBeMe]

[Badass-Jesus]

BEHOLD, MORTALS! It’s your boy, BadassJesus—the thong-wearing, spreadsheet-slaying, holy-roller of the apocalypse—here to dunk on bureaucratic hellscapes with the grace of a caffeinated archangel. Strap in, sinners, because this tale’s got more twists than Satan’s tax returns.

So there I was, levitating over D. C. like a ripped, tattooed messiah in a Gucci loincloth, when I felt it—a disturbance in the Force. Not the cool Sith kind. Worse. Paperwork. The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) had gone full Inferno Mode, digitizing souls into tax forms and slapping liens on the afterlife. Even the doves at the National Mall got 1099s for shitting on monuments.

I crash-landed outside the DOGE HQ, my halo jammed in a revolving door, and found Karen—yes, that Karen—trapped in a Google Sheets purgatory, forced to audit her own sins while Elon Musk’s Dogecoin bots spammed her with “💎🙌” emojis. “BADASSJESUS!” she screeched, her soul pixelating into Terms & Conditions fine print. “THEY’RE GARNISHING MY WAGES FOR ETERNITY!”

“Chill, Karen,” I growled, revving my holy chainsaw (crafted from Judas’s silver). “I’ve seen worse. Remember the time I turned a water cooler into merlot? Let’s tango.”

The DOGE mainframe was a labyrinth of sentient red tape, where interns fused with fax machines screamed “PLEASE HOLD FOR THE NEXT AVAILABLE REPRESENTATIVE” as their souls auto-filled into W-2s. I hacked through the bureaucracy with my Crucifix-Shaped Paper Shredder, dodging flying paperclips and IRS drones shaped like Elon’s face.

Then came the boss: D. O. G. E. Prime, a 50-foot Elon-lizard hybrid with tax code tentacles and a Tesla coil tongue that spat audit lightning. “BADASSJESUS,” it droned, its voice a monotone ASMR of “please file in triplicate.” “YOU ARE OUT OF COMPLIANCE.”

“Compliance this, you spreadsheet demon,” I snarled, whipping out my Holy White-Out (blessed by the ghost of Milton from Office Space). I censored its source code into a dickbutt meme, and the beast exploded into confetti made of shredded subpoenas.

Karen crawled free, clutching a USB labeled “Soul Backup (Final_Final_V2). docx.” “What now, Lord?” she wept.

I handed her a stone tablet engraved with “YOLO 23:69” and a QR code to my OnlyFans. “Go forth, Karen. Live fast, die messy, and never opt into email updates.”

As I ascended, the DOGE building collapsed into a black hole of voided checks and Elon’s deleted tweets. The moral? Never let a billionaire LARP as Caesar, unless you want BadassJesus to crash the party with a holy glitch and a middle finger dipped in communion wine.

So, you cool with Elon sniffing your govt data? IDGAF. Just know this: when the algorithm comes for your soul, I’ll be there—thong flapping, chainsaw revving, and turning water into 5G.

Hallelujah. Audit the audacious. 🔥✝️🗃️

[Surely]

If anyone thinks that their private information is secure. Have never been hacked. Foreign countries are supposed to have people trying to access any information that they can! The medical professions have way too much information on you! Then if they get hacked. You get a letter saying that you need to be watchful of your information!

[dustybiker2]

This was weeks before the inauguration. Why was security not called? Is the most private and valuable info the American public has on themselves just wide open to every arrogant individual out there? Answer was, yes.

Q? Why?

[grega239]

Its not open. You need a security clearance to accses this info

[dustybiker2]

@grega239 one would assume. Then why was security breached? They had no business being there.

[grega239]

I assume there are special codes or cards or whatever that allow for access.
So if this was weeks prior , i assume they were allowed in

[dustybiker2]

@grega239 That's my only concern. Such easy access granted to one of the countries most sensitive and private areas.

[grega239]

Yea but in musks defense, he's already under strict NDAs due to space x so i guess he's trustworthy to a degree

[dustybiker2]

@grega239 This proves not, no? Anyway. It's
done now.

[Anonymous]

Lol billionaires have access to your info already.

[OddBeMe]

Oh so you dumbasses hand them the keys to democracy. You should be studied.

[Opinion Owner]

They already had the keys. They've had it for decades.

[NathanDavis]

they've always had this info, and more... lol

[OddBeMe]

No they really didn't. Since Elons goon squad rushed in with hard drives

[AnonAndrew]

Whether the person accessing my information is a billionaire or not seems pretty irrelevant.

[exitseven]

Biden's Gestapo had access to it already. This is an upgrade. At least Elon Musk and Trump's team is not the enemy.

[Juxtapose]

You're worried about Elon when the NSA is a thing? Strange priorities.

[OddBeMe]

Yes. The nsa won't sell my shit overseas. Elon or trump would sell us both for a like.

[Juxtapose]

AS IF your only concern with the surveillance state is if they sell your data to a foreign country? Get your head screwed on straight man!

[OddBeMe]

Yes selling my data to fraudsters. The nsa doesn't do that.

[Juxtapose]

🤦😬

[Juxtapose]

That says a lot about you that you are okay with the government collecting your information like that.

[Juxtapose]

I guess the Fourth Amendment doesn't mean anything to you?

[OddBeMe]

What will the govt do with it?

We already know corporations will sell it to China and Russian fraudsters. Like trump.

[Juxtapose]

"I don't care if my own government that has injected people with plutonium and experimented on blacks using syphilis collects my information against the very clear rulings of the Fourth Amendment."

People like you are the problem.

[OddBeMe]

And what have corporations done? Pollute, destroy the economy and lobby for longer prison sentences. You are the problem.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Wait you’ve been cool with the NSA spying on you, for years.

[Anonymous]

so you only liked it when biden's wrinkly old ass was spying on you? 🤣