Are incels victims of a society that rejects them, or do some of them push people away through their own beliefs?

Question

I've been thinking about this because the whole incel topic is more complicated than people sometimes make it seem.

For those who don't know, incel stands for involuntary celibate. It generally describes people, often men, who want romantic relationships but struggle to find them. I can understand how years of loneliness and rejection can damage someone's confidence and make them feel invisible.

But here's where things get complicated. Some incels turn their pain into resentment toward women, blaming them for their loneliness or believing that looks, height, and money determine everything. Some even become hostile toward women who have done nothing to them.

I think loneliness deserves compassion, but does that mean we should excuse hatred? Nobody is entitled to another person's love or attraction, yet mocking people for struggling with dating doesn't help either.

I also wonder whether social media makes things worse by encouraging people to compare their looks, lifestyles, and relationships with everyone else. When someone already feels undesirable, constantly seeing those comparisons might deepen their insecurity.

💭 So here's what I'd really like to discuss:

Do you think incels are mainly victims of rejection and social pressure, or do some of their beliefs make it harder for them to form healthy relationships?

Can someone who has become bitter about dating overcome that bitterness and eventually find love?

And why do you think this subject creates such strong reactions from both men and women?

I'm interested in different perspectives. I don't think every lonely man should be treated as dangerous, but I also don't believe being hurt gives anyone the right to hate or mistreat others. ❤️

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Both. The vitriol has less to do with the simple facts surrounding courtship and mating, and more to do with the lies and double standards therein.
See, when women are lonely, they blame men for not being good enough for women. When men are lonely, they are blamed for not being good enough for women. Any suggestion that women have room to improve in order to find a good man is widely declared to be “misogyny”. Even women who form such conclusions are accused of carrying “internalized misogyny”. Why is literally everything always men’s fault? The fact that the term “incel” is only used to characterize men is hard evidence of the hypocrisy. Millions of women bemoan “Where are all the good men?” as though the species has gone extinct. Are they not involuntarily celibate?
Then there are the perpetuated lies that women only care about personality. You know this is a major contributing factor in the development of resentments, right? Average and even ugly men everywhere absolutely swell with hope that if they are simply kind, funny, bright, hardworking and generous that they have a shot at true love. Yet they are repeatedly rejected in favor of tall, good looking jerks with money who always manage break women’s hearts so they can run back to cry on the shoulder of Quasimodo, who is locked securely in the friend zone. In the unlikely event that a woman realizes that she has always had this good guy in her life and gives him a chance. He’s head over here and she’s just using him until someone better comes along. She’s either going to dump him for the guy that every woman long insists isn’t what she’s truly looking for, or she’s going to cheat on him. The latter, in her mind, is a kindness because she doesn’t want to break his heart by dumping him. Not to his face anyway. It’s better if she doesn’t have to see the heartbreak on his face. That “kindness” is for her sake, not his.
Let’s talk about this “entitlement” double standard too. Men aren’t entitled to women’s affections, but women are entitled to men’s? Men with clear standards and boundaries are widely considered misogynists. This is because of women who think just because they like a guy, he should like her back. Women have been ghosting men for generations before that word was even used in that context, but we’re only supposed to talk about that problem in terms of men ghosting women. As though women are entitled to an explanation for their rejection, but men are not. Quite possibly the most repeated cliche in all of human history is “Where are all the good men?”. This very thought is born of women’s expectations to their pick of men. The book “He’s Just Not That Into You” is barely two decades old and is meant to directly confront women’s expectations to their choice of men.
The double standards run deep and wide, and they are as old as modern romance itself.
Yet, as i write this, i know that there are dozens of pink profiles and more than a few blues on this very site who, if they read it at all, will insist none of this is true and it all stems from misogyny. They are flatly denying the lived experiences of millions of men. They might even comment to tell me to sit down and shut up because everything IS men’s fault. That the whole world would be a better place if women were allowed their lies and hypocrisies, while men are held strictly accountable for their own. Multiples of them will certainly report my response as offensive and it might even be taken down because of it. Happens all the time.

To be fair, more women have resorted to being almost painfully honest about their absurd expectations and there are definitely men who refuse to express appreciation for this reversal of the record. That is where you’re going to find true misogyny. Some women are being brutally honest about their demands and instead of being pleased by this, some incels are screaming “See!!! I told you!!!”. Ell oh ell! Yeah, we know. We have always known. The truth about women has been common knowledge for generations. Literally only women and white knights have attempted to keep the con going. Be glad that the most absurd women are hoisting their red flags high and waving them about. However small the minority of “good” women who actually value personality more highly, they should be easier to spot among the misandrists now. That is a change for the better, however small a consolation that may be.

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

It could go both ways. In my case, it's mostly, if not entirely, because women seem to think that a relationship is as disposable as a tampon: use it for a while and once you've gotten everything out of it that you can, just flush it away and never think about it again. I HOPE it's not gonna be like that with my "present" girlfriend! She broke up with me 5 days ago but I'm pretty sure we still have SOME kind of a connection. I don't see how someone can build up such an incredibly WONDERFUL relationship as the one we have/had, LOADED with plans of our future together and then just throw it all the fuck away in half a heartbeat!!
I, on the other hand, usually cherish my relationships and try to keep them as long as possible! Even if they can't, don't or won't work out to be anything better than just friends.
Well, can you BLAME US? At least in MY POV, it's ALWAYS women that cause the heartache so, once bitten, many times shy! It's like if you're standing on a corner and some guy walks up to you and hits you in the head with a baseball bat and then just walks away. In 10:00, he comes back and hits you again and then just walks away! Every 10:00, he shows up and hits you again and you SEE him coming and, instead of actually moving away or getting him to stop it, you just stand there and let him keep hitting you!! Does THAT sound right? How many times do I have to have my heart broken for, USUALLY, no reason at all before I'm expected to just give up ever TRYING to start up ANOTHER relationship? Now, I'm SURE my "present" girlfriend wasn't another one of those that hits me with the bat but, I'm now at the point where, if I can't make THIS relationship work, eventually, seeing as how it's the farthest into a lifelong relationship as I've ever had before, then, I'm just DONE!!! WHY would I wanna set myself up for ANOTHER hit in the head with a bat if this one doesn't work out?
As for me hating ALL women, no, I don't!! But, BOY FUCKING HOWDY y'all SURE DO go out of your way to MAKE US hate you!!!
"Why won't men approach me, anymore?" Well, maybe it's got SOMETHING to do with the way you've treated men in the past!!
And, you GOTTA be honest, LOADS of women think that a relationship ONLY revolves around how much money he has!!! THAT'S NOT LOVE, darlin'!!! That's superficiality!!! If he goes broke one day and that causes you to leave him because of it, CONSIDER YOURSELF A LIVE-IN WHORE!!
As for tall guys, I've met a number of women who told me that short guys are creepy!! I have no WHY but, that's what they said!! However, I'm 6' 9" and rarely ANY of them have ever tried to give ME a chance!!
And, yeah, girls (if not most people) select by looks! I DO like a pretty girl but, it's not mandatory! I used to have a crush on a really sweet girl who everyone else said was fat and ugly, she smoked clove cigarettes, had a voice that could peel paint and usually wore bizarre make-up; like, extending the eyeliner to her cheeks and drawing huge spirals with it on each cheek but, I loved her for her personality!! THAT'S what's important!!
1. From my standpoint, I would say it usually has nothing, or close to it, to do with a guys beliefs
2. Yes! OBVIOUSLY, I've done it several times, ALWAYS to get the bat in the head each time!!
3. I don't now, does it? OBVIOUSLY, women aren't changing their tune and CONTINUE to treat men the same way or, there wouldn't be so many of us!!
In the first place, I'm not in ANY way, shape or form, dangerous!!! Secondly, I don't mistreat EVERYONE based on the actions done to me by the few!! I had a guitarist in my band 30-some years ago who kept trying to get me into serious trouble, for some reason but, I have no hatred for all other guitarists!!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Just guys struggling to find a partner and flourish in soceity. Most are just young men who struggle to get a girl and drop it when they do, others are older men bitter at divorce

Taranis_Thunor · Answer

"But here's where things get complicated. Some incels turn their pain into resentment toward women, blaming them for their loneliness" Wow blaming the very people rejecting you for making you lonely how terrible. Women can't be made accountable for anything. The internet has definitely not made women extremely entitled because of the flood of men simping over them in DM's and elevating these women's sense of worth to be above being worthy of most of the male population.

If you listen to incel's you'll quickly find it's feminism ruining mens lives, squeezing everything out of them and pushing them to the bottom of society because of women's Marxist resentment.

Also it's been proven that despite that, women still have more bigotry to men then men do towards women.

Hm maybe it shouldn't always be men having to take responsibility then? But oh no we can't suggest that, because men have always been the sacrificial lamb to beat down.

Hatred is something you learn. Why shouldn't a natural emotion be excused? This is how we enforce a moral order.

I am 6'4'' but just the fact I'm autistic is enough to put women off me entirely so forgive me for being a little bitter in return. I dread to think how hard it must be for the short manlet men who are completely invisible to women.

"And why do you think this subject creates such strong reactions from both men and women?" Women hate men and any men they don't find attractive they'll filter out the gene pool so they go extinct as a lineage.

It's harsh, especially as in pagan religion having children is tied in with reincarnation (I am a Pagan).

ohsheeT · Answer

I think it goes deeper than that I think that some men have been rejected all their lives and they are just women haters

Or they got cheated on

But even if you look on here some of the questions or answers that men ask it's like they're insecure and that's no way to be in life

I think that there are men that don't even know that they are women haters

But like I said you can read in some of the answers or questions on here and it will kind of tell their own story of what went wrong and why they don't believe in themselves or women but I think it has something to do with their confidence in being able to communicate to take care of to love not only themselves but other people and if they don't have that they don't have anything really

OneViewpoint · Answer

The majority of these Incels are the bottom of the barrel where men are concerned. Yeah they've been screwed over by women. Because they chose to pursue the bottom of the barrel gold digging women who were "hot". They got burned because they made bad choices and in true loser fashion, instead of admitting their own part in their misery and taking accountability for it, they latch onto the Red Pill movement and get into woman hating. All of their problems are someone else's fault. They are gonna be alone for life. And there's nothing you can do to save them in most cases. Think of them like alcoholics or drug addicts. They have to turn themselves around.

And this is not exclusive to men. Women do the same sort of things. There are idiots on both sides. But fortunately, the idiots are a minority. The world is not ending. And most people exist in the middle of the bell curve. Not horrible. Not perfect. Just trying to get by in life.

Chayce · Answer

I have zero compassion for anyone who just expects things to be handed to them. Work on your social skills, looks, and overall life, and see what that does for you instead of crying about it and hating women. What woman wants to be with a greasy loser who plays video games all day.

msc545 · Answer

Incels are victims of women who reject them because of the unreasonable standards and demands of women.

Pterodon · Answer

I believe most of our troubles are of our own making

Are incels victims of a society that rejects them, or do some of them push people away through their own beliefs?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why are incels humiliated and despised?

Are incels victims of a society that rejects them, or do some of them push people away through their own beliefs?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why are incels humiliated and despised?

We're glad to see you liked this post.