Do I tell her about my inexperience?

[Anonymous]

I am 23 years old and I have never been on a date before. I haven’t even got close to getting my first kiss yet. The furthest I have ever gotten with a girl was a single hug. I get almost to the point of a nervous break down whenever I try to talk to a girl that I find attractive. I am trying to work on trying to talk to girls, and I am improving very slowly. I am hoping that with enough work I’ll be able to get a date by the time I reach age 25.

My question is whenever I do manage to get a date/ if I ever get lucky enough to get my first girlfriend should I tell her about my past/ inexperience?

To be honest I would have no idea what to do on a date, let alone know how to kiss, or do anything like that. I have been told by my friends that it would be a major turn off to tell a girl about my inexperience, and at all costs never ever mention it. I just thought it would let her know that I might make a lot of rudimentary mistakes, and she could cut me some slack. Also make her feel special that I finally was able to open up to her. I am just looking for a second opinion. I suspect that most will agree with my friends.

Thanks everyone!

Updates

+1 y

I have a follow up question. In a scenario that I get my first girlfriend and we really like each other and stay together for 6 months to a year. Should I tell her then about my inexperience? Or should it be something that just dies with me?

[redheadbabygirl]

Awwwwwwwwww!

Well, I don't think that you have any obligation to tell the girl all that, so just work your way up to it (slowly) and go with what you feel. I've said this before, but it's true. If you feel awkward, go for the really really outgoing girls (that's actually what I am, so I know what I'm talking about) and they'll do it all for you! I personally wouldn't be turned off if I found out that the guy was inexperienced (I'm a virgin, had 2 boyfriends, so most people consider me fairly green lol) I would actually find it rather cute as long as he wasn't too self-conscious about it. In other words, if whenever you discuss it you find yourself bemoaning your lack of experience, you're probably better off not bringing it up.

Don't be afraid. We don't bite! If you have a lottttt of trouble asking a girl out in person, then send her an email or text her. That way, you can't back out. Keep trying, and somebody will say "yes"! And don't assume all the attractive girls are taken. I'd say that a good 50% of the time they're not, or at least not exclusive with anybody and a lot of times they are date-less too.

Good luck! If you need more advice, just comment/message me. Hope all goes well!

[Asker]

Thanks! I tried out a online personals site since posting my question. I e-mailed a couple of girls and I got lucky and one girl actually wanted to talk to me! . It felt wonderful. I even got her phone number, and intended to try and get a date sometime next week. I must have said something wrong to her because she doesn’t seem to talk to me anymore. I haven’t been able to get a hold of her for about five days now. Oh well. I'll keep tryng to message more women. We will see what happens. :)

[redheadbabygirl]

GREAT!!!!!! I'm so glad this was helpful!

[TSparks]

From my point of view, there is no need to go out of a way to tell a girl about ur relationships or lack of, if she likes you then she likes you for you anyway and previous experience doesn't matter.

If she happens to ask about previous girlfriends etc, be honest but only share what makes you feel comfortable, I'm sure that if you say you haven't had much experience then she will know not ask any more questions.

Ive been out with a guy in the same sort of situation as u, I was his first proper girlfriend and I had had a couple by then, I respected him for being honest with me and I think the fact that he was so honest with me and me to him, allows us to be friends even though we are no longer together.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. How did your ex boyfriend tell you about his inexperience? I am glad that for some girls it doesn't matter much. I guess I just have to remember that if a girl likes me, my experience level doesn't matter. I'll keep trying to tell myself that whenever I do finally get some dates. :)

[the-sweetest-thing]

Just go with the flow, don't mention your past. Keep all of that a mystery.

Keep things light, and think about dating as meeting new people who could potentially be something more, and at the worst, you end up with a great friend. Don't think about anything too much, just relax and wait for the magic to happen. There's a reason for everything and everything will fall into place.

As for kissing, its not a big deal. It becomes a natural thing, something you don't have to think about. Watch some chick flicks (I know.. but its helpful) and pick up some great kissing tips from those.

[Asker]

Thanks for the help. I really hope that everything will fall into place. I would absolutely love to know what it is like having a girlfriend. I don't think it will take me all that long. It just keeps bugging me what I have missed out so far that I will never get back. I am not getting any younger. I have missed out on years of experience. I hope a lot of this comes naturally like kissing. I will find a girl that likes me one day. :)

[the-sweetest-thing]

No problem, and don't worry everything happens for a reason and everything WILL fall into place. Think of it this way = maybe you're the lucky one who doesn't have to go through a lot of people that hurt them before they find the right one. She's out there! You just haven't come across her yet. :)

[Jolly-Green-Giant]

Hey, I know what you mean. Despite I'm a bit younger then you but anyway as far as the kissing goes, as corny as this sounds, relax and your instincts will take over.

As far as the inexperience thing goes I told a girl that I didn't really have any previous girlfriends and what not but she was cool about it and honestly you can't really mess up. I think the key is being yourself and being consistent. It is super rough but what I made myself go up to a random girl at a somewhere you eat lunch at or a starbucks and just ask if you could join them. Almost always they would say yes. hope this helps some

[Jarett]

No, you don't want to mention your inexperience unless it comes up. If she asks you about your past just let her know that you're very picky, and that you don't date just to date,

You need to start working on your self confidence. Stop putting girls up on pedestals. They are the same as you, but different body parts. Just be calm, cool, and confident. If you don't have confidence, fake it until you get it. Girls love guys who are confident.

Shoot me an email, and we can talk more about it. [e-mail]

[Asker]

Faking confidence certainly helped me when I was talking to that girl over the internet last week. Maybe she figured me out and that is why she doesn't talk to me anymore. They are the same as me, aren't they. I have never thought about it that way. That will help me a lot. I'll start trying to work on my self confidence. I have been making a lot of progress over the last couple of months. I don't think it will take me all that much longer to start dating, and getting some experience. Thanks!

[Jarett]

That's good that you've been getting better. It took me until I was like 21 before I started gaining real confidence to talk to girls. Our self confidence is only as high as how we see our flaws. If you have a bunch of flaws that you focus on, then your self confidence not be very high because of it. One thing that helped me gain confidence was going to the gym. I am not huge by any means, but I started to get a little bigger, and definitely increased my confidence.

[ageofabenius]

I know that's one of the things my girlfriend liked about me, although I'm younger than you are now. I wouldn't tell her this on the first date though, or maybe at least try to ease into it. You could tell her you've never had a real girlfriend before. And on talking to girls, it might help to try talking to girls you find attractive without trying to ask them out, just talk to them as a friend, it might help make you less nervous.

[-StillWater-]

No...you shouldn't tell her right away...but if she seems like she notices your lack of experience...then just lightly mention to her that you haven't had a lot of experience... :)

It's no biggie! In fact I would even find it very cute! And potentially very sexy!

It would give me a chance to teach you things that other guys think they know since they've done a lot of things with a lot of girls...but pretty much suck at it! haha xD

[Anonymous]

A cousin of mine is in the exact same situation as you, and we helped him out a lot by giving him a book actually lol... Try reading "The Mystery Method" by Mystery. or whatever it's called. The book gives REALLY good advice on how to do everything you mentioned in a relationship, and I even thumbed through the book and totally agree with pretty much everything it advises. Good luck :)

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I will definitely check it out. :) How well did it help your cousin? I couldn't imagine a cousin of mine giving me something like that. lol My aunts and uncles are always asking me when I am going to get a girlfriend. But I have never had that conversation with a cousin. I am the oldest child in my entire extended family. But the only one who has never has a SO. So maybe that is why they haven't helped me? I don't know, but it doesn't really matter. It is my own fault. :)

[Anonymous]

I think it's a good idea. If you do, and she's the right kind of person, she'll hopefully take it slow for you. If you're a bit nervous to tell her... then do when/if the relationship starts to get more serious... I wouldn't find it a major turnoff if some guy said that to me, so I doubt any others would...

[thatonechick]

if the girl in inexperienced too, it might make her more comfortable. I wouldn't be turned off by it.

[Anonymous]

yes you really should. personally I think its a turn off when guys have too much experience especially since I'm inexperienced myself. you should definitely tell her and good luck =)