Can guys and girls live together?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 15 months has a new female roommate, she moved in about a week ago. He's had female roommates before and it has NEVER bothered me (we live in NYC, so everyone has a roommate). BUT this girl is different. She's a flirt (just naturally, it seems), she's semi-attractive and she wears revealing clothing. I trust my boyfriend, and I know if a man wants to cheat, he can do it anywhere...he doesn't have to do it with a female roommate. But I'm just not comfortable with her being there. I know I have to talk to him about this, because it is eating me up inside, but I don't know how to talk to him without seeming completely insecure and unreasonable. And I don't even know what can be done at this point.

[kholland65]

Depends on their relationship, depends on him, depends on your relationship, etc.

I've had friends who all lived in a house with mixed company. It was never a problem, but these were life long friends so it was like family living together, the girls also being GF's in some cases of the guys friends.

I also had a buddy who lived with a girl who oddly enough was formally a stripper. As you would expect she was quite "crazy". He said it was not uncommon for her to walk around with her top off, naked, etc. She just didn't care. One time he said she called him out of his room to the living room, only for him to find her and her 3 friends just sitting there drinking topless. He had a Girlfriend the entire time. He never once cheated on her or even came close to it. He had no interest in the girl. Don't get me wrong, he enjoyed the free eye candy he was getting but he never did anything more than look. This is also coming from a guy who has been known to cheat before.

Let's put it this way. If he wants to cheat he will cheat, if not with her someone else, so having a female roommate won't change that. If he doesn't want to cheat, having a female roommate isn't going to all of a sudden change that, baring that she doesn't roofy him or something and rape him. In my opinion, aside from getting drugged or sh*t faced drunk, cheating is a choice. You did it because you want it to. It didn't "just happen" Circumstances don't make you cheat, they just give you the opportunity to do what you have been wanting to do all along. If he's going to cheat, let him, that way you know he's a cheater and you can move on instead of find out later on when the next opportunity arises.

[Anonymous]

Well, you know what? You ARE insecure. If you bring this up with any expectations like him moving out or kicking her out, then you ARE unreasonable TOO. If you're so uncomfortable, then plainly you don't trust him. No, stop, don't say to me "I trust him, completely, I just don't trust HER" because that's always bullshit. Always. If you trust him, then you shouldn't have to worry about her. She could try, and it shouldn't matter, because if he's so trustworthy, he'd reject her.

To answer your initial question, yes, guys and girls can live together. I know a girl who strictly rooms with guys. No it's not a sex thing. She's been roommates with quite a few guys and it's not like she's fucking them. It's not like they turn into something. She's even lived with another of my friends and it was fine between them. So yeah it can happen. Even with all that aside, your fears are irrational. You said you had no problem with the other girls, so there is no reason to worry now.

Present me a good reason why you're so worried all of a sudden or drop it. Because until then, there is nothing more to discuss.

[acka72]

If I were you, Id move in with a male roommate that is not gay. If he has problems with it suggest that you two move in together. Viola! You got rid of her and it seems like its all his idea.

I don't think your jealousy is insecurity. Its natural and we are all human and we all make mistakes including your boyfriend. So its about manipulating the situation and being smart about it.

[patoot10]

haha what a stupid plot .. give the girl a break

[CrissyBlue]

It's totally okay to have the feelings you have. Don't worry too much though, he has opportunities to cheat all the time... Maybe this is more or less tempting but let your trust in him take over.

I wouldn't b comfortable in your position but if there are lots of roommates, and not ONLY THEM, then I'd worry a LOT less. Just don't think about it.

[Asker]

Thank you---this is an excellent statement "let your trust in him take over."

[CrissyBlue]

Welcome! :)

[Anonymous]

In my opinion if he has has previous female roommates and nothing has happen, I don't think you should worry about it, that just shows you that he respects his relationship with you. Girls can be flirty and wear sexy clothes but it takes two to tango. if h wanted to cheat he could of done it in the past or can do it in the future.

[EZlats]

I don't know if you're living with him too or not. Either way, tell him you're not really comfortable with the way that new roommate girl acts. You can't tell him you don't trust him with a girl, you said yourself he's had female roommates in the past. Just let it be known that it makes you uncomfortable, you can't force him to move or to kick this girl out.

It only sounds like insecurity from you when you say you're thinking he's going to do something, not that you think she might try to get him to. And it's not unreasonable as long as you stay calm and don't give him ultimatums.

[ryanontario]

its not that unusal for guys to have a female roommate , I had one a couple years ago and nothing ever happened between us . if she knows he 's allready dating someone I doubt she'll try and do anything with him . she'll likely be out on the town picking up single guys and going to clubs on weekends

[Pedantic]

Is it good policy to have extra temptations around? No.

Can it work? Yes.

There may be nothing you can do about it now, but when his lease is up, he should try for male roommate - not because anyone thinks he is dishonest or can't control himself, but just a matter of good practice.

[Konnour]

Have sex as often as possible, as much as possible.

When he will be sated/won't be horny in your time apart, you can count on there gonna be zero chances of cheating!

[ManaX]

Sort of. Had 6 girls and 6 guys on a house and nothing happned. If you're uncomfortable though no harm in bringing it up as an issue.

[sweet_18]

tell him that you're a little concerned and if he's considerate, he'll be extra careful around her

[SandraSlip]

Umm...why not? No big deal.

[ashtonm]

Hell no!