She broke up with me because I took her for granted?

[Someone1]

She broke up with me because I was taking her for granted, and the reason why I was taking her for granted was because she liked me too much, I never really got the chance or breather to show my appreciation back.

When she broke up I realized what a huge mistake I made losing her, but she still didn’t want to give the relationship a chance?

What is going on here?

If she was the one being more committed to the relationship then why would she first of all break up and then not give me chance to work it out? :s

Was she perhaps never committed? Or if she was how can I get her back? Because I really miss her.

[fateandfaith]

I'm new here. How do I see if this was posted new or waaay long before? :) Did you get her back? I just want to say, I'm the girl like your ex, I left someone who took me for granted. Same with you when I was gone, that's when he realized. Not because you didn't screw up major does not mean your recklessness of our heart did not do any damage. From my POV, I don't want to get back with him even if we were together for 5 1/2 years because, you guessed it yourself, she said she gave you many chances, she saw you as I saw my ex, a recidivist. We fear it's a vicious cycle. It has been almost 4 years and I heard he hasn't gotten into a long term relationship again since me. A lot of women do not like the chase, if we love someone we don't want the chase, we want what's real, something we can grasp. She and I just, in the simplest explanation, we surprised ourselves that we can be happy without you. I still believe in fate, so maybe down the line, you still will be together, but you both must grow apart first. Hope this helps! If i'm too late, sorry :(

[NoOneListens21]

lol. wow. hahhahahaah. it's her fault? For liking you too much. it just seems worded wrong but still seems wrong even if you didn't mean it that way. But I understand. =P

Becuase you took her for granted. How exactly were you planning on working it out? You just said she didn't give you space to appreciate what she does for you yet you think that you would have gotten around to it...sometime? lol. She left because of that and that alone. Sometimes you don't know what you got til it's gone and after that point it may be too late.

I believe if you love someone you should be able to do those things that makes the other person appreciate you without them taking advantage because they should be willing to do the same for you.

If you really want her back you can try but who know sif she will.

[Someone1]

I have begged and plied over the phone, she won't meet me up, she is too scared to see me hurt.

What is her problem?

Sometimes I feel she was over exatterating her appreciation for me to compensate for her so called unappreciation that she maybe felt but diden't tell me about?

[NoOneListens21]

If she sees you and she still cares about you then she might cave in and take you back. It would be easier for her to stay away. maybe. what have you said to her to try to convince her?

[Someone1]

How can I convince her? She won't meet up with me, she says there is no reason to? Why should we meet up what would we do? We can't just pretend like nothing happened (meaning the break-up)

In her mind she seems to think it's lost and destroyed, but It's not! If she could only let me fix it!

[NoOneListens21]

She's mad. I'd be too. Hopefully you'll learn to appreciate her and not just when you lose her or are about to lose her. You should do something nice for her. Tell her that you won't ever make her feel anything less than what she is truly worth because you love her and you will never take her for granted again. That she should take this chance because she wanted you and not only do you want her but you need her.

[Someone1]

How should I pick up the communication? I mean we haven't talked for over a week a half now...and anything I've said before no matter how much I begged and pleaded hasen't worked...what is going with her? What can I say this time differently? Or how do I show her that I want her back for real?

[embemm99]

I know you posted this awhile ago but how did it end up? - Basically same thing with me and my ex (I'm the girl in your story) and basically 3 weeks before we broke up I told him "I know that you care about me but you don't show me that you care about me" and he said he did etc but nothing changed so I ended it and all I want from him is to tell me he 110% cares and wants to be together and we could get back together... we broke up last week and I'm not going to contact him at all!

I did see him 5 days ago and he treated me like we were still together (tried to kiss hello etc) and I didn't reciprocate and he was really surprised!

Sorry again for asking you about this! I just need the guys perspective! THANKYOU

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

What's going on here?" Perhaps she's interested in or her needs are being met by another guy, or she changed what she wants in a man, which you no longer fit. Other possibilities are her feeling that she has given you her all and can't give anymore or he feelings for you now are platonic.

If I were you I would talk to her face to face and if at all doable, fight for her. I would disregard any phone conversations or texts until she tells me to my face that she doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Good luck.

[Someone1]

I honestly don't know the exact reason for breaking up, but I know there is a male best friend that she has invested feelings in and yes she did say she has given me her all and that she no longer can give more...but I told her she diden't needed to do that anymore and that I would show her more appreciation and love.

I have tried to setup a meeting face 2 face but she keeps avoiding me, maybe I should just say it ain't over until we meet or something?

[Someone1]

She said she is avoiding contact because she don't want to see me hurt and that there is no point for us to meet? If she id really trying to forget about me that hard that means she still has feelings for me right? And is she avoiding to meet me up because she don't want a real break?

Or is she simply a coward maybe? She did unfriend me from Facebook she had told me earlier that it hurt her to see me online?

Why is she trying so hard to make things worse and not work it out instead?

[Someone1]

Is there a way to make her take down her shield and realize that it's OK to give the relationship another shot?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Don't set up a meeting, because she's going to avoid you. Go see her(unannounced) and try and talk to her! It's hard to tell the exact reason why she is avoiding you, perhaps it's to resist the urge to get back with you or to ease the pain of the break up. Man, you're going to have to throw all of your cards on the table and fight for her. If you still have a chance with her, then texting and calling isn't going to get it done to get he back. Go see her!

[Someone1]

It has kind of spiralled off a bit, she is scared to meet me up, If I would show up uninvited I think it would make things worse? How would she react? And what would I say to her once there?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

First off, back off a bit, because you don't want to appear desperate, or else you will scare her. Break contact with her for a few days, then send her flowers and a card apologizing and saying that you want her in your life even if it's as friends(that should be enough to get her gaurd to come down), then no contact for 2 days(she needs space right now). When you do touch bases with her, be sure to tell her how much she means to you without pressuring her to come back to you(the goal is to-

[Someone1]

Ok fair enough, but it's been almost one and half week since we spoke last time and 3 weeks since we broke up and she hasen't been so keen to speak with me plus she is out of town so I have a hard time knowing when she will be back to send her flowers and card etc...

Is it a good idea to send her a text? In that case what should I write to her?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

show tell and show her how you appreciate her without coming off as clingy(basically the way she treated you. Give it a week before you visit with her. Tell her how much she means to you and tell her why you took her for granted and why you wouldn't do that to her again. Again, you're going to have to prove yourself to her, so court her all over again my friend. She should resist the meeting some, but not to a point of dismissing it. Exhaust all options to get her back; regret nothing.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

In that case, yes, text her. Briefly mention that you miss her and then wish her a safe trip. Do you know any of her girlfriends or family mambers, are you cool with them? Her girlfriends, particularly her best friend could be a great way to smooth things over for you.

[Someone1]

She had called me 2 weeks after NC from my side, she was worried, we talked at first I thought I would make it a short conversation but it lasted for 2,5 h and I got to explain my feelings to her. It felt good to talk to her, then 4 days after on Sunday she wrote to me and started asking me how I was and was trying to re-establish a friendship with me, I told her I was not interested in being friends with her since it woulden't work, she was sad about that.

[Someone1]

And told me that it felt like she was loosing a best friend, I basically explained why I couldn’t just be friends with her because It would make me feel worse in the long run because I was still in love with her. Now my question is, what can I do about this weird situation, I basically told her that she had to choose between wanting me there or not. I said it's either love or hate from my side all in-between would be fake and wouldn’t work she was of course sad about that.

[Someone1]

We then got into the actual causes of the break-up and I felt like I was getting got points acrossed because she was actually realizing that the reasons she used for breaking up with me was not so valid, so I don't know now, what should I do? Stay low? Try not to be friends with her or be friends? Give in or completly shut out? What is best in these type of situations?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I think that you said the right things by telling her the condition in which you will be in her life. Since she realized her reasons to break up aren't valid, I think that you should continue your efforts to win her back because she is still emotionally attached to you, unless of course she strongly conveys that she needs space. If she wants space, then call her weekly to tell her what she means to you. You should also send a couple of good morning texts to her weekly wishing her a good day.

[Someone1]

Nice, I am not sure what if she got my points acrossed as valid because this was on MSN but she stopped writing after we seriously got into the actual causes so I kind of interpt that as she got it. On the sidenote of things she also broke up with me because she started to get a crush on her best male friend, they are not together or anything like that but they keep talking everyday and I fear at the end I might just lose her to him. How should I approach that situation?

[Someone1]

Would sending her texts asking her how she is be a good idea regarding the fact that she actually hurt me? I'm mostly just showing that I am not satisfied with her behavior and that she can't expect to be just me friend that she basically has to choose? It's also her birthday today I was thinking of sending her a message wishing her happy birthday but I'm not sure it kinda goes against my whole approach of not giving her to much expectation on being friends with me. I want to avoid the friend zone.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Continue your efforts in pursuing her, because she is still emotionally attached to you, unless of course she strongly conveys that she needs space. Laying low at this point could be in the other guys favor. Sure, send her a Happy Bday text, and perhaps a card and a single rose. By all means, let your actions reflect your words about gettig her back. Avoiding the friend zone requires doing things that her normal male friends do not do.

[Someone1]

I've talked to her, she wanted to meet up on her birthday but I diden't go because I was unsure of what she wanted, stupid misstake maybe anyways I've talked to her and she feels like she has shut down her emotions off completly for anyone, She said the other guy is sad because she won't open herself up and that she sad because I am sad and that she can't move on until I feel happy again? She wants me to move on and feel happy..should I give her that? Or keep telling her how much she meant to me?

[Someone1]

I've also told her that if I choose to move on, I am not sure if I will ever have feelings for her again...the vibes I'm getting is that she want's to hear what I have to say but won't let me hear what I want to hear from her. She also said she is just friends when I asked her if he has replaced my place in her life, she said she dousen't love him and that she dousen't tell everything to him like she does to me so that gotta be a good sign right? How can I get her to have feelings for me again?

[Someone1]

And on the other side of things, will she lose her feelings for me compeltly if I go with what she want's me to do? Move on and be happy? Maybe she is testing me or something? She did so much to make things work out for us and now she just can't get passed the break-up as if the situation can't be fixed, in her mind she is set on the fact that it won't be good if we get back together how can I show her that it will be different? How can I spark some hope into her and make her belive in us again?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Don't make that mistake again. Take advantage of every opportunity you get to hang with her. Showing in person how you feel(being attentative, sharing laughs and good times together will help her get those feeling back. By all means, HANG WITH HER to renew the connection . Don't give her what she wants because she'll fall for the other guy. Don't give in/up. Be persistent.

[Someone1]

Ok, she said she just want's to see me happy so that she can feel happy? So how can I hang with her without making her think I'm fine and she can move on with the other guy? Isen't she softening the blow by wanting to be friends and reduce her guilt for breakin up with me? She says she has felt really bad since she broke up and shut off her emotions completly she dousen't want to feel anything? :/ What's going on here? What should I do? Wait it out or be there?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Well, if she only wants to hang out as friends without considering the possibilty of reconnecting, then I suggest being her friend from a distance. You don't want to hang with her while she is thinking about or dating this other guy, right? Oh, I agree with you, because it's possible that she's feeling guilty about the break up and thus want to remain friends. Tell her it's not an ultimatum, but you can't be friends with her while she's seeing another guy(if that's what she wants) because your

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

feelings count as well.

[Someone1]

A friend from a distance, meaning anything but meeting up? She might want to meet up today, I don't know what to you say, I suggested the meet up but I'm not sure if it was a good idea since she dousen't really feel like meeting up and plus that she is going out of town for one and half week, maybe it's better to wait until she comes back? By the way how often should I keep contact with her from a distance? Is once a day too much?

[Someone1]

On the other side note of things, how can I inspire her to reconnect? She seems stuck on the bad parts of the break-up I'm not sure if these are valid reasons from her side or if she is trying to justify the fact that she actually left me for another guy but don’t want to feel guilty about it? She talks to that guy everyday I basically asked her the other day if he had taken my spot in her life but she said she doesn’t love him or tell everything to him? Should I believe what she is saying?

[Someone1]

But we don't talk as we used to and she feels distant, I even told her I don't feel good when I distant myself from her, she said she can't give me what I want (meaning getting back togther) I told her I just want a chance, she said she can't give me that because it would go against what she feels, how can I turn this around? She seems so stuck on the bad parts and turning me into something less then I was because of that...why is she doing this?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

No, you should meet up with her every so often. The purpose for being a friend from a distance is to give her space and avoid the emotional attachment that comes with seeing and talking to someone that you love/like. If either of you are hesitant to hang at the moment, then wait until she gets back. Imo, you should contact her at least 2 to 3X a week, because you don't want to appear too available, but you don't want to appear clingy or desperate either. Inspiring her to reconnect should be -

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

done when you're visiting or spending time with her because he can't see your exprssions or feel your vibe over the pnone or by text. Phone communication to get her back should be in addition to face to face contact. She is stuck on the bad things because focusing on the good would mean that she should get back with you now, whick means that she won't be able to see the other guy. She's not willing to give him yet imo. In fact, she may have strong feelings for or a bond with him already, which

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

would explain everything. If you really want her, you may need to appear really desperate to emphasize how much you want her back, or you may need to let her go until she's ready to reconcile with you. Think about for a liitle bit and then make a decision, because whatever you decide is going to require persistence and a lot of patience .

[Someone1]

Yes, we meet up for the first time after the break-up yesterday for like 15 min before she had to leave town again with the train, she didn’t look happy, she gained a lot of weight and she couldn’t look me in the eyes straight most of the time, but we hugged, I kissed her on the check and forehead, I held her in her hands and her waist and she was really sorry for causing me pain. It wasn’t as intense as I thought it would be she still felt close to me but it was like she didn’t want to give me

[Someone1]

any hope for anything. I don’t know what she is thinking and why she is so hang up on us not working together but she keeps saying it woulden't work and it’s her fault also it got bad between us because she is a person that wants a lot out of a relationship and when she don’t get it she becomes grumpy, I told her I don’t care I can handle it, but she says she can’t handle the fact that she becomes grumpy and that we would only fight like her parents in the future.

[Someone1]

She draws a lot of parallels between me us and her parents and her father and me, but it’s not like that at all. As said, she is really stuck on the bad parts of the break-up and this picture in hear head about the relationship turning out to be as her parents, with bitterness, arguing and fighting But it was never the case? My question is, now that she is out of town for like one and half week till next Monday, should I keep in touch with her or stay away most of the time?

[Someone1]

And also what should I talk to her about, should I keep the subjects normal as we always had when we were together or should I keep expressing how much she means to me? Is there a risk to fall into the friend zone If I keep the subjects about what we used to talk about or what subjects would make her most inspired to reconnect? And is texting, internet messaging better then phone conversations in this case when she is out of town or should I combine all.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Hope for the best, bro. I think the other guy is the reason why she's pushing you away. The comparison to her parents is a pretext for her not to be with you right now. Contact her while she's away every 2-3 days. A simple "hello, how are you" can go a long way. Keep the subjects normal, but be all means remind her of how much she means to you. Yes, you'll fall in the friend zone if you don't converse about getting back together or the

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

the relationship. Always remind her that you want her because it creates the sexual tension that is needed to convey to her that you're not just some guy friend of hers. Combine them all if possible, because it emphasizes that she's always on your mind.

[Someone1]

Ok, I’m starting to sense that she is avoiding me at all cost, she hasn’t said anything since Thursday or been online even when I told her to call me later. Last time she wasn’t online she told me it was because she was too depressed, maybe she is doing this so she don't have to deal with her feelings for me? or the guilt I’m bringing on her every time I’m being nice to her? I have a sense that something is not right, and I honestly don't know how I am going to approach her right now.

[Someone1]

I would like to send her a text today just to see how she is, but I have a feeling it might backfire.

I want to keep some form of contact but I don’t know what I should say to her? :s

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Just send her a "hello, how are you" text. If she' s ready to talk, then she'll respond. You may have to back up off some until she's ready to deal with her feelings. Imo, one of the worst things that you can do is to get her to come back to you while/if she has feelings for this other guy. I agree, you should keep contact with her, but do it a pace that gives her time to figure out what she wants.

[Someone1]

Fair enough, but it feels like anything I would say to her right now even a "hello, how are you" would backfire, how can I make her associate positive memories with me first? Is there anything ells I could say to her that can remind her of why she first fell in love with me? And actually open her up for communication instead of me just trying.

[Someone1]

Ok, I contacted her anyways saying "Hi" and just as I thought it backfired, she said, she coulden't talk and that she was busy. I told her I was just checking how she was doing and hoping she was fine and that I would call her tonight after my run. Now the word "Busy" I'm not sure if she meant, busy as in doing something or busy as in I don't want to talk to you right now or Busy as in I'm not available I'm just to scared to find out now...hoenstly don't know what I should say to her tonight.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I suggest not contacting her for a couple of days, becuase she may need to have limited contact with you to clearly think things over. Don't be so eager to contact her right now because the more desperate you appear to get her back, the more she's going to remember how you treated her, which greatly reduces your bargaining/reasoning power with her. Do you know any of her close friends or relatives?

[Someone1]

Ok, so I should not call her tonight as I said I would? Woulden't that be a bad thing since I kinda promised to call? I don't know her friends that well or relatives, maybe her mother but I could call her best friend and talk to her but what would I ask her then? I'm just afraid she is using this limited contact because she don't want to see me hurt she's acting real cold and I'm not sure what she is doing right now and it worries me.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Well, if you promised, then keep it. Yes, contact her best friend and tell her how much your girl means to you. Getting the her best friend to sympathize with you could be very helpful to your cause because she may want to help you win her back. Also, it is a good way to know what she really wants because she'll convey that to her bestie. She's being cold because she needs space, so give it to her. Inthe mean time, try hanging out with someone or doing something that makes you happy.

[Someone1]

I sent her a text instead, saying "Hi, is it okay if I contact you like this or should I back off? I don't want to push you you know :/ It feel like I'm doing it right now" I haven't got any response to that, my worst fear is, she is with that guy now and they have hooked up and she is just too afraid to tell me because she don't want to hurt me on the hopeful side, she is just confused and need some time to think and is not responding because she don't know what to say, what do you think?

[Someone1]

Regarding her best friend the vibes I've gotten from here is basically she just wan'ts to see her friend happy and does not care who she is with. I've talked to her once and she is kinda afraid to talk about touchy subjects it dousen't suit her, I really woulden't know what to say to her plus I'm really afraid now that she would tell me something like they hooked up or something I woulden't know how I would react to that. Honestly I just feel so powerless right now.

[Someone1]

Update: I texted her and it was what I hoped for, she diden't want to put down her feelings that is why she said she coulden't talk, I basically told her I diden't want to push her and that she was free to talk to me whenever. I'm not going to contact her now for a couple of days maybe on Thursday or Saturday or is that too early? Because it feels like I don't know where I have her and I don't want to make myself look desperate to her. I just hope she comes to her senses here is the convo we had

[Someone1]

Later in the evening

Me

Hi, is it okay if I contact you like this or should I back off? I don't want to push you you know :/ It feels like I'm doing it right now

Her

Today I can not talk.

Me

Ok ... has something happened? :/ Are you all right? I Understand if you can not talk .. let me know if you want to talk.

Her

Yeah it is okay but I can not manage to put down any emotions. And I’m going to sleep soon.

Me

I Understand, as I said, I don’t want to push you :/ Sleep well

[Someone1]

Me

Hi

Her

Hi, I can’t talk now.

Me

Ok? Shall I call you later?

Me

I’m going out for a run I’ll hear from me later if you want to talk some tonight nothing serious just want to check what's up with you hope you are doing well

Her

Sure it's good it’s just that I’m busy.

Me

Ok fine I’ll from you later then

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I think that she is confused right now and doesn't want to burn any bridges with you. Friday or Saturday is a good time to contact her because it gives her time to think things over and to miss you. In the meantime, I suggest not usuing phrases such as "I don't won't to push you or is it okay If I contact you later," because she likely associates that with desperateness and/or any qualms that she has about the relationship. Keep trying, man, even if it means exhausting yourself to get her back.

[Someone1]

Ok cool, what should I say to her? It seems all discussion is one sided right now, what could I say to her without making her feel uncomfortable when answering me? I want her to associate positive attributes with me and feel good when she talks to me. Also is she avoiding contact because she is trying to forget about me or is she really that closed in about her emotions and simply too afraid to feel them?

[Someone1]

Btw she is coming back to town on Monday so next week I can setup a meeting with her but still I’m not sure if she's ready or how I am going to go about it without looking needy to her or coming off as I don’t care because I don’t contact her. I can't seem to get what her problem really is, why all this avoidance all of sudden and why she can not open herself up and talk, what is she afraid of really?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Ask about her day and her interests to convey that you are geniunely care about her. Make her laugh(tell jokes or funny stories. Making her laugh can really help your cause. If she seems distant, then give her space. Tell her that you'll call her at a later date to make sure that she's feeling better. Nah, she's avoiding contact because she is still hurt and confused. Remember, it's going to be hard to ge her back, but it's doable.

[Someone1]

I would really like to do that but she really feels distant, I mean I haven't contacted her since last Monday and she has still has not attempted to contact me.

Day after day I feel less encouraged to contact her even though I think about her like all the time. I don't know at this point I feel a bit disappointed, I don't know what she is thinking or doing, I don't know what the next thing for me to do is..I would really like to connect with

[Someone1]

her but I just can’t find a good way to do it without pushing her away :( And I think she is trying to make me jealous or something, she uploaded a crazy party photo on her Facebook cover something she wouldn’t have uploaded if she was with me sitting on some guys knee, it’s like this whole different side of her has appeared or she is trying to get a reaction from people. I don’t know why she is acting this way :/

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

She may simply want to be single at this point without regularly communicating with you. If she doesn't allow you to fight for her, then you can't fight for her! Perhaps you should do your own thing for a while. Go out, socialize, and have fun a bit to get your mind off of her. Give her space and then revisit getting back together with her in a few weeks or so.

[Someone1]

I'm really trying to do my own thing as much as possible, I don't know what she needs, I’ve pretty much given her space and it feels contradictory because one thing she hated in our relationship was when she didn’t get my attention, she literally had to check up on me everyday to make sure I was there for her. Maybe she was insecure or had low self-esteem. And now when I'm not even contacting her? What will she then think? Doesn’t it make things worse? Like at least subconsciously for her

[Someone1]

doesn’t reinforce the idea she has about me not caring enough for her and thus she loosing interest in me because she couldn’t be the one giving more to the relationship. Sometimes I really think deep down she wishes I was there for her but too afraid to give me any hope because she is so unsure of her own feelings right now or I could be wrong and she really don’t care? Either way going NC seems good for my own healing but a bit damaging for the reconciliation processes what can I do better? :/

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

It's always a possiblity that you're wrong, but then again, you may be right. Persistency is the best way to find out, but as I stated, she has to give you a chance to fight for her. She is getting the attention that she needs, from the other guy, and that's why she's distant. SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR HIM TOO. If I were you, I would contact her once or twice a week to convey my feelings for her, or more depending on the reception that she gives me. Imo, you're doing the best that you can to win her

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

back given the circumstances. Just keep in mind that getting her back may be very, very difficult. If you can handle rejection, then keep trying.

[Someone1]

Cool, I contacted her today by text and she responded immediately and it kind went better then I expected, we continued the convo throughout the day, she was open and friendly in the conversation and told me what she thought of me. When it came to serious subjects it took longer for her to response in the messages but she did eventually respond.

[Someone1]

She said she didn’t want me to expect more then just friendship and that she felt I was trying to get closer to her, I was cool about it, when I asked her why she needed me as a friend she said she “Because I need a friend” and when I said to her "you have friends? :/" she responded, "Yeah, but I feel alone, I didn’t feel that way with you." so she probably conveyed that she misses me.

[Someone1]

The feeling I’m getting from her is, she somehow likes me but is afraid to feel any feelings for me? What is the deal with that? And how can I move closer to her without making her feel uncomfortable, I just don’t want to be friend zoned here, I want to be able to touch her and make her feel passion and not just turn it into a platonic friendship.

Is she expecting me to do something to prove to her I still want her? Or what is going on here?

[Someone1]

(She diden't answer this either because it was late and she had already probably slept or because she didn’t know what to say, she will probably come up with something tomorrow or maybe not even respond, So I was thinking maybe I should just say something like, "that was a bit stupid to say I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable but good night or just say something ells tomorrow to apologize)

[Someone1]

Me

Sorry I was tired when I got home so I took a nap, are you still awake?

She

Yes

Me

Aight cool what's going on with your day tomorrow? Do you want to do something? It's Halloween after all :p

She

(Cat name) is coming by so I'm going to be with her (her best friends cat)

Me

Ok I guess she (the cat) has learned to travel by herself now without (best friends name) :p

Me

Yeah :p

Me

Do you want me to come by?

[Someone1]

She

I know you don't do that but you are trying to get close

Me

If you don't want me to do that I won't do it

(She diden't respond for an hour so I sent her a new text)

Me

Why do you need me as a friend?

She

Becuase I need a friend

Me

But you do have friends? :/

She

Mm yeah but I feel alone, I didn’t feel that way with you.

(I diden't know what to respond here, so I wen't and took a nap a couple of hours later I sent)

[Someone1]

She

But it feels like you’re hope makes you not accept it.

Me

I've felt that way yes, but if it disturbs you then I can stop feeling that way

She

I don't know what to say.

Me

You don't have to say anything right now

She

But you expect it.

Me

It depends on what you feel

She

I have said what I feel

Me

Temporary amnesia don't remember :p Just kidding but seriously you have nothing to worry about, we can go out and do something some day if you want and you'll see I don't bite

[Someone1]

Me

I'm not going to demand something you don't want that would be wrong I just want to understand you that’s all

She

But you want us to be us, me be me :(

Me

Who knows that you can be anything you want it's not something I can take control over

She

But you want to take control over it, I know you.

Me

I know it feels that way but as I said when you’re with me I don't want you to do something against you’re will I don't want to have it like that, I want you to be happy or ells it won't work

[Someone1]

Me

Hmm yeah I guess you know what's best for you it's just sad f?r those people that want you here

She

Yeah but sometimes you got to think about yourself

Me

I hope you are making the right decision that's all, I wish I knew what you really felt inside so

I could be there for you

She

The reason why you can't be here for me is because I need a friend

Me

I can be you’re friend too

She

But not just. You want to demand more from your friendship and I don't have the strength to be beholden

stuff.

[Someone1]

Me

Yes it's fine, by the way guess what I've fixed in soon :p

Me

there?

Her

Diden't her that you responded :p what have you fixed in?

Me

(Company Name)

She

Nice :)

Me

Yes vi are waiting for their menus, anything new with you?

She

Not really. I have checked an apartment in (name of outside town) only

Me

Ok because of school or move out?

She

I'll get my answer in December if I get in there. I also feel like I need to

get away from all the bad history from here.

[Someone1]

Sorry for this incredibly huge post but here was the convo we had just to get a clearer picture of what happened. I sent her this today afternoon and we continued the convo through the day until late night with interspace.

Me

Hi

Her

Hi

Me

Whatsup?

Her

Not much, you?

Me

Aight I'm at work

Her

How's it going?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Alright, man. You're on the right track here. Just back off some about your feelings for her when conversing with her via phone. She wants a friend right NOW, but that doesn't mean you can't change her mind by working your magic when you hang out IN PERSON. But, you have to get her to hang with you first, so play your cards right to make that happen. You have a better chance at getting her back by showing her how you feel as opposed to telling her, and she'll be able to see it in your eyes.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

But, she'll likely avoid hanging with you if she feels that you aren't capable of accepting being friends only, at least until she's ready to be in a relationship with you again.

[Someone1]

How do I suggest a meet up without her thinking I will do something like be close to her and such why would that make her sad? How can I make her forget the negative and start seeing the opportunities instead to change her mind to believe it enough to give it a shot? It’s like she wants it but don’t or she really means what she is saying and she really don’t want it right now.

What is her problem really? :/

[Someone1]

How can I open her up in a good way and so she starts viewing me as something worth pursuing like she did when we first meet, this girl was crazy about me man, nuts! Now it’s like the opposite of that, everything just changed, I don’t get it :/

I want to meet her up, you say it’s better to approach her as a friend but what if she puts me in the friend zone then?

[Someone1]

I think she is subconsciously picking him over me, all her actions dovetail to that, or it could be that she really can’t stand the city and needs to move out as she is saying it is.

My question is, what am I suppose to do? I’m getting really tired of holding out and hoping for a change, she seems to want me to say things to her, as if she is waiting for some magical words or something but I don’t know what she wants to hear me say.

[Someone1]

When I asked her if there was something I could do to help her she said, you can’t and neither can he, it’s just me that have put myself in this sh*it situation and there is nothing to do about it.

So maybe she is confused but at the same time I am afraid I am going to lose her if she moves out of town to study in that town where that guy and her best friend is.

[Someone1]

I told her I was this time, and she also says even though it would work out she still has to deal with those feelings she has for that other guy.

She says she wouldn’t allow herself to feel so much for me if we got together before she worked out her feelings for that other guy,

I don’t know what she means by that whether she wants to get over him first or if she’s waiting for him and not me and just stringing me along or something.

[Someone1]

She still wants to hear everything I have to say to her thought but I don't know what she expects me to say to her? :s

I've told her I want to build a new relationship with her that is not like the one before because I now understand what the problem that caused the break-up is, she doesn’t seem too resistant to the idea other then that she says it wouldn’t work because various reasons such as me not being ready for her (take the next step, move in together etc)

[Someone1]

Cool, you’re right she's avoiding to meet up with me just because she thinks I will do something she's saying she can't give it to me or encourage such behavior because it wouldn’t be right for her to do.

[Someone1]

- It's almost as if she want's me to move on just to prove to her that I never liked her that much, which means that if I would start dating other girls it's as if she would have it confirmed in her mind that I never wanted her hence justify it all and confirming for herself that I never liked her. The problem is that's not true I did like her just was too bad at showing it, she seems to doubt that and have told me that I just say things sometimes because I want to and not because I feel them :/

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Simply ask to spend time with her, as a friend. Suggest dinner, a movie, or something that you both enjoy doing(things that you've done with her in the past that made her happy that you were there together. You won't be in the friend zone if you don't treat her as such. Compliment her(her beauty, eyes, and such), pick up the tab, flirt with her, without coming on too strong of course, then she'll continue too view you as something other than a friend. Your goal is simply to make her happy in your

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

with your presence to change her opinion. All you can do is what she allows you to do, man. I personally think that you should allow her to resolve her feelings for the other guy and halt giving her the option of being with you until she does. Otherwise, she'll be thinking about him if she get's back with you, and will be unable to fully committ to you emotionally. I agree, it's confusing. You're just going to have to decide if it's worth the fight and the pain you're enduring because of it.

[Someone1]

Cool, well I’ve basically tried to talk to her, last time we talked It came out she's still hurt from the break-up and that getting back with me would mean that she had to give up her friendship with that other guy, I told her it's fine with me if they are friends as longs as they are friends and nothing more. I then asked her if I could trust her, she said yes. After that conversation she went underground again and I have barely been in contact with here since, this was on Wednesday.

[Someone1]

This leads me to believe she still has feelings for him even though she says they are just friends. She is still afraid to meet up because she thinks I’ll get close to her, I don’t want to contact her to often to appear needy either and I want to give her time to miss me and really think about what she is doing. But it all feels like she’s prolonging our meet-up on purpose till December when she gets her answer whether she got in to that school or not so that she can have an excuse to move out

[Someone1]

Of town. She is also trying really hard to associate negative things with me such as bringing up things from the relationship that I didn’t know was even a problem, things I thought she did because she liked me, like adding my favorite spices in the food for an example. At the time she did it I thought she did it because she knew I liked it and she even said she did it because of that but now she tells me that I insulted her food by changing it? wtf? :s like what is going on here and with her?

[Someone1]

This leads me to believe she is trying really hard to get over me by thinking about such things that shouldn’t even be a problem, she clearly can’t comprise and she is telling me I am the one who can’t? :/ why is she so stuck up? She says he makes her feel good I then told her “If you feel happy when you are with him and sad when you are with me then I have nothing ells to say to you” she then replied “I’m sad for the things you did” referring to the break-up.

[Someone1]

and me not being there for her when I could because I took her granted, she also keeps saying and believing things like "If we were really right for each other, you would have invested more in me when you could and I wouldn’t push you away right now when you wanted me back" how can I change her negative view on this? She really has a hard time believing I like her too she keeps saying things like “You only say it because you want to say it, not because you really mean it" and having trust issues

[Someone1]

Somewhere deep inside I know she still likes me because all that love that she showed me couldn’t have been in vain she could literally die for me that’s how much she liked me. And if she frankly didn’t want any contact with me she would have told me straight to leave her alone, but instead she is avoiding me and making up excuses to why we wouldn’t work out but sometimes giving in, I think the big surprise in her mind came when I actually told her I wouldn’t mind if they were still friends

[Someone1]

I think that set It for her and she realized her feelings wasn’t just friendship towards him and maybe that's why she went underground since? But you are basically saying I should let her resolve her feelings over him before even suggesting to get back together, what if I don't do anything and her feelings go off for me?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Correct, she has feelings for him, so she doesn't want to jeopardize any opportunities to advance with him by complicating things with you(spending time w you). Basically, I'm suggesting backing off some because of her feelings for him. I think that you should take precautionary measures to protect you own feelings if things don't materialize in your favor with her. But, that's me. You, however, should do what ever you feel is suitable to win her back as long as you can live with the end result

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

My feeling is that she's going to be with whom ever she wants to be with, regardless of if she's being courted by you 24/7 or if you're courting her in moderance. By all means, continue courting her and trying to win her over at a frequency that benefits the task at hand. I'm simply suggesting that look out for your own well being in the process. Whatever that takes!

[Someone1]

“I saw” I was like saw what? “You wrote but didn’t send” and this isn’t the first time she says this, it leads me to believe she still has feelings for me but don’t want to show them.

So what should I do, I’m just afraid I will miss out this window time frame that I got now with her feeling this way, should I do something or lay low and let her come to me? What if she feels I’m dissing her somehow by not being there?

[Someone1]

There are some things I noticed with her behavior , when you talk on MSN you can basically see what the other person is writing before you send it, after talking to her, 5 min later I was going back to check something she said In the conversation.

I accidentally typed a letter in the box so it appeared as I was writing to her and then deleted it, she then said after a minute

[Someone1]

I asked her out if she wanted to do something on Saturday, she said she coulden’t because she had birthday party and it’s true it’s actually on of her girlfriends birthday so, I was like aight. She is still afraid to meet up because she thinks I’ll get close to her I told her I wouldn’t if she didn’t want me too, but how am I suppose to be more then friends If she won’t let me get close?

[Someone1]

So after that day our conversations has been flirtatious and funny instead, it just happened naturally when we stopped talking about the relationship, kinda back to normal when we were together only that I can sense she is holding back and analyses everything I say. My approach has simple been taken it cool. My questions is, is she trying to turn me into a friend?

[Someone1]

She basically explained a list of things she needed in a relationship and kinda pointed it out as question if I could provide that to her, I was like sure I can, then she was like “I don’t believe you, you’re only saying that to get me back, you’re acting so desperate -.-“ after she said that

I was like “You don’t have to believe anything I have to say” And since that day I haven’t brought anything up about wanting to get back to her just to prove my point.

[Someone1]

She said I deserve to feel good and she was having a guilty conscious over what happened, now I don't want her to be talking to me because of that I don’t want no pitty, or a friendship with her only so what should I do? At the beginning of the week I was a bit begging, I told her I could compromise to make things work,

[Someone1]

Ok, so a little update here, since Monday she has been talking to me online every day but mostly nights till Thursday, the last 2 times she was the one starting the conversations, she said she is only there for me because she doesn’t talk to anyone ells on MSN messenger and that is true I know that fact from our relationship. But why is she doing this?

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

You have to start somewhere to get her back, even if it means swallowing your pride and going along with whatever label she puts on it(it could be a test to see if you'll love her, or she could be friendzoning you, which I doubt. You'll just have to go along with it to find out. I personally believe that you're on the right course to retrieve what you've lost. Oh, I failed to mention that she's going to play hard to get, because a lot of girls do in situtions like this; don't let her resistance

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

deter you; keep going. Hang in there, bro, because IMO you're tearing down the walls that she put up. Another thing, prove her right sometimes. Convey to her that you want more than a friendship with her(at whatever rate that you're confortable with), to keep her aware that this isn't and never will be a conventional male, female friendship.

[Someone1]

Cool, so how do I prove her right in a good sense? And how do I convey to her that I want more then a friendship without meeting some resistance from her, because she was offline all weekend since Friday night perhaps it had something to do with me asking her out? She just came online again on Monday, but I haven't gone online yet to speak to her.

Another thing why is she online all of sudden? Why can't she text or call me if she really wanted to get a hold of me? It feel really used right now

[Someone1]

Like she's only doing it for her own sake or something. Like she is trying to justify her actions by being nice to me and clear her guilty conscious by being available for me? Why won't she care more?

[Someone1]

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I'm happy she has initiated contact with me again, at least, before she used to shut me out completely, but I sense it isn’t 100% genuine and I don’t know how I am going to approach it, I just feel she could have done more, like call me or text me to say she would like to see me or that she misses me or something.. but I’m not seeing that from her.

Maybe she is expecting me to make a move? Or what could be going on here?

[Someone1]

At this point to me it feels like we should have already got back together, I would have forgiven her if she could have just opened up, but she is just prolonging the pain and making my hopes slowly fade away I just feel so disappointed because I expected her to be so much better then this.

And the problem is, I can’t even tell her this stuff anymore because it would only take me 2 steps back and make her close herself again.

[Someone1]

And on the other hand she might think I’m fine with everything that is going on and maybe get over me or something, if that’s her intentions with this contact she has initiated. That’s why I feel so used right now..I just wish I knew what she was thinking or hoping for herself.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Be yourself and show interest in her, because she's going to put forth resistence if she feels that you caused the break up. Perhaps she wants you to fight for her and wants you to realize how life would be without her, or wants you to be the pursuer. I warned you that it's going to be hard to ge her back, that's how reunions work sometimes. In any case, you only can do what she allows you to do. Bro, if she regresses because of you telling her how you feel, then this is not a good time for her.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I'm a straight shooter(ask my woman) and If I were you I would just ask her to tell me truthfully what is that she wants. If she beats around the bush and avoid answring you, then you may have a chance at getting her back, or she could be stringing you along; you have to make that decision. If she gives you a straight answer, then tell her that you interpret that as the truth and respect her decision. Some girls drag guys through the mud when the know the guys really want them, so stand your

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

ground if she seems indifferent or careless.

[Someone1]

What am I suppose to do? She says she wants me to feel good and that I deserve to feel good, should I interpret that as she only wants to ease her conscience and not feel guilty for what she has done so she that can move on with that other guy? Or does she genuinely care, how can I spot the difference?

I’m having a hard time doing that. How do I know when she is over him? Or how do I make her do an honest choice/decision that is right without pressuring her to go to him.

[Someone1]

Is it best if I avoid her all together? Will that make any difference? Is that even a good approach or will it make things worse, I have a feeling she resents me every time I don't take the time to be in contact with her, she thinks as if I don't care or something.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

The difference: If she never inquires about your dating status, always responds to your texts, doesn't encourage you to move on with your life, and never tells you that she going on a date, then she's likely not over you and perhaps wants you to fight for her. It's a good approach if you're tired of fighting for her and not knowing where you stand. If you're willing to keep going, then keep fighting for her. When she's over him, then she won't hesitate to move on from him. Only avoid

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

if you feel emotionally drained or if you are wasting your time in pursuing her. If she resents it when you're not in contact with her, then that's you're indicator. Listen, I went through this once, and it was probably one of the hardist things that I've been through in my life, It was time consuming, emotional, and difficult, but it was worth it in the end. That's why I encourage you to see this out, as long as it's not a detriment to your mental and physical health, and it's worth it to you.

[Someone1]

basically going NC on me or something? Or is she perhaps feeling really bad? Is she with that guy? I honestly don’t know where she is and why she is doing this and it’s really frustrating, but I’m trying to pull through, what hurts me the most is that I expected so much more of her then this, I never thought she could let it go this far.

Should I call again? Maybe ask her what’s wrong? Or how she feels?

[Someone1]

So I sent her a text to her cell today saying “Hi” to check up on her, she didn’t respond..? :/ Then 5 hours later I called her cell, she diden’t answer now I’m worried, not so much that she might be dissin me but more worried about how she feels? Like why all of sudden drop out and avoid me why? When she was the one who have been in touch? Is it because I haven’t been so responsive? Or is it because she is starting to think he only way she can get over me is to stop contacting me

[Someone1]

Thanks man your advice is really helpful, she seem to avoid talking about the issue at hand or about doing something to fix it and she is giving me mixed signals now. The last 3 time’s we’ve talked online she has been the one to initiate the conversations and last time was on Tuesday, early Wednesday since then I haven’t seen her online.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Glad that I can help you! Sure, call her, but play it cool at first. Don't mention the other guy, and don't ask her what's wrong unless she sounds down. Basically, don't feed the beast. You want to convey that you care without appearing desperate or upset about her every attempt to make it hard on you, or else she take that and run with it. Ask her how she feels and why she feels that way, and then ask her what can you do to make her feel better. Oh, always respond to her. It doesn't have to

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

to be an immediate response, but it should be a timely one. Girls love attention from guys that they care about, so not giving that to her may lead to a misconception that you don't care enough. If she does not feel that you care, then it's possible that she'll start trying to appear that she feels the same way to you. Contact her again!

[Someone1]

How do I make her see what I want? And not what she thinks it will be (the old relationship) which I am now even starting to realize was not the best it could be. I just feel there is more for us to gain from each other and more experience to have together. I wish she could see it or make her see it somehow..

[Someone1]

And all I can think about is what a waste of time for both of us, like look at all this time we could have had fun together instead of this crap it has turned into. All I want to do is turn it around somehow because I know we can be good to each other I know I won’t ever take her for granted and I am prepared to make things right and keep em that way.

[Someone1]

The reason she started having feelings for him was because she started to doubt us working in the long term because of my lack of presence in the relationship because I took her for granted.

And now I’m left with her display of dissatisfaction without being able to properly reach her but at the same time she can’t let me go of me completely because she doesn’t know what the future holds. All she knows is her feelings and what she is feeling right now.

[Someone1]

This guy never liked us being together to begin with. She even told me that it was logical for her to have feelings for him because he was always “being there for her” I know woman they fall for that stuff, that’s why I don’t believe men and women can be best friends but what can you do? It's not like I could tell her don't hang with him, that would only make things 10 times worse right?

[Someone1]

He is playing the nice guy role by always being there for her and I heard from her that he even encouraged her to call me right away after she had broke up with me but refused too. I know I shouldn’t mention the other guy because that will only make her want him more and make me look bad but what he is doing is really wrong, he caused the break up because he knew our relationship was in a bit of dip so he took the advantage to hit on her and she believe he is nice? Fo real?

[Someone1]

I think I know why she is feeling down she told me before a bit that it's because of the guilt of making me feel bad when she broke up with me and having feelings for that other guy at the same time, she feels like a bad girlfriend and he is encouraging her to be his girlfriend, I honestly feel like punching him in the face and kick his ass for stealing her like that because what he did is the lowest thing someone can do.

[Someone1]

So If I call her right now and she doesn’t pick up again, should I send her a text right after, saying like "how are you?" or something ells like "I just wanted to see how you are" should I at all mention that I am worried about her that she hasn’t picked up or does that only bring negative vibes over the conversation? In other words how do I play it cool when she is avoiding contact like this?

[Someone1]

Sorry for this extremely long post again :/

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I agree, what he did was low; however, she is at fault as well. Correct, talking about him in a negative light will likely make you look bad to her, so try to avoid it. Yes, keep trying to get in contact with her until you reach her, just keep the attempts spaced out. Be as genuine and a cool as you can be when you get in contact with her. Remember, your attitude right will affect her view about getting back with you. "I wanted to make sure you are ok," and "how are you" is fine.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Also, keep your voice tone normal and low, so that ther is no hint of anger from you. It's OK to feel disappoited in her: you are notwrong tofeel that way. Just keep in mind that she's confused and perhaps her emotions are in conflict with her thoughts about you.

[Someone1]

How can I make her realize I can give her what she wants and needs? That emotional bond she was so eager to give to me when we were together that I didn’t give back in the same extent because she was on me so much, without coming off looking desperate or pathetic and weak? I just know there more to gain from each other, and I know deep down she feels the same somehow or I hope at least she still feels that way now, there has to be something I can do, what’s the best approach?

[Someone1]

Who needed to know where she stood in the relationship. She was afraid I wasn’t gonna be there for her, that’s why she was on me so much and I couldn’t give back because she wouldn’t let me breath so I’m wondering all this off time isn’t making her resent me more? Like she thinks I don’t care for her? She got a bit of bipolar disorder so that is why she sees things differently as only black and white. Either you with her or against her type of thing.

[Someone1]

And I won’t even be close to her, I would at least want to try to long distance relationship with her if that’s the case I just don’t want to lose what we had because I know I can make it right again if she could only give me the chance. And it’s not about me showing her I have changed because I don’t want to show off like that, I know what she needs in order to feel happy again and I want to give her that. When we was together she was always the type of girl

[Someone1]

what I should have done different in the relationship and how easily fixed it really was, I never gave us the chance to grow a stronger emotional bond, she was the one trying I held back with that she got exhausted and couldn’t give anymore so she gave up. The thing she was missing in our relationship is what she found with that other guy best friend. I just don’t know what to really do right now, I mean she will probably move away in January when she gets in that school

[Someone1]

Cool, I will definitely keep calm when I talk to her, but I haven't called her yet, I'm afraid she won't answer again or feel pressured, I don't want her to feel like that. I honestly don't know what she is feeling and whether she is missing me or not. I think she is avoiding me because she don't want to deal with the emotions, should I wait or keep some form of low contact? I just don't want to appear desperate either. I want her so bad man, I realize for everyday

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Showing her will be easy for you, because you genuinely care about her and realize where you wenet wrong. You will instinctively do things different when she gives you a chance to do so. The hard part is getting close to her to actually do it. When she gets back home or when you have the chance, try sending her a small bouquet of roses or a CD of her favorite group with a small message that conveys that her presence is missed in your life, and then give her space for a couple of days after.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Think of creative of ideas that will get her attention. Perhaps buying her a sweater or a t-shirt with her school's or favorite school's logo on it will be a good idea, or sending her buy mail a hand written letter that she'll never forget. Some girls love things like that and usually reminisce and start wondering what if...if they still care, of course. If she's stubborn, then you're going to have to more convincing and persistent.

[Someone1]

How do I prove to her best way possible that she means the world to me now without coming off as desperate and needy. What is OK to do and what is not? how far can I go before she starts to feel uncomfortable? Where is usually the limit in such circumstances? I want her to at least be curious enough to give it a chance to try it out on a whole new note with me and feel good about it.

[Someone1]

Should I buy flowers? A gift, something I could give to her, what should I say really? And what’s the best place to meet up? She expects us to “talk it out” but I rather have good time with her instead and not bring up bad things. She says she don’t want to be stuck in the past but when she moves forward with me she gets reminded of the past so she can’t move forward with me, how do I get passed that?

[Someone1]

So here’s the problem what do I do on Thursday? I got this chance to do something but what should I do, what should I talk about? What should I not talk about? We did actually laugh in our conversation today so it wasn’t that serious all the time so at least I can make her laugh amd we cam laugh together. But how do I make her believe in me and give me a real chance and not go with that other guy and give him a chance instead.

[Someone1]

“That I maybe was just feeling this way towards her because I want to be good for someone and not for her and that there are other good people out there too and that it’s not just her that is good”

I said what made her special was her personality, now thinking to myself why does she pique herself even to say stuff like that about herself?

[Someone1]

She’s still stuck on the fact that it won’t work out because of what had happened in the past and she said at one point that she got so mad over the break-up that it changed her. I explained what I wanted, that I wanted to have the chance to at least meet her and we agreed to meet on Thursday so we could talk more and she told me to think about this for the meet up

[Someone1]

I had earlier said that she was downgrading me when she said she wanted us to be only friends after being together. I had also said that I wouldn’t be able to stand seeing her with someone ells if she ever did get together someone I would have to kind of stop having good thoughts about her in order for me to forget her, she got a bit sad and said that I should remember the good times we had. Other things that was brought up was how our relationship should look like.

[Someone1]

so I told her It doesn’t matter if you move out we can still be together she kind of looked at me with a “benight face” Her problem was that she did not feel 100% feelings towards me and therefore did not want to bind to a relationship with me, I told her we don’t have to bind with and that we should take it slow and see where things takes us, she kinda took that wrong and said now you are downgrading me because

[Someone1]

Other problems she told me was that she had made a promise to that other guy that if she moved to that town in 2 weeks from now when she gets the answer whether or not she will be going for that school that she would give him an honest chance, meaning a chance for them to be together, she said he deserved that after being so good to her :/ (How big of a problem is this guy really?) I diden’t comment on that much I wanted to keep the other guy out from the conversation

[Someone1]

I don’t feel good about dating other people because it feels wrong, she responded “I understand that you think it feels wrong but it’s because you are convincing yourself that it’s wrong” - meaning she wants to see me date other people and move on. I then told her “I’m not trying that, the only thing I am trying now is to allow myself to feel and what I feel feels real” pointing at the lack of feelings I showed back in our relationship.

[Someone1]

I diden’t want that either, but the tone of her voice and her whole vibe was just throwing me off plus the things she was saying was designed to make me feel hopeless about ever getting back with her. She basically said that we don’t fit together and that I should just be happy with what we had and that I could find what I found in her with someone ells. I told her that what I feel right now is that I want to be good for her in all ways and that

[Someone1]

at first she was a bit mad and called me stalker but then she cooled down and said we could talk. So we got of the other train and stood outside on the platform for about an hour and talked about us. She was very cold towards me at first and didn’t really want to say much but then she started opening up a little more. I cried in front of her a couple of times I couldn’t hold myself, I could see the tear in her eyes but she was holding back and diden’t want to see me sad,

[Someone1]

Sorry for another long note.

Great ideas there, I just meet her, she came online today and we talked, she said she never got my text of “Hi” that I sent on Friday and that she was busy when I called and then she told me she was on the train on her way home. I asked her when her train was arriving she told me when but when I asked her if she wanted me to meet her up she didn’t respond clearly. So I took the opportunity to go there anyways, showing up announced,

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

The other guy is a huge threat to your happiness with her. She's already committed to committing to him; not good! Alright, Thursday, you must talk it out with her. Continue telling her how important she is to you while taking of advantage of opportunities to make her smile and laugh. Explain to her in detail why she's the one for you, why you know it will work, how she makes you feel, and why she should give you another chance. That's has to come from your heart and own words, not mine.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Take time out to think about what she means to you, or write it out, then convey that to her. Yes, bring a gift. A single red rose is nice IMO. If she allows you to hug or kiss her, then by all means. There are limits; watch her body language and facial expressions to determine if you're going to far. If she starts looking away or becomes quite or distant, that's you're Q to back off, and then you want appear clingy or desperate. I'm going to tell you waht happened to me now. I met my ex at a

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

a young age. I fell in love with her and made her happy, initially. After a while, I became comfortable and began waivering to the attention that other girls gave me, and thus began taking her for granted. Well, after cyring to me, telling me how I she felt, and pleading with me, I still didn't change. Afterall, I was the so called "man", right? Wrong! She gradually became distant and met some new guy that made her feel special and loved. Basically, the things I didn't do well. She left, man.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

At first It didn't hurt, as I was still doing my thing but then I started missing hearing her voice, seeing her face, conversing with her, and smelling her scent. I took a while before it hit me, but when it did, my world was rocked. I realized what I had done, and the pain was nothing like I ever felt. I eventually tried to get her back. Of course this included having long talks and sharing a lot of tears with her, but she still wanted to be with the other dude. Long story short, she gave him a

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

go, and then realized he wasn't the one for her. In that process I lost interest in bing with her, and then the roles reversed. She wanted to come back to me. I should have went back to her, but the fact that she dated a guy right after our falling out didn't sit well with me and so I lost interest in reuniting with her. She's hot, loving, and has a high income, so I lost a lot. What I'm saying to you is, If it's meant to be, it will be. Try your best, and then allow her space to make her choice

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I hope my comments about my experience did not discourage you. I just wanted to give you an example of some reunions come or about, or perhaps not.

Take your A game with you on Thursday. Be creative and convincing, and you should be fine.

[Someone1]

How do you deal with this crap? Except just giving up which is what 99% of people would do if they were in the same seat.

Is giving up the only way to make her realize I won’t be there for her in the end? Or do I save what’s left now when I can? That’s my dilemma right now.

What happened later on with your story? Did you two ever meet again?

[Someone1]

I said what do you mean by I can’t take care of myself?

She referred to the fact that I can’t deal with this break-up and needed her support I was like wtf? I can deal with it, so you see how she turns and twists everything for the worse so I can feel hopeless about it and give up, she’s not making it easier but still expects me to be there for her after everything is said and done.

[Someone1]

which is even the reason why I started taking her for granted and now that she realizes her faults and want to become independent I am becoming a problem because she can’t deal with the fact that she of always has to be there for people?

She did say she don’t think I can handle myself which Is why she can’t be with me because she don’t want to take care of other people then herself.

[Someone1]

I still want to give it another shot before I call it quits but she is so suspicious and negative of everything I do she don’t even want me to surprise her with anything.

Honestly she is not even happy anymore I don’t know even know why she is doing this stuff to herself, she has really changed for the worse. I wish I could help her, I mean what does my presence has to do with her independence, okay she did lean on my a lot and needed me all the time when we were together

[Someone1]

And I have a feeling she will regret this later on when she comes to her sense and pretend as if I was never there for her which is just going to piss me of even more.

So what do you think I should do? What is left for me to do? Arrange another meeting this week? Play it off cooler, not be so serious?

[Someone1]

She don’t seem to know what she is doing either even thought it looks like she is.

I’m thinking of just getting my closure by asking any last questions I have in mind. But still I don’t want to be the one that closes the doors, I want her to do that so I know I’ve tried my best and don’t have to regret anything ells in the future.

[Someone1]

So I’m a bit discouraged right now, don’t know what to do about this anymore, it’s like one week left till she decides to move to that town and give the guy another chance, should I try in the meantime? Or just give it up? She don’t seem to appreciate my attempts and I honestly feel I'm at 90% from 100% to just giving it all up..that’s how fed up I’ve become of this..

[Someone1]

So I wrote that to her, she never responded, she probably was “a sleep” I don’t think so later on she has been online all weekend just never talked to me, and she only is online there to talk to me, she doesn’t use MSN otherwise.

[Someone1]

Too keep some form of sanity in me and to be able to love again for real, but as I said I don’t want this for many reasons and it’s hard to always be the one who always tries, ironically I know how you know felt when you were the one who tried to get me when I held back but it’s not the exact same thing here because I wanted to give it a chance because I saw something good.

[Someone1]

As I said, I won’t be able to manage to give more of myself as well, I can feel it for everyday I don’t get anything back how hopeless it is for me to continue to care for someone that clearly don’t care about me anymore and it gives me the insight and strength to eventually be able to move on myself too but it hurts me incredible much right now because I know it’s wrong and that I have to at the end convince myself that you never loved me for real

[Someone1]

I then said

I want to do well

But you are forcing me to do otherwise

You want to burn all bridges

I don’t know what to do about it anymore

I want to build, you want to destroy

And I don’t get it

Really and for what

Because it feels incredible wrong and unnecessary

Because I know we can have it good if I’m allowed to do it the right way

And as usual you have nothing to say about it other then -.- like I were some idiot that don’t understand what you want

Or you are asleep, I don’t know

[Someone1]

I told her this

If you really want me to do what you are saying

I will

But know then that I am not doing it whole hearted

And It’s just because you make me do it

Because you are not giving me any other option

She responded

-.-

[Someone1]

She said, because then I won’t be by myself, you don’t understand what problems I have taking care of myself when I always get drawn to take care of others.

So obviously that seems to be her problem, but at the same time she don’t believe in us or want me around and would give that other guy a chance instead. It just shows how messed up this whole thing has become and how I should just leave the whole sh*t alone because she clearly don’t deserve my attention anymore, she just throws it away.

[Someone1]

She said, it’s not what this is about, because I don’t want to, I don’t believe in it, I have found something ells that makes me happy and it’s not with someone.

I said what is it then?

She said, myself, to take or myself.

I said that’s good, because she used to be the type of person that always took care of others and forgot about herself, I went on to say, why I can’t be by your side while you take care of yourself?

[Someone1]

I later on got into why I was doing what I was doing, I basically said, I’m trying all of this because I later on don’t want you to come to me and blame me for not doing enough when I had the chance, in other words I want to leave this whole thing behind me with a clean slate and clear conscious.

She said I don’t blame you, I blame me, because I want something ells and you need something ells.

I was like what do you know about what I want seriously.

[Someone1]

She was still mad, and we got into this whole argument about me keeping her up tonight again and that I just said come online so I could see if she would do what I said or not when she thought it was something important.

[Someone1]

And I explained basically as honest as possible.

1. I wanted to keep it a secret so it could be exciting.

2. I wanted to meet her in person so I could see her reaction.

3. I said “someone” that because I felt like it but didn’t mean it even though I did wanted to see her reaction.

4. It was my friends’ idea as well and I thought it could leave some of the tension we have between us if a third person you know is there.

[Someone1]

She got mad and that’s when it all came out. She had said I had mind f***ed her all day with first of all

1. Not saying what we were supposed to do today.

2. Not saying what I wanted to say when I asked her to come online.

3. I should have said who I was going to meet directly and not just said “someone”

4. And not use another person (my friend) to play as if everything was OK in-between us as we were “friends”

[Someone1]

So she came online really quickly and we started chatting

I didn’t ask her anything because I thought it was better to take in person, so I could see her reaction, I wanted to know if she and that other guy had sex or something and I wanted to ask her before if she was pregnant because I was a bit worried about it just before we broke up. Not that I believe in it all so much because I don’t think she would but my mind had drifted away a bit and I wanted to ask.

[Someone1]

Her

Yeah I'm home now. But I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, that's why going up early. I think I have urinary tract infection.

Me

Ok, I’m home soon too, home come? :/

Her

It happens sometimes.

Me

Ok so you don’t know why?

Her

No, it’s probably because it’s cold outside.

Me

But that’s a myth

Her

Haha, yeah.

Me

Can you come on MSN briefly just want to ask you one thing.

[Someone1]

Her

Stuff.

Me

Like?

Her

My phone is dying off now.

Me

Ok come by if you want to I’ll be here for a while, otherwise have a good time.

(I do believe her phone was on low battery it’s not her style to lie about stuff like that, she later on told me what she was going to do in the morning, after I sent her this message 45 min after when I was about to leave the place)

Me

Ok, I’m leaving now so you know, not because I think you were on your way or anything but so you don’t come here in vain

[Someone1]

Me

I’m at (coffee place name) it would be fun if you came

Her

Will not be able to come, it will be too late.

Me

Ok boring, it won’t be so late, you will be home 11 at most.

Her

Then I will only be there for 20 mins, not woth it.

Me

Ok an half hour later then.

Her

Can’t manage to get 6 hours of sleep. Need more.

Me

Why are you going up so early?

(She never wakes up 6 am, unless she got something important to do)

Her

Stuff to do.

Me

Ok interesting like?

[Someone1]

Me

But I know, just come

Her

Don’t know if I can manage

Me

You can manage :p come

Her

But what’s the point?

Me

What you make of it?

Her

Right now I'm just ice cold and want to go home.

Her

If I come home, the train is not coming.

(So at this point I called her to check where she was and she told me where she was and that her phone battery was low and that she had to go home to recharge it, so I sent her a text instead)

[Someone1]

Me

Ok nice, I’m in town, you wanna come by for a while?

Her

What are you doing there?

Me

I’m gonna have some coffee

Her

With?

Me

Somone

(I said that to provoke her, just see what she would say, it took a longer while for her to answer)

Her

Okay, then I should not interfere.

Me

No, I’m going to have some coffee with (my best friend name), come by you too

Her

Don’t know

[Someone1]

Her

For?

Me

Something fun :)

(No response so I called her phone was off and sent her a text..)

Me

How’s it going to be?

(My message was not delivered until 20 pm an hour after the reservation and I got this back.)

Her

Now I have eaten food ...

(I think she thought I was inviting her out to dinner but it was actually go-kart and dinner I never told her that wanted to keep it a surprise) so I wrote back

[Someone1]

Her

Don’t know how late it will be.

Me

Ok let me know when you can, it won’t be so late.

Her

I don’t know how late I will be busy -.-

Me

Ok can you make it before 18:30?

Her

God no

Me

Haha OK tell me a time then, what are you doing? :p

Her

I’m with (best girl friends name) so I don’t know.

Me

Ok .. which one of them? : p you can’t go before? The reservation disappears 19:00 but if you want to meet anyway we can also.

[Someone1]

Me

Hi

Her

Hi, came up some stuff today, so I can’t meet.

Me

Ok too bad because I had planned something fun to do, are you sure you can’t? :p

[Someone1]

So what happened on Thursday well we had planned to meet up on Thursday back in Tuesday to talk things out, but what had happened instead was that she made herself busy and avoided that meet up like the plague, she had hung out with her best friend (girl) instead. I had originally planned something fun to do on that day instead of just only talking it out and remembering bad stuff and getting in a bad mood and this is how the our text conversation went that day.

[Someone1]

would just convey the wrong message to her; that it’s okay to leave me for someone ells and then come back as if nothing has happened, that would be wrong and not work in the long run perhaps or am I wrong? I don’t know but it feels that way anyways.

[Someone1]

Your story is almost exactly like mine, and I’m afraid I will also react the same way if she goes with that other guy and then regrets it. I mean the window of opportunity for her to let us fix this situation is now while she is making her choice and anytime after that for me

[Someone1]

Incredible long post again but it should give a clear picture of what happened on Thursday.

Thank you for your inspiring story, sorry that I didn’t respond earlier I had first not seen the update but then when I read it on Thursday I had hard time processing in all that has happened so far so I had to come to my senses before I could tell you what has happened.

[Someone1]

But she takes it the wrong way by being mean to those that she used to care for as if they are the cause of her problem. It’s almost impossible to talk to her without her suspecting your up to something. All I want her to realize is that I don’t need her that way to care for me like crazy it’s a huge turn off, I just want her there by my side that’s all, like normal people. And now I’m the turn off because I care..geesh

[Someone1]

Oh one more thing, I hate it when people take kindness and caring for others as a weakness, I guess that's what she is thinking of me right now. As someone weak because I care, she used to be that person who always cared for others to almost an unhealthy level that’s why I started to take her for granted, now she's flipped, it's her psychologist telling her stuff on how she should become independent and care only for herself more.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Her reason for being cold and mean to you is perhaps because she's fed up with being hurt, unappreciated, and taken advantage of by the people that she cared about the most, which is the possible cause of her being somewhat desensitized, hurtful, and bitter. Her way of dealing with her feelings is to distance herself from or letting go the people that produced those feelings. Now, as a result, it seems that she's thinking of her own happiness only, despite how it makes anyone else feels.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Can you blame her? What I suggest is not giving up until the fat lady sings or until. If you can be there for her, meaning stay in her life and accept that her behavior is the result of how you and others treated her, until she forgives you(at this point, she has not) and will be able to look at you without feeling any afteraffects, then you may stand a good chance at being with her again. Imo, it's not going to be anytime soon, as hard as that may be to hear. If you choose to stay in her life-

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

then consider how you will feel if she dates other guys, and vice versa. If you choose to move on, consider that you'll loose any emotional attachment that she has with you(I think she's still somewhat attached to you emotionally. As far as knowing when to let go and move on, I think that's up to you. You'll know, because you won't want to give half an inch to get her back. You'll simply walk away with little regret , knowing you couldn't do it, or want to do it anymore. Oh, I failed to mention

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

that even though she realizes her faults, she still belives that you're the main reason for the breakup(trust me, women, sheeesh). Alright, you stated that you want to give a chance, then I suggest you do that. Walk away knowing that you gave it your all, even when you felt discouraged. Me: I saw and talk to her numerous times after. To this day she'll take me back in a heartbeat. I talk to every now and then, and she regrets not getting back with me then. The other guy was a momentary fix.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

We don't talk much anymore because she still have dreams about us, which makes it for her to talk to me. So now we talk a few times a year. Man, I should have gotten with her way back, but in my single days I would meet pretty women that would divert my attention, which made it almost impossible to won't to commit back then. After a while of being single, I fell crazy over my now SO, that I intend to live the rest of my life with. That's why, I want you to try. This is going be extremely hard

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

for you. Probably one of the most difficult, emotional challenges that you you'll face, and regrettable if you don't give it your all. My suggestion, don't take everything that she does to you personal, and when you feel you need to distance yourself or break from it all, do that, and then jump back in. I'm working, so please excuse any errors in diction or grammer, cos I didn't spell check.

[Someone1]

I would have left with my head high, but pride is not what it’s all about, I think caring goes a longer way.. I just overdid the whole victim role.

So now you know the background to this story and you might think I’m nuts now but the pain I was feeling back then was intense. Now I just want to make things right again.

[Someone1]

I can admit that the whole thing about the suicide was stupid but I was emotionally drained I had for 2 weeks straight expected to meet her just to hear her say she don’t see no point in it. That’s why I feel sometimes it would have just been best if I didn’t contact her after that day I went over there.

[Someone1]

And this is why she is messed up, because she didn’t expect the transition from me to that other guy would be this hard, and I’m happy I made hell out of it because what she did to me was not right.

And now of course I’m passed all that crap, and want to move forward and forget about it, but she can’t seem to let go of it and it sometimes feels she’s holding on to it so she can have a reason to justify her actions.

[Someone1]

I was really depressed so got to see some counselling, I’m still going there once a week to vent out. And of course she has used the whole suicide thing against me as If I said that too make her feel like a bad person by first saying she was evil and then saying I would commit suicide.

[Someone1]

I had that day gone to the hospital because I wasn’t feeling well that same day I told her on the phone that she was evil for not caring about me and said to her that I would commit suicide and see if she would care then.

Of course stupid mistake again, she freaked out called the police because she was afraid I would do it, they came a looked for me they found me, picked me up drove me to the hospital, I got some sleeping pills and then was on my way home,

[Someone1]

It took her 2 weeks to change her status on Facebook, from “in a relationship” to nothing, she didn’t go from in a relationship to single just made the status invisible after the break-up It was on that day she made it invisible that I freaked out she started avoiding me..so much till the point where I broke down after expecting to meet her.

[Someone1]

She was on the train, so the connection broke every so often, even though she was ice cold on the phone and didn’t say much and just listened she still wanted to hear what I had to say, she was the one who called me up every time the connection broke, we talked for more then 2 hours.

[Someone1]

We didn’t talk until Monday from Thursday, she said Hi on Facebook I didn’t respond, the next day she went away to that town that’s when I freaked out, I called her and started crying and begging her to come back, big mistake I lost all my bargaining power that day, I believe I would have more to say if I just didn’t contact her. But this is the problem with caring and having self respect.

[Someone1]

”It’s over, if you ever come near me again I will call the police, you know I can do it.” I didn’t respond, 20 min later she called I didn’t pick up, I just went home knowing what I did was the right thing, I still believe to this day that it was because I caught her red handed.

[Someone1]

Outside I started to cry in front of her mom, I couldn’t hold it, she started calling me and her mom all freaked out saying things like is he gone? is he gone? and then when she was calling me started yelling at me as If I’m the one who had done something wrong. I didn’t say much, I went home and on my way home that’s when I got the text.

[Someone1]

She started screaming at me to leave, and was angry as hell, never seen here like this, she was protecting the guy and he just stood there not saying anything, the guy knew mauy thai so I didn’t want to start a fight, I know some kung fu too but it was not worth it, plus it would only make matters worse, so I looked them both in the eyes and I swear I could see the evil smirk in his face and eyes he had as if he knew what he was doing all along, I left.

[Someone1]

So I went over there waited at her house and then all of a sudden they came, that guy, her mom and her, I didn’t say or do anything I let the guy pass me and then she came I tried to talk to her but it was impossible, her mom tried to make me leave because she thought I was threat, I calmed her down by talking some sense into her, they continued up the stairs, me and her mom followed suite, they opened the door and that’s when all hell broke loose.

[Someone1]

This guy knew all along what he was doing, it was planned from the beginning, he knew how to make her fall by playing mr nice guy, he played mr nice guy of course that night too, by first of all buying a ticket to go back home because he was afraid and then later on when I showed up afterward telling her she should call me after I left.

[Someone1]

and even sleep in a hotel that night because she was afraid to go home, she left the house freaked out to go and meet him up. I wasn’t serious of course, I just said it to provoke her because I was pissed at what she had done, inviting him over like that and that he even had the guts to get over there when he knew our relationship wasn’t in the best shape.

[Someone1]

So I had 2 options, to either go back to bed or go over there and talk to her. So I took the later option and went over there to try to talk some sense into her, plus I was afraid I was going to lose her for good so I did what any reasonable person who cared would do. Only problem was, I was pissed so I said on the phone that I was going over there to beat up the guy if he showed up, and of course she freaked out and was even close to call the police

[Someone1]

and that she got the idea from her psychiatrist. I flipped that night, because I couldn’t reach her properly and when I did I could hear in her voice that something was not right anything thing I said had no reaction on her and the only thing that got her started was when I said I was coming over there and that’s when I got her reaction and she started to flip.

[Someone1]

So I was like OK cool, load and behold she had called him the day after we had that talk and during that talk she also mentioned that she have been talking to him when things wasn’t so good between us the last 2 weeks, calling him at night to say goodnight instead of me (I took it as a breather) So he came one day earlier then expected because “she needed him” I tried to talk sense into her but she was already sold on the idea of “putting her feelings to the test”

[Someone1]

She told me she had feelings for that other guy and that he was coming over for the weekend with her best friend and that he had not place to sleep other then at her place. When I asked her if I could be there too and perhaps maybe meet him she said no, you two would get into an argument she said, she was already set in her mind that things wasn’t going to be friendly between us because he was going to provoke me.

[Someone1]

I need to give you some details on how the break-up occurred because it might give you a clearer picture of why she is this way. The story is a bit crazy but it has it's reasons to why it ended up being this way. The night she broke up with me, that same week she had said we needed a break a couple of days earlier was the same night I tried to talk some sense into her but she was so sold on the idea that I had at that point lost her.

[Someone1]

I think she is out of town again what am I suppose to do man? She’s slipping away if she gets in that school she will have all the excuse to be away from me what is she expecting me to do really!?

[Someone1]

And also this whole thing about her wanting us to be friends, I think that’s what she is also pissed at, that I don’t give her that option, well you know what If she says she found happiness by caring for herself then it doesn’t make any sense why she would consider giving that other guy a chance if she moves to that town and therefore I can not be around her while she is testing out the waters, she got her chance with me now.

[Someone1]

If you go online and read all those articles about break ups all they tell you is the same thing, go with the no contact rule, make her miss you blab bla as if it’s a game of who cares less wins.

[Someone1]

And that hole thing about mind f***in her with not telling what we were suppose to do that day, it must mean she still has feelings for me and contemplating on making a decision right? Should I be persistent with telling her how much she mean to me or back off? What has more effect? Care or self-respect?

[Someone1]

So I don’t know, I if I call her now she’s going to think oh not him again isn’t he over me? But deep inside I know she wants me to call. So I don’t know what to really do about this or how I should approach it without giving her those hard or bad feelings.

I want to try until she finally says no at least then I know I have tried my best, but doesn’t that reinforce her decision in the long run?

[Someone1]

I thought it was a breather since she was so much on me not that it was wrong but she didn’t know what the word balance meant back then and the funny thing Is that just that week when the break-up occurred I was planning to commit more to the relationship and start giving back but never got the chance to do so.

[Someone1]

In the beginning when we meet I was a big challenge to her and she chased me, we dated for 2 months before I even gave her our first kiss, she was on me like there was no tomorrow, we continued being together for many months everything was good she was still on me like crazy until the last one or 2 months I should have seen the red flags like less affection, distraction, depression, I thought it was just temporary, and at the same time I thought OK cool finally I can get a breather now

[Someone1]

It feels like for every time I reach out to her I win some points of caring but at the same time lose some points of self-respect meaning she doesn’t respect me the same way as before because I become so “needy” she even said it “you can’t take care of yourself” because I need her so much so what holds up in the long run for women? Care or self-respect?

[Someone1]

I still want to try but the only problem with the approach of not giving up is that she only makes it harder for me to be there, like I look really desperate when I try to reach out to her when she keeps rejecting me in all sorts of ways, totally the opposite of what she used to be towards me.

[Someone1]

I know I've messed up a bit, just as she has, that's why I want to fix it.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Most of what you said resonates with me. During my break up I was dealing with so many issues; e.g. family issues, stress of having a demanding job, and being resented by others for reasons beyong my control. I also thought about ending it all, and then I realized that I'm not living for her. After running around angry for a couple of years; just trying to find myself and the meaning of my life, I simultaneuosly met the love of my life and this site to vent, help others, and troll on.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Both help me me get through that ordeal in my life. During the healing process I embraced life for what it is. If you truly love and accept yourself, for what you are and what you are not, then it doesn't matter who you're with or where you are, you're happiness is your own responsibilty. Care or self respect? You must, at all cost, have self respect in order to properly care for someone else. When ever you feel she's out of line, address it asap. Girls don't want pushovers. They want guys

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

that are capable of defending themselves. Take a stand, and stick by it. Listen man, you did nothing wrong, especially if you told her that you need time to yourself. I know that she was going through a lot, but she should have understood and taken into account how you felt too. I can relate to that, my ex adored me also, and it became very, very stressful at times. Relationships must be met in the middle. If you don't want to be friends, then don't be. Your feelings has to be considered also.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

if she goes away to school, then there is nothing else to do but stay in touch with her, unless of course, your willing to have a LDR or move with her. Continue trying, man, until she stops giving you the oppoturnity to fight for her. You're right, the guy is slime, but it's on her to see through his plan. That outcome is her's to own. Don't concern yourself with him. Gather yourself. Be the confident, independant guy that she grew to love. Do things that make you happy. She'll notice it, trust.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

I totally relate to your situation, so do hesitate to comment or friend reqeust me if you want to chat or vent. I know it's hard and scary, but you just have to hang in there and ride the wave, and then hope for the best.

[Someone1]

What should I do? I am afraid that if I loose her now my feelings are going to change and I might not ever want her back, I want her now, and only now while I still feel hope for us. If that hope is crushed there wouldn’t be any reason for me to pick it up again

You’re right I shouldn’t focus so much on that guy but he is a big reason to why it ended. I just don’t know how to reach her properly without her second guessing everything I do or say.

[Someone1]

when I explained to her that he knew all along what he was doing because he knew our relationship was in a temporary dip she said I was trying to turn her against him by making him look bad.

And everything I say to her seems she seems to second guess, I don’t know it’s like she’s waiting to have an excuse to be mad at me or something, she seems on the edge..and not happy at all.

[Someone1]

Thanks man I really appreciate your kind words and help, it has helped me tremendously through this process, my only problem now is getting to know how to be in touch with her the right way, I can handle LDR that’s not a problem for me, but I don’t know if she would. She still seems hooked up on that guy and I’m afraid she might never see through his deception,

[Someone1]

I guess the problem is, I am trying to be confident, and up beat with myself but if I never get the chance to show her that it has no effect on getting her back.

She has set her mind to disallow any of my attempts, she even avoided meeting me up that last time we said we was going to meet.

There has to be something I can do, that can just turn this situation around just as it turned on me. There has to be a way to this, I’m willing to give it a try before I give up completely.

[Heretic]

Sounds like she's doing you a favour. Move on, man.

[Someone1]

How would it be a favour if I wanted to stay with her?

I just don't understand how she can go from being the one who wanted to make the relationship work so much to being the one that wants to bury it underground as fast as possible without looking?

What is going on here? Why isn’t she giving me another chance? If she wanted it so bad before then how come she so against it now? It just don't make any logicl sense to me :s

[Heretic]

She's making no sense because she's using emotion rather than logic. That's a red flag in my opinion. I still say you should move on.

[Someone1]

Is there anything I can do about it? I really want to be with her :(

[LostGurl87]

You love her or not leave her alone even if she reaches out to you just tell her it's better to not to speak or to see each other because I used to be that girl I know how it feels to try so hard for someone to love you. To give them gifts for anniversaries Valentine's day and Christmas and get nothing in return. I know how it feels to be ditched on my birthday and pregnant even though he told me to be ready at 8 and showed up at 1 with cake and I don't even like damn cake ama how it feels when I try to break up with him instead of feeling sorry he would bite and pull my hair And demand sex. I know what it feels like to be in the hospital when i just had a baby but he ditched me to go fix his car with the money I gave him and went to go see another woman while I was in pain and I could barely walk to go pee I know how it feels to beg him over and over again to treat me right and when I finally truly dumped him he was rude and when he would come visit the baby it would be very brief she would be very mean and act as if I wasn't even there even has a girlfriend that he still won't leave it's been with her for 10 years. And this probably isn't the same situation but I know how it feels to be taken for granted and if it was the other way around would you take her back?

[toulouse]

@the reason why I was taking her for granted was because she liked me too much,

why would you think that's an acceptable view.

if there's that large of a discrepancy between your feelings for each other - you're not compatible.

she SHOULD have broke up with u. you should have broke up with her. she should NOT get back together with you.

you don't respect her because she LIKES you.

why the hell do you expect to build a relationship off of that.

find someone who doesn't really care about you, then you won't be 'suffocating'.

if someone likes you too much. yure with the wrong person. its not a personality flaw on their part. just means you don't like them much. so leave.

[Someone1]

There is a certain limit to how much you can like a person, too me she was literally obsessed and that aren’t always attractive.

Of course we were compatible or ells we wouldn’t be together for a year,.

I expect to build a relationship on mutual trust, her obsessive likeness was based in a fear of being rejected which was not true because I liked her and I still do want her back in my life.

I just want to understand what it is that makes her not want to give it a chance?

[AliceMcKay]

I agree with HotYetSmart. I have felt unappreciated in my relationship before and have given chances, if he doesn't take them it makes me feel hurt. I would never want to be in a relationship where I feel like my feelings are way stronger than the guys. It needs to be the same for it to work out. All you can do is let her know you miss her and will try to be better, but if you are not I'm sure it will end the same way. But you HAVE to do better, not just say it, and if you are not up to the challenge then do not bother to try and start things again, or else she will just get hurt.

[Someone1]

How can I do better? I've already said I miss her and want her back, but she keeps saying I should stop hoping for that? Why has she changed her mind so drastically if she really liked me that much?

It makes me wonder if she ever liked me, is it possible she is hurt? And is there a way for me to make her feel better?

[AliceMcKay]

If you have done all you think you can then you just have to let it go... You hurt her and she doesn't want to deal with you anymore, even though she care for you, I would not question her feelings if I were you. I would say it is time to move on.

[Someone1]

But what about forgivness? Is it never possible for a girl to forgive once she has made up her mind? I mean she had her "in a relationship" status on FB 2 weeks after the break-up dousen't that mean something? That she maybe was not sure of breaking up in the first place?

[AliceMcKay]

Maybe... but you have said that you have let her know how you feel, maybe she thinks you will not change. Unless you want to try harder then you will just have to leave it up to her.

[Someone1]

How can I try harder? What can I really do? Am I not pushing her away every time I try to talk to her? She is trying her best to avoid me? Why? Is she expecting me to do something I am not doing?

[HotYetSmart]

From your words - I think that once you'd get her back - you'd take her for granted again.

I really think you could have shown her that you loved her and appreciated her back then, you just didn't feel the need.. Cause she was always there.

could also be that she gave you many chances to prove yourself, but kept her to herself.

[Someone1]

Yeah she basically said she gave me many chances but I diden't see them that clearly.

I did show my appreciation but it wasen't enough? She wanted more...honestly I think she started to lose interest when I started being more interested in her, some females act that way, they like to chase what they can not get and then when they get it they give up.

[yauch]

she could have been looking for an excuse to end it, then found the perfect one.

Bam. Ended. with no second chance. if this is the case you will not get her back.

but if what she says is true, and she really loves you but feels unappreciated - then if you fight hard you will get a 2nd chance. but remember what I said in my first sentence. a real possibility.

[Someone1]

Yes exactly that is a possiblity I've thought about and it feels that way somehow but why would she avoid seeing me, she says she don't want to see me hurt? She broke up through a text message so she never gave me a good ending, does she know what she is doing or is she just confused?

I haven't tried to meet her since the BU, I've only asked on the phone, but she keeps saying there is no point? In her mind she feels like it can't be fixed once it's broken, but I know it can, should I try to fix it?

[yauch]

I suspect it cannot be fixed and she has her mind 100% made up. Which reinforces my theory. She is being extremely selfish and does not deserve any more of your time. She broke your heart over text and didn't care about you enough to tell you in person. I would walk away and thank my lucky stars you are free from such an inconsiderate person.

[yauch]

and she doesn't want to meet up with you or see you hurt because it will compound her guilt. which is also why she dumped you over text. so she wouldn't have to see you. she is washing her hands of you now. she is using this emotional blackmail as a reason for the breakup - but I really think its an excuse to get out. let her go. she does not deserve you. she is manipulating you which you will see in time. don't chase after her. she does not deserve it if she can't be bothered talking to you

[Someone1]

I would have understood it if she was manipulative in the beginning or acting weird, but she has been sweet most of the time I just don't get it how she could have turned like this now all of a sudden? There must be something I can do? :/

[Havefaith2012]

this is another example of you don't know what you got until is gone,i think she made the right decision to leave you because she was always there but you took her for granted now she is gone and your missing her,just let her go and find someone who is worth her time who won't take her kindness for weakness.

[Someone1]

Yeah well ever heard of the term "people make mistakes" or ever heard of the word "forgiveness" I never did her wrong, I was always fair and honest about my feelings and she knew it.

I believe if you really love someone you just don't leave that person that easy, how come I who "didn’t appreciate her" now miss her more then she ever did?

I did appreciate her I just wasn’t good at showing it as a thought such thing would be enough just by being with her and being there when she needed me.

[Anonymous]

No one likes the feeling of taking for granted. In a relationship, it must 50/50 giving and achieving. And if she felt like she was the one who giving, then you can't blame her that she wanted it to end. And i think, when she wanted it to end, why didn't you fight for the relationship? It would make her feel you appreciated the relationship and her.

[movingongirl19]

You really hurt her big time. She had enough and when a woman had enough. It is really over. Move on and be a better man to your next girlfriend. I am speaking through experience. It is so painful no matter how much I wanna give him another chance, it also reminds me how much pain he gave me.

[Anonymous]

Good for her

[Someone1]

Why so? I never did anything wrong to her, I was always honest with my feelings so she knew what I felt.