She broke up with me cause I was taking too long?

[Anonymous]

I started talking to this girl in 2022, we went on a few dates hooked up a few times. Most of our dates were at my place, we went on a few dates outside when she asked. I didn't like where I was in life and had to clear my head so I went on a trip for like 3 months I just travelled a few states and spend a few days in Canada. I talked to her when I could. I just needed to clear my head I planned 3 weeks but it just went on for longer. I responded to her when I got the chance too. So I came back from my trip I found out she was talking to someone else I did say a few harsh things to her that I'm not proud of I called her a slut amongst other things her abusive ex said to her that she shared with me. I made it I didn't want a girlfriend from the beginning cause I wasn't in the best of mental states she said she was okay with waiting her waiting was 9 months from 2022 October until 2023 June. I really did hurt her feelings but her excuse was nothing was gonna change no matter she waited but I was gonna make it official when I got back I just expected to have a bit more patience what she wanted was coming. She stopped talking to me and whenever we see each other in public she runs away. I apologized and honestly dont get why she is upset. She says my apology wasn't an apology it sounded like something a child reads infront of the class as punishment and she wants nothing to do with me she hasn't spoken to me in 5 months since last year. She's honestly over reacting. I do admit saying she was for the streets and her ex was right about her might have triggered her trauma but it's a bit too much treating me like a low life, I'm the second guy she's kinda dated and slept with.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I totally get you wanted space to clear your head, but 9 months is a long time to leave a girl hanging without commitment. And travelling without consistent communication probably made her feel really unsure of your interest level.

Calling her those names was incredibly hurtful and out of line, especially knowing about her trauma. That's not how you treat someone you care about.

I know you probably feel rejected, but try looking at it from her perspective - she opened her heart and waited a long time only to be disrespected. That kind of betrayal is painful, and cut deep.

Of course she needs space now. Pushing isn't going to fix it, only make it worse. All you can do is give her that, respect her boundaries, and use this as a learning experience to be more considerate of a partner's feelings in the future.

Maybe someday she'll be ready to sincerely accept an apology, but for now, you just gotta accept that you really hurt her dude. Just try to do better next time.

[Asker]

She still messages and checks on me from time to time and I was upset when I said all those things I don't really see y she's so upset.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, even though she's still messaging you sometimes it seems like she's still pretty hurt by what you said. A few things to keep in mind:

- What you said was really over the line, even if you were upset. Calling her names is never okay and bringing up her trauma made it 100x worse.

- She probably feels betrayed that someone she cared about would say such mean things. Even if you didn't mean it, words can cut deep.

- Nine months is a long time to wait with no commitment. She likely felt led on and then really let down when you blew up at her.

- Just because she still messages doesn't mean she's over it. She might be still working through her feelings or hoping for a real apology.

If you really care about fixing things, I'd say be super remorseful when you respond to her messages. Don't make excuses, just own that you messed up badly and want to make amends if she'll let you. Ask how you can earn her trust back over time.

And don't get pushy about getting back together right away. Respect that she's still hurt and let her heal on her own timeline. Show with your actions you've learned from this experience. It may take a while but being patient and sincere is your best bet.

[dizzybeatle]

Dude from reading your comments all this crap sound like bs and made up

[Asker]

I'm seeking needed advice on the situation if ur not contributing please scroll and stfu

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anything about you or anything about her, but I do know this; most girls don’t like having their time wasted. Especially as we get older. You planned to make your relationship official in 3 weeks, and then dragged it out to 9 months. So my question is, did you give her a timeline of when you would have been ready? How often were you talking with her and how long were your conversations?

There comes a point in time where a lack of communication and a lack of a plan lead to a rise in doubt. You say she only had to wait 9 months, but dude, she’s already been waiting for 2 years!

[Asker]

I didn't contact her on the regular while I was on my trip I texted her when I could. I was tired from going out to bars and parties with my friends. I had a lot on my plate to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want someone for the streets instead of to yourself?

[Asker]

I did want to be with her eventually but she couldn't wait after the 9 months I wasn't in a good mental state and I took the 3 months trip to clear my heard. I wanted to start dating her seriously after that. But when I got back she started talking to someone knew so I got mad and told her she was for the streets basically I called her a slut with no self control.

[Opinion Owner]

It sounded like she didn’t love you at all honestly. Do y’all have any kids together or she have any kids?

[Asker]

No neither of us have kids. We'll she does have her nephews her sisters are abroad working and they have been living with her the past 3 years they've been gone. But she herself has none. I think its a lot of pressure they are putting on her as she's only 21 years old and the youngest and the kids on the dads are in the country but they are dead beat to her nephews they are 12 and 11. So she's busy with that and nursing and her mom helps out with them too.

[Asker]

I think so too. I just too the trip to clear my head and get away from everything that was going on in my life. It went past the intended 3 weeks to 6 months sure but she could have waited those 6 months but when I got back she called the whole thing off and said we should see other people or I should try being alone to deal with whatever cause it was unfair to her to wait 2 years and it was unfair to use her body count against her cause she's only slept with 2 people. She said we could be friends and she forgives me but I can't be friends with her and I'd she forgives me why doesn't she wanna move past this yh calling her a slut was wrong and saying her ex was right for what he did to her. He did some messed up things to her. He stalked us the whole time we were talking he's park outside of her house after she got a restraining order and he hit her pretty bad a few times from the scars she has on her body but I was mad when I said them.

[Opinion Owner]

Well did y'all have good times together more than bad times? It’s important to know where both of y'all stand before you left your location. I’m not sure if she moved on or not but was she responsive to you when you were texting her? I know you said her ex was stalking her the entire time y’all were together.

[Opinion Owner]

Did you cheat on her? How did you wanna call the entire thing off after she been waiting on you this long? Then you said “let’s be friends” I’m not understanding this because she was waiting

[Opinion Owner]

How long has it been since she dated her ex? what was y'all relationship like?

[Asker]

Yh she does message me from time to time saying she's just checking how I'm doing

[Opinion Owner]

Any updates on her current life that you wouldn’t need to interrupt?

[Asker]

I didn't want a relationship at first I want in the best mental state for it. This went of for a year I thought she didn't mind cause she still wanted to hang out and plan dates of course she would pop the question and I'd give her the same answer of not being ready. Then I left for my trip for 6 months I came back and she was seeing someone else after she said she would wait on me. So technically she's kinda been waiting one me for a year and a half.

[Opinion Owner]

Is this a new guy she is dating? Have you asked her to be sure of what you are saying?

[Asker]

She broke up with her ex for a year before we met and started knowing each other they had dated since she was 18. I think it was good sure we had our moments when we disagreed but she'd always been the bigger person and apologize and we let it go wy8ch I'd strange for a woman but she said she loved me to stay mad over a silly fight.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think maybe she never loved you and was just using you to by time to get back with her ex?

[Asker]

I was talking to other people the whole time we were getting to know each other she wasn't obviously cause evettime I'd call her she's be available I guess she found this new guy in the 6 months I was gone for.

[Opinion Owner]

You weren’t wrong for doing this. What about the other people you were talking to?

[Opinion Owner]

From what you are telling us I think she was just using you and never loved you honestly.

[Opinion Owner]

So it’s her ex she back with correct?

[Asker]

She's dating this new guy she's not with her ex

[Opinion Owner]

She wants you to maybe move on

[Anonymous]

Make up your mind. You're either going to abuse her or protect her. You seem super immature

[Asker]

I never meant to hurt her feelings I was just upset and felt betrayed after she said she would wait until I was ready it was literally a year and a half of talking. I was gonna make it official when I got back all she had to do was wait and be patient.

[Opinion Owner]

Bad timing. I'm sorry...

[Opinion Owner]

You need to have a sit down with her and talk

[Opinion Owner]

You can't expect people to wait on you

[Opinion Owner]

I would hope so but it never works out that way

[Asker]

Tried that I pulled her into a hug thinking it might help she pushed me off and sat further from me

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry to hear. Maybe you both need time apart for a while