What would you do if you wake up in a spaceship, abducted by aliens?

Question

You went to bed after a long day and immediately fell asleep. Now, you wake up in strange place. Weird looking creatures are around you. You realize that they are aliens, and you are in their spaceship. You've been abducted! What do you do?

BadApple69 · Accepted Answer

That’s easy. I pull off my left shoe, remove the heal. Under the heal I keep a lock pick. Then I wait… when the guard comes back from sexually assaulting the last human they had on the observation table. Being sexually pleased he won’t be paying much attention to me, as he walks by I’ll jump up and kill him by stabbing him with my lock pick behind the left knee because everyone knows that’s where their hearts are…. Well, most people know that, maybe not all!
Then I’ll clean off the purple blood off my lock pick, and remove his uniform and put it on. Now their legs bend backwards so I would have to wear the pants backward… hopefully none of the aliens will notice. Then I’ll make my way to the bridge where I will have to kill 5 or 6 other aliens. Then I’ll use my lock pick to jam the bridge door closed. I will then take between 5 and 10 minutes studying the controls of the spaceship and translating their language. I’ll write above each control the English word for the control. Not having a writing instrument I’ll have to use the alien purple blood to write with. After completing that I’ll turn the ship around and go back to earth. I’ll turn the ship with its alien occupants over to the pentagon and I’ll go home hopefully in time to catch the prices right on tv.

TonyMetal___1986 · Accepted Answer

Dreamed of this twice, the problem is "i never saw them", big space ship, a big window, i saw a big orange star, a solar system that isn't ours, the entire system was still, nothing is moving, than i saw shadows in the ship moving around than bam i woke up, same exact dream after a year or two, since i'm a man of science, i'm awarenof many stars and solar systems, plus i can navigate through the cosmos, i was somewhere unknown, at the first glance it looked like it's our solar system but than again i have noticed, nope it's not our sun, damn it, where am i? 😳

NoDecision · Accepted Answer

Do the same thing that I have seen monkeys do in a zoo. They hang out at the far wall and as soon as some people get to the bars to check them out, they run forward and grab a handful of shit and throw it at the people. I figure that when they are covered in shit, they will dump me back where they found me.

RachyRach · Accepted Answer

Celebrate. Finally there are beings as weird as me!

exitseven · Answer

I usually just lie on the table and wait until they tske DNA samples from under my thumbnail. Thy usually return me to my bed afterwards.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Luckily the aliens are small and weak from living in zero gravity. They are also slow from having had no predators for a long long time. They are careless about security. They don't move at first when the killing starts. Bad decision. Hmmm... a couple of them appear to have some sort of weapon. Huh, it's usable after some practice on the dead bodies. That'll make things easier. OK, now to find the flight controls, pilot seat, or whatever the fuck controls my new ride... I always wanted to rule Earth.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Insist that I was kidnapped, only likely to be ridiculed and berated, eventually becoming an alcoholic desiring revenge. Then, when I was finally proved right, step up to fight in our lest desperate battle to fight the aliens and defeat them. Probably end up sacrificing myself in the end though.

This actually sounds a lot like a movie I saw once. I think it was called "The Day America Saved The World From Aliens".

ohsheeT · Answer

Good morning do you have any coffee

Are we there yet
Im hungry
I have to pee

@ElenaLena hey what are you doing here do you have any coffee

So what do you think there going to make us do

Hello hello sir alien sir do you have any cookies I'm hungry so what are you guys going to make us do oh really I'm down for that but I really have to pee first can you pull over the next gas station are we there yet

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Did I wake up still wearing my undies or not?

I'll determine whether or not I've been harmed and/or experimented on when I was asleep.

Then, I'll ask for water that I can drink.

Then, I'll try to understand what it is they want from me.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Out of the kindness of my heart I would ever so kindly thank them for finally returning to pick me up after accidentally leaving me here like E. T. In addition I would ask them what took so long because I tried phoning home & they wouldn’t accept the collect call.

purplepoppy · Answer

They've clearly read my GAG posts and realised I'm the best person on Earth to answer their questions.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Pee. First thing i always do when i wake up is pee.
Then i suppose i’d try to communicate with them.
I’m happy to help them understand human beans. Especially if they don’t make me go back.
Get me off this god forsaken rock, please!

ElenaLena · Answer

I’ll log into gags and be like: “Hey guys, remember when I told you aliens are real? Well… turns out I was right…they abducted me. Soooo… what do I do now?” 😄

DishLady · Answer

I'd ask them so many questions that they'd probably just set me back down where they found me.

Bricealan · Answer

@aviatortom I would ask them to take me to the Andromeda Galaxy, and a planet with friendly life on it

FreyaRed · Answer

Singing "I am Barby girl..." to piss them off

Nikki1989 · Answer

I don't know.  Hope for the anal probe?

Ill_made_Knight · Answer

freak out, but they likely have me restrained so...

msc545 · Answer

I try saying hello or communicating with them as best I can. This assumes, of course, that I'm breathing well and I'm not freezing or boiling to death.

Jackblue · Answer

Cooperate with them, aliens who can travel faster than light and kidnap me are not the sort of people whose patience I would test.

Anonymous · Answer

I would be wondering why the government was interested in experimenting on me, and also where they got the "alien" costumes from.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I'd be freaked out, but the geographer and explorer in me would probably try to look out the window

TsundereMatrix · Answer

I’d want to learn all about them!

AgentG111 · Answer

Hopefully they are plutonians they I can go home.

lilBigPotato · Answer

Record a tiktok video. Time to go viral.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Well. . . what options do I have? Call 911?

Pohjolan · Answer

Presume I'm hallucinating and go back to sleep.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Try to make friends.

Dargil · Answer

Go back to sleep I was having a bad dream.

Shiprex · Answer

Have breakfast then get dressed

xawyx-3 · Answer

I would make a deal with the aliens ;)

MrChinaski · Answer

Turn my head and cough.

Kelly6 · Answer

@aviatortom Sing Katy Perry E. T song lol

canamlusciouslad73 · Answer

Club the buxom blonde !!!

FrodoSkywalker007 · Answer

Sigh in relief. I'm finally home!!

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Pull out my manhood and establish dominance

NathanDavis · Answer

tell them to turn the AC on...

sage2021 · Answer

I would find ET and have him phone home 🏡 for me.

Xdressertiff · Answer

Hope that they can perform sex changes.

paytime1 · Answer

Id try taking it over

Agape93 · Answer

Hope i die quick

fish5505_87 · Answer

Poop my pants!

What would you do if you wake up in a spaceship, abducted by aliens?

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