My ex randomly texted me?

[Anonymous]

So I’m ex and I have had a rollercoaster of a relationship it’s honestly embarrassing. He clearly has issues he was verbally and physically abusive. Both sides of our family know. He’s just a very insecure man but we started out as friends for many years prior. I didn’t realize he had this other side to him until it was too late and I got out. I’ve been broken up with him for about a year, we were together for two and he basically lived in my apartment 24/7 we were with eachother all the time, then to nothing. We had a convo and agreed to remain friends (whatever that means) and unfortunately I have had crash out moments recently where I slipped up would text him about something stupid in my life, he would always reply but it’s obviously not what it used to be. So then I get upset and down. (That’s on me). I was told in therapy it’s a part of the grieving process. So I decided to stop as of 3 weeks ago have not crashed out and hit him up and yesterday he texts me hi how are you. I took 4 hours to respond bc I was busy but I wasn’t expecting to see his name at all it’s been a while and it’s just minimal responses and it goes dry. Why do men do this? Like what the actual hell? it was the day after Valentine’s too aka yesterday so I just don’t understand why he would hit me up randomly if he purposely was trying to make the conversation go no where. Once I responded hours later he just kept being dry and I was over it. Is this like a narcissistic trait? or does he actually miss me/ was he genuinely thinking about me? It’s so messed up and confusing and now i feel upset that I responded just to have zero actual convo. I really just am trying to understand and grasp what he was trying to accomplish or do because I genuinely will always still love him so I don’t mind having a civil conversation but he keeps making it bland and so hard but he hit me up first outta nowhere. What is going on in his mind? I need opinions from men mostly. Thankyou!

[HollyK21]

You shouldn’t have responded at all. What’s the point in doing the work to let him go, only to hit the restart button for a moment of weakness? Here’s a newsflash — breakups suck! It sucks when you’ve been together for years and have history, it sucks if you have kids. It sucks if you’ve combined your lives and have to separate them, included family, friends, work, apartment, pets, etc etc etc. It sucks letting go of all that familiarity, but that isn’t your cue to stay in a bad situation.


It may be hard to believe, but no other woman wants your ex and that is mainly why he’s coming back. His anger issues, his abuse, you were the only one willing to deal with that and this should tell you a lot about how you’ve lost your sense of self worth dealing with him. Let that man go. He hasn’t changed in 3 weeks, and won’t change in another 3. This is who he is as an adult and if I were you I wouldn’t wanna commit to that. Wouldn’t want to marry into it or risk having my future children see someone like him as an example of what a good man should be or your toxicity being what love looks like.

[HollyK21]

Also, it is too soon to even dream of having a civil, platonic friendship. You still love him romantically, you’re not ready to witness or experience the things a single man does. You aren’t ready to hear about him moving on, seeing other women or giving him advice about said-women. It’s faaaar too hurtful when the breakup is so fresh. One of you has to be the stronger one and commit to letting go, then maybe in the future once the dust has settled, you can genuinely be friends. But not now.

[Asker]

You’re so right girl. All my friends tell me this, too. I constantly fear of just finding out he’s moved on and it would break me even though he treated me so poorly he was my first love before things got so bad so it’s devastating all around. I have been celibate ever since the breakup. I’m not the type to just mess around to get over someone I rather heal and seek therapy which I have done but it is hard for me to put myself back out there. I feel not ready. I have plenty of guys hitting on me, but I just don’t engage. Sometimes he says all these girls were after him but who knows even if that’s true. It was out of nowhere I walked into work started doing my job and got a buzz and it was his name and I was shocked bc usually I’m stupid and reach out first. He’s an awful person for what he did to me. I’ll never forget but I was raised to forgive. I don’t think he’s a horrible person, I just think he needs help. He’s a very attractive guy so I don't know why he would have a problem looks wise getting someone but I think it’s bc what he did, girls at his workplace are turned off. Obviously. They all know I guess. He isn’t a liar he has confessed to it all that he’s done. I just feel like is too short to hate and use that energy so that’s why we agreed to be civil, maybe not friends. I haven’t seen him in person in a while. I just find it weird he would reach out after Valentine’s Day “how you doin” ugh I don't know I’m happy regardless and on my healing journey so I take it with a grain of salt. Just wanted to know opinions thankyou love

[beefcakebradybatson]

Especially when I see an attractive person with a, well, underwhelming partner.