My boyfriend's BEST FRIEND is a girl who he used to have a crush on. He told me she's "very important" to him because she helped him a lot before & I've heard him saying "I love you" to her on the phone once before they hung up, but that's when they haven't been talking with each other for 1-2 months. Part of me told me that if he'd say it even when I was there, that means they're really friends only because otherwise, he'd have walk away a little bit to talk with her. Yet, the other part of me just couldn't stop having the bad feelings. I don't know if it's just because I worry too much/too jealous, but I found that he seems to be trying to impress that girl from time to time. E.g. he bought a $100 gift for her because "he owed her" (I don't know the reason), and he paid for an expensive dinner of 4 even when he's broke (I think it's because she was there). Then I'd to help him a bit on $ because he's totally broke. So I got mad because it seemed like he took my help for granted & I said:"Am I supposed to spend $ on you so then you can spend $ on other people?!" He only said "it's not like that", as always. I've NEVER thought about asking him to stop seeing that girl if they're friends only because I've close guy-friends too. Yet, what happened recently kinda got onto my nerves. I don't know if he really didn't know when I asked him or not, but on the night before he hung out with that girl, when I asked him where he'd be going the next day, he said he didn't know yet. But then the next day, I found that he's in that girl's house watching DVD. He woke up at 9 in the morning because he needs to get to that girl's house by 12 (it's only a 15-min distance, 25 at most). First, I don't think he didn't know he'd be meeting that girl at 12 if he'd set the alarm at 9. I asked him at night (probably 12-1am), but he told me he didn't know. Fine, say he really didn't know. What really makes me mad is that he actually woke up 3 hrs earlier to prepare himself to meet with that girl while he's mostly late when he sees me. Few days ago, I actually waited for him for 1.5hrs because he didn't wake up on time. So I totally got pissed & said:"it's not fair! you'd wake up 3 hrs earlier to meet with other people, but when you're seeing me, you're always late!" he just said "no, it's not like that", AS ALWAYS. I know I've to trust him if I want this relationship, but I had a bad relationship before which my ex-boyfriend ended up hooking up with who he called his "best friend". I noticed how he treated that girl differently, but he denied it. They ended up having sex and he told me he didn't know how that happened, he just found that he liked her suddenly. I guess I'm kinda "traumatized" by what happened before, so I can't stop they're more than just friends even if they may be just friends. I asked him if he really loves me and he said yes, but my ex-boyfriend said that too. So I'm having these internal conflicts all the times. What should I do? Any suggestions
My girlfriend had issues with my close female friends. She went into jealous rages and demanded I stop seeing them. I did.our relationship eventually failed because she f***ed someone else and I married my friend 5 years later.
You aren't going to alter the relationship between them. Either accept it (including if they are being sexual intimate) or let him go. He has made it clear that the relationship is important him and he isn't going to give it up.
Oh. fwiw, The woman I married insisted that I keep all my female friends. She decided that we were better off being non-monogamous because my friends are often sexual partners as well. Its worked out very well for the last 15 years.
Tell him all of this and tell him you're sick of hearing "No, it's not like that". (which you obviously are) Communication is very important. It is what builds trust. Tell him everything about how you are feeling. Oh, and don't listen to guys like lefthand if you have something against having multiple . . . "partners". (which I personally do) You deserve better then that.
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 2 months ago
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