Why do most men prefer to marry and have kids with unattractive women?

this is what I have noticed a lot. all my friends from high school who are unattractive are married or have lots of kids. all the nice looking ones? not so much. I know I know you guys are going to say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or "not everything is about looks" and I KNOW, but I want to know why men prefer to settle down with less attractive women? you guys are prob going to say "WELL THEY ARE PROBABLY NICE AND NOT MEAN LIKE PRETTY GIRLS" not the case. most unattractive women I know who are married are very mean, for example my boyfriend's cousin is married to a very mean woman. she cuts him down, smacks their kid and she's only 2 and treats her husband like garbage. he had a chance to be with a very nice girl who is very pretty and he rejected her for his now wife. I don't get it. I can see if you meet someone and you don't care what they look like and they are the sweetest woman on earth, but idk...it's like men don't care if they are treated badly. its almost like they would prefer to marry an unatractive mean woman over a pretty nice one. also I have noticed most men like to settle down with less attractive women and like to date the pretty ones. why is this? when I was big and didn't care for myself and went out looking haggard I had no problem with guys wanting to commit and had been proposed to. now that I care for myself and lost weight and look nice (still the same person on the inside! I'm still nice!) guys just wanna date me is there a reason why guys are like this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Here is the truth. Guys that are average and below know their chances of getting a girl is slim. Its hard for a regular guy to get a girl. They'll start settling a lot faster than a hotter guy. A hotter guy knows he can get other girls so he messes around a lot more. Hotter guys tend to not want deeper relationships. If they do have one, it will be hard for them to commit knowing they still have potential. If the guy has always been hot then he will mess around a lot and not settle with a girl as much. If a guy was once really overweight and is now real hot after working out a lot then its possible his mind is still in the fat suit mode so he might be willing to settle much easier than a guy that was hot from the start. It all depends on the guy also. If a hot guy had a lot of bad luck with girls just wanting him for his body then eventually he will want a serious relationship with real love. It just takes time for the hotter guys to settle down. It all comes down to options. Same thing applies to girls. I know tons of people that were hot and got really overweight and now want to settle. Only because they got less attractive that they now decided to settle down. They know their chances of getting a guy or a girl is harder so their standards lower every week or month that passes by. Eventually some people will take anyone. A lot of guys and girls say its the personality but in reality in the real world its more like the looks gets you the door open while the personality keeps the girl or guy with you. I wish it wasn't like that but that's just how the world works these days.

    • Guys that are hotter that end up with a lesser attractive girl are ones that use to be overweight usually then worked out a lot. Still have that mind set that they are still the same overweight person in the mind. This can happen to hot guys also. Some hot guys get burned out from hot girls not really liking them for real or acting fake. Just liking them for their body and not giving them emotional love. The perfect girl for a guy is a nice sweet caring hot girl. Not many have both though.

    • I used to wear glasses until my pre-teens. I wore contacts for 10 yrs, and felt attractive. Two years ago, my ex stopped noticing me; stared at every girl around us. He was the guy who was overweight who still sees himself that way. He needed them to look at him to feel good. He made the gym his priority, and didn't realize I loved him the way he was. I started dumbing down my look, left my glasses on, wore casual and baggy clothes because I was tired of being looked at by everyone besides him.

What Guys Said 21

  • i have to call you on your question, not arguing, just sayin, most guys that look for that beautiful girl, to marry, have kids with, won't ever be interested in the guy looking for her. she always looks for something better. sadly realizing later she's lost her chance. so.. the guy settles for less but in the end lives 90% of the time, happy and married to awomen most other women wouldn't find attractive at all or men. but inside he loves her, and thinks she's attractive,. I will admit, it is also the thing of the "ugly" ones, and that's strong to say, but yea, in societies eyes, the ugly ones are easier, and the pretty hot sexy beautiful ones are harder,..

  • Yeah, I don't think that's the case. Guys will choose nice and hot over unpleasant and unattractive 100 times out of 100. But there are two things to consider. First, life is rarely that clear in the characterstics of people. Most everyone is a mixed bag of all kinds of positive and negative traits. Second, you don't always have the CHOICE to pick the nice hot girl. There are only so many of them to go around. So why aren't THEY married, while some of their uglier, unpleasant sisters are? Because the hot nice girl has OPTIONS. She can be pretty choosey. She doesn't have to settle for the first guy to come her way and often she doesn't.

    • That's because nice attractive girls want nice attractive guys. If everyone would learn to just be patient God can send both people what they want. I'm a beautiful sweet girl, who prefers handsome nice guys and I'm not about to settle for the opposite. It's not just about the girl being attractive and nice, the guy has to be those things as well. God will see to it that those two people find each other at the right time.

    • Yes Georgia, if you read what I wrote, you'll see the point where I said hot nice girls have OPTIONS. That means they can be choosey. Which of course means she can opt for nice and hot in a guy or hot and rich or nice hot and rich, or whatever she's going for.

  • I would never marry a woman who I thought was unattractive, why settle when I know I can get a more attractive woman? Now my girlfriend is smoking hot, and we get along great, would I marry her just because she is hot, no but it did play a big part in me wanting to date her.

  • I know what you are talking about. Beats me.

    LOL I hope I do not end up like that.

  • average women are less picky and more likely to make a good mom while a hot chick is working all the muscles in town are in party mode for years

    • but I am a fantastic mother, and am over partying. I want to get married I'm getting old, but I'm not willing to make myself unattractive. do you think there is any guys out there who would like to be with a hot woman and marry one?

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    • from southern california, my standards to be honest are pretty low lol. I go for average looking guys usually, though I have been with less than attractive men before also, and extremely attractive men. the way I think with guys is...if they treat me right, don't call me names, don't cheat, then I'm game heh. but still I have bad luck heh.

    • haha I'm perfect for you and in arizona. And a massage therapist lol jk. Stick with it and you'll find a good guy

  • Maybe they have other qualities besides conventional beauty, that men find more than adequate to compensate.

    Characteristics that suit them well to motherhood;

    Make a stable home life likely;

    Ethical, religious, psychological, temperamental and sexual compatibility;

    Intelligence and sense of humor;

    Loyalty, honesty, integrity;

    Perhaps they're tired of dealing with high-maintenance, shallow women.

    Love, maybe?

    • i guess being a mean ugly girl is the way to go then...

    • Works pretty well for Rosie O'Donnell.

      Probably not the best strategy if you want to attract a member of the opposite gender.

  • From what I noticed with my friends were that they said that was the best they could get and/or didn't have the confidence to get what they really wanted so they settled for average. That's why I will never settle for average who said that I can't have beautiful women as my wife.

  • What strange land do you live in?

    • california. all the moms and wives I see are overweight or unattractive, and constantly yell. (im not including rich wives/trophy wives...the norm) and the hot /pretty women are single or just dating, even if they are really nice

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    • Yeah, ugly women always attract men like flies, while attractive women are left to pine away all alone.

    • im not tryin to be mean ok? I'm sorry I snaped atcha, I'm just aggrivated blegh. I don't know, I just feel like men want to settle down with less than attractive women. sorry if I offended.

  • Those men are probably much more mature than other guys & see that women are not just here for looks. Women can be beautiful in many ways, & no one has to be a super model.

    • But do the girls who do look like models deserve to be cast aside?

    • no, & generally men go for supermodels all the time, so if you are pretty, you have nothing to worry about.

  • Frankly, most attractive women have issues tagged on. They usually hit a relationship that they adore and value, just to find out that their partner only wanted them for their looks or wanted someone else. These women get torn and become delusional, protective, defensive, etc. No guy wants to be with that. And no, this doesn't account for all attractive women.

    Other times most men don't feel like they are deserving. Which is just flawed thinking as beauty is more of a luck of the die rather then something achieved.

  • Maybe ... Just maybe they love them? Who would have thunk

    • why would someone want to love someone who is mean and ugly on the inside?

    • Real love is accepting the person for their flaws. We might see those women screaming in the street, but the men may like their women feisty, that puts them in their place. Certain men like women to yell at them and baby them like their mothers. Those men are too in love to let those women go.

  • The same reason for beautiful women to marry unattractive women maybe I will marry unattractive women because I hate beautiful women

    • So if you met a beautiful woman who adored you and was in love with you and treated you like a king, ud hate her?

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    • Good for you but that only one goodlooking couple? any?

    • I have something similar. I want a beautiful woman to be my wife but I don't think I will get one :-/ Because stealth50k has said the truth that these days getting a partner depends on your looks.

  • Most guys want to be with an attractive nice woman. People just have different levels of attraction. Women are usually more attracted to success and confidence and guys are attracted to a lot of different things but are more likely to want to be happy with a prettier woman than miserable with a lesser woman. Kind of common sense if you think about it.Who really wants to be mistreated by someone they have a hard time looking at? I believe that women are more likely to put up with this than men because of their nesting instincts (women usually desire more to start a life and have children and settle down). A good relationship usually is a lot of work to get or to keep, but if you really do have an attraction to who you're with then it makes life much better. I had a kid with an ugly woman that doctors said couldn't have kids and she is getting meaner all the time and it is tough! I try to be accepting of it but If she was even half as ugly then I'd be like 200% happier!

  • its because they didn't mean to have that kid tht tied them to one another for the majority of their lives. too many times guys get stuck with girls because of irresponsible sex. they get married because its the rite thing to do and work on trying to love that person which is why the ugly wives are so mad

  • Not really a preference, it's just a lot of women my age that are still virgins aren't the most attractive girls, and I won't date women that aren't virgins

  • I think they go with unattractive women just because those women are not you.

    • that makes 0 sence

    • Haha, what I meant was, that mabe you find them unattractive, because it was other women. I bet their husbands like them and find them attractive. At least that?s what one would hope. And that?s all that matters.

    • oooh I gotcha lol sorryjust didn't understand at first. eh yah true, but its sad if the men really don't find the attractive.

  • It might be also that the unattractive girls found a guy and stuck with him. Attractive girls play the field more... don't just put responsibility on us guys...

  • This why.


  • attractive people cheat

    • i don't cheat...and I know LOTS of ugly people who cheat

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    • thats not true.. that means everyones a cheat then..so if someone that werent that goodlooking was they would cheat to beacuse everyone fancys them that's crap

    • Not true at all. I concider myself to be attractive but have never and will never cheat. However, a woman I know who's over-weight and is, well, very "plain-jane" looking is currently cheating on her husband with God-knows how many men.

  • There are probably a lot of reasons for this. People, men and women, are generally intimidated by attractive people, so in that case, it's a numbers game, they ask out more of the less attractive ones, and so they end up with them more often. plus, there are more unattractive people to go around than attractive ones. still numbers.

    Another reason is a lot of really attractive women are completely spoiled and therefore high maintenance, and unappreciative, and vain.

    Another reason would be because a man doesn't like to have everyone looking at his wife all the time, undressing her with their eyes, and imaging all manner of filth. So they go for someone less attractive to avoid this problem. In countries where married women are more modest this is not as much of a problem.

    Another reason, similar to the previous, is that (at least in perception) a very attractive woman is going to be more likely to be unfaithful, simply because she will have more opportunity to be unfaithful (in practice perhaps this isn't the case, but it is still the perception.)

    Also, sometimes very attractive women put too much stock in their beauty, and fail to develop their mental faculties. this makes them useless for most purposes.

    Perhaps pressure is another reason. Maybe these couples got together because of the manipulations of the less attractive woman. Attractive women don't usually need to twist a man's arm to get him to marry her, they can afford higher standards, and to wait longer. Perhaps the less attractive ones just push harder for marriage.


What Girls Said 18

  • haha oh dear!

    Jamaica Outtttttttt

  • that's a good question. I have good looks and people say I have great personality and inner beauty. (others say it, no myself k..) but I been through a few bad apples. like 2. but I haven't found anyone who will commit to me yet which is frustrating as heck. it might be that I won't settle for less and as I am getting older, the options are somewhat thinning out, I'm not that old but I guess like someone said already, if they know they can fool around and not commit, they'll do that till they're ugly and older and finally settle down for less or anyone willing to put up with them.

  • Because they don't care about what's on the outside they care about how that person makes him happy. its all about what's on the inside that counts.

    • if that was true then men would't push away the pretty girls most of the time...and they wouldn't settle down with a woman who is abusive emotionally who is not attractive just because he wants an unattractive woman.


    • did you even read the question?

    • yes I red the question. I'm saying just because you might not find them attractive don't mean he does.! its not all about looks anyone.

  • It's really weird,my uncle married a fat ugly woman with an ugly personality.I don't get why too:(

    • Some women were nice in the beginning but get real mean and controlling after they feel insecure about themselves later when letting themselves go. Most miserable women are the ones that envy other girls beauty. They then take out their anger on the guy. Bullies are usually insecure in some type of fashion.

    • Yep, kinda like the QA

    • i don't envy anyone's beauty I am completely 100% happy with my appearance. I was always bullied when I was younger because I was overweight and was beat up. so I got in shape and started taking very good care of myself. I just feel like men only want unattractive women and would never want to marry a pretty woman. yes I am miserable but I'm not a bully, I am the one who is bullied. I feel like I need to just gain weight then I'll finally get married. I really do hate myself.

  • well yes am attractive hot sexy I got more than 6 marriage proposal but I didn't wanted looking for better I have more option damn am afraid I will end up alone with no husband.my friend she is lol not attractive at all got married with the first marriage proposal she got DO it OR die that's the quotation of unatractive girls they agreed to marry with the first person they couldn't even believe it lol

  • yess you are right I guess because unatrractive women are not needy ya know hot girls want a lot of money pleasure they can cheat they cannot live without showing off theire beauty to the world what husband hate ,beautiful girls and woman (not all of them but the majority) complain about nothing and knows nothing just make up and some stupid things about stars they don't know how to cook to raise children to be perfect houswife what's matter is the look.well yes you are right you know my friend just got married she is not attractive at all she is short and a little bit fat am good looking hot sexy but hell she want a house and a husband I still want to play lol am not prepared yet

  • Beauty is NOT skin deep, whilst I'm not unattractive, I don't have that oh yea I know I'm HOT attitude a lot of attractive women do.

    I once read something that said this about men and why they chose the average women they do for life partners.

    A) they want to be the only one to truly admire their bride

    B) average girls are less work

    C) they can cook, and will be more likely to do that than worry about their nails

    D) they will do adventurous things outdoorsy things and not care about their hair make up and nails

    E) they don't need constant admiration they are confident and happy as they are

    F) less inhibition sexually, they are mentally able to let go and not have thoughts of 'oh I hope my breasts look good this way, what's he thinking of my arse right now?' running through their heads

    G) they are better homemakers because they don't require expensive clothes, jewellery, accessories, constant visits to hair dressers and nail technicians and beauticians- so for your average earning man she's going to cost him less in the long run.

    H) they have no snobbish behaviours and won't turn their nose up at his mates, they are able to be one of the boys.

    Beautiful women get married all the time too, but women are less willing to admit how shallow we really are too.

    And perhaps yours cousins partner makes him happy and loved and his previous girlfriend didn't?

  • My opinion would be that it's because these woman don't have standards as high when it comes to looks, money, etc. I am a very attractive woman and for years I considered myself normal to only date men who had money are were extremely attractive. Now I've grown up and am married to a man that most beautiful woman think wow, why is she with him! But I love him, he is the greatest guy ever! He loves me for the me on the inside and not just for my looks. He is a great father and provider even though he isn't rich and works 2 jobs! I am happier now than I've ever been!

  • Well I'm attractive n men like to show me off when we are dating but they won't take me seriously n commit.

  • Its the power of love :)

    I think it's just a coincidence because it's all about your fate and if you are destined to be with this person, you would. You don't intentionally love a person, love just happens ;)

    • Uhhh, so if you're destined to be with an evil, ugly witch, you're stuck with it.

  • What I said before about insecure, cheaters and coward men was only a simple description of one very known type of men who respond to the traits I wrote but it doesn't mean that they're all are like that ! Some of them just have a very weak character cause they were castrated in their young age by their parents or so, so they just choose to be around the woman who treat them bad and order them to do things just because they got used to be treated badly and don't think they deserve to be treated nicely ! This can explain why they let go a beautiful nice woman and get married to an ugly bad one ! Thinking that a beautiful and nice woman is too much for them and they'll most likely loose her quickly, so being afraid of not succeeding in the marriage, they opt for the more secure option , which is getting married to the ugly bad woman !

    • Yep, he figures if the ugly girl is harsh, the pretty girl must be hell.

  • Maybe you should get your head out of your ass and accept it seriously bitching about it ain't going to get you anywhere sister jealous makes people very ugly

    • why did this post make you so angry? hit too close to home?

    • You wish ;) It made me angry because you sound like a stuck up cow who needs a big reality check and a big old kick up the ass xd

  • I've always thought it's because attractive girls are more likely to be more picky, whereas ugly women will marry the first guy to come along.

  • I am a former Playboy/fashion/print model/actresss. I am also a mother of an older daughter. I look about 27, and look hotter and younger than ever... I've bn a very good mom, I love cleaning and being a housewife but no luck with men in Cali. I just moved out from Cali becuz Im getting biologically "old" and although am hot and couldnt get a man in L. A. to commit to me. Also, many men from L. A. that I was seeing were hiding that they were married or had girlfriends. When Id do an internet search to see pix of the girlfriends/wives, they were all very plain v. unattractive. Men in Cali r misogynists and womanizers. I have met men from outside of SoCal that appreciated me and saw me as girlfriend/wife material... Hence, Ill be traveling a lot till I meet the right kind of man who isn't too insecure to have a beautiful, sexy, wife... it ain't gonna happen in L. A. Was there 12 years. Each boyfriend/rltnship was a disaster full of betrayal and no loyalty to ANYONE... MEN IN OTHER STATES aren't ALL LIKE THAT

  • Hmm, I'm an unattractive woman with many many faults, married to a good looking

    successful man with a wonderful personality, who is confident and successful. Every day I ask myself why he ever decided to marry me. And I ask myself this because of the shallow attidudes that society has about success and looks. I have asked him why also and his answer is always the same, because I loved you and still do. I am left with knowing that there is something he sees in ME that he didn't see in others. I must admit, I married him very willingly, because I always knew that I could not afford to have choices that attractive women had, and that my love for someone was really dictated by whether they loved me, a bit like a dog who is just happy to be loved. Rather sad in a way. There are two very attractive, extremely bright, emphatic, high self esteem young adults I have given birth to. A young woman and a young man, who are now able to make an informed choice for a partner, who do not have to sit around waiting for approval. So in a way it's bittersweet, all the choosy people who are 'looking' for good looks and a good personality are now at risk for being approved by my kids, and most likely won't be approved because my kids were raised in a home watching their good looking, beautiful Dad loving their low self esteem, not attractive Mom, and it is this witnessing in the home that will have changed their view of love and acceptance forever. I do believe I contributed to making this world a much more accepting place to come home to. You see, it is all in the 'looking' and the 'judgement', because it leaves your world a narrow place with a lot of room for failure. The looks will fade, personality can change, a disease can set in, your kids are not destined to be beautiful or bright, just because you are. Unattractive people and I don't mean just the plain, will always have a depth to them, brought about by living in a judgmental world. Depressed or ill people will also always have that broader view that maybe, just maybe, it is this depth that attracts some people to each other? It is obviously not a depth that someone who has not had a life of pain can have, so it might just be the shaper of a personality that is attractive to some people. A certain vulnerability might be just what the love doc ordered.

  • i wonder if she cooks and cleans. for some reason I think some guys see fat women as more "domesticated" and pretty girls as like the "fantasy/party" type

  • Possibilities:

    1. The prettier, the more demanding. Some guys like simplicity. They may want a girl who will do more for them instead of one they have to put more work/effort into.

    2. Sexual exploration. (In theory, it's the ugly/fat girls who will do more, be better at more, and allow more to been done to them.)

    3. The pretty girl may have lost her chance trying to reach for super hott/popular guy, who was so hott that he wasn't ready to settle down yet.

    4. Pretty girl may have taken more time, feeling she had plenty of time and plenty of options before she was ready to settle on whomever.

    5. Pretty girl may have overestimated her own attractiveness. (Sometimes people start out cute, but don't stay that way.)

    • 6. Not so much that a pretty girl will cheat, but an ugly girl won't.

      7. Some guys like being the "pretty" one. The one who gets the attention, with a dotting wife.

    • most cheaters I know are ugly...

    • While that may be true for you, I'm only speaking of the reasoning behind this decision for some men. Like "a fat girl knows how to cook", for instance. These days that's not always true as plenty simply spend too much time at the drive through or ordering take out. But, when male friends and associates have talked about why they prefer the so-called "less desirable" these are some of their reasons.