How do I differentiate a pervy gaze from a longing one?

Can you help me tell the difference between a guy who's staring at me like a piece of meat and one who's staring at me because he likes me?

Sometimes it's easy to tell because some dudes (a minority!) just give you this lurid look like they've never seen a woman before. But many times it's more subtle and therefore confusing, because even a decent guy can give you a cheeky look or lustful smile because he finds you attractive.

So how can I tell the difference and stop being so uncertain / suspicious?


0|0
5|8

Most Helpful Guy

  • Let's get a couple things out of the way, first.

    The only real "pervy" gazes are the obvious-looking ones. After that, you shouldn't make any assumptions about his intentions based on his mere look.

    Keep in mind, it used to be considered romantic to "longingly gaze at the one you admire." (That is, before everything a man did became bad.)

    Also, if a guy likes you, he's going to have sexual interest in you. Heck, he's probably picturing you naked. Even the nicest and most kosher guys will "undress you with their mind", and this isn't something disrespectful. Not unless they actually ARE disrespectful people.

    A pervert would be someone who views you as a piece of meat. That is: They have sexual interest in you without respecting or taking interest your personal self. But for some reason, people seem to only look at the "sexual" part and assume sexual interest means pervert, which couldn't be farther from the truth. Emotional and Sexual interest are too intertwined to praise one and condemn the other, like we are currently doing.

    Good, that's off my chest.

    A look isn't the place to look for this personality trait. If he stares at you for a long time, then yeah, that's just kinda rude to anyone. But looking at you and smiling isn't problematic. So I would focus mostly on being less suspicious and worried, lest you live in fear and push the best guys away.

    If you want to look for better hints, it would have a lot to do with how he actually interacts with you. Namely, a good guy will try to explore your person before trying to explore your body. Trying to hold a conversation instead of trying to grind against you. This is a man who is interested in the whole package.

    (So if you show much more body than personality in how you dress yourself, you'll attract more guys, yes, but probably ones you don't want to be around.)

    So basically, just focus on not worrying about something like a certain look or smile, and focus on knowing where your boundaries are and how to make them clear should you run into one of our nastier brothers.

    1|0
    0|0
    • That waste well written and I agreed. From my experience, a guy who is willing to help you and ask questions is very good signs he want to know more about you ( hobbies, etc). A guy who is too smooth has master the art of picking up girl ( like not genuine salesperson on commission). Just my two cents...don't let your self conscious of what other think affects how you project yourself.

What Guys Said 7

  • It's always pervey trust me.

    If a hot girl crosses our line of sight and we find ourselves staring, we're thinking to ourselves "Oh the dirty things I would love to do to that girl".

    I mean honestly, if we've never met you, how are we supposed to know anything else about you? All we are thinking is for the most part purely sexual because all we have to go on is looks.

    Now once we start talking to you, things can change. We're still thinking about how much we would love to have sex with you, but we also thinking about other things, like your personality, is she funny, is she fun, can I see myself dating her, what are her values, what does she do for fun etc. No different than meeting any other person.

    0|1
    0|1
  • In both cases mentioned a guy wants your body but one who wants more than his own pleasure satisfied (ego or body wise) or who is most likely to offer you what you desire longterm in both those senses and emotionally will know he can not just stare but actually lok away and come back frequently in a way that feels personalized. Distance at which he flirts is a good indicator and whether he ALSO looks into your eyes and not just everywhere else probably would converse before and after he got his way. This is a very blunt answer but really answers your question.

    0|0
    0|0
  • All guys have sexual urges -even the ones who want a serious relationship. You really cannot judge based on how guys look at you. Honestly, would you rather date a guy who has zero sexual interest in you?

    I think the real question here is: "how can I tell the difference between a guy who only wants a one-night stand and a guy who wants an every-night stand with me for possibly the rest of my life?"

    The answer would be to just date the guy for as long as you can to see if he was really into you or not. The one-night standers do not have time for such commitment and will try to find other girls. The every-nighters are only interested in you -assuming you don't break their hearts.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you so much for your answer, I'm sorry I can only pick one BA!

      You really nailed it about the "real question"... yes, I'm essentially looking for someone who's going to stay a while after the first few nights together because he likes me.

  • It's always pervy. He might really like your personality as well, but that's not what he's staring at.

    2|1
    0|1
  • If you catch him looking at your eyes, it's probably more serious, but I don't think there's any way to tell for sure.

    0|1
    0|0
  • there is no difference.

    0|1
    0|0
  • If the guy's hot,or really good looking he can get away being a pervert. But if the guy is ugly average or below average and is a pervert quick call the cops. And don't deny it.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 5

  • You're a girl, you have a sixth sense for this kind of thing. Trust yourself and go with your gut. Every time (EVERY time) I've gotten a pervy vibe from a guy, he later proved me right.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd say that if a guy is looking at your body then he's going to be thinking lusty thoughts but if a guy keeps his eyes on your eyes and doesn't let them wonder it could mean more serious business.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Pervy gazes stare at you like you're a helpless zebra and they're a hungry, wild, untamed, filthy lion. Longng gazes are unintentially bold. The guys respect you and don't want to be caught. There's something sweet about their gazing unlike pervy gazes who are replusive and disgusting.

    0|0
    0|0
  • oh man that's tough. I see a "pervy" gaze as one where he's thinking about what he wants to DO TO YOU. I see a sweet/thoughtful gave as him wondering who are you and what you're up to and how to approach you. not sure that helps! but yea, the first one is creepy :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • Interest/longing: When the guy pays more attention to what you do / are doing. Sometimes looks surprised to see you when you pass by. Finds ways to be near you.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...