First of all, let me just say that I am not a child, as some would probably assume due to the question title. I am a 20 (21 this September) year old short Asian female.
I know that this may sound childish and stupid to many of you but I can't help but feel a little awkward and out of place when I try to buy lingerie. Yes, the key word being try. Before anyone says something, I am perfectly fine buying undergarments such as bras and panties/boy shorts on my own without a problem. They are simple and plain that not at all to showy nor to conservative (although my mom raised me to dress conservatively). In other words, it is just...average.
Its been on my mind for a while now, and I've been planning to buy some because I don't really want to bore my boyfriend with what he might consider 'not sexy'. Its just when I step into the stores like La Senza or Victoria's Secret, I feel...overwhelmed and a little bit embarrassed. I see other women shop perfectly fine and it makes me wonder if they had ever had first time jitters like I have or if it had come naturally to them. My mother had offered to shop with me but I feel it would be strange to shop for lingerie with my mom. My friends also offered as they had already gone through this phase but I fear they might try to force upon me something I am not comfortable with.
Can someone (preferably female) please help me with this problem I have?
Most Helpful Guy
Well, I believe that sex for a woman is on a different plane than for a man. We like the visceral feelings, like to dominate and feel like a "man".
For women, it is a time to bond with her mate, to show him love, to allow her soul, her heart to come together with his own. It's amazing for a woman to willingly surrender her body to a man.
But... In doing so he can take advantage of her, hurt her, demean her, make her feel dirty. (In a bad way.) Men do not understand it can be a painful betrayal of trust.
On a level, I believe all women understand that. A cruel or uncaring man can really hurt a good woman's heart during sex. He can be cold, and angry, and she will remember it- because she is submitting to him. Giving him all of her power.
So when you go in to buy lingerie, in my opinion you might be a little afraid of surrendering even more of you to him, because to me, sex is a sacred act. And now you're getting even more into it. He could reject it, what you bought, or not say anything positive, which could hurt you. And it's very hard for a woman to overcome hurt like that. (Men do not usually understand that)
So yes, you are a little nervous. And maybe your boyfriend might not have the intimate connection with your heart that you are desperate for- I can only guess what's going on.
So many people today trivialize sex as no big deal- but they're wrong. It's a huge deal.1