Awkward feeling buying lingerie for the first time?

First of all, let me just say that I am not a child, as some would probably assume due to the question title. I am a 20 (21 this September) year old short Asian female.

I know that this may sound childish and stupid to many of you but I can't help but feel a little awkward and out of place when I try to buy lingerie. Yes, the key word being try. Before anyone says something, I am perfectly fine buying undergarments such as bras and panties/boy shorts on my own without a problem. They are simple and plain that not at all to showy nor to conservative (although my mom raised me to dress conservatively). In other words, it is just...average.

Its been on my mind for a while now, and I've been planning to buy some because I don't really want to bore my boyfriend with what he might consider 'not sexy'. Its just when I step into the stores like La Senza or Victoria's Secret, I feel...overwhelmed and a little bit embarrassed. I see other women shop perfectly fine and it makes me wonder if they had ever had first time jitters like I have or if it had come naturally to them. My mother had offered to shop with me but I feel it would be strange to shop for lingerie with my mom. My friends also offered as they had already gone through this phase but I fear they might try to force upon me something I am not comfortable with.

Can someone (preferably female) please help me with this problem I have?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I believe that sex for a woman is on a different plane than for a man. We like the visceral feelings, like to dominate and feel like a "man".

    For women, it is a time to bond with her mate, to show him love, to allow her soul, her heart to come together with his own. It's amazing for a woman to willingly surrender her body to a man.

    But... In doing so he can take advantage of her, hurt her, demean her, make her feel dirty. (In a bad way.) Men do not understand it can be a painful betrayal of trust.

    On a level, I believe all women understand that. A cruel or uncaring man can really hurt a good woman's heart during sex. He can be cold, and angry, and she will remember it- because she is submitting to him. Giving him all of her power.

    So when you go in to buy lingerie, in my opinion you might be a little afraid of surrendering even more of you to him, because to me, sex is a sacred act. And now you're getting even more into it. He could reject it, what you bought, or not say anything positive, which could hurt you. And it's very hard for a woman to overcome hurt like that. (Men do not usually understand that)

    So yes, you are a little nervous. And maybe your boyfriend might not have the intimate connection with your heart that you are desperate for- I can only guess what's going on.

    So many people today trivialize sex as no big deal- but they're wrong. It's a huge deal.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Though not female, I can assure you that we men who also have to walk in to buy lingerie for our partners feel like some combination of perv and idiots doing so.

    I have generally found staff in lingerie stores to be kinder and more helpful then average, and sympathetic to people who don't know what they're doing.

    I'd just accept that you'll feel a little shy and that's -okay-.

    For what its worth, La Senza and Victoria Secret are just ... underwear stores. They are not -sex dress up - shops. They have some fairly sexy stuff, and some very plain stuff, there's nothing to be embarassed about.

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  • Yeah, I can imagine feeling awkward if I was a girl, at least the first time. Its probably on par with us guys buying condoms -- the store clerk knows exactly what I'm going to do with these, haha. I'd say going with your friends is a good option, just don't let them force anything on you. It's not a big deal though, just go for it.

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  • its feel buying cuz ur not used it plain and simple.. and the fact ur gonna be wearing in underneith makes it more interesting... it could be ur embaressed cuz of your modesty... what are u planning on gettng?

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  • if you don't feel comfortable wearing it, don't. Your boyfriend already likes you for you, not for what you wear

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What Girls Said 2

  • there's nothing to be awkward about its your right. You should feel happy and buy something that fits your personality and you're comfortable in. It doesn't just flatter your body but can also make you feel good.

    If you're embarrassed go with a friend. No one can force you into anything you don't like unless you allow them to

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  • i had this problem when I went into Ann Summers (uk version of Victoria secret and La senza type lingerie shop) because the staff looked down at me disapprovingly, I'm short and look very young for my age so I looked like a 15 year old messing around in their store probably.

    what helped me was feeling sexy and pretty, I went in my best everyday outfits with heels, hair done and nice makeup and felt more like a woman instead of a kid who shouldn't be there (despite being 19 at the time). it also helps to look on their websites before you go into the store so you have an idea of what you want to buy instead of staring aimlessly at all the lingerie feeling lost and a bit self concious. I had to do that because when I went in id be the only person in the store with only one or 2 other customers coming in or out while I was there so I felt like all staffs eyes were on me and I can't concentrate under pressure so id wander around without really looking at anything, when I looked on the website and found some things I liked I would go in more focused and try to find them or ask staff members

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