I work in an oral surgery clinic. If someone is in pain we find a place to squeeze them in. Not only is that our job, but it's good for business reputation. Find a new doctor. If he's so busy that he can't appreciate your business then he is not worth going to. I'd advise looking into an actual oral surgeon as well. Teeth with large cavities often crumble and can be tricky, so seeing someone who specializes in hard extractions is a plus. If you have the money, they can offer you sedation for the procedure, which is the preferred choice from all my patients.
Don't wait too long to get this taken care of. You're at risk for infection and developing an abscess which will not only make it impossible to get numbed up when you do have surgery, but in some cases it can be life threatening. I'm not trying to scare you, but I've seen a lot of people in the same situation wait and then get sent over to my office after it gets really bad, or I get called in after hours for emergency incise and drain procedures.
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I don't know if you are over 21, but if you take Liquor, Like Rum or Vodka even, Just a cap full and hold it in you mouth in the side where the tooth is (don't drink it, just hold it there) it Should numb the pain.
Spit it out when you feel you're saliva is making the Rum of Vodka weaker or watered down, and do it again a few times. It should ease up.
Hope this helps a little.
Also, If you can, Try Antibiotics
have you tried to get in at the local health department? the one around here does dental appointments too and if it's really bad they usually try to get you in for triage within a day or so if there's an opening. it's going to be really hard to loosen up a tooth in the back to the point where you can get it out on your own. even the dentist will probably have trouble pulling it out in one piece if it has decayed enough. the longer you put it off the longer you'll be in pain and it won't just go away, trust me I've been there done that and it was horrible.
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Get a new dentist. The quicker you get it done, the quicker the pain will be gone.
The beauty of a free market economy is that when one business won't get the job done, there's another business that will.
Deal with your fear, go back to the dentist and get it taken care of. You are just making yourself miserable.
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