Does the price of an engagement ring matter?

[wangari7]

My mom got upset at my boyfriend for proposing to me with a cheap ring. It was so much drama we called off the engagement for a while. My mom nagged me about how it didn't even look like an engagement ring( it had a sapphire in the middle instead of a diamond, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted his birthstone and I said yes but I meant on the sides, lol) . Days had passed and my boyfriend asked me for an example of the ring I would want. And I showed him this one

link

I showed my mom the same ring and she thought it was pretty until she saw the price and went on nagging about how cheap it was and how I'm selling myself short and if he can't afford better he doesn't deserve me. I'm hurt and confused as to why this little symbol is such a big deal. I'm I selling myself short to not care as much for the ring?

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

neither of us are wealthy and he can't afford a really expensive one because right now he's living in an apartment by himself (and I live with my mom and he's younger than me pretty sad) and we planned a long engagement.

Updates

+1 y

I guess my mom's main concern is that a have a nice wedding and live comfortably once I'm married but I don't see how the engagement ring can predict my future with him.

[bitesizedonut]

I want to apologize for every one who has been dissing your mom. Even if they won't. You asked about the ring, not about your mother, and that is the question people should be answering.

Your mom may never understand. My parents never understood why I never dated around, but they are happy to see me married, with a roof over my head, food on my plate, and a loving husband. They may have been wary at first, but seeing me taken care of has alleviated all their fears (and all of their "nagging"). It will be hard to reassure her. Let her know that you love her, that you plan on taking things slow. Even she probably knows that the economy is affecting EVERYONE. Tell her you are aware of the financial commitment and so is he. Let her know that despite this engagement - the marriage won't occur until both of you are sure the financial stability is there. Like I said - it still may not get through to her, but once you get there and you are happy, well fed, and well taken care of, she will rest easier.

This is a scary world for our parents - where they have no say in who we marry. It is completely different from the life older generations have lived. They don't want their children making mistakes, but they also don't want to do anything to sever that parent/child relationship... which happens all too often these days (people moving across the country away from their parents/leaving them completely/never calling regularly/living their own lives and forgetting who bore them into this world). It's a fine balance for them. They want to fight for their children, protect them, give them all the things that they deserve (that they never had)... but sometimes what they think their children deserve doesn't coincide with what their children want. It's hard for them to reconcile that. I know it doesn't change anything, but maybe it helps to know where they come from.

I wish you all the luck with this. I truly think things will work out. Be patient, and stay strong - these are two very important people in your life :)

[bitesizedonut]

It used to be that getting a good engagement ring was a symbol of how well your husband will be able to take care of you (if he was financially well off you would get a pretty good ring). In this economy and today's culture, being so traditional is just not feasible. I never had an engagement ring, and my wedding ring was handed down to me by my mother-in-law (and my mother gave me one as well for use when I am working in the hospital... the ring my mother in law gave me does not meet with infection control standards). My husband doesn't have a ring. We don't have the money for a ring and my dad lost his wedding ring years ago so he didn't have a ring to hand down. Sometimes, you just have to make do. It's the love, not the material symbol of that love, that is important. No matter how expensive your ring is, you can still take it off and cheat on your spouse - it speaks nothing to the dedication of your bond. In fact, I would say the bond between my husband and I is deeper now - instead of a ring telling people we have wonderful spouses and are taken, we can :) It doesn't take a lot of effort to wear a ring - it takes much more effort to reject some one and tell them you have a wonderful loving husband at home waiting for you (although still not a lot of effort... it's easy to say those words when you love some one so much). In any case...

Short answer: No, price does not matter.

[jrose]

I think an engagement ring should reflect your personality, not the contents of your boyfriend's wallet. If you love the ring and he went to the trouble and care of picking out a beautiful ring for you, the price doesn't really matter.

Actually, I'll be honest, it matters a little. I would KILL my boyfriend if I found out he spent a lot of money on an engagement ring because we could use the money so much more wisely for our wedding or honeymoon or house...I don't need a guy to spend $1000's on a ring to show me he's the right guy for me.

Your mom is putting emphasis on the wrong thing- the price not the amount of thought, time, and sentiment your fiance has spent planning his proposal and picking the ring. I think she needs a reality check- the ring is just that- a symbol of your love, not the lifestyle your fiance is always going to have.

[BrettH]

first off its your relationship not your mothers. second its the engagement ring. that means you can still get a different one for the weeding if you guys choose. ok 2nd that ring is really nice for 600. there's nothing wrong for not spending thousands on a ring because not everyone has the money to go and buy the high end stuff. I know I am broke and want to propose to my girlfriend but I can't because I don't have enough money to buy a ring. and there are a lot other issues at hand and the ring is at the bottom of the list, only cause its a want and not a need. why not accept what he gives you and be grateful? what ever happened to what ever you give me will be great?

also lets see you give him a 600 gift and him say its not good enough. you would murder him because 600 really isn't that cheap.

basically I would like to see people stop caring over the price of things and worry about the symbol at hand. the rings a symbol for you to carry with you while he's not there during the day. the price shouldn't matter cause later in life when you two have some money you can buy a new ring, a bigger better more expensive ring. why should a guy be rejected because a $600 ring isn't enough?

[BrettH]

I just read an interesting article about diamond engagement rings that if you understand it will make you feel silly for wanting a big classy ring https://www.slate.com/id/2167870/fr/flyout

[palek]

You have a good and pure heart, and I'm sorry to say, your mother needs to keep her nose outta this one. The selection of an engagement ring is the exclusive domain of you and your boyfriend. Love isn't to be measured by anything so silly as the cost of the ring. The ring is an outward symbol of your profession of love and fidelity. As you probably already know, it's warn on your left hand, as this hand is closest to your heart. As nicely as possible, tell mom to butt out.

[bitesizedonut]

Thank you for addressing the question and not using name calling to make your point. I was surprised when I saw a moderator doing anything but what you have done here.

[palek]

Age has it's advantages......As a rule. lol

[21Cowboy21]

Ironically - you likely won't live comfortably for the first 10 years if you have a lavish wedding for most couples.

Set a household budget you BOTH contribute to with a percentage of each of your salary first each pay. Or a certain amt each that is sustainable long term.

Of that amt - set the name as "household vacation fund". Break this amount down more as a team together. The less you spend on the wedding, the more you have to spend on the ring. And the less you spend on the ring the more you have to spend on the vacation adventures both of you look forward to in the future. And find the ratios that work best for the two of you. Set the amount of each ahead of time.

Then the cost is set as a tea together - he pays more on the ring for you - perhaps you pay more on the wedding. And both of you enjoy a nice honeymoon vacation with the remainder of the funds.

The ring - both of you pick out the near exact one/style in adv. you love. The timing - will be a surprise he can surprise you with when he pops the question.

Done.

[rawr123]

no offense but that's incredibly shallow of your mom to tell you he doesn't deserve you cause he got you a cheap ring. Its the thought that counts. One of my friends got engaged and he has a ring that was "cheap" compared to most engagement rings. But his girlfriend knew he had been working on saving up for it for almost a year. Its the thought that counts, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and no other woman. Whether its a ring that cost 25 cents or a million dollars, its the love behind the ring that counts.

[xxangel1990xx]

I voted yes because it matters to me (now I seem like a shallow bitch) lol. But I wouldn't exactly class that ring as cheap! And it looks really nice btw! Your boyfriend sounds really sweet lol and I think your mum should keep her nose out tbh-it's your engagement, your relationship and your life, not hers. If you don't feel he should pay thousands for a ring then that's ok because at the end of the day it's up to you. But for me, the ring is a huge part and I would want my boyfriend to be happy and to actually want to spend a lot of money on it lol.

[obscene]

Love don't cost a thing!

[EnlightenMe]

Your boyfriend may not be able to afford a really expensive ring, but he wanted to give you something to symbolize the extent of his love for you, and the commitment he's willing to make, and that has so much more worth than, say, the most expensive diamond ring in the world, given to a woman from a man who doesn't love her. It isn't just a little symbol, for it symbolizes something meaningful, however, it's financial value shouldn't matter if you're truly in love, unconditionally, and care about each other. It wasn't very nice for your mother to nag like that, in my opinion, especially since her opinion probably matters a great deal to you. Sometimes, though, we have to do what's best for us, and live our lives, not the one's our parents want us to live. This man loves you so deeply that he wants to make you his wife. That is of incredible value.

[MrWizard]

The purchase price should not matter, but I think he should get you the best he can afford. For example, I wouldn't fault a guy in school trying to make ends meet for buying at the lower end, but if he has a decent job, cash in the bank and is being cheap, that is a different story. In the end, if you are happy with him and the way he treats you, the price tag should not matter.

[Dekin]

Does the price of an engagement ring matter? No it doesn't

Your the one that's getting married, not your mother. Your boyfriend/fiance most likely spent months planning the whole thing. Your mother is really superficial sorry to say, it's about you and your boyfriend/fiance and all your mother says about the engagement ring is that's its CHEAP? just by a glance? Your decision is what is important. Honestly speaking, it's not your mother's choice. Realistically if you think about it, your mother wants you to marry for money. Imagine that you have the exact same conversation for the rest of your life, (and it will) with every person that bring up the topic.

It's the symbol of love and commitment.

Who in this world puts a price on love? Really?

[helms_girl]

My boyfriend could propose to me with those little plastic rings you get in those gum ball machines, and I would be perfectly happy.

What ever happened to "It's the thought that counts." When it comes to proposing, that's a HUGE step. Most guys are absolutely sure and ready when the ask this question. They've probably been thinking about it a lot, and want everything to be perfect. So if he gave you that ring, and it was cheap, it was probably the best he could do. He even put sweet thought into it when he asked if you wanted his birth stone in the ring. Wear the ring. Don't complain. Don't let your mum complain in front of him. That's your man, and he's marrying you. Not her.

[Anonymous]

that ring costs more than 500$ if my eyesight is still okay, and I think I read your mother thinks it's cheap? I feel like I want to kill myself right now because I can hardly afford a ring that costs 100$, but that doesn't mean my girl doesn't mean the world to me... pardon me are you a millionaire or a princess or something, your age doesn't even say you have to be that wealthy or have a wealthy fiancé, you're just starting your lives, a man that you love should never be pushed that hard especially in such occasions.

just a question here, do you all people think a ring should cost all that much?

[bitesizedonut]

It was once a golden standard that many men held themselves to (as well as the rest of society) that an engagement ring should be at least 3 paychecks. It is in this way that people could see how well off your husband to be was and how well he can take care of you. This was the standard back when it was common practice to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage. If you told him you had no ring, then he told you he had no wife. Simple as that.

[lollipopgirl23]

Yeah, its usally 3 paychecks worth.

[jacquesvol]

Lollipopgirl It WAS, before the war!

[Opinion Owner]

You mean WWII? or war on iraq? switzerland haven't been involved in either of them!

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of men who would refuse to marry a woman who made a big deal about it the way your mom did. (Seriously.) What matters is that he loves you and wants to marry you. I think it would be cruel (and materialistic) to be anything but complimentary of the ring he chose. A woman who would gripe about the price tag doesn't deserve HIM! You are in the right to let the issue go. (And it would be wise to keep mom out of the mix from now on if you can. You don't need anyone undermining your marriage or being disrespectful to your husband.)

[pastelcolors]

Totally agree with you!

[mizmykel]

i think it is a gorgeous ring and I would be happy with a ring like that I think 500 dollars is a reasonable price for an engagement ring but just think the less the ring costs the more you save! you can use the money for other things! my boyfriend isn't very wealthy either and works like a slave and that would be about the price he would pay for a ring and I would be pleased because he loves me enough to spend his life with me and that's enough for me who cares what your mom thinks she is vapid and shallow if you love this guy go for it!

[jacquesvol]

We choose and bought our two rings together. We were students then, thus no question of x times a paycheck, no expensive rings. Two simple silver rings. We wore them until we replaced them by wedding rings, then put them away in a box.

When our son saw them at about an identical age, he asked if he could have them, my wife laughed and next thing that happened, his girlfriend and he were wearing them. (until they replaced them by wedding rings)

Nor my mother in law nor his mother in law had negative comments about the rings and their price

[Blankname1]

It's not the ring,it's about how much you care for each other(I hope that doesn't sound lame).

I feel it has some connection to ur mom's past life and ,so she is taking this on u.It's a belief thing,but I do know one thing and that is it's ur LIFE!

U decide what ur gonna do.

Peace!

[joinup]

It depends how much money he has. If he comes from a wealthy family, I would expect him to get something more costly. I wouldn't want him to spend more than $1,500 though -- regardless. I would think any more than that amount would be a sin to waste on a ring, in the face of people who live in poverty.

If your mother won't leave you alone about the price tag, keep the information on how much it cost away from her if possible. Nobody needs to know.

[seregiel]

Even if it was cheap, so what? The point is the commitment it symbolizes.

Any money not spent on the ring is less economic stress as newly weds anyways: more money towards loan payment, school, health coverage, house, new car, kids etc. If more people spent less money on rings and weddings and more on the furniture inside their new houses the first few years together might be a whole lot less stressful!

[HopeIessRomantik]

You know that phrase, "Diamonds are forever"? It was a slogan invented by the diamond/jewelery companies to get people to buy their product, because before, a guy proposing to a girl did not even involve a ring.

Price doesn't mean anything, its really the intention behind the ring, right? So don't worry about it! Your mom just has a more conservative view, but it is YOUR life, so trust your own judgment, and congratulations! :)

[Cool-Relax]

An engagement ring is only important because of what it symbolizes--your commitment to each other. It's not more important than the relationship itself though. It's just a piece of jewelery. That's no reason to question whether or not your boyfriend deserves you. You don't even have to have a ring in order to be engaged or get married.

[palek]

Somehow I knew what your opinion would be before I read it. Good stuff.

[Cool-Relax]

Does that mean I've become predictable? lol

[palek]

Only predictable when it really matters. ; - )

[luvLloyd]

Love doesn't come with a cost. The ring is just a representation of your commitment, not how rich your fiance is. I think you and your boyfriend should find a ring that you both like because it signifies who you are. The price tag doesn't matter at all.

[Dekin]

What if...?

it may seem that he has little to offer (according to mother's eyes)

in the end he comes out to be filthy rich (a good possibility)

I've seen guys buy a ring that they can afford at the moment (THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN YOU THINK) and comes to be a millionarie in the end.

WHAT HAPPENED to the girls that believe in this?, "I'll accept any ring from you as long as long as it's from you."

[ggazelles]

The engagement ring is traditionally supposed to cost three months' salary. So, if he's spending $600 on a ring, that theoretically means that he only makes $200 a month, which is only $2400 a year. This is what your mother is talking about in terms of the ring cost and quality being a predictor of your future together. She just wants the best for you. You're still young; why don't you wait until you're both financially stable enough to get married?

[mormongirlmichl]

quite honestly, I don't want a big fancy right... I want something cute and small that will last (when I get to getting married that is...not ready yet...lol)

I think your mom is being a "diva" and that's really dumb because it's YOUR engagement and YOUR ring... not hers!

(no offense to you about your mom)

OK and marriage and love isn't about money...it's about you two...and it's especially NOT about your mom! Cheese!

BTW, that's a really pretty ring and it's not that expensive. =)