Search Results: qualities that attract guy

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

Going to be 30 soon & ask myself why I’m incapable of being in a relationship with a man, people can say that I’m picky but I don’t fully believe I should take all the blame. Female friends I’ve had in the past seem to get dates easier/are okay with putting out & some have unintentionally made me second guess my looks, as they seem to have it easier yet other people have told me I’m equally/more attractive than they are. The last time I “dated” someone was when I was in my early twenties & I’m glad that ended because this guy felt like settling. It justifies that love isn’t blind & it’s better to be alone vs being in a mediocre relationship. I know I’m not all that but I feel like I should be able to attract quality men, all my life I feel like I’ve been invisible to men. I’ve never been approached in person by a guy I’d like to date (don’t count dating apps) & the very few times someone told me that a guy found me attractive (normally a guy I also thought was attractive), they never told me directly & it was always word of mouth.

I feel like I am cursed, that last person I saw in my early twenties was through a dating app & that’s how I’ve met all of these men I’ve met up with. The apps are continually getting worse & they’ve always had a bad rep, getting matches are never an issue it just fails to go anywhere for a number of reasons. And sometimes when I’ve met guys in person & it didn’t work out, there’s just something about them that doesn’t live up to my expectations (even though they look like their pics). I’m unsure if my dating logic is unrealistic, dating apps are the only way for me to meet people & don’t understand how I can be this old & haven’t been in love yet.

The last thing I’ll add is my lack of sex drive, masturbation doesn’t do anything for me & I haven’t had sex since I saw that person back in my early twenties. However, it’s known that some women need to be in a healthy relationship in order to have that *sexual desire*.

As of recently, my popularity has dwindled on the dating apps & I’m unsure of the exact cause. Is it my age? As I look the same & I haven’t moved yet things went downhill a few months ago. I mainly use hinge & noticed this drought on all the other apps too, which makes me even more worried considering it seems to be across all platforms. Because of this, I’ve also been second guessing my decision to brush off the guys that previously showed interest in me. At the time I was somewhat interested in a few but either I wasn’t in the mood/doubtful because of negative dating app experiences I dealt with at that time/was too anxious. I question if I genuinely feel regret because this is a delayed reaction or if I’m reminiscing/liking the idea of them since things aren’t going my way at the moment. How can someone be told they’re “attractive” yet quality guys NEVER show them interest in person? If I got attention from these guys from the apps in person, maybe I wouldn’t be as anxious.

29F & I’ve always had this type of deep rooted anxiety when it comes to relationships, I’ve always been a loner & not the friendliest I suppose, to the point where I’m currently content with online/gamer “friends”. There’s this part of me though, that struggles with knowing I’ll never find romantic love. I’m very sure I’m only romantically attracted to men but in a way, I question at times if I really want to be with one long term. Let’s start with: I’m not very affectionate, I don’t trust easily, I get turned off quickly by “innocent” cocky or conceited banter, I’m very antsy about intimacy & not crazy about sex/masturbation to begin with. These might all seem like cop outs because I truly feel the right person will change how I feel about all these “issues”. As a woman I don’t think it’s that rare to not really have much of a sex drive, I keep hearing stories about other women in the same boat that meet their husbands & realize they weren’t “asexual” after all.