Would you say this woman is single because she doesn’t want a relationship or she's single because she hasn’t found the right person?

[Anonymous]

Going to be 30 soon & ask myself why I’m incapable of being in a relationship with a man, people can say that I’m picky but I don’t fully believe I should take all the blame. Female friends I’ve had in the past seem to get dates easier/are okay with putting out & some have unintentionally made me second guess my looks, as they seem to have it easier yet other people have told me I’m equally/more attractive than they are. The last time I “dated” someone was when I was in my early twenties & I’m glad that ended because this guy felt like settling. It justifies that love isn’t blind & it’s better to be alone vs being in a mediocre relationship. I know I’m not all that but I feel like I should be able to attract quality men, all my life I feel like I’ve been invisible to men. I’ve never been approached in person by a guy I’d like to date (don’t count dating apps) & the very few times someone told me that a guy found me attractive (normally a guy I also thought was attractive), they never told me directly & it was always word of mouth.

I feel like I am cursed, that last person I saw in my early twenties was through a dating app & that’s how I’ve met all of these men I’ve met up with. The apps are continually getting worse & they’ve always had a bad rep, getting matches are never an issue it just fails to go anywhere for a number of reasons. And sometimes when I’ve met guys in person & it didn’t work out, there’s just something about them that doesn’t live up to my expectations (even though they look like their pics). I’m unsure if my dating logic is unrealistic, dating apps are the only way for me to meet people & don’t understand how I can be this old & haven’t been in love yet.

The last thing I’ll add is my lack of sex drive, masturbation doesn’t do anything for me & I haven’t had sex since I saw that person back in my early twenties. However, it’s known that some women need to be in a healthy relationship in order to have that *sexual desire*.

Doesn’t want a relationship

Wants a relationship but hasn’t found the one

[DishLady]

There's physical attractiveness and then there's the attraction that comes from having a good character... Now obviously I don't know you so there's no way I can tell you anything about your character just from your meandering post... other than the fact that you're just feeling sorry for yourself.

If you're putting that "wet blanket"/"feeling sorry for yourself" energy out there like you are now, of course EVERYONE will treat you like you're invisible. No one wants to be with a wet blanket.

Next, possibly you're just not into guys... that's a personal question you need to ask yourself. It's none of our business and I'm not trying to be rude or suggest anything here... but the fact is, some women are just not into guys, period. If you're putting that vibe out there, then guys are not "registering" your presence.

Lastly, if (as you say) you have a low sex drive, that could definitely impact the way that you're responding to people then you might be having a vitamin deficiency of some kind, low metabolism or something else going on. Try going to the gym and hydrating a bit more, but see a doctor as well.

[Asker]

Not into guys as in I’m a lesbian?

[Anonymous]

Seems like she does want a relationship but just hasn’t found the right guy yet. Some girls are just less lucky when it comes to getting guys, even though they’re still considered attractive enough. I think she needs to actively meet more people in real life, join clubs, ask friends if they can introduce her to a guy, etc rather than relying on dating apps. Meeting people on dating apps can sometimes feel kinda “surface level” and superficial which might explain why she’s having a hard time connecting with the guys she’s met. If she were to meet a guy more organically, I’m sure she’ll feel differently.

[Universaldance]

I’m under the impression by what’s written that this woman knows she has potential. She doesn’t want to settle with just anyone that is good-looking nor someone with a great personality.


Perhaps she is looking for something far deeper than these surface-level preferences. She wants to know there will be depth in her relations with this man and no matter the guy in front of her, would always wonder what else the guy is missing unless she finally comes to terms with the minimum amount of nonnegotiables that she would want to settle for in a long-term commitment.

[Anonymous]

It could be a lot of things. Maybe she thinks she deserves a man on a level she really doesn’t deserve. What you feel as far as thinking you feel like you can attract quality men isn’t matching up to what reality is. Reality will tell you what your value is in the dating market. If you’re on a much higher level you’ll more than likely attract those type of men. But doesn’t sound like it. The men who are on your level you don’t want.

[BetaBucks]

If guys aren't living up to your desires, it usually means your standards are above your value. Either improve your value (lose weight, be more feminine, improve your hygiene/style) or lower your standards a point or two.

[LazerBean]

It sounds like this woman only wants men above her league.

[Anonymous]

If she hasn't found one by 30 she doesn't really want one. She might think she does. But she's clearly not interested in doing what is necessary to achieve that.

[Asker]

Don’t think this is really true, there’s spinsters & those women are in their 40’s, doesn’t mean they want to be single

[Opinion Owner]

As I said "she might think she does, but she's clearly not interested in doing what's necessary to achieve that". You can think whatever you like. But that doesn't change what is.

[Anonymous]

I found a 33 virgin who never went im a relation

[Opinion Owner]

Its normal

[handsomelad70]

The latter.