Search Results: types of existence

Throughout my life I have had great difficulty connecting with people. Platonically or otherwise. I have only ever had a small number of friends and never really had any friends of the opposite sex. My family is great and I love them, but I even have trouble connecting with them and am not in touch consistently. I barely made a social media this year and it's private followed only by family and a couple random people from work. Being alone is depressing sometimes, but overall I tend to prefer solitude and cannot imagine ever sharing my personal space closely with another human being. Especially since my mother passed a couple years ago. I believe most of the reason for this difficulty is due to being physically unattractive, maybe even genuinely ugly as well as being extremely socially awkward which is another form of ugliness that people tend to loath. I'm extremely skinny too and cannot gain weight, it's impossible for my acutely ectomorphic body type. Especially after getting a very late in life (age 30) type 1 diabetes diagnosis. I have tried many times and many ways throughout my life and wether I eat 1500 calories or 5k, my body barely changes at all. Only my energy level. Feels like being alone is my destiny and was always meant to be. I am positive most people could not handle the life I live. Not mentally or emotionally so it feels like I was born for this existence only.

I have had to turn down a few women over the years for this reason (despite liking everything else about them).

It’s tried to force myself to date a woman who I wasn’t physically attracted to once in my life. That ended in absolute disaster. I also left feeling like a pos because I got her hopes up.

But I have never straight up told a woman I was turning her down because I wasn’t physically attracted to her. It just sounds way too cruel. I have alluded to it (e. g. said I wasn’t feeling the spark, she’s not my type, etc). But not said it straight out. I know the desire to feel attractive and getting attention from men is a big deal to their existence (it is for men too even though we don’t admit it)

However I have had woman reject me and say this straight to my face. It was the truth but they could of just said “sorry but I don’t have feelings for” or just “sorry I am not interested”. I would of gotten the hint just as easily. Not need to point the obvious anyhow then necessary.

Women often accuse men of being superficial and cruel. But I’ve observed the opposite more often then once. I think men have generally conditioned to be more “delicate” when rejecting women. But not the same vice versa.