Are some people simply meant to be alone?

[AJR78]

Throughout my life I have had great difficulty connecting with people. Platonically or otherwise. I have only ever had a small number of friends and never really had any friends of the opposite sex. My family is great and I love them, but I even have trouble connecting with them and am not in touch consistently. I barely made a social media this year and it's private followed only by family and a couple random people from work. Being alone is depressing sometimes, but overall I tend to prefer solitude and cannot imagine ever sharing my personal space closely with another human being. Especially since my mother passed a couple years ago. I believe most of the reason for this difficulty is due to being physically unattractive, maybe even genuinely ugly as well as being extremely socially awkward which is another form of ugliness that people tend to loath. I'm extremely skinny too and cannot gain weight, it's impossible for my acutely ectomorphic body type. Especially after getting a very late in life (age 30) type 1 diabetes diagnosis. I have tried many times and many ways throughout my life and wether I eat 1500 calories or 5k, my body barely changes at all. Only my energy level. Feels like being alone is my destiny and was always meant to be. I am positive most people could not handle the life I live. Not mentally or emotionally so it feels like I was born for this existence only.

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

To add to this opinion and expound on the notion overall, this solitary existence is almost exclusively viable to males only. Females are wired to handle a life of solitude. Regardless of wether it was their choosing or simply a case of being a loser in the genetic lottery with a crappy loadout.

Updates

+1 y

*Females are NOT wired to handle a life of solitude.

[Oliverlogan263]

I feel ya man, connecting with people is tough. But I don't think anybody is truly "meant" to be alone - we're social creatures after all. A few thoughts:

- Don't be so hard on yourself about looks or weight. Lots of "ugly" dudes have great relationships. And skinny dudes can be cute too! Focus on being confident in who you are.

- Have you tried meeting people through shared interests, instead of looks? Join a club or do volunteer work - helps form bonds over activities.

- It's good you're comfortable alone, but don't isolate totally. We all need community. Maybe open up your socials some so it's not just family - see if you click with acquaintances over shared posts.

- Therapy could help with social skills too. A professional can give objective feedback on how you present.

- You never know what might change as you get older too. I wasn't comfortable socializing til my late 20s honestly.

Keep your head up man. Nobody's "meant" for anything - you get to choose your path. It's worth occasional discomfort to put yourself out there and see who you connect with. I believe you can find your people!

[AJR78]

At my age, my life is what it is, set in stone. I refuse to change who I am because I am not broken or damaged goods. The world was never ready to embrace me and it's their loss. If statements like that push people away from me and givbe them a negative opinion of me thinking I'm arrogant, so be it. In person I'm among the meekest people you could ever imagine, but still stronger than most.

[Oliverlogan263]

I feel you man, changing who you are just to please other people usually never works out anyway. Nobody should have to change their core self just to fit in. And yeah it sucks if people misunderstand you or get the wrong impression, but that's on them not you. All anyone can do is be true to themselves. Maybe your life isn't following a typical path, but that doesn't mean it's not meaningful or worthwhile, you know? From what you've described, it sounds like you've persevered through a lot of tough stuff already, so that shows strength for real. And being meek in person is way more important than how anything comes across online I think. At the end of the day all any of us can do is live our lives as best we can and hope to find even just a few people who appreciate us for who we are. I respect that you're staying true to yourself man, fuck what anybody else thinks as long as you're happy with who you are. Keep doing you dude.

[AJR78]

Still find myself wishing for female companionship from time to time, but less now that 2 years in this latest retail job solidified that I am simply not a person any female will ever look at as someone to connect with. Even as friends. Also shows my strength that I can keep a job like that being this kind of human. Lol

My gift to the world is basically this: At my best, I can feel very happy with nothing external bringing that state about. Just internal coping mechanisms and above all else, God's grace, love and mercy. When people see a person like me, as smart and aware as I am about all these things, is able to be very happy, it gives them hope.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro that's rough, I can't imagine how lonely it must feel to never have a connection with a girl. But at the same time, major props to you for keeping your head up in a job like that. Takes real strength of character. And for sure, being content on your own is such an underrated skill. It's cool that even through all the isolation, you've found your own source of happiness within. And yeah man, I can see how seeing that would give others hope. Like hey if this dude can be smiling, maybe things ain't so bad. You turned your situation into somewhat of a gift just by handling it with grace. That's real inspirational dude. Keep on keeping on and staying positive - who knows, maybe one day you'll meet someone special when you least expect it. Either way, sounds like you've got the right outlook.

[AJR78]

The interactions I have with females in the context of work life, working class grind, are positive overall. It's just I never put myself out there. I literally have never been rejected out right. Because I never ask for numbers or social media or personal questions, relationship status. I am untimidating so as long as I am sickengly nice seeming almost gay and disinterested and wanting nothing from them, I get treated fairly 'normal' in my estimation. Yet still outside what I would call a friend, open to a personal connection outside of work. And for good reason I have great trepidation about gaining initiative. In this scenario it is better I have none.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man, don't be so hard on yourself. Interacting with girls at work is always tricky. But it sounds like you're doing alright - being nice and not coming on too strong is definitely the way to go. No need to rush things or put yourself out there if you're not comfortable. As long as you're being cool to them as coworkers, that's what matters most. Don't stress about more not happening there - work relationships usually stay professional anyway. And like you said, your personal life is separate. No need to have that kind of connection at your job if you're not feeling it. Just do you and keep doing a great job. When you're ready to put yourself out there more, you'll know. But for now just focus on being a good dude - the rest will come in time.

[AJR78]

Thanks man. I appreciate your words.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome man anytime

[Anonymous]

What is your height and how much do you weigh?

[AJR78]

Height is 6'
Weight fluctuates in a very tight range my whole life no matter how many calories a day, up to 5k+ for sustained periods with little to no change 138-145.

[Opinion Owner]

I used to have a similar issue with weight until I started drinking ultra fine oats mixed with flaxseed and other powders after every single meal. You can use a shaker with a metal mixer ball and create a high calorie shake that tastes really nice.

[AJR78]

My body is incappable of dramatic change of any kind. Thanks for the suggestion though. I am fine just the way I am. People always trying to make me feel bad about being skinny never made me feel I needed to change. Only made me realize how trash human beings are for the most part.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. All that matters is that you are happy and healthy. A lot of guys get drawn into this nonsense about becoming all bulked out or muscular to impress women and / or others.

My (overcoming isometric) training primarily builds strength and any muscle is secondary. I've found strength very useful in life!

[SueShe]

Some people are indeed meant to remain alone their lifelong, some by choice and others, like you, because of elements working against them.

I have chosen to remain single and celibate simply because I feel much better that way. It does not mean that I will remain the way I am my entire life but for the time being and in my age group, having friends of the opposite gender is more of a negative thing that positive. The reason being is that men in general don't have their levels of testosterone under control and always seem to want more than I am willing to give.

As for you, have you ever given the thought of joining a club or taking up a hobby where you can meet people? Those that share the same interests have common topics to talk about and can make great friends.

I do not have any social media either and it has proved to be positive. The only electronic social contact I do use is GaG but I have also no problem getting rid of it.

[Anonymous]

There is a solmate for everyone. Please don't give up ❤️

[AJR78]

The love of my life was my mom and she is now with The King (Jesus). I will never love or be loved by anyone more than that. It was a blessing and that I had those years with her will have to be enough for the rest of my life, residually.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for mho

[Anonymous]

Generally speaking, people bring loneliness onto themselves. Life is what you make of it.

[AJR78]

Typical rebuttal. Implying it is my fault. I must be wrong, I must be broken, I must be doing something to push people away. Nope. I have tried hard many times and failed miserably. Can't force people to want to be engaged with me and part of my life and to be part of theirs. They simply reject me no matter what I say and what i do. Every. Single. Time.

[NathanDavis]

Hermits... yes

[katiesmuff]

Would guess it is possible for sure.

[strateguy632]

1st.