Do women actually like smart men?

Question

Even into my mid 30's I still struggle to figure this one out. It seems like if you're too intellectual around women, its like they can't comprehend what you're saying. It's more about keeping them entertained than it is about intellectually stimulating conversations.

I work in the engineering field and definitely do my best to have fun with it, but when push comes to shove and I'm in work mode, its tough to get through to even experienced female colleagues. I can see them struggling to visualize what I'm trying to tell them, even when I try to articulate it in a very visual way.

Outside of a work setting, where women aren't typically in such an environment, I can barely imagine trying to interact with a stay-at-home type, trophy wife type of girl... just "la-la-la, all day long, not-a-care-in-the-word" type of girl that has never been told "no" in her life. Everything just exists to appease and validate her existence...

It's like I really DO want to meet an attractive woman, but a woman with SUBSTANCE that can at least empathize and understand a man's struggle, especially when I do work as hard as I do, trying to make sense of this life and increase my potential as a man. I'm not even claiming to be THAT smart, I'm far from a genius, but it's like, I know that I approach life with a lot of thought and intention, and often times, a lot of people are just like trying to coast down the path of least resistance, and believe me, it SHOWS and I can see that in people from a mile away.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Many women like intelligent guys, yes, but they also don't like overly-technical conversation, and they prefer conversations about things they find more relatable. What exactly that means is going to vary from woman to woman, but most women aren't going to relate to engineering very much. Most would much rather hear about co-worker drama (something they relate to far more) than the engineering you used to solve a major technical problem (which they often won't understand or care about).

And, look, fair enough. Do YOU want to learn the 45 different kinds of sleeves a dress can have, and what precisely each of the 45 different terms means? How about the various features and terms to describe high-heeled shoes? I'm guessing you don't care anything at all about any of that. Likewise, she's not going to care about sheer loads or pre-stressed metals or subsidence or thermal loads. It's best to talk about THOSE things with your coworkers and talk to HER about things you have a MUTUAL interest in - movies, places to visit, animals, relationships, etc. You can be smart in THOSE areas and she'll probably love that.

Women also appreciate men with lots of practical knowledge. If you know how to get a car out of the mud, or get a BBQ lit without lighter fluid, or how to build shelves, or how to replace a leaky faucet, or how to make a solid temporary repair of something while you wait for the new replacement parts to arrive, THOSE things will also be appreciated by most women.

Of course there's the rare woman who loves engineering, but you'd be looking for a needle in a needlestack, so don't count on it. You're likelier to win a Lotto jackpot.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

There are all kinds of men and women in the world and there's no "one size fits all list of traits" that everyone is attracted to.

There are going to be men and women that are attracted to each other regardless of intelligence. They could value other things like kindness and positivity more. Or they might into be darker traits like being a possessive and aggressive man. Or a manipulative and seductive woman.

Not much in life is written in black and white.

For myself however, I'm definitely attracted to intelligence. I like a girl that can keep up with me in conversation and has the ability to process and rationalize topics to come to her own conclusions/opinions.

I remember there was a girl I dated for 2 weeks and I was writing a book at the time. I asked her to read what I had so far, and when she did she said it was amazing. But she didn't understand it. I learned she had a learning disability. She was the sweetest girl, but that alone turned me off to the point where I ended things. I judge mostly based on character, but I prefer someone to be around my level when it comes to intelligence.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Yes, we do. Or at least I do. :D But do your male coworkers follow what you are saying easily? Do you have friends who "get" you and can relate to what you do for a living? Do you have interests outside of engineering? There is a lot more to being intelligent than being an expert in one field. I'm sure you know that, but I want to get a clear picture of how you operate around people in general.

I get it, though. I used to hate small talk and "trivial" conversation. But you might think of that stuff like creating blueprints for a skyscraper and obtaining all of the permits and ensuring that all of the materials will arrive in a timely fashion. It's tedious, tremendously detailed and redundant. But the success of the project (building a relationship) is utterly dependent on that part being done precisely and with great attention. Thinking of small talk as designing your next engineering project might be helpful.

Singing_Hollow · Accepted Answer

You get the 2 types of women that are attracted to really smart guys but for different reasons. 1. They too are smart and prefer to have strong meaningful conversations with someone who can teach them or whom they feel they can relate to better. 2. The women that see dollar signs in a smart guy.
Personally I don't like boring airhead conversations an therefore prefer a smart guy for that reason.

Account · Answer

I like the ones who are smart, yet humble about it. The ones who don't even claim that they are smart, but it can be noticed by everyone else. That is my type.

Rosexøxø · Answer

Oh, I thought it was going to say ‘do women like to be smart,’ and I was going to say “yes,” and then I read entirely, and my answer is still “yes.”😂

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Bro, I feel your struggle. It can definitely be tough trying to connect with girls if you're too much of an intellectual type. But don't lose hope - there are definitely chicks out there who appreciate a smart guy too.

A few things that might help:

- When first meeting a girl, don't launch right into deep convos. Crack some jokes, ask about her, find common interests to bond over first.

- Simplify your explanations sometimes without dumbing yourself down. Use analogies and examples they can visualize.

- Look for girls in your field or with similar interests so your work isn't foreign to them. Join hobby groups, take a class, whatever.

- Don't judge girls who aren't on your brainwave. Different people like different things.

- Flirt and charm too, not just facts. Girls still wanna have fun!

- Put yourself out there online dating and don't limit your options too much.

I'm sure there are cool girls into nerdy stuff like engineering out there. Just gotta optimize your search! Keep being you - the right one will appreciate you for you.

NathanDavis · Answer

the problem is very simple...

some women like very smart men, others don't and many more don't care for either

the problem arises, when there's nothing else substantial about you, or when your occupation becomes your entire personality and there is no more to it...

most people, men and women, do prefer someone that has more to them than just ONE thing... and it is even more problematic, when you're on the "high-end" of the intellectual spectrum but you do lack the emotional intelligence, and the social skills to connect with someone else in different and varied ways

and maybe you have other things going for you as well but at least in this post, it doesn't show at all, and you didn't make it relevant either

and then you go on to say... that what you seem to value the most or at least, what you mention first and foremost is physical attractiveness, so that... combined with a lack of a more interesting personality and character overall... quickly becomes a repellent

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Following just a bit of MrOracle's speech here, for a change lol. There's a clear line, yes, to draw between appetite for technicality and general intellect, engineering per se is technical, it can be quickly boring for anyone not in the field, regardless of gender, intelligence or teaching abilities.

When speaking about general intelligence, and when dropping IQ perspective, since IQ is an overrated and reductionist concept used to describe intelligence, then what's left... Sociologically, and strategically speaking, it's quite clear that intellect-driven people will be found, statistically speaking, in some social classes, the ones valuing intellect as something to wish for. So, do you wander in these circles?

If for some reason, you're not wandering in these circles, then internet features all possible circles. This very site we're using here is a mix of every circles, you can easily decipher from speeches the intellectual drive at play, or the lack of, regardless of gender. And what is valid for this specific community remains valid for the hordes of communities we can't even conceive due to the sheer size of internet.

So, opportunities for you? Everywhere! 🌐

RavVid · Answer

Ditto engineering etc.

The evolutionary evidence is that females sexually selected for men that were both smart AND tall. Note the conjunctive.

Women in particular are apt to reason emotionally and to not logically analyze. That cost one of my acquaintance $2,000 recently. She reacted with 'I have won a free tow for my broken down car' so I will have it towed. Completely failed to consider the where to side of things. Did not consider a parking fine of about $60 was the worst case for staying in the car park till a mobile auto locksmith got to her. So she towed to a high priced dealer after finding the tow truck could not get to her apt car park.

I guess like me, if you have an emotional reaction to a problem than you shut down the emotions or defer decision making till logic is restored as dominant. But a lot of people don't. And just like the girl above, they won't listen because they are emotionally discombobulated.

by the way a long long time ago a male hominid had the good idea that if he followed the tracks of a prey animal he would catch up with it and be able to spear it. Lions tigers etc don't do this, so it was a major tech break through. In hunter gatherers the best hunters get more sex. As hunting needs smarts, the best smart hunters will leave more progeny for bringing home the bacon.

It wouldn't matter if the ladies thought he is smart... I like him OR he gets lots of bacon... I like him.

Cheers.

IAskYouAnswer · Answer

Yes, all my 2 exes and my current one is an engineer. When I was young, I was a huge nerd so I never dated in high school because I thought all the guys at that time around that age were dumb and immature. So I waited until I was near my 20s and out of high school, so the guys in my dating pool around my age range have matured enough. I also told myself when I was young that I'll only date guys smarter than me.

I believe that you should go for equally nerdy, smart women who can understand you.

However, what I did notice with these "smart men" I dated is that their mindset is mostly logical. Being too logical seems to distance them from their "heart". This means that they tend to have large egos making them too defensive, like tending to win arguments and so forth, not understanding that women behave or say things based on their emotions, but human emotions in general are complicated and not always what's on the surface. For these "smart men", it was difficult for them to truly empathize if they were not fully in tune with their emotions.

I don't mean this could be you. I don't know you. But if these sound like you, my advice is to know your heart as well as your mind. Personally, I find smart guys to be even more attractive if they can have deep, emotional conversations with me as we don't always find technical topics interesting.

Don't make engineering the sole defining quality you have. Find some balance and also learn to lighten up once in a while and have fun.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I'm not entirely sure what you are suggesting or asking. I think most women like smart men. But liking smart men doesn't mean they'll want to talk about engineering, or any other technical subject.

Men who are not engineers don't want to talk about it either. Engineering is boring as hell to most non-engineers. Even a lot of engineers don't want to talk about it after work. Some like "shop talk" after hours, and some don't.

Expand your horizons. The wider variety of subjects that you can talk about, the better. Admittedly there are some people who have almost no interests. They can be darn near impossible to carry on a conversation with. But with most people you should be able to find something they like to talk about.

Just don't focus too narrowly. Ask questions and listen to the answers.

ohvanillalattegal · Answer

Smart men… gets me wet. I love men who makes me feel like I can learn from them and they’re reliable with new knowledge I wasn’t aware of. Having intellectual conversation is always attractive.

Kaamraj · Answer

Women in general do not like intelligent guys on face value. They like that fact that in today's world intelligence and excellence is tied with socioeconomic status and provisioning. So you must have the allure of being intelligent, being well off, reputable but dont discuss things too intellectual with her.

Anonymous · Answer

With my former career in the medical field, a lot of women who I met could not understand why I had to be on call. There were times when women who ALSO worked in the medical industry, like nurses, didn't understand why I got called out after hours. This often puzzled me. I would think other medical personnel would understand.

snowboarder720 · Answer

I’m also an engineer who is recently married. It was hard getting a date or vibe with someone you’re dating. The key is to marry a smart one that you don’t work with.

BetaBucks · Answer

Yeah, but they still cheat with charismatic morons. There's a difference between appreciating something and being satisfied by it and attracted to it.

MisterWack · Answer

Yes because they are open minded, kind, nice, sweet, and are intelligent to get things done / weigh pros & cons without bias attached.

morganherrel · Answer

I've known smart women, especially accomplished women, who see intelligence in men as mandatory; otherwise, the men seem brutish, trashy, and "lacking substance."

Average IQ women might not care as much.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Intelligence is only admirable when you have shared interests/hobbies, and similar personalities.

Babygirl_S · Answer

Definitely! I respect smart men. I believe we should be grateful because they have invented and discovered so many things. Einstein is my favourite scientist.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course. With men, it is like discovering gold.

Andro36 · Answer

Of course. That's like the most important thing on a guy. At least for me

Ladsin2 · Answer

Smart men are worse with women. Stats bear this out.

AshleyJarrett · Answer

Not really. For me personally I don’t need a man for that, I’ve got that area covered

Anonymous · Answer

Not unless they look like Brad Pitt, or Leonardo DiCaprio.

debbiedenise · Answer

Intelligence is sexy.

Anonymous · Answer

only if they're hot

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

I like smart men.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

AS LONG AS HE GOT MONEY

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Yes yes yes

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

scott04sa22 · Answer

Not very much

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