Guy I used to hang out with, but we were never serious. I have a strong tendency to live and die by the agreements I make. He said he didn't want a relationship so I said "Cool, don't be in one" and treated him like a friend with benefits evermore.
Fast forward a few years and we haven't had any contact. He's essentially married in practice if not on paper. Got kids and a house with another girl. He sends me an "I miss you" text right out of the blue. I wasn't even aware he still had my contact info, I didn't know who it was at first.
We did some catching up, that's what the F in friends with benefits stands for. We were genuinely friends even before the benefits. He is apparently miserable and wishes he would've chosen me and not played games. I wasn't aware I was even a choice back then, nor was I aware he was playing any games (since we weren't together). I was living by our agreement, where he took all that off the table. Which is what I told him during our catch-up talk.
This is the second friends with benefits type agreement I've ever had and he's the second ex-FWB to say something similar years after I've basically forgotten his existence. I would, if he were single, definitely consider a relationship with him. 10/10 sex. 10/10 friendship. What more is a relationship besides a best friend you split bills and have sex with, really?
It just wasn't permissible based on what he said in the beginning of our sexual relationship. The thought never occurred to me that it could be anything more until this conversation years later.
Anyway, my questions are:
1) How many men have said they didn't want a relationship when they really did? Why would you do that? Is it to get us to chase you? Did it work? Were you upset if it didn't?
2) Was I just oblivious, or is this his own fault? Am I somehow mentally deficient? The next time I have a friend with benefits should I be more aware that maybe he does want more and is just claiming not to?
