DO'S and DON'TS to getting over him, her and THEM.

DO'S and DON'TS to getting over him, her and THEM.

We've all had the painful, dramatic and winding end to something we thought was ultimately very special. We sit in our rooms, eat food, call that person names, and listen to songs that dramatically fit the situation we are going through. Guys and Girls. We all feel just as deeply. Although it may be debatable that girls have no souls, and guys are the devil, we simply can't figure out where to go, how to get closure within ourselves, and we do indeed find ourselves doing some pretty unorthodox things that we think may make us feel just a little bit better. Here is a couple DO'S and DON'TS to getting over the Tom, Dick, Harry and Mary, Jane, and Janet!

DON'TS

Although we may not like to admit it to ourselves, we do some pretty embarrassing shit to get over that once oh-so-special person. Some people deal with it almost following the exact template of what probably isn't so good of an idea!

1) Stalking Their Facebook

Yes, this one is the golden rule. Not because it's creepy or anything (all who have a FB and actually use it consistently are culprits)...but because it hinders your healing time. After a big fight, argument or even a good ol' fashion break-up, we all need some time to go to the side, lick our wounds and prepare for the next day. No matter what happens in life, the sun will always come up the next morning. So, when we are pining over our hurt ego and soul, while listening to Alanis Morissette soundtrack on repeat, we find ourselves venturing to the search bar, and our fingers seem to have a mind of their own. You most likely deleted them, and they most definitely have a private profile, so all you can really creep on is their publicly posted shit....which makes you feel more upset and creepy. Bottom line, shut down your social media when you are going through a rough love patch. It really does help to disconnect.

2) Reading Old Text Messages

No. No. No. Just like with the Facebook thing. Just stay away. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should pretend you aren't hurt, or that this person doesn't exist; but when you are hurt, guy or gal, sometimes looking over painful memories or old arguments, scrolling to see where it all went wrong, is never the right choice. You usually find some room to feel regret or reasoning to a question with an obvious answer: it just didn't work out because of X, Y, Z.

3) Reaching out a second, or third, or god forbid fourth time

When things are over, you know it. We know deep down what the answers to certain questions are; and for some reason we like to pour lemon juice on our wounds. "Never make a man[or woman] tell you he[she] doesn't want you more than once." This holds true meaning for me. And it couldn't make more sense. There is a small, or maybe larger population who simply go back over and over, only to hear the same thing over and over. You never want to have to feel like you are trying to convince someone to be with you. You aren't a product that you need to pitch to a potential lover.

4) Going out of your way to make it seem like you moved on

Oooookayyyy! Where are my culprits! We all know who we are **raises hand** We like to over-glorify our day-to-day life on social media to show people (especially them) how much fucking fun we are having, how good our drinks are, how much partying we are doing. I will state the obvious: no one cares. I know that sounds rather harsh, but it is the undeniable truth. I'm not telling you not to have fun and not to move on...but don't look for clarification on social media. Its better to simply go-dark on social media and move on quietly and gracefully. It's one of those things. It applies to our male readers too. We have one half of men who internalize to the Nth degree, and the other half who let their emotions swim free. Bottom line, some of us want to get that person back by making it look like we are all sunshine and daises. Like I said, it's always best to go dark. Go hang out with your friends...have fun, and un-plug.

DO'S

I'm thinking it may be best to simply write an entire lump here because doing it right when dealing with a break-up, varies. It varies on age, relationship duration, culture, ultimate end of the relationship (how it all ended). We've all felt it once before, and if you haven't you hear about it happening to other people and just hope it never happens to you. It hurts...and what we need to do is just heal from it. Let it out: let it out, man....just let it the hell out. Cry, watch the Titanic, whatever....just let it out. Trying to hold back the pain, is only going to make it worse. Crying doesn't make you weak, and neither does feeling in general...for both men and women alike. We sometimes forget that we are human, and we are allowed to be sad. Have some You Time: Take yourself out to a movie, to dinner, get a manicure (yes men can get their hands done without the nail polish!) or read that book that's been collecting dust on your desk. Having some you time isn't going to make you a no-life. It always feels nice to take care of yourself. Hang out with the people you love the most: friends, family, pets; If you feel like hanging out with Ashley or Bob from across the street, call them up, and ask them to go on a goddamn hike to talk out your feelings, and to simply spend time with them. Write about it: Get a journal. It really is very therapeutic to write down all your thoughts, concerns, how your day went...whatever. Let it out. Your journal sure as hell isn't going to judge you!

Just a final word: I know it seems hard now, but when things don't work out, sometimes it's for the best. If you know you tried all you could, there is no use in feeling regret in what you didn't do, or what you did do. When one door closes, infinite amounts open. The world is your oyster. We are all awesome and beautiful people. Secondly, even though that person hurt you, they aren't bad people either. It's always better to forgive, and let go (I realize it's easier said than done). Otherwise you risk bearing the burden of holding that bitterness and regret for a very long time. Not all men are alike, and neither are all women. Don't stretch so far in the belief that we are all in the same. Take your time to move on....just don't be self-destructive and make sure to throw yourself out in the world and enjoy life. I doubt it would be as awesome if we had knowledge of everything that was going to happen in our lives.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've gone too far with two girls. One of them is from Texas. She and I met at camp Barnabas in 2012. We became boyfriend girlfriend immediately. It was like love at first sight. We separated after camp was over and we kept in touch before camp started again a year later. We saw each other again and this time, I kissed her. It was just one on her cheek. Then in August 2013, she decided to break-up. She did it three times before my 18th birthday. She apologized and we got back on my birthday. Then Valentine's Day of last year turned into a disaster! She called to break-up again, but I did it. She was getting steralyzed and I couldn't take it anymore. Now, she and I are exes but we are still great friends today.

    Now, my second one, I took to my senior prom. She and I had our first kiss. Our song was Amazed by Lonestar. Then, in August of last year, people were telling lies about us. She called me later that day and said she really loved me. Then as soon as I told her the next day, she said we were done. She ripped my heart out. And I haven't talked to her since.

    Now, I've got a best friend who is a girl. I'm praying about this one. I don't know if we're going to be in a relationship. God will tell me. I think praying should be on this list of DO's.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • A journal is the best thing I've ever started. I started to write one even before I was in a relationship, and when I broke up, man, that shit kills. I'm still keeping it tho, but I never bother to open it again, at least, for now.

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What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 8

  • Beautiful😢

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  • Thank You... :) This is lovely, thanks and so true.

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  • Do:

    Love yourself more than anything else and you'll forget about him/her.
    Take care of yourself!!

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  • And about getting over 'IT'?

    =)

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  • I've tried all of these, and they do help really. :( But I can't seem to get over my ex completely yet.

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    • Things take time. You've probably heard "time heals all wounds" and that couldn't be more true.

    • Thank you :)

  • Very good and helpful :)

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  • Really good take. Applause from moi.

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  • This has to be the most helpful "do's and don'ts to getting over him/her.". You give perfect examples and things that people can relate to. Bravo👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

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