Here are my top ten reasons he is going to break up with you!
10. Bad sex
This seems to me to be the most preventable one of the 10! See my entry on are you a dead fish in bed?
I once had bad sex and that relationship lasted about a week! However to be really honest I have often put up with bad sex to be with someone I loved. It eventually led to a break up because I was too unsatisfied in this area. Here is where the problem lies… I didn’t tell her. I broke up with her instead of making my needs clear. Could you be in the same boat? Is your boy hiding his dissatisfaction from you?
9. Jealousy
Fascinating topic!! I really look forward to writing a series about this. This is so multifaceted but here it is in a nutshell. Most jealousy is a product of normal insecurity with a curious damaging side effect. It often leads to really good sex. This is an EXCELLENT way to create more jealousy! Just feed it good sex! Want more good sex? Find a way to be jealous… Soon the two are linked like Rodney King and the LAPD.
So why would this lead to a breakup? Because it creates bad energy and eventually you need to escape it but the addiction is already in place. I had to use rat poison and small explosives to get out a similar situation.
8. Too wrapped up in one another
This happens more often to young couples than to older ones. Younger couples are more susceptible because they don’t have a clear identity yet. Older couples are not so needy and can function without being each others' parasite.
Why does this lead to a break up? Because when the two of you snap out of your disgusting gooey love cocoon, you realize that you have no life!
Friends have new friends now and even your dog won’t talk to you. Once he starts to miss his other life he often throws the baby out with the bathwater and you find yourself with a breakup TOTALLY out of the blue.
7. He is too insecure about the relationship
This happens when he thinks you are too good for him. Hard to identify but if it is there LOOK OUT! Girls and guys deal with this type of insecurity often in very different ways. Guys tend to have verbal diarrhea a bit more. You will hear things like this “Well I am not the one with the law degree!” add forced laugh in a very unfunny situation.
Or how about this “why don’t you just go find some football player!” once again the stupid smile and fake laugh. Jeeze! Just because you dated a 7 foot 400lb linebacker with a penis like a donkey’s. What is his problem!??? Well, it is his problem but you didn’t have to tell him about the ex’s resemblance to farm animals. If he is too insecure he will find a reason to get out and blame it on you.
6. Not growing together
I hate this one because it is the number two reason I struggle in relationships. When you meet someone you are typically at a similar stage in life. This means you are relatively congruent but this congruency does not often last. Imagine you are both saplings grown towards the sun. You are aggressively growing towards the light! but he is stoned on the couch with the Costco size bag of Doritos.
When you first met you would have been right there with him holding the dip but now your life calls and he is in the way. Since we mirror the people we spend time with, the ones that do not lift up our values are often despised and disposed of. Equal and similar growth is necessary for all relationships (even friendships). IF NOT a break up in inevitable. (This was supposed to be why he was going to leave you but I thought it would be more fun to make him the loser)
5. You are no longer in the honeymoon stage
Have you ever met a born again Christian? I have been one once and let me tell you they are endearing and obnoxious to an extreme. They have a twinkle in their eyes of love and acceptance but expect a torrent of righteous disapproval if you jay-walk!! Eventually this New religious zealot will calm down and either become a more reasonable christian or… wake up one day saying “what the hell was in that kool-aid!??” This is what often happens to relationships.
However unlike the B.A.C.s (born again C), the person in love really did drink the kool-aid and is drugged to the gills. What, you say? Drugged? Yes!! You know it is true, when you have been madly in love you are not yourself, you are an obsessive crazy person that literally is drugged. The drug of choice is called Oxytocin, the same hormone that makes a new mother DEARLY love her bright red covered in slime newborn infant. Oxytocin is released by the brain in copious quantities when you are in love BUT at one point the production slows to a trickle.
What now? Well like the B.A.C. you start to question things and if the relationship is not yet built on firmer ground than “love” it is going to wash away, and you will be left single once again.
4. He is tired of you trying to get him to change
I would like to make this on number one just because it is personally so frustrating to me! I usually am completely on the girls side but this time I am going to give the women a blasting! Guys don’t tend to do this, they pick a girl and generally take what they get or move on. WOMEN on the other hand pick a guy and see potential. It is almost as if he is a fixer upper. Yeah, the porch is a bit saggy and the outside could use some paint but by-golly I think I’ll buy it.
This is probably the single most ANNOYING female trait I can think of. Save yourself some trouble, pick the fricken car you want. Don’t buy a damn Yugo and add racing stripes to it.
3. You are overly emotional or depressed
Number two most annoying female trait. Yeah I know that guys suffer from this too but because I am a nice guy with nice friends I don’t see this so often. Unfortunately nice guys tend to draw this kind of women and vice versa. I break down personalities into two groups, fire (aggressive) and water (passive). Fire and fire are not a good combo, they generally create more fire and will eventually burn down the house. Water and water are awful as well and will be so dull they will soak into the carpet. Overly emotional and depressed women generally have fire personalities and they look for a watery male to balance their flames.
Unfortunately water can only take so much fire until is boils, turns into steam and evaporates out of your life. No one can take a constant emotional pounding, NO ONE. If you don’t address this issue and take radical measures to calm your flames you will be alone or in highly dysfunctional relationships the rest of your life.
2. Fear of commitment or he feels trapped
Every women knows this one intimately. The guy that just can’t commit, the ones that will commit are generally spineless and not very desirable, the ones that wont you really want to posses. We can all make stabs at why men are this way but it does not really matter, they are and you can’t easily change this. Focus instead on what you want, to get a guy to commit without scaring him away. Have you ever seen one of those cat traps? It is a cage with a door on one side and in the middle is food, when the cat touches the food the door slams shut and the cat goes BALLISTIC.
Do you see where I am going with this? A man is terrified he will lose his ability to roam but at the same time that food looks awfully good!! The trick is getting a man to walk into your trap and make it his home but so many women slam the door of commitment too soon and he will do almost anything to get out.
1. You sabotaged the relationship
And the number one reason!!! You sabotaged it!! This is without a shadow of a doubt the number one reason he is going to break up with you. Women sabotage for one simple reason, they don’t feel they deserve a good relationship or the guy they are with. This is the most insidious reason for a guy to break up with you since it was never his fault (well his fault for choosing you!).
This is SOO hard to identify since you make it seem like he is the one with all of the problems. The truth of the matter is that you are subconsciously creating an uncomfortable environment for him to be in because YOU want out. Part of why this is so insidious is that it absolves you of guilt! You put so much pressure on him that he looks like the asshole for leaving you and you can say one more time. “Men are such scum sucking pigs!! I am never going to date again!!”
Before you say this cliché again I want you to take a very very long hard look at yourself. Have you been responsible for this in the past? Are you going to be responsible for it in the future? If you can answer yes to these even a little bit it might be time to do some serious digging and figure out the roots of your non deserving.
Breaking Up:
Mike Masters writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single girl he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.
10. Bad sex
This seems to me to be the most preventable one of the 10! See my entry on are you a dead fish in bed?
I once had bad sex and that relationship lasted about a week! However to be really honest I have often put up with bad sex to be with someone I loved. It eventually led to a break up because I was too unsatisfied in this area. Here is where the problem lies… I didn’t tell her. I broke up with her instead of making my needs clear. Could you be in the same boat? Is your boy hiding his dissatisfaction from you?
9. Jealousy
Fascinating topic!! I really look forward to writing a series about this. This is so multifaceted but here it is in a nutshell. Most jealousy is a product of normal insecurity with a curious damaging side effect. It often leads to really good sex. This is an EXCELLENT way to create more jealousy! Just feed it good sex! Want more good sex? Find a way to be jealous… Soon the two are linked like Rodney King and the LAPD.
So why would this lead to a breakup? Because it creates bad energy and eventually you need to escape it but the addiction is already in place. I had to use rat poison and small explosives to get out a similar situation.
"When the 2 of you snap out of your disgusting gooey love cocoon, you realize you have no life!"
8. Too wrapped up in one another
This happens more often to young couples than to older ones. Younger couples are more susceptible because they don’t have a clear identity yet. Older couples are not so needy and can function without being each others' parasite.
Why does this lead to a break up? Because when the two of you snap out of your disgusting gooey love cocoon, you realize that you have no life!
Friends have new friends now and even your dog won’t talk to you. Once he starts to miss his other life he often throws the baby out with the bathwater and you find yourself with a breakup TOTALLY out of the blue.
7. He is too insecure about the relationship
This happens when he thinks you are too good for him. Hard to identify but if it is there LOOK OUT! Girls and guys deal with this type of insecurity often in very different ways. Guys tend to have verbal diarrhea a bit more. You will hear things like this “Well I am not the one with the law degree!” add forced laugh in a very unfunny situation.
Or how about this “why don’t you just go find some football player!” once again the stupid smile and fake laugh. Jeeze! Just because you dated a 7 foot 400lb linebacker with a penis like a donkey’s. What is his problem!??? Well, it is his problem but you didn’t have to tell him about the ex’s resemblance to farm animals. If he is too insecure he will find a reason to get out and blame it on you.
6. Not growing together
I hate this one because it is the number two reason I struggle in relationships. When you meet someone you are typically at a similar stage in life. This means you are relatively congruent but this congruency does not often last. Imagine you are both saplings grown towards the sun. You are aggressively growing towards the light! but he is stoned on the couch with the Costco size bag of Doritos.
When you first met you would have been right there with him holding the dip but now your life calls and he is in the way. Since we mirror the people we spend time with, the ones that do not lift up our values are often despised and disposed of. Equal and similar growth is necessary for all relationships (even friendships). IF NOT a break up in inevitable. (This was supposed to be why he was going to leave you but I thought it would be more fun to make him the loser)
5. You are no longer in the honeymoon stage
Have you ever met a born again Christian? I have been one once and let me tell you they are endearing and obnoxious to an extreme. They have a twinkle in their eyes of love and acceptance but expect a torrent of righteous disapproval if you jay-walk!! Eventually this New religious zealot will calm down and either become a more reasonable christian or… wake up one day saying “what the hell was in that kool-aid!??” This is what often happens to relationships.
However unlike the B.A.C.s (born again C), the person in love really did drink the kool-aid and is drugged to the gills. What, you say? Drugged? Yes!! You know it is true, when you have been madly in love you are not yourself, you are an obsessive crazy person that literally is drugged. The drug of choice is called Oxytocin, the same hormone that makes a new mother DEARLY love her bright red covered in slime newborn infant. Oxytocin is released by the brain in copious quantities when you are in love BUT at one point the production slows to a trickle.
What now? Well like the B.A.C. you start to question things and if the relationship is not yet built on firmer ground than “love” it is going to wash away, and you will be left single once again.
4. He is tired of you trying to get him to change
I would like to make this on number one just because it is personally so frustrating to me! I usually am completely on the girls side but this time I am going to give the women a blasting! Guys don’t tend to do this, they pick a girl and generally take what they get or move on. WOMEN on the other hand pick a guy and see potential. It is almost as if he is a fixer upper. Yeah, the porch is a bit saggy and the outside could use some paint but by-golly I think I’ll buy it.
"Don’t buy a Yugo and add racing stripes to it."I have had this happen to me a 1000 times over and watched it happen to good friends constantly. Bryce once went out with a professional tri-athlete. An real man of a woman that tried her damnedest to get the trucker/cop like Bryce to become the next Lance Armstrong. Bryce dumped her quite quickly to the applause of his friends.
This is probably the single most ANNOYING female trait I can think of. Save yourself some trouble, pick the fricken car you want. Don’t buy a damn Yugo and add racing stripes to it.
3. You are overly emotional or depressed
Number two most annoying female trait. Yeah I know that guys suffer from this too but because I am a nice guy with nice friends I don’t see this so often. Unfortunately nice guys tend to draw this kind of women and vice versa. I break down personalities into two groups, fire (aggressive) and water (passive). Fire and fire are not a good combo, they generally create more fire and will eventually burn down the house. Water and water are awful as well and will be so dull they will soak into the carpet. Overly emotional and depressed women generally have fire personalities and they look for a watery male to balance their flames.
Unfortunately water can only take so much fire until is boils, turns into steam and evaporates out of your life. No one can take a constant emotional pounding, NO ONE. If you don’t address this issue and take radical measures to calm your flames you will be alone or in highly dysfunctional relationships the rest of your life.
2. Fear of commitment or he feels trapped
Every women knows this one intimately. The guy that just can’t commit, the ones that will commit are generally spineless and not very desirable, the ones that wont you really want to posses. We can all make stabs at why men are this way but it does not really matter, they are and you can’t easily change this. Focus instead on what you want, to get a guy to commit without scaring him away. Have you ever seen one of those cat traps? It is a cage with a door on one side and in the middle is food, when the cat touches the food the door slams shut and the cat goes BALLISTIC.
Do you see where I am going with this? A man is terrified he will lose his ability to roam but at the same time that food looks awfully good!! The trick is getting a man to walk into your trap and make it his home but so many women slam the door of commitment too soon and he will do almost anything to get out.
Reasons he is going to break up with you
- He is dissatisfied sexually
- He is insecure
- The honeymoon has ended
- You're trying too hard to change him
- He feels trapped
- You don't feel you deserve a good relationship
1. You sabotaged the relationship
And the number one reason!!! You sabotaged it!! This is without a shadow of a doubt the number one reason he is going to break up with you. Women sabotage for one simple reason, they don’t feel they deserve a good relationship or the guy they are with. This is the most insidious reason for a guy to break up with you since it was never his fault (well his fault for choosing you!).
This is SOO hard to identify since you make it seem like he is the one with all of the problems. The truth of the matter is that you are subconsciously creating an uncomfortable environment for him to be in because YOU want out. Part of why this is so insidious is that it absolves you of guilt! You put so much pressure on him that he looks like the asshole for leaving you and you can say one more time. “Men are such scum sucking pigs!! I am never going to date again!!”
Before you say this cliché again I want you to take a very very long hard look at yourself. Have you been responsible for this in the past? Are you going to be responsible for it in the future? If you can answer yes to these even a little bit it might be time to do some serious digging and figure out the roots of your non deserving.
Breaking Up:
- Almost all of the reasons for breakup can be condensed down to one key concept - The balance of power was off and you or he didn’t fix it until it was too late
- When going through a breakup it is NEVER productive to be right, the only person that you can change and grow is you
- After a breakup forgive yourself, next forgive him and thank him for helping you prepare for the next far better relationship
Mike Masters writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single girl he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.
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