I know the title seems a bit straight forward, but that's what you have to be now. I know what you're thinking my friends," I can't do that because ***!" I know what you mean. I was in that state of mind literally just two short hours ago. But guess what? I broke it off.
Let's start with some background info. I met this guy who was incredibly sweet. Downside, it was online on some stupid virtual world game I happened to get on simply out of absolute boredom during a break from school. I liked this guy. A lot. He was such a sweet heart and we seemed to just click. We talked for awhile before he proposed we get into a relationship. Long distance. It actually went much better than planned.
The first 6 or so months were amazing, and he was my best friend. However, we started to run out of things to say to eachother. Eventually, our conversations were made up of "I love you"'s and cutsie nicknames and shit. I cared about this guy SO FUCKING MUCH, but I just didn't feel like I should continue the relationship with the way I felt at the time. This guy was so sweet and was really attached to me. He told me how I was the reason he was alive. It was nice, but also a red flag. I tried and tried to get him to talk more, but it always ended back to where we started. I was lonesome.
I tried to distance myself from him, but he refused to let me just drift off. God, those few months were the worst. I hated myself for not wanting to date him. He was an amazing guy, why wouldn't I want to date him? I loved him, again why would I not date him?! I accepted my role as the unhappy girlfriend for the rest of my life. My friends and cousin noticed how unhappy I was, and they all tried to pep me up enough to dump him. It never worked.
I enventually realized that this wasn't working. I started to build up a dislike for him simply based on my own self hatred for not returning his affections. I hurt his feelings once, and I realized things needed to change. I thought and thought for weeks on how to do it. It would crush him. I was his world. He loved me. How could I be so selfish as to hurt him this way? Handling my own feelings hadn't occured to me at all. It was all about him, because I knew how bad he would be emotionally. Could I really do it?
Now fast forward to tonight. Already crabby and sad, I finally decide to take action. I started out with a simple approach: try to make him dump me. I told him I hated long distance, hinted at it repeatedly, and then even started to act a bit bitchy. He knew what I was doing, but refused to let me go. I knew I had to be more straight forward. Well, maybe a few more subtle hints would help?
I tried saying I was sad that we were so far apart. Instead of what I was aiming for, he started talking about how he should fix himself to make me happy. If I was totally naive, I would have fallen for that. He had promised to do that repeatedly, and never did. I knew I had to be more firm. I pushed and pushed the subject. Still no fucking reaction!!!
Finally, I suggested that we just be friends. I started out with a "maybe we can be together again some day" approach, but that was wrong of me. He started begging me to stay and refused to let me leave him. I knew I had to lay it all on the table. A dam inside of me broke. I typed furiously for several minutes before finally, I was finished.
I told him the entire truth. I was unhappy with our arrangements. I couldn't continue on how we were, so we needed to be friends until we could build up a better connection. We should try to find other people and see if maybe the issue wasn't really us, it was just fate. Maybe he would find someone better, who could connect with him more on the topics we didn't have in common. He was sad. He begged me to stay, but I forced back my tears and told him we needed to go our own ways. He used a lot of emotional black mail at first, and I nearly asked for him back just to make the hurtful things he was saying stop.
He said I never loved him. That I would move on while he sat alone in his room going insane. That he loved only me and could never find another. That I was trying to hurt him. I WAS A MONSTER.
I cried for so long. I'm pretty sure I snotted out enough to fill a small swimming pool. I remembered that I had to stay strong, though. I told him :If you keep using things like this against me then I'm leaving." He didn;t believe me. He kept up the emotional assault. So I said goodbye. He finally got the hint. We've been talking for the last hour about how we're still here for eachother and will continue to be, we just need to be friends and nothing more.
Remember ladies and gentlemen, this goes through stages. BE FIRM. BE STRONG. BE BOLD. I felt like absolute shit at first and I still sort of do, but it still feels so fucking great to know I'm free. No more suffocating under his thumb We will continue a friendship and keep eachother updated on everything, by his choice. Please, never let the emotional blackmail keep you trapped. You know what you need better than anyone else, so be sure to put your own emotional health first. And know I am here for you if you need more advice on this topic, my messages are always open and my kik is on my profile. You aren't alone, and you aren't weak. Good luck.
I'm tired and still kind of sad so this isn't editted. There will probably be mistakes, I just needed to get this out before I lost focus on the topic.