How to be broken up WITH.

There comes a time in many relationships where you know the end is coming. We know the inevitable breakup talk is coming. There is a reasonable way to handle it and come out of it without a huge fight.

1. First of all, if the other person is not owning up to anything, and is just ignoring you, send them a quick text or message and tell them you just want to meet up and talk. Don't use the words "we need to talk." Just simply say you feel like something is wrong and think its best to get together and talk about it.

2. You have to do is go there with an open mind. Prepare to listen to their side of the story. It could be something bad but it could be a very minor issue. Go there prepared to break up, but also hope for the best. Try not to be angry, or upset. While both of these feelings are valid, they tend to get in the way of having a rational discussion.
"It's OK to ask if they want to work it out, but anything beyond a "no" that you throw out there will look as if you are begging."


3. Your goal is to come out of the discussion with the understanding of what the problem is. Ask questions and ask follow up questions. Don't be pushy with them and don't make them insulting, but be inquisitive. Ask them when they started feeling the way they did, and why. If you are unsure of something they are saying, ask about it. The key is to not get heated or too upset in this part of it. If it escalates into a fight, you will wind up in a position of saying something you don't mean, and ultimately walking away not knowing what happened.

4. You can throw out suggestions if you want to work it out. Make it less about what THEY can do, and more about what you BOTH can do as a couple. If they seem unresponsive, it's okay to ask them if they even want to work it out. If they hesitate or just say "no." It is best to stop there. You don't want to have to convince someone to stay with you. Anything beyond a "no" that you throw out there will look as if you are begging. You don't want to beg because, quite frankly, the person/people for you don't need convincing to stay.

5. It usually depends on the reasoning for breakups on how you approach the subject of no contact. If it ended poorly and there were many problems in the relationship, it is best to just go your separate ways permanently. If it ended decently, and it just wasn't working and you were going your separate ways, there is no reason you cannot be civil. You can't really be best friends with your ex, but you can be friendly. There is nothing wrong with a holiday or birthday text, or being friendly when you DO see each other. Granted, this may fade a little over time, but you don't have to hate your ex to get over them.
How to be broken up with:
  • Prepare to listen.
  • Don't let it get heated - keep your cool.
  • Don't convince someone to stay with you - don't beg.
  • You don't have to be friends, but you can be friendly.
  • Don't take it personally.

6. Stay rational but don't ignore your feelings. If the other person treated you well throughout your relationship up until you broke up, remember that. If they had legitimate reasons for the breakup, keep that in mind. Be sorry that it ended but realistic about why it ended. If the breakup was unfounded, and the other person was rude about it, recognize it. Don't take it personally, but instead, see it for what it was- a lame way to handle things.

7. Keep a cool head after the breakup. You will live, you will laugh and enjoy life, you will love again and you will be happy again.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hope that you NEVER have to follow your own advice. Incredibly well written!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I did that. I told him I wanted to see him. No ''need to talk'' though that was what I meant. He never appeared, deleted me from Facebook and MSN and then a friend told me he'd been cheating on me. I was going to break up with him anyway, but he couldn't face me. Coward I thought at the time, now I don't really care. I just wanted closure.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Comprehensive and bang on the Money - This should be Featured :)

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  • good article

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What Girls Said 7

  • How bout if you followed step 1, and they left a voice mail later saying," Yeah I like you but you're not physically attractive. Anyway, have a good day." What are the rules for dealing with that?

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  • This is all really good advice, and I will keep all of it in mind! (:

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  • I've totally had to follow my own advice. I handled my last breakup better than my ex did, and he's the one who broke up with me. He was the one avoiding me. Its tough, but you end up the bigger person when you handle yourself better like this.

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  • Thanks for writing this - a unique perspective in breaking up!

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  • Very good article. I wish I went through this before all the fighting, lol.

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  • Really great article nothing unessary added. Great advice.

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  • i love your last part a lot.

    ''You will live, you will laugh and enjoy life, you will love again and you will be happy again.''

    heart warming :)

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