How to Break up Like a Damn Adult

[Anonymous]

Don't delay

You don't need a permission or a really good reason to break up.

Talk face-to-face

If you are in a long term relationship then your partner deserves a face-to-face talk.

Don't forget to use the word "breakup"

Say it at the beginning of the speech.

Don't blame your partner

If you do so, you will put everything on your partner's shoulders.

Listen

Listen and make your partner feel that you care his/her thoughts.

Get ready to hear bad words

People who are dumped give some bad reactions. So, get ready for everything.

Tell your partner if you are breaking up for somebody else

It's better to tell it beforehand because it may make your partner feel worse when he/she learns it later.

Keep it short and direct

Skip the intro, and tell it directly.

[godfatherfan]

if you can learn to not take dating personally, it takes most of the pain and bitterness out of any breakup. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a woman that can. maybe it is just all the therapy i have had in my life that allows me to take a more detached view? who knows. But I rather have a woman break up with me then have her continue to date me when she has no intention of staying with me forever. Most of us date to find "the one". Doesn't matter if it is your 2nd or 5th "the one", we want the person we can marry or live with for the rest of our lives. As soon as I get to the point where I know she isn't it, I break it off. Now, I always look at our relationship 1000 different ways first. is it ME? can I do something to make things better? Am I asking too much? am I being unrealistic? Every relationship you get into will not be "the one'. only 1 "the one" will work. So we keep going until we find that 'one". why be mad or bitter because your not the one for him/her if that is how they feel? Sure I have felt sad and shed a tear or two. I give myself 1 day to feel sad/hurt/bitter/"insert feeling here". Then I move on because harboring those feelings are only hurting you.

[btbc92]

I agree with this 100%. My favorite is 'Talk face-to-face'. Absolutely true. I can't stand it when I hear people do it over the phone or text etc. I mean, if you have no way of meeting in person, then fine. But when your just across the street?

However I must say that a person do need a really good reason to breakup, because if your with that person for the wrong reasons, you have to at least acknowledge that or else you'll regret it later and bounce to try and get them back. You need reasons so that you can move on. Also I say your a jerk for wanting to date another person while your already dating. Your just giving the other person a good reason to leave you as well. And it will make you look like the bad guy. People needs to make up their minds and get their priorities straight. Everything else though is right on the money.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Another one:

Don't needlessly accuse or defame the party you're rejecting. Do not insult their efforts to show they care by creepshaming them simply for giving a damn.

And even if you do, keep it between yourself and the party you're rejecting. Don't send a small army of knights who've only heard your twisted side of the story to do the dirty work for you. If they treat the other party like the Frankenstein monster, then that other party will forever see you as the villain.

Not just because of the coldhearted rejection, but because of your slander as well. And the damage you caused for their ability to trust or be trusted by those others. Scars like these can lead to a lifetime of psychological damage as well.

And if you frankly don't care if they ever forgive you or not... then you don't deserve the company of anyone.

===========

Yes, I knew someone like that once. She has a kid now, and appears to still be with the baby daddy. So maybe she grew up just enough in 11 years that she isn't a complete loser anymore. But I see no point in contacting her. I'm afraid simply bumping into me again would cause her to forfeit all of what little progress she's made as a human being. And why take that from her? That family is all she has now. And the only thing she took from me long term, other than wounding my pride, was alienating me from a group that were never really my friends to begin with.

[Elarra]

I agree with most of this except the don't blame your partner portion. Sometimes it is actually your partner that causes the break up, and I've had it many times. Their actions can drive the other person away and they should be told if their actions have anything to do with the break up. You don't have to be confrontational about it, but you should tell them if they had anything to do with your decision to break up. It takes two to tango, not one.

[Anonymous]

If it's a long-distance relationship, don't have them take off work to fly to where you are for two weeks, pump them full of hope talking about marriage, send them off with a big kiss at the airport, then break up with them via Skype two weeks later over issues you couldn't be bothered to articulate while you were together in person.

[Opinion Owner]

In a long distance situation, you do not know what's going on at your partner's end. At least ask before assuming the worst, and don't expect your partner to be able to read your mind from a text message.

[Phoenix98]

How to Break up Like a Damn Adult

We're over *walks out*
There done ^^.

[SovereignessofVamps]

This! I love the title of this mytake though.

[Phoenix98]

@SovereignessofVamps Lol thanks and indeed.

[Theodorable]

Nah, breaks-ups are best unspoken. If you don't get a reply from three text and three days pass, just assume you're newly single and move on.

[BaileyisDarcy]

That is the most childish approach to dating that I have ever come across.

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy Or the most mature. There's not arguing, there's no awkward moments, no passive aggressive, verbally abusive attacks. It's just a simple, pure moving on.

[BaileyisDarcy]

No closure, no surety, no discussion.

Most mature? Not at all. It's the cowards way out.

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy Ideally, under perfect circumstances, a break-up should be mutual.

[Theodorable]

I mean, why make it more dramatic than necessary? Less dramatic is better.

[BaileyisDarcy]

And how is just assuming you're single a mutual breakup?
That's not less dramatic it's just lazy.

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy Well, if they don't reply within three days, you can assume they are in jail, in the hospital in a coma, or they're wanting you to go away easily. Why not accommodate them? If they've ignored you for three days. Why even bother talking to them about it? What's that going to change?

[BaileyisDarcy]

Oh wow the relationships you've been in to assume they're in jail XD

I don't talk to my boyfriend a whole lot, the last time before yesterday that we spoke was at least a week before. We both have our own things that we're doing and we don't need to talk every single day.
They might not BE ignoring you.

How about, instead of relying on your phone, actually going to see them to find out whats happening. Not just assuming. Assumptions make a fool out of you and me.

[ObscuredBeyond]

That can also mean you're dead, which leads to needless extra worry. As well as a quest for the truth. And when they learn that you aren't in any sort of harm, just being an asshole... then you can never come out from under their labeling you as the villain.

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy Like showing up to their house unannounced and uninvited?

[BaileyisDarcy]

They're your partner. You should be able to do that anyway. Especially if you're concerned abotu their not returning your calls for a few days.

Are you sure you're 33? I'm starting to disbelieve it.

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy Okay. You and you boyfriend go weeks without talking to each other. I talk to my significant other everyday. We talk talking to each other; it's part of the reason we're dating. Does your boyfriend live in the same city as you? The sounds like a LDR

[BaileyisDarcy]

We live a couple hours from each other, but neither of us have a car so we have to take the bus. And the bus costs more than either of us can afford to see each other too often.

Plus we're both homebodies.

Okay, so you talk to them everyday, then assume if they haven't contacted you in a couple days that you've broken up? Are you sure they didn't just want a break?

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy You kind of getting a feeling for it. You know what I mean? Like if I didn't hear from my girl for three days, I would go to her house because we're like newly together and really interested in each other. If it was really kind of mushy, not really seeming like there was good energy, I would just assume it's over and she's ghosted, and I'll just respect that and go my own way.

[BaileyisDarcy]

You're still just making an assumption, and it's still wrong.

I get where you're coming from but there are better ways of going about it.

Unless you've never actually met and it's some kind of online relationship, then fine do what you want. Online relationships shouldn't even BE a thing in the first place.

[Theodorable]

@BaileyisDarcy I agree with that last part. It really depends on the situation. If she owed me a bunch of money, or had something that belonged to me that I considered valuable, I would be much more incline to demand to be heard. But I wouldn't impose my self onto a person who doesn't owe me anything.

[vishna]

Great MyTake.
Do you think it'd be best to break up in private (your house, his house?) or in public (not busy coffee shop outside, a random park)

[zagor]

Private, unless of course you anticipate a possibly violent response.

[CristopherC]

And ffs, if you call it off with somebody, don't come crawling back next week. Be sure that's what you want before you do it.

[Library]

I agree with this. People should start breaking up like adults.

[ashley1996]

Agree! Please don't call or text it, Or worse don't just ignore them.

[Blitzkrieger]

Also tell them not in your house so they can't wreck your stuff.

[LittleSally]

Great, short and sweet take.

[Saoirse_Nua]

I agree with this 100% - Well done

[miamigirl1970]

Good words!

[bcromartie]

This is stupid.