Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

#Breakup #Single

So its been almost a month since my boyfriend of five years broke up with me. I'm not going to lie; I was devastated. I shed many tears and spent many nights lying awake dwelling on my former relationship. I even went through the clichรฉ post-breakup ritual of binging on junk-food and watching sappy rom-coms. As painful as this experience was (and still is), It has been a real learning experience for me, and strangely enough, I can honestly say I am happier then I have been in a long time.

Yes, breakups suck, obviously. But at the same time, I see so many women (and men) stuck in unhappy long-term relationships because they are afraid of being single. And to be honest, I believe that I myself was in denial about the state of my former relationship because I was also afraid of being single. I want to use my journey after the breakup (so far) to show others that you can be both single AND happy!

So, what's so great about being single? Here are 5 positive aspects that I have experienced during my post-breakup journey:

1. Re-assess What I Want in a Relationship (and Life)

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

I think one of the most important aspects about being newly single is being able to re-assess what I really want in a relationship and in the broader context, life. I am able to take a step back, objectively look at my previous relationship, and learn from this experience (something I wasn't able to do during the relationship). For the longest time, I believe I was in denial about the state of this relationship, somehow passing-off major issues as "normal". It is clear to me now that my ex and myself are two different people, moving in opposite directions in life, and ultimately, breaking up was the right decision. I know it will take time, but I believe this is very crucial and necessary process before even considering starting a new relationship.

2. Focus on Myself

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

There is no doubt that maintaining a relationship takes a lot of time and energy, and quite often, our sense of self can get lost. In my previous relationship, I found that I was so focused on us, that I began to neglect me. I feel like I was investing all of myself into making our relationship work, and it was honestly exhausting. Post-breakup, I am now focusing on myself again. I want to use this time to become a better me for me, not for someone else. I know that self-care is the only way I will be able to get my life back on track and feel whole again.

3. Reconnect With Friends

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

Another positive aspect about becoming single is being able to reconnect with friends. Obviously romantic relationships require you to spend more time with your significant other than your friends, but I believe there needs to be a balance; something that I did not have in my previous relationship. Both myself and my ex socially isolated ourselves from our friends because we thought all we needed was each other. I also think my ex's negative attitude and mistrust of others in his life (yes, he had a lot of issues that I will not elaborate on) began to rub-off on me, leading me to delete my Facebook and other connections to friends. It is something that I now regret, and I am beginning to reconnect with my long-lost friends. After all, social support is something everyone needs.

4. New-found Independence and Freedom

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

Obviously, being in a relationship equates to less independence and freedom to do things own your own. Its only natural to want do things as a couple, after all. However, in my previous relationship, I found that my ex was mostly the one who dictated what activities we would do together. There was always a focus on his hobbies and interests, rather than mine (I admit now that he was somewhat selfish and controlling, which is something else I was in denial about during the relationship). I began to forget about the joy that I used to feel when engaging in my own hobbies and interests. Now that I am single again, I am beginning to rediscover that joy these things brought me. I now have time to do things I want to do, own my own, and it feels liberating!

5. I'm Okay with Being Single!

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

Above all, I believe the most important thing that I have learned from this journey is that I am okay with being single. I am learning that don't need to rely on others, especially a significant man in my life, for my happiness. Although my journey as a newly single woman has just begun, I am growing stronger and more independent every day. One day I know I will be ready to pursue another romantic relationship (and hopefully, find the man that I will spend the rest of my life with), but for now, I am single AND Happy!

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey
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Most Helpful Guy

  • JudgmentDay

    I've already decided to be single for life either way. This world is completely empty and absurd to me anyway and I feel nihilistic about it all, existence, reality, etc.

    Was reading a summary of a movie that had recently been out, and there was a scene in a movie about a guest at a party that says how
    "humanity's collective efforts to ensure their legacy on earth, and how no matter how hard our efforts to try and preserve that legacy are, it will be for naught when the world eventually ends and the universe collapses on itself again."

    Sometimes it makes me wonder, what really mattered if at all? Or is it only because we want it to matter, or because we simply just needed it matter so we wouldn't die? Things like relationships, companionship, "love", etc., and pretty much everything like wealth, fame, etc?

    But whatever the case may be, just live and let live and enjoy your life as much as possible and for as long as possible, live and embrace every moment of your life as if it was going to be your last, and don't dwell on the past, and things that you had very little to no control over, and that's just the reality of it all. We ALL have very little to no control over pretty much everything and anything that unfolds and happens in our life time.

    Find your own inner peace and have fun! it's good that you are able to re-connect with friends, you're gonna need that social support for emotional support and for other important things in life such as finding a better job, etc.

    @Unit1 Any thoughts?

    Is this still revelant?
    • Unit1

      Pretty much the same as yours judgmentday. I assume you saw my opinion already, so you know my specific stance on it.
      And yes, as long as we consider it matters to us, we get to deal with what comes with it all.
      Inevitably we are all at some point single in our lives, some much more, some less, some even involuntarily like me - so because of it it is upmost important to deal, live and be content living the single life. Relationships are not warranted after all. Hell, we both aren't able to get into relationships at all, so let's make the most out of our singlehood.

    • @MandyRuth thanks for MHO!

Most Helpful Girl

  • bubbles328

    being single is awesome and now i'v done it for a few years I couldn't imagine not being single! Think the single life is made for a small handful of people while others never take to it

    Is this still revelant?
    • MandyRuth

      I'm glad you have also found happiness being single :). I love the guys on here who get butt-hurt because they don't believe a woman can be single, independent, and happy... more power to us I guess!

    • I agree i have been single for little over a year. Its definitely going to be a change for me when getting in a relationship.
      I think the difference with people being single and happy (not for those who are single to seek hookups and causual sex) is that we don't need a relationship to be happy in life and we need someone who compliments us rather than how others say it completes them, if that makes sense.

    • Unit1

      "I love the guys on here who get butt-hurt because they don't believe a woman can be single, independent, and happy... more power to us I guess!"

      That's when their jealousy shows up. Keep moving up, up and up, lady ;) Soon you can't even hear them anymore if you decide to :>

    • Show All

What Girls & Guys Said

433
  • Streamhopper

    Life's a journey, not a destination, or so the saying goes. You're on the right path! You'll be just fine, despite what any nay-sayers may have to say. I wish you the best! =)

  • TwinCKI

    I feel like the best part about being single again is getting the time to rediscover who you are and even the possibility of improving yourself.

    • MandyRuth

      I agree. Very well said :) That is certainly my focus now.

  • Hans222

    That's a really nice take - nevertheless sorry to hear about your long term relationship going bust :-( that's never good news.

    • MandyRuth

      Thank you. Yes, it sucks, but it just wasn't meant to be.

    • Hans222

      Thumbs up the near future will make another nice guy cross your path, this time for a long term relationship, happy family and more :D <3

    • MandyRuth

      Thanks! Apparently some guys on here think I'm way past my prime to ever find another long term relationship ๐Ÿ˜‚ Lol. I know I will find love again when the time is right :)

    • Show All
  • Djaaay

    (Individualism) is poisonous , be careful. Being selfish and controlling was your down fall , and now you wish to liberate yourself greater by becoming even more selfish and controlling... do you see the irony there? Relationships are not for those who don't focus on both.

    • MandyRuth

      Seriously? Did you even read my take? How did you get the impression that I was selfish and controlling? You're one of those men who think everything that goes wrong in a relationship is the woman's fault, don't you. You have NO idea what happened.

    • Djaaay

      There your words not mine. Yes I read your take thoroughly. No I'm not one of those men who believe that. I'm (not) having any such problems with women what so ever. Never do. You wrote a lot about yourself. And I happen to have much more experience in life than you. Its easy to put 2 and 2 together.

    • MandyRuth

      But you have no clue what even happened, you're just making assumptions. So I'm selfish and controlling because I didn't like not having a voice in my relationship? My ex was the selfish and controlling one, why are you trying to say that I was?

    • Show All
  • April10

    That's great you're able to turn something so heartbreaking into a positive thing

    • MandyRuth

      Thanks :) I look at it this way, I can either sit around depressed about it, or I can use it as a learning experience.

  • HandsomeGuy500

    I've come across quite a few women like you who are now in their late 40's, and they are miserable and bitter because they decided to stay single and now they are lonely.

    • MandyRuth

      I think you are missing the point of this take, or you didn't read the whole thing. I'm not deciding to stay single, I want to be in a relationship eventually. I'm saying that you can enjoy life while you are single. Being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not healthy.

    • Bit any moron knows that. They don't need you to tell them. Do you think people are stupid?

    • MandyRuth

      Seriously, if you are going to be an asshole, why do you bother commenting?

    • Show All
  • JohnDoe3000

    It's completely normal to be okay with being single. I think for most single people it's not being single that they hate, it's the feeling that them being single isn't a choice.

  • skykid1992

    Sounds like you were in the wrong relationship. .. u shouldn't have tosacrifice who you are while in a relationship. My girlfriend is still just as crazy as the date we met... while am still quite but talk more now. But happy the beak up made u grow as a person

    • MandyRuth

      Thanks. Yes, I can definitely see now that I was in the wrong relationship.

    • skykid1992

      np we all most learn things the hardway in life now... sadly

  • Topkek1

    He broke up with you probably because you hit the wall.

    • MandyRuth

      What is that supposed to mean?

    • Topkek1

      Wall, also spelled The Wall and The Wall (TM) represents the point in a woman's life where her SMV has fallen to zero and men no longer give her preferential treatment. The Wall hits the average woman when she reaches the age of 30.

    • MandyRuth

      I've never heard of this theory. I like how you assume that is why he broke up with me when you obviously have no idea why. Stop making assumptions based on completely superficial theories that men like you subscribe to.

    • Show All
  • JustCallMeLeon

    Being single has its few advantages but its not even close to living together with the person you love. :)

    Good take. I hope you didn't write this just for self confirmation. So that you believe you're ok. :/

  • bingbaddaboom

    Being single and being in a relationship both have their perks. It's good that you've gathered some positivity from a difficult pass in your life.

  • Zechs

    When you have Netflix it doesn't matter if you're single or taken, Netflix is what makes people happy

  • Lman3000

    Huh Weird when I made a post where I said i want to be comfortable being single people keep telling me to continue dating even though I ask how to be OK with it, People on site are weird

    • MandyRuth

      Oh, trust me, there are guys who apparently hate the idea of a woman being single and happy. You're always going to get hate on this site from some one. Just ignore them, and live your life for you :)

  • 404filenotfound

    Not a bad take, there are always reasons to be happy if we're willing to find them!

  • jacquesvol
  • BlueEyesWD

    Thanks for sharing, it seems educating for the future. :)

  • Unit1

    Sounds like you have been in the wrong relationship. I know, quality members for relationships are a real scarcity and incredibly hard to come by (much like winning a lottery) - those, that allow you to be you and do as you like while not restricting you or at least not by too much. I see real, healthy and functional relationships as upgrades, not things, that require you to *have* sacrifice too much.
    But this is all dreaming in a fantasy land.
    The reality is different than that unfortunately.
    I keep getting used to about the perks of being single.

    Still I love women and despite being happily single there are times when I really want a good woman.
    But being single is still very wonderful.

  • sedrftvgyhujik

    Did you have to give up on a lot going into the relationship? ie because of time commitments

    • MandyRuth

      I feel like I did sacrifice my focus on my education because of the relationship because of time commitments to the relationship. I also lost a lot of close friendships as well. I thought for the longest time that this relationship was my purpose in life, while slowly losing the things that made me, me. I realize now that I was investing far more time and energy into the relationship than he was.

    • It's hard to know what's worth sacrificing for a relationship sometimes?
      Also how to get the most out of it while losing the least of what you already have.

  • litty

    It's not like people can't do those positives when in a relationship

    • MandyRuth

      I'm not saying they can't. But when a relationship is toxic and unhealthy, it is difficult to do these things.

    • litty

      It's good you found what works for you. Everyone should strive for independence and autonomy and inspire their partners to as well, should they have a partner

    • MandyRuth

      I agree.

  • Ephemera1

    Thanks

  • akadatank44

    Being single is great for me at least.

  • ArabianPwincess197

    Nice Take :)

  • Thank you

  • Jamesbound

    I love being single it's amazing and fun life.

  • DarkBlack9

    Sounds like you hate your ex

    • MandyRuth

      I don't hate him, but I am still angry at him. I'm trying my best though to not let my anger for him bring me down.

  • Being single sucks and everybody knows it.

    • MandyRuth

      I'm sorry to hear you think that. But I'm happy. I don't understand why so many men don't think a woman can be single and happy. I would eventually love to be in a relationship, but I'm not going to sit around sulking because I'm single. I'm going to make the best of it and enjoy life.

    • You can only use a vibrator for so long.

    • MandyRuth

      I love my BOB! (aka, Battery Operated Boyfriend) ๐Ÿ˜œ

  • Nahid1234

    Thank you.

  • razor97

    Forever alone

  • disgustingweebtrash

    Thank you

  • Anonymous

    Nice ones

  • Anonymous

    HERE IS another one too!
    ENTHUSIASM!!!
    Well honestly, my ex... I would ask him to lick my cooch because I loved it and saw it in porn videos. He would be so hesitant and insist on a shower. He even told me to shave because he doesn't like hair.
    My new boyfriend however eats everything and he even, begs me to lick it. I came back from the gym once, and he licked me right away without ever asking for a shower because he tells me i taste the best... he doesn't care about me shaving and told me that as long as i spread my lips and he can get to the clit that is all that matters
    SO glad that we broke up and i learned why real love is

  • Anonymous

    It has its good points and bad points, I don't miss the arguments and drama but I miss having someone to do things with and the sex

  • Anonymous

    the same here

  • Anonymous

    i dont wanna be a dick but i feel like if you were really happy you wouldn't make this post. i wish you the best

    • MandyRuth

      Why not? I just wanted to document my experience. I see so many people (especially women) who think they must be in a relationship in order to be happy in life. I just want to show that you can make the best out of a bad situation.

    • Anonymous

      oh ok

  • Anonymous

    But what if you have sexual needs?

    • razor97

      we'll stick a dildo in the ass, and that's it

    • Anonymous

      @razor97 that's not realistic tho.

    • razor97

      You're far too docile. How are you supposed to take over the world like this?

  • Anonymous

    AWESOME TAKE! BINGO!

  • Anonymous

    Good for you. I hope you continue to find happiness.

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