Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

Single AND Happy! 5 Positives of My Post-Breakup Journey

#Breakup #Single

So its been almost a month since my boyfriend of five years broke up with me. I'm not going to lie; I was devastated. I shed many tears and spent many nights lying awake dwelling on my former relationship. I even went through the clichรฉ post-breakup ritual of binging on junk-food and watching sappy rom-coms. As painful as this experience was (and still is), It has been a real learning experience for me, and strangely enough, I can honestly say I am happier then I have been in a long time.

Yes, breakups suck, obviously. But at the same time, I see so many women (and men) stuck in unhappy long-term relationships because they are afraid of being single. And to be honest, I believe that I myself was in denial about the state of my former relationship because I was also afraid of being single. I want to use my journey after the breakup (so far) to show others that you can be both single AND happy!

So, what's so great about being single? Here are 5 positive aspects that I have experienced during my post-breakup journey:

1. Re-assess What I Want in a Relationship (and Life)

I think one of the most important aspects about being newly single is being able to re-assess what I really want in a relationship and in the broader context, life. I am able to take a step back, objectively look at my previous relationship, and learn from this experience (something I wasn't able to do during the relationship). For the longest time, I believe I was in denial about the state of this relationship, somehow passing-off major issues as "normal". It is clear to me now that my ex and myself are two different people, moving in opposite directions in life, and ultimately, breaking up was the right decision. I know it will take time, but I believe this is very crucial and necessary process before even considering starting a new relationship.

2. Focus on Myself

There is no doubt that maintaining a relationship takes a lot of time and energy, and quite often, our sense of self can get lost. In my previous relationship, I found that I was so focused on us, that I began to neglect me. I feel like I was investing all of myself into making our relationship work, and it was honestly exhausting. Post-breakup, I am now focusing on myself again. I want to use this time to become a better me for me, not for someone else. I know that self-care is the only way I will be able to get my life back on track and feel whole again.

3. Reconnect With Friends

Another positive aspect about becoming single is being able to reconnect with friends. Obviously romantic relationships require you to spend more time with your significant other than your friends, but I believe there needs to be a balance; something that I did not have in my previous relationship. Both myself and my ex socially isolated ourselves from our friends because we thought all we needed was each other. I also think my ex's negative attitude and mistrust of others in his life (yes, he had a lot of issues that I will not elaborate on) began to rub-off on me, leading me to delete my Facebook and other connections to friends. It is something that I now regret, and I am beginning to reconnect with my long-lost friends. After all, social support is something everyone needs.

4. New-found Independence and Freedom

Obviously, being in a relationship equates to less independence and freedom to do things own your own. Its only natural to want do things as a couple, after all. However, in my previous relationship, I found that my ex was mostly the one who dictated what activities we would do together. There was always a focus on his hobbies and interests, rather than mine (I admit now that he was somewhat selfish and controlling, which is something else I was in denial about during the relationship). I began to forget about the joy that I used to feel when engaging in my own hobbies and interests. Now that I am single again, I am beginning to rediscover that joy these things brought me. I now have time to do things I want to do, own my own, and it feels liberating!

5. I'm Okay with Being Single!

Above all, I believe the most important thing that I have learned from this journey is that I am okay with being single. I am learning that don't need to rely on others, especially a significant man in my life, for my happiness. Although my journey as a newly single woman has just begun, I am growing stronger and more independent every day. One day I know I will be ready to pursue another romantic relationship (and hopefully, find the man that I will spend the rest of my life with), but for now, I am single AND Happy!


3|2
534
MandyRuth is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Most Helpful Guy

  • I've already decided to be single for life either way. This world is completely empty and absurd to me anyway and I feel nihilistic about it all, existence, reality, etc.

    Was reading a summary of a movie that had recently been out, and there was a scene in a movie about a guest at a party that says how
    "humanity's collective efforts to ensure their legacy on earth, and how no matter how hard our efforts to try and preserve that legacy are, it will be for naught when the world eventually ends and the universe collapses on itself again."

    Sometimes it makes me wonder, what really mattered if at all? Or is it only because we want it to matter, or because we simply just needed it matter so we wouldn't die? Things like relationships, companionship, "love", etc., and pretty much everything like wealth, fame, etc?

    But whatever the case may be, just live and let live and enjoy your life as much as possible and for as long as possible, live and embrace every moment of your life as if it was going to be your last, and don't dwell on the past, and things that you had very little to no control over, and that's just the reality of it all. We ALL have very little to no control over pretty much everything and anything that unfolds and happens in our life time.

    Find your own inner peace and have fun! it's good that you are able to re-connect with friends, you're gonna need that social support for emotional support and for other important things in life such as finding a better job, etc.

    @Unit1 Any thoughts?

    0|1
    0|0
    • Pretty much the same as yours judgmentday. I assume you saw my opinion already, so you know my specific stance on it.
      And yes, as long as we consider it matters to us, we get to deal with what comes with it all.
      Inevitably we are all at some point single in our lives, some much more, some less, some even involuntarily like me - so because of it it is upmost important to deal, live and be content living the single life. Relationships are not warranted after all. Hell, we both aren't able to get into relationships at all, so let's make the most out of our singlehood.

Most Helpful Girl

  • being single is awesome and now i'v done it for a few years I couldn't imagine not being single! Think the single life is made for a small handful of people while others never take to it

    1|1
    0|1
    • I'm glad you have also found happiness being single :). I love the guys on here who get butt-hurt because they don't believe a woman can be single, independent, and happy... more power to us I guess!

    • Show All
    • I would rather stalk a toad than stalk you.

    • @HandsomeGuy500 Ok that would be why you are commenting on things I posted ages ago? LMFAO

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 33

  • I feel like the best part about being single again is getting the time to rediscover who you are and even the possibility of improving yourself.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Life's a journey, not a destination, or so the saying goes. You're on the right path! You'll be just fine, despite what any nay-sayers may have to say. I wish you the best! =)

    1|1
    0|0
  • That's a really nice take - nevertheless sorry to hear about your long term relationship going bust :-( that's never good news.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you. Yes, it sucks, but it just wasn't meant to be.

    • Show All
    • Don't worry... I'm 41 and despite efforts (which I started too late, that was my biggest mistake) and also still looking for that one sweetheart crossing my path!

    • Well I'm sure you will find her one day :) best of luck!

  • It's completely normal to be okay with being single. I think for most single people it's not being single that they hate, it's the feeling that them being single isn't a choice.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like you have been in the wrong relationship. I know, quality members for relationships are a real scarcity and incredibly hard to come by (much like winning a lottery) - those, that allow you to be you and do as you like while not restricting you or at least not by too much. I see real, healthy and functional relationships as upgrades, not things, that require you to *have* sacrifice too much.
    But this is all dreaming in a fantasy land.
    The reality is different than that unfortunately.
    I keep getting used to about the perks of being single.

    Still I love women and despite being happily single there are times when I really want a good woman.
    But being single is still very wonderful.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Thank you

    1|0
    0|0
  • Not a bad take, there are always reasons to be happy if we're willing to find them!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Being single and being in a relationship both have their perks. It's good that you've gathered some positivity from a difficult pass in your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like you were in the wrong relationship. .. u shouldn't have tosacrifice who you are while in a relationship. My girlfriend is still just as crazy as the date we met... while am still quite but talk more now. But happy the beak up made u grow as a person

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks. Yes, I can definitely see now that I was in the wrong relationship.

    • np we all most learn things the hardway in life now... sadly

  • I've come across quite a few women like you who are now in their late 40's, and they are miserable and bitter because they decided to stay single and now they are lonely.

    0|0
    1|0
    • I think you are missing the point of this take, or you didn't read the whole thing. I'm not deciding to stay single, I want to be in a relationship eventually. I'm saying that you can enjoy life while you are single. Being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not healthy.

    • Show All
    • Seriously, if you are going to be an asshole, why do you bother commenting?

    • You're the asshole

  • Thanks for sharing, it seems educating for the future. :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • Thanks

    0|0
    0|0
  • Being single is great for me at least.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I love being single it's amazing and fun life.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Being single has its few advantages but its not even close to living together with the person you love. :)

    Good take. I hope you didn't write this just for self confirmation. So that you believe you're ok. :/

    0|0
    0|0
  • Thank you

    0|0
    0|0
  • (Individualism) is poisonous , be careful. Being selfish and controlling was your down fall , and now you wish to liberate yourself greater by becoming even more selfish and controlling... do you see the irony there? Relationships are not for those who don't focus on both.

    0|0
    0|1
    • Seriously? Did you even read my take? How did you get the impression that I was selfish and controlling? You're one of those men who think everything that goes wrong in a relationship is the woman's fault, don't you. You have NO idea what happened.

    • Show All
    • What most men see in a single independent woman is Feminism. . Meanwhile , that wasn't my point. And I'm not a insecure guy and never have been. I don't hate a strong independent woman , I'm married to one. You've got me soooo backwards. The point im suggesting to you is , the very independence you speak of , is exactly the recipe for a great relationship. Going a little to far into being a (individualist ) is a poison not even you would want to tread over. That's basically all I was saying.

  • He broke up with you probably because you hit the wall.

    0|1
    2|1
    • What is that supposed to mean?

    • Show All
    • Yeah well, you're laughing now, but let's see who's laughing when you're in your 40's and still single and childless ;)

    • Hahaha okay then. Did you ever consider that some women, like men, don't want kids? I like how you assume these things about people you don't even know. Good luck ever finding a long term relationship with a woman with that attitude. BYE!

  • When you have Netflix it doesn't matter if you're single or taken, Netflix is what makes people happy

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    13

What Girls Said 4

  • That's great you're able to turn something so heartbreaking into a positive thing

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thanks :) I look at it this way, I can either sit around depressed about it, or I can use it as a learning experience.

  • Nice Take :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • HERE IS another one too!
    ENTHUSIASM!!!
    Well honestly, my ex... I would ask him to lick my cooch because I loved it and saw it in porn videos. He would be so hesitant and insist on a shower. He even told me to shave because he doesn't like hair.
    My new boyfriend however eats everything and he even, begs me to lick it. I came back from the gym once, and he licked me right away without ever asking for a shower because he tells me i taste the best... he doesn't care about me shaving and told me that as long as i spread my lips and he can get to the clit that is all that matters
    SO glad that we broke up and i learned why real love is

    0|0
    0|1
  • the same here

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;