I’m not going to apologize for writing you whatever you want to call this and I am not going to victimize myself here either, but I still have things to get off my chest and I’m not going to shut up.
Not that I think of you all the time, I don’t. So don’t feel like you are so awesome that I can’t stop thinking about you and can’t get over you, you are not, so that's not the reason I'm still not over this. The reason why its so hard to get over it is because you were the one person I trusted enough to express all my feelings to and that I felt that I could be myself with. Don’t take that as a compliment, I'm not complimenting you, it's just a fact about the way we communicated.
Every time that for some reason the thought of you pops up in my head I can’t help but get upset and think about how unfair you were. I don’t know if I feel broken hearted, because I don’t have any romantic feelings for you anymore, I feel betrayed. I hate having this hard feelings I have for you, but I can’t control that, I’m only going to be able to forgive you when I am 100% over this whole thing, and its taking me quite some time. Sometimes I wish I had a punching bag with your face on it.
Jokes aside, one of the thoughts that comes to my mind from time to time is you are no better than the girls that hurt you in the past. I mean, you said you wanted to be RESPECTFUL for my feelings and thats why you deleted me from your Instagram so that I wouldn't see your pictures with your girlfriend. (this is not about Instagram, couldn't care less about being one of your exclusive followers, but don't unfollow ME anyway, I need the followers) This is more about how you can’t really talk about respect, if you would have wanted to be RESPECTFUL to me you wouldn’t have used me as a rebound and to heal yourself from past relationships and then when you were healed decide it was time to go your own way, never having fully committed to me, never having been able to tell me you loved me, and saying it was because of how every other girl you had been with in the past hurt you. I know it wasn’t about that, because it didn’t take you long after you broke my heart to find someone to be in a relationship with.
You clearly didn’t love me, you shouldn't have told me that having been hurt in the past was the reason why you couldn’t say it back, you should have just said I don’t love you and I never will because for whatever reason (be that you are not beautiful enough, you don’t drive, you have anxiety, you are not smart, you speak like a kid, you are immature) you are not good enough for me, that would have been harsh but respectful if said at the right time.
All the time you couldn’t say those things to me I thought, okay I understand he’s been hurt before but I do love him and I am going to patiently wait and be here for him, I’m going to be his best friend and show him I will never hurt him, I’m going to think of ways to put a smile on his face.
You became the person whose happiness I cared about the most, I played dumb to make you feel smart, and weak to make you feel strong so many times, so when you broke my heart it felt like someone had died, except that they hadn’t and they were happier without me. Even if you said you would still be there if I needed it, it was never going to be the same again, you can’t have a true genuine friendship with someone you loved, you can be polite to them but the hard feelings will be there.
I said no hard feelings before, that's what I wanted, but even if you are a good person you can’t control how you feel, and I have really hard feelings for you. I don’t hate you, but I hate that I trusted you, I hate how you made me feel, and I hate myself for having believed you could love me. It honestly feels like you took what you needed from me and left when things weren't that easy and you got bored. I was a long rebound you used to heal yourself and didn’t take seriously.
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I know contacting an ex is not the best thing to do, but I feel the need to make him know how I feel. He played the good guy I want to let him know he's not a saint.
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