Why You and Your Ex Cannot Be Friends... For Now

After a fresh break up, you and your ex are not enemies nor are friends. Just two strangers with memories. But when an ex offers the friendship card, I say do not take it especially if they are the ones who left you. When they broke up with you, they lost you. They chose to cut the cord between you two and broke your heart. Now that they're gone, they are no longer part of your life. Their part in your life, that chapter, is now over. It's time to write a new one with someone deserving of you.

Them offering you friendship is like a consolation prize to cushion the blow of them leaving you torn in pieces. You are better than that. Sure you still love them and in a heartbeat will take them back. But are you ready to go back to that emotional and painful merry go round over again? If they really loved you, they would've suck it up, stuck by you, and did their best to work out the problems to keep the relationship going. But they didn't. They chose to leave. Sure, they might still have feelings for you and love but those are not enough for you to take them back even as friends. How can you be just friends with someone your heart loves and yearns for? With someone you long to kiss, to hug, to make love to and build a future with? Will you be able to take listening to them bragging about their new love and how amazing the other person is?

Friends do that and they are genuinely happy for them with their blooming lovelife. But are you happy for him? Or you wish it was you dancing with him instead of her? Do you want to be that person they call when they're bored or horny because they know you''ll always pick up the phone at wee hours? Do you want to be that back up person when they got rejected or dumped by their rebound? While you are busy fantasizing on the shoulda, woulda, could've your ex is out there banging someone new. Simply because you want him to realize you will always be there for him when he comes back as his friend. Enough!

He left you and you should change the locks to your heart no matter how hard it gets. You will eventually get over him. Do not be his friend! Maybe when you are finally healed from him then you can be. But for now, NO. You don't owe him anything. You owe yourself an apology for being a doormat to someone who thinks you're convenient. Do not be someone's option. Be someone's special one and only priority. Do not fall for your ex's ghosting games. They can stay dead. Denying your ex friendship is not immature or selfish. He is no longer your problem but someone else's. Fix your broken heart by loving you. One day, you will be happily in the arms of the love of your life, and you will see your ex... You remember the boy, but you won't remember the feeling anymore.


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What Guys Said 14

  • Nice Take. I appreciate.

    A relationship usually ends in 2 ways :

    Situation 1 : Both mutually decide that the relationship is over and you have no expectation from each other on something more than friends. It is possible for each of them to be friends as you have no expectation from each other something more then friendship and also there is a good understanding between each other. Here you CAN be friends with your ex.

    Situation 2 : One of them decided to end the relationship for various reasons. I Believe this is the situation where you can't be friends with your ex as one of them still do have feelings towards. This is a very bad idea to be friends as it will mess even more. If you are friends with her, you always will always be clinging on to her. So you need to shut the door completely.

    2 people can only be happy if both have the same expectation , so first thing i would suggest is to be true to yourself ask yourself what you really want . Do you still have the feelings? What do you want? Once you have this figured out you can decide whether to be friends or not.

    First figure out What you WANT, then do what you SHOULD do and never make any decision out of fear.

    Hope it helps. 😊🇮🇳

    Thanks for sharing your My Take.😊

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  • Always best to establish some space after the end of a relationship.

    Certainly makes it easier for both parties to move on.

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  • I'm friends with my Ex.
    No extra feelings, just friends.
    I even congratulated her on her marriage. :)

    The only reason why I stopped talking to her is in respect to my current girlfriend - which she understood.

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    • Ya but you didn't just become friends overnight, right?

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    • If remain friends means merely staying in contact and still hanging out, then not necessarily. But if you mean genuinely being friends and only friends, only wanting friendship with no emotions revolving around their past relationship then yes. It was never love. I have literally never seen that ever happen. There has to be down time to get over the relationship that ended. If you were in love, then if you don't mourn the relationship you're going to have lingering feelings of some kind.

    • @rjroy3 true this.

  • Out of love, sacrifice is born, hate is born. Then we are able to know loss, then we discover pain.

    The moment you're able to know love, you run the risk of carrying hate. That is pain

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  • I agree

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  • This is hella good, I definitely think this is an important thing to understand in the cruel world of romance

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  • Never be friends with an ex, in my opinion.

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  • I have been friends right after with a couple of ex'a and friends for 20 years with one and 5 and more with the other lol

    I think it just depends on the people. Some can handle it some can't

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  • I don't have an ex

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  • Is it because I killed her?

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  • No way

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  • This is a case by case situation.

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  • Because you shouldn't. Although you can always be fuck buddies if you want to though.

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  • Bad idea, you're naive

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What Girls Said 4

  • I'm good friends with one of my exes, he even paired me with his best friend a few years ago.
    But yes, it has taken us a long time to come to this point. We hadn't had any contact for almost wo years after breakup.

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  • 7d

    If you still love the person you can't help but feel jealous if you get to know that's he/she's dating and etc... people need time to recover from the break up.
    But anyway, It's impossible for me to be friends with an ex. Why would we be friends anyway, when we were never friends before?

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  • I hope to be friends with my ex later down the road. He showed me what true love is and he is still my best friend

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  • YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. YOU CANNOT EXPECT TO GET OVER SOMEONE AFTER A BREAK UP THE VERY NEXT DAY. IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN THERE WAS NEVER ANY LOVE THERE AND YOU WERE A SIDE PIECE.
    I HAVE HAD THIS HAPPEN TO ME BEFORE - MY boyfriend DUMPED ME, AND I WAS DEVASTATED. I WAS DEFEATED. 5 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN. I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER LOVE AGAIN. THE NEXT DAY I HEAR FROM HIS BROTHER THAT HE HAS A NEW girlfriend. WHO HE WOULD LATER GO ON TO MARRY, AND A COUPLE YEARS AFTER THAT DIVORCE. WHEN HE MESSAGED ME OUT OF THE BLUE ONE DAY I TALKED TO HIM, NOT AS AN EX, BUT AS A PERSON WITH SHARED MEMORIES. ALL THIS WAS AFTER 7 YEARS.
    I MAY BE SINGLE NOW AND FOREVER ALONE LOL, BUT A PART OF ME IS OK WITH THAT BECAUSE I KNOW WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM WORTH, AND I AM NOT SETTLING OR CHANGING ME FOR ANYONE.

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    • You will never ever get over them if you still in contact with them and are playing nice to be their friend or nothing... You are scared to lose them, so being their friend is good enough at your expense. But in the end, you are the one who's being left heartbroken since you are always at their beck and call while they are busy moving on knowing you are there always...

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