Trying to be friends with your ex? Wrong answer

I can imagine we've all thought about it at least once. Many of us have done it. Maybe it worked out & the two of you ended up back together...maybe you just stayed good friends and still are to this day. Maybe it was a nice thought, but ended up a nightmare. My take on it, at least for myself, is don't do it. Here's the why: Feelings do not go away overnight & regardless of what people may say, you can't shut that shit off like a light. Do you really want to hear about your ex's new love in their life? Do you want to be the person listening to them & giving them advice about a new relationship, or listening to the problems they're having with a new relationship? Do you want to be a "safety net" for your ex, sitting on the sidelines waiting for them to pick you up when it's convenient for them? I sure as hell don't. I'm not remotely interested in any of it.

Especially, if your ex was the one who ended your relationship with them! Decisions have consequences. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Let your ex find out the hard way what life is like without you. Don't allow them to use you as a safety net. If you still have feelings for them & still want a relationship with them, politely let them know when they throw the "let's be friends" bullshit at you that you're not interested in a demotion. Do not give them power over you. Stand up for what you want & don't settle for less than that. It's not as easy as it sounds, but in the long run, you'll be glad you did it!

Trying to be friends with your ex? Wrong answer


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I had an ex who cheated on me. He was pursuing another woman while we were still together, says for months that they were just friends and then he ends up with her in the end. She lives far away. They have a long distance relationship. He said that he just wanted to be friends. I took that because I still cared for him. He continues to ask me for favors and I've been giving in like a fool. He continues to guilt me into having sex with him, telling me that he still loves me and that I'm beautiful and he has needs. I stupidly fell in that trap believing every word he says. I let him borrow my car for a week because his broke down and he works 30 miles away. I've been stupidly letting my ex run my life and using me. In the end, I'm hurt even more, I can't function because of my depression and anxiety. If I need him, he's busy. He is nowhere to be found, ignored my call when I had a flat tire the other day. We once lived together and at the end of the month, still believes that I owe him rent since I left and my name is on the lease. He talks down to me when I tell him I'm not paying. He literally treats me like crap and I'm allowing it because I lack self-esteem. Meanwhile, when his girlfriend comes to town, he puts her on some pedi stool.

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    • Fuck hin find someone better

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    • It's easy for anyone to say to just say grow a backbone but it's not like Rome was built in one day. This stuff takes time. Of course my low self-esteem contributed to it but I'm taking some steps and realizing my worth. Thing is, for so long I was in deep love with this man who hurt me so badly that I felt like I'd never find anyone like him.

    • It isn't easy, especially when there are still feelings... but it does get easier. Glad you're taking steps to break away from it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • My ex broke up with me last week and she is telling me we should be friends because she still needs me... So she still calls and text me like we are a couple and I barely reply to and she get mad...

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    • I'd keep my distance. You owe it to yourself to allow yourself time to heal, brother. If she gets mad, let her get mad. That's beyond your control. I can't help but want to ask you, why does she say she "needs" you? Damn, she ended your relationship. Didn't she "need" you, then? I would be asking myself some serious questions about this. I know it's not easy to go through this shit & from my own personal experience, I WANTED to keep them in my life, & try the friends route I finally pulled my head out my ass & realized it wasn't in MY own best interests to do that. It wasn't until then, that I was able to really heal & go on with my life. I wish you the best. Don't settle for less than you deserve... as soon as you do, you get less than you settled for.

    • Typical from someone who is hurt and wants to void till she finds someone new. When she finds someone she'll vanish.

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What Girls Said 8

  • My brother is still friends with his most recent ex. My mom even said that they were more like friends and not quite like a real couple. Their breakup was expected and they felt it was mutual. They meet up for coffee now and then, text when they feel like it. It's not like they're besties but they keep in touch.
    If the breakup was 100% mutual and neither of you have any feelings for each other anymore, a friendship can definitely work out. Unless you hate each other or something.

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    • Agreed. If it was a mutual, amicable split & the feelings are gone, a friendship is possible.

  • I can not stay friends with the men I was in love with. It s just impossible for me. As much as I loved them, I go to the very much hate towards them after the break up and when I m over I m just indifferent towards them and not curious at all about what they doing. I loved deeply 2 men so far but they wanted out of my life and from that point they sort of got dead to me. I don't know if that makes me a terrible person but I am a very passionate one. I love and hate with all my heart and once I moved on I really don't care anymore and I don't look back.

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  • See, my ex and I split up in April. We argued over something really silly that just completely escalated out of control, he gave me the chance to stop arguing in the end and told me that if I didn't drop the subject, we were over.

    Now, we are both stubborn as each other and I wanted to finish this argument. So I kept at it, didn't I? And sure enough, we broke up. Because I pushed him to it. Don't get me wrong, he did try to work it out for the first week afterwards but I ended up losing my temper again, and that was it really done.

    We lost contact in the end. I pushed him so far he no longer wanted to talk to me. I at least wanted to be 'friends' with the intent of getting back together eventually. But he wasn't for being friends anymore.

    It's months on now and I realise what I've lost and how much strain I put on him. It's so sad if I see him around now and he's desperately trying to catch my eye, but I just can't look at him. He hurt me in the end too, and I don't know if him looking at me is him trying to now initiate communication between us again or whether he is trying to control me.

    But yeah, in our situation, I guess being friends may never have worked anyway :( sad that we ended because of my own stupidity.

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  • My ex husband is my best friend. He and my boyfriend are like brothers.

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  • Yes and no.

    Yes if the ex was a full time son of a bitch. asshole. He did all the shit you didn't deserve and everything didn't work out.

    No, If you both lost feelings for each other or the relationship was meaningless. mutual agreement that there's nothing in that relationship. You can still stay friends. you both know that nothing will happen.

    I don't know. It's my opinon.

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  • I agree with you, I don't think I could ever be friends with an ex. I don't know, I guess it would just be too awkward.

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  • I couldn't be friends with my ex. No way.

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  • I guess it just depends. My ex and I are still friends and it's good.

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    • It does depend on the situation. In most cases, it generally does not go well. One person is always left with a bunch of feelings

    • Yup. I just relailzed that yesterday. :c (I'm the one left with feelings)

What Guys Said 4

  • While I do agree with your opinion, I say it depends on the situation of the breakup. I broke up with my ex simply because I realized that I'm not ready to be in a serious relationship and that I need to be by myself and learn what I really want. She didn't understand, but she accepted it and we are still friends. Granted we have to at least be aqauintances because I am her commanding officer in JROTC. So basically it really depends on how you brake up and what kind of relationship you had.

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  • I'm good friends with all of my exes and I love hearing about their new relationships and being there for them :)

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  • I am friends with my ex. Everything is great.

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  • Dude, thank you SO much! I really needed it.

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