When he breaks up with you and says " we can still be friends". Trust me he does not actually mean it. Don't be that naive girl that believes that they can be an exception to the rule. Do not try and be friends with your ex. Attempting to be friends with your ex will only cause you so much pain and heart break time and time again.
When my ex told me 7 months ago that he still wanted me in his life and to still be friends, "because then we can have a person in our lives that cares about us and that isn't something to throw away" I believed him. I truly thought that this guy and I could remain in each others life's and be there for one another. But I was wrong. For a couple of months it worked, we spoke we chatted. Tried to make out like things were fine that things were good. His idea of friendship was treating me like I was one of the guys and telling me all about his dating life and how little I meant to him. It hurt to hear and you just have to pretend like it doesn't bother you at all.
I admit that I did become the crazy ex, something that I truly regret but I apologised for every single wrong doing that I made. We all make mistakes and love makes us do crazy and stupid things. My ex and I said goodbye to each other so many times. long heartfelt messages with little to nothing in return, but harsh words and reality checks. Then in a few weeks we would be talking to each other again, trying to put it all in the past as friends was what we wanted to be. The worse moment was when he told me that he met a girl and was dating her. The pain I felt was horrible. It was like my whole stomach had sunken inside of me, and you really do feel your heart break. It sounds like an exaggeration but trust me it's not. One of the worst parts is knowing that he won't feel this pain because he has already moved on and won't care when you move on too. Of course being his friend you must endure the pain of hearing all about her because that's what friends do. Being the ex you don't want to hear this. The only thing that you want to hear is that they miss you and made a mistake. But trust me it's not going to happen.Being friends with my ex has only made me a stronger person. To hear how happy your ex is without you and be told over and over again, its pretty tiring and hurtful.
My ex and I did meet up twice as friends, and the saddest moment is when you realise that they are not the same person. That you barely recognise them and can only catch a glimpse of who you were together once before. He can barely even look you in the eye and that will break your heart. And just when you think things are going well and you feel a connection again he will drop the new girlfriend card and tell you all about her as if he has to prove to you how happy he is.
You will be the only one fighting to keep him in your life, always initiating contact, asking him how he is, how's life, encouraging him to do well, and then when things are going well they will turn ugly. It's like he gets scared that he could possibly have a friendship with you and he will say something mean or hurtful to push you further away. Don't even think about him asking you how you are and what's happening in your life he couldn't care less, your his ex and he has his new girlfriend now to ask those questions to.
There will come a time when you just can't do it anymore. The day you realise that this friendship is not a friendship at all. You feel like a burden and realise that no relationship, friendship or not is like this. Your real friends, they care about you. They want to know what's going on with your life and they want to be there for you. What's your ex going to do when you barely even see him except tell you how perfect his new girlfriend is and how he no longer loves you anymore.
Walking away from your first love is so hard. You want to try everything in your power to fix the relationship and get it back to where it was. To make him love you again and look at you the way he did before when you were once his whole world. For months you imagine the day when he realises his new relationship was a mistake and how much you mean to him and the day he will ask you for the second chance that you know he really doesn't deserve. To receive that letter in the mail with the long apology for all the hurt he caused you during the break up. That day is never coming.
The sad truth is, you will never be friends.
When you do eventually decide to go your own ways and tell him it's for the best and that he will always have a piece of your heart, and that if he ever does miss and regret letting you go that he would at least reply with something heartfelt. Maybe If your lucky he may tell you how much you mean to him and that he misses you but he doesn't see a future with you. However my harsh reality was being told that he no longer loved me and that he will never wake up and miss me. He will never regret the things that he has said and done to me and the only reason that he continued to message was because he felt guilty to be the one to say we can't be friends. It's not a great way to leave such a special relationship, one that once meant so much to you and still does.
So trust me when I say, being friends with your ex is not a good idea. It only leads to you feeling hurt and broken hearted all over again. I don't miss my ex, I miss the boy that I met almost 4 years ago who stole my heart and was my once best friend.