Should you hold a grudge or be thankful for your exes?

[candygirl_9847]

I know you already heard the song by Ariana Grande, "Thank you, next".

I would always think that this song is a post-break up song...about moving on, finding someone new...

Until now.

I realized there is a deeper meaning to it.

It's the phrase "Thank you".

It's not "Hate you ex", but actually a thank you.

I used to hold grudges.

I used to blame my exes for the break up.

I was never able to forgive them.

But when you learn more about understanding, putting yourself in the other person's shoes, needing to treat others how you would like to be treated, really listening and not putting yourself first... you realize that things don't work out and it's for a reason.

Now I'm thankful for them.

Now I embrace that song in a new light.

I realized we made each other a better person.

Always remember that things happen for a reason.

We meet each person for a purpose.

We learn different lessons.

Forgiveness comes from acceptance. It comes from understanding.

No person would purposely do wrong to another person. We are all born good natured. We should always understand where the other person is coming from.

I hope you guys have the same enlightenment as me.

Forgive, and feel better.

[FlirtWithMeeee]

Well said! Some people in life never get to that understanding to where you seem to be now.
However one thing I want to point out though. You said stated, "Forgiveness comes from acceptance." I'm not sure if you mean acceptance like what had happened is ok or more like acknowledgment that things have happened and not actual acceptance. I dont think forgiveness is about acceptance or tolerance. When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you are alright (accept) with whatever happened or if the hurtful things continue after you have already forgiven it doesn’t mean you continue to put up with (tolerate) these hurtful things. Forgiveness is about closure. It’s about understanding so you can move on, so you can learn and grow, just like you wrote here. 😁

[candygirl_9847]

When I said forgiveness comes from acceptance, I didn't mean that we should tolerate a wrong doing. Instead we acknowledge their mistake but not hold it against them. You know when they say convict the sin but not the sinner? If we are able to accept that we are just humans, that we commit mistakes, it's easier to forgive. But again, if it's tolerance, you let the relationship continue and keep doing the same mistakes. But here, you end it, and take those lessons with you.

[FlirtWithMeeee]

Makes sense 👍

[Guy13]

I can do both without trying hard... MF doing this and doing that tom AND thank you for killing any feelings and showing me what to look for in the future in other scumbags. See, balanced...

[Espresso-Grande]

I disagree with some of what you said. It's naive to assume "No person would purposely do wrong to another person". You're obviously basing that on your experiences. Everyone's situation is different. So you can't advice everyone to do the same as you or tell them they should understand where the person is coming from.

I was left for dead by my ex. After I ended the relationship, he beat me up so badly I was put in an induced coma. I hasca brain injury, and my front teeth were knocked out. I have physical scars from the attack.

I don't forgive him , but I don't live my life bitter , angry or resentful either. I've moved on from it, but I'm not thankful for the experience. People don't need to forgive in order to move on and let go. There's no lessons for me to be learned. I did nothing wrong. He was soley to blame for the attack

[candygirl_9847]

I wrote this not to condone bad behaviors nor be accepting of the wrongs that were done against me. I wrote this because I didn't want to be bitter. We forgive for ourselves, not for other people. When we forgive, we become free of grudges. Grudges that doesn't really affect the other person but ourselves. We should be free of that. It's not thank you for the bad experience, but thank you for the learnings.
Thank you for making me a better person. In your case, you are stronger now. I know you won't let anyone treat you the same way ever.

[Espresso-Grande]

I'm not stronger. I'm the same person as I was before I was attacked. I'd already left him when he attacked me. I've never let anyone treat me badly. So it's not a case of "not allowing someone to treat me badly ever again" You're making the assumption I allowed him to treat me badly, and now I won't allow anyone to treat me badly, because I have learned a lesson from it. There's nothing to learn from it and nothing to be thankful for. I have no reason to forgive myself. I did nothing wrong. I've always been a good-hearted person, or tried to be. The experience didn't make me a better person. I'm not giving credit to an abusive guy for my good heart or die my strength. It's who I've always been. I am the same person as before. It is what it is. He is soley responsible for the attack.
I agree we shouldn't live our lives hateful and bitter. Which I don't. I never have.

Everyone's relationship is different. There is lessons to be learned and we can grow from failed relationships. But that's not the case in every relationship. It's wrong of anyone to make assumptions based on ignorance of a person's relationship.

I hope my comments don't come across as rude or disrepectful. Or as though I have attitude. I don't mean for it to come across that way. I'm just trying to put my point forward as best i can in writing.

[Star177]

That's nice but I wish it could be that easy to put it in action!