I had a friend come to me for this issue earlier that inspired me to make this post. I know he'll be seeing this sometime, but I thought I'd write a mytake also directed to other people going through this situation.
For anyone who is 100% strict on never getting back together with an ex, perhaps this post isn't for you. I believe that while most of the time it's not a good idea, there are cases where it's completely okay.
And yes, despite my young age, I have had more than my fair share of relationship experiences, getting together, breaking up, moving on, I've been through it way too many times than a person of my age probably usually does. I've stopped this for a while now but I do have the experience so I feel I have some credibility.
If you're reading this because you want your ex back, don't be hard on yourself. A lot of people do. But before you even remotely think about getting back with them or even just conversing with them. Consider some things first.
First of all, if you broke up due to any of the following:
- repeated infidelity (or even just infidelity in general)
- physical/emotional abuse
- loss (not lack of, lost) of attraction
- trust issues, incompatibility
99.9% of the time, don't even consider it as much as you may want it. Trust me when I say this, people can change, but these sort of things are clear signs that you should cut them out of your life as hard as it may be.
Why do you want them back?
Are you lonely? Are you just feeling sad? Are you just craving the feeling of that someone in your life? These are examples of horrible reasons, and while some don't admit this is the reason, more times than not, one of these is probably applicable to some people's situation, especially shortly after a breakup.
Why did you break up?
Was it due to things like circumstances? Timing? Long distance? These sort of obstacles can cause a relationship to break, but if these obstacles are removed and there wasn't really any other issues, there is a genuine chance.
Are you both willing to change to fix issues in your past relationships, but also willing to COMPROMISE on things that may be difficult or impossible to change?
Look, nobody is perfect. If you and your ex-partner had some major incompatibility issues, it's a better idea to just cherish it for what it was and move on. However, if you both are willing to reconcile, talk things out with each other first. What's changed, what issues may still exist that happened the first time around, etc. Also take into account change will take time, and you will both have to take it slow and be patient
Are you BOTH willing to reconcile?
Obvious one. Takes 2 for a relationship to work. Just because you think so, they may not. If this is the case, talk to them about it, but if they still refuse, just let it go.
Know what you are doing and what you are walking back to
Ultimately, you broke up for a reason. A relationship takes two to work, but more times than not also takes two to fail it. If you go back to an old relationship without any real change, it's going to end up the same way. It's not worth it.
and of course, respect their decision.
So, should you get back with an ex?
Obviously depends on your situation. Everyone is unique and so is every relationship. Going back to an ex could be the best decision you've ever made, or could just be the same heartbreak over again. Personally, if I was single and I had to get back with an ex, out of the perhaps 10 people I've dated in high school, I'd only take 1 back under special circumstances (we broke up due to her going to uni, different grades). This is probably a good consensus the times when getting back with your ex is a good idea. Most of the time, probably not a good idea. However, if your mind is clear and you can look back on the relationship objectively and still believe that it's worth going back to, then there may be a serious chance to reconcile.