Before You Even Think About Getting Back With An Ex, Consider This

Before You Even Think About Getting Back With An Ex, Consider This

I had a friend come to me for this issue earlier that inspired me to make this post. I know he'll be seeing this sometime, but I thought I'd write a mytake also directed to other people going through this situation.

For anyone who is 100% strict on never getting back together with an ex, perhaps this post isn't for you. I believe that while most of the time it's not a good idea, there are cases where it's completely okay.


And yes, despite my young age, I have had more than my fair share of relationship experiences, getting together, breaking up, moving on, I've been through it way too many times than a person of my age probably usually does. I've stopped this for a while now but I do have the experience so I feel I have some credibility.

If you're reading this because you want your ex back, don't be hard on yourself. A lot of people do. But before you even remotely think about getting back with them or even just conversing with them. Consider some things first.

First of all, if you broke up due to any of the following:

- repeated infidelity (or even just infidelity in general)
- physical/emotional abuse

- loss (not lack of, lost) of attraction

- trust issues, incompatibility

99.9% of the time, don't even consider it as much as you may want it. Trust me when I say this, people can change, but these sort of things are clear signs that you should cut them out of your life as hard as it may be.

Why do you want them back?

Are you lonely? Are you just feeling sad? Are you just craving the feeling of that someone in your life? These are examples of horrible reasons, and while some don't admit this is the reason, more times than not, one of these is probably applicable to some people's situation, especially shortly after a breakup.


Why did you break up?

Was it due to things like circumstances? Timing? Long distance? These sort of obstacles can cause a relationship to break, but if these obstacles are removed and there wasn't really any other issues, there is a genuine chance.

Are you both willing to change to fix issues in your past relationships, but also willing to COMPROMISE on things that may be difficult or impossible to change?

Look, nobody is perfect. If you and your ex-partner had some major incompatibility issues, it's a better idea to just cherish it for what it was and move on. However, if you both are willing to reconcile, talk things out with each other first. What's changed, what issues may still exist that happened the first time around, etc. Also take into account change will take time, and you will both have to take it slow and be patient

Are you BOTH willing to reconcile?

Obvious one. Takes 2 for a relationship to work. Just because you think so, they may not. If this is the case, talk to them about it, but if they still refuse, just let it go.

Know what you are doing and what you are walking back to

Ultimately, you broke up for a reason. A relationship takes two to work, but more times than not also takes two to fail it. If you go back to an old relationship without any real change, it's going to end up the same way. It's not worth it.

and of course, respect their decision.


So, should you get back with an ex?

Obviously depends on your situation. Everyone is unique and so is every relationship. Going back to an ex could be the best decision you've ever made, or could just be the same heartbreak over again. Personally, if I was single and I had to get back with an ex, out of the perhaps 10 people I've dated in high school, I'd only take 1 back under special circumstances (we broke up due to her going to uni, different grades). This is probably a good consensus the times when getting back with your ex is a good idea. Most of the time, probably not a good idea. However, if your mind is clear and you can look back on the relationship objectively and still believe that it's worth going back to, then there may be a serious chance to reconcile.

Good luck!


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What Girls Said 16

  • I always fall into the trap of somehow feeling like I am responsible for the failure or success of a relationship. I think some years ago an ex told me that I will never be able to maintain a relationship and I developed a habit of trying to fix any relationship, however dysfunctional, even if I don't like the guy anymore. I think there is literally not a single ex I didn't get back with at least once. It is so stupid.

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    • I would say it's not as if you can't get back with an ex; more of when it is a good choice to. I'm sorry for your experiences, but in my opinion, unless for example hypothetically speaking you physically/emotionally abuse your ex or cheat on them without them doing anything bad to you, it's usually fault on both sides for breaking the relationship.

    • 7d

      I argee with him

  • 7d

    Usually when you break up with an ex it is for a good reason. Unless it was he that made the decision and you got dumped why would you expect him to want you back again, or worse yet, why would you consider it? If love didn't weather the relationship the first time why do you think it would be any different? I look at it this way, sometimes it is not meant to be, despite any good intentions. Sometimes it is best just to be by yourself.

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    • 7d

      Yeah, but you can't deny there are cases where the issue that broke you apart is either easily fixable or is already fixed, and if the relationship was good overall it could be worth a try. I'm not saying you should always try get back with an ex, in fact, I'd say 90% or so of the time it's probably not a good idea. But there are always specific cases where it's appropriate or even when I'd encourage you try.

    • 7d

      Totally agree. I was saying more that it worked for me because there wasn't a bigger underlying issue like cheating, incompatibility, etc. It all depends on circumstances.

  • Never get back with an ex. Y'all broke up once for a reason.

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    • I dunno, what about if for example you broke up because one of you couldn't do long distance, but that obstacle is removed now because one of you moved closer to each other? In my opinion, it's completely viable and possible for you two to get back together if something like this is the case.

    • Eh, I guess there are exceptions. But I wouldn't get into a LDR from the get go in the first place. Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos in my opinion.

  • 2d

    My ex was disrespectful to me I did told him what the things he does upset me he said he won’t do that again and guess what he did it again the only way to change his behaviour is by scolding him often which shows he’s not mature enough. He kept apologising for making me cry and only realised his mistakes if I’m harsh with him being nice doesn’t make him listen I wanted to break up with him since he refuses to change he don’t let me i have to deal with him and when he finally broke up with me and said I deserved a better guy i never felt so free and happy. But he can’t get over me and blocked me because his feelings came back. He’s not a abusive boyfriend but he had no idea he’s being disrespectful unless I nag at him at least he’s better than players but I won’t wanna get back with him

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    • 2d

      Fair enough, if you don't to get back with him, don't! It takes two to make a relationship and usually takes 2 to break it. This take isn't saying you should, its much more that when you are considering it, consider some of the things that I said above.

  • 7d

    Interesting read. Will most definitely not be getting back together with my emotionally abusive ex

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  • 7d

    Fabulous take. Realistic, down to earth and factual

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  • Nice take

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  • Great post!

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  • I really loved this!!!

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  • 7d

    Great take

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  • Nice

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  • 7d

    My situation is difficult. My ex and I are pretty different people (I got good grades- he didn`t like school that much, I like activities- he`s more into hardcore gaming, I come from a stable family-he doesn't etc), but we just connected somehow. The attraction was crazy, we couldn`t keep our hands off each other. I know three years later he still has feelings. I still have feelings. I miss him. If I didn`t think rationally I would take him back in a heartbeat. There was no cheating, nothing like that, he was very loyal etc. My parents hated him though and said I could do better. Eventually, I gave in to the pressure from them and broke it off. I was just never completely satisfied with my choice. It`s like it happened too early or something. So, I don't know if I should get back with him if we ever cross paths again. We are so different, but he means the world to me and we connected emotionally.

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    • 6d

      If you can't really tell how you were connected somehow, I don't want to sound negative but from what you wrote it sounds like you don't even know why you loved him then. At most, it sounds like there was just physical attraction then. Difference is good, as they say opposites do attract, but if you don't even know why you love them or can't give reasons, there's probably some reason for doubt.|

      Breaking apart due to parents is something that can be fixed once you're both more independent, but maybe just think over it objectively.

  • 7d

    Me and my ex spent seven years apart and then got back together. I moved due to my dad and grandpa passing away two months apart, my family (I'm the oldest and my mom was a mess) needed me, so I moved home. Seven years later, we met up, were living together for three years when we welcomed our son into the world six months ago. It happens ♥️

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  • 7d

    I agree. Mine was related to timing and distance.

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    • 7d

      Timing and distance can easily break relationship but don't blame each other because it wasn't something you two could control. I'd say if this was the sole reason or the main one, there is a genuine chance at reconciling if that obstacle is removed!

    • Show All
    • 7d

      @DublinRollerGirl oh grow up you idiot. It’s not my problem you’re weak enough to let people turn you into a pathetic bitch!

    • 7d

      again you have to speak as an anonymous nothing. Your comments mean as much as your anonymous ass. Try being a real person if you have anything to say worth noting.

  • Im gonna follow these.

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  • Good take

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What Guys Said 20

  • 7d

    Look, if you had break up because of some argument or a misunderstanding, then it might be able to work again. But when it comes to reasons such as cheating, physical and psicological abuse or loss of atrraction, then just forget it and don't look back.

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    • 7d

      basically a tldr, but I'd add that if that loss of attraction wasn't due to the factors such as physical abuse and etc, it can be rebuilt, but will take a shit lod of time and likely isn't worth it most of the time.

  • In most circumstances, I would consider it by default to be a bad idea. Issues rarely get resolved that broke them up in the first place and people only change if they want to.

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    • Yeah this is true and sometimes even when they want to change some people can't change some things.
      This is mainly at the people who broke up not because of a compatibility issue, but something a lot more easily fixable, like long distance, financial issues, education, pursuing careers, etc. Sometimes, I'd even argue it's worth to chase these sort of relationships if the obstacle that broke you up was something like this.

    • I agree. That does make sense. Great take.

  • Unless you have kids together, I can't really think of too many scenarios where you can realistically get back together with an ex.

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    • I'm mostly talking about scenarios such as perhaps you two broke up because you couldn't do long distance, or one of you had to move away due to education somewhere else, something like obstacles that were removed due to time. I would say it won't be completely out of the question then?

    • The underlying reason (s) for the breakup would have had to be addressed and fixed for that to even be a possibility.

    • But, in principle, in those scenarios, it could be possible, although people usually move on with their lives and meet someone new.

  • 6d

    I live by this rule, look to the past and learn from it, do not try to live there.

    You can get back with an ex and be successful, as long as you both have grown and can accept who you both are today. The reason most ex's that get back together fail in the long run, is because they don't address the thing that broke them up in the first place. To many couples get back together again, because things have not gone as planned and they get back together because they are desperate and seek a comfort they know instead of risking the unknown.

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    • 4d

      Very true, couples that get back together sometime down the road again generally have become a better version of themselves and thanks to that they can solve the issues that they couldn't before.

  • 7d

    Never look back because the shyt you left is still there and probably worse.

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    • 4d

      Fair enough, most people break up for reasons that relate to incompatibility, and that's a big red flag that you shouldn't get back together. But some people genuinely break up to circumstances out of their control, and if those circumstances are removed, there is a genuine chance at reconciliation.

  • 7d

    If you break up over a argument or a misunderstanding then it can work out since people change and grow. For me it was simple because the parents didn't like me so she left me it was that or they were gonna kick out of her there house.

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  • It depends on what the circumstances were that caused the relationship to end in the first place. If you are dealing with a liar or cheater then common sense should give you that answer without much effort.

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  • 7d

    I know i would since i wasn't the one who wanted to break up in the first place and this is most of the time in my realtionships.

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    • 7d

      Yeah, I know how that can feel, but also consider how the other person may feel before reconciling.

  • Great post! I take the stance that each situation is unique. Communication is key, but I do believe that diving right back into a dissolved relationship is a bad idea.

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  • 4d

    I don't think getting back with an ex is smart. It never works out.

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    • 4d

      Hmm, I wouldn't say so. I would agree that a large amount of people don't get back with their exes for the right reason and this is why it doesn't work out. Many just get back because they're lonely or can't find anyone else, but the fact of the matter is the issues that were there before, never gets fixed.

  • An EX is an EX for a reason!

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    • Yes, I agree. You broke up for a reason. However, for example if the reason for breaking up was because one or two of you couldn't deal with long distance, and now you two live closer together or whatever, then I actually encourage them to try again.

  • 7d

    Your ex is only good for sex. Otherwise stay away.

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    • 6d

      I'd tend to disagree. Some people fall out due to circumstances that are out of their control, and sometimes those people do have a genuine chance at getting together if the obstacle or circumstance is no longer there.

    • 6d

      Maybe when young or when there's not many interfering factors. Otherwise stay away.

  • Interesting take

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  • Nice take

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  • 7d

    It never happens

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    • 4d

      Not necessarily, some couples I'd even encourage to give it a second go. It doesn't happen because some people are unwilling to admit their own faults due to their own pride, and give up on something that could of been better.

  • 7d

    Why buy a book if you can use the library

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  • and EX is an EX for a reason

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  • nice take

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  • 7d

    I can agree to that. Nice work.

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  • 7d

    Interesting take...

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