Despite breaking up with my selfish and uncaring ex for the final time after 10 years on/off I can't get him out of my head.
I dream about and think about him nearly everyday. This has been an issue that I haven't been able to tell anyone from the first time we split up. Despite all he has done to me my soul feels very sad, now he's gone.
I used to pray to God to bring him back to me if he was the right man for me and in my life whenever I pray for something and its truly right I get it.
But I don't know if he ever prayed for me in the same way.
I would pray that he doesn't fall by the waste side and find his purpose in life, that his return was actually because he was ready. Ready to be the man I deserve and more.
I wouldn't talk to anyone about it or contact him because I truly believe it was for him to decide (I already know what I want) and when I least expected it he'd find a way to contact me.
But every time he returned he seemed distant and irritated by me after things got comfortable again. Complaining that I was too clingy.
He would offer me less and less in return every time...
I was reduced to us being casual this time with the request for an addition of another in our bed. Ugh! As much as I love him. I just wouldn't do that just to keep him.
Sexually I've changed and I want something more.
Relationship wise i want someone who wants to be with me warts and all.
I'm struggling to get over him.
We shared so much, but also so little.
I feel overwhelmed with grief. And I don't know how to shake it.
This loss feels like someone took half my heart away.