I cheated on my wife & she left me!

I am a complete mess!

I love my wife and have hurt her! I completely screwed up a relationship that I have with someone I love. I cheated on her not in the physical sense but in the email cybersex sense.

She found my emails to several woman 2 weeks ago and I even sent one foreign woman money that turned out to be a scam. She sent herself all the emails and then left me 2 weeks ago. Also, 3 1/2 years ago I did actually physically cheat on her while we were engaged as well. She gave me one chance then and now here I am because I feel I didn’t deal with my issues then nor cleared my conscience. We got married several months after the first cheating.

Nonetheless, I do realize it is cheating and I admit it. I offered to take a lie detector test to prove that I didn't physically cheat but, she didn't care. I do not blame her! It is absolutely all my fault! I have had some but minimal contact with her and her mother and some family members in the past 2 weeks. I have sent her a genuine heartfelt letter of apology, and flowers twice at her mother’s house, emails, text messages and phone calls etc.

I can't stop thinking about how I hurt her. She said I destroyed her and her heart. I admit it was cheating. I have gone to a counselor by myself and she called in. Since the counselor last Wednesday, I called her of which I began begging and crying to please come home! She is with family. She and her family are now not returning any text or phone calls after I was told they loved me when they initially found out. I have came clean and have sincerely tried to work on myself but she isn't here nor really talks with me to start the healing process or see what I am doing to correct my issues.

I know everyone heals at different rates. I bought a step by step guide as well “How to Survive an Affair” and “Saving a Marriage” and have been reading it even though I normally do not read at all. I sent her a list of all the issues I need to work on and all my past discrepancies to come clean of everything to start with a clean slate and become transparent.

No more lies!

I want her home so I can show her I am working hard to change and to start healing. I am fully aware that it will be a long process. She hasn't called me all weekend and I am beside myself. I have stopped the obsessive calls, text and emails to her 3 days ago. What should I do to get her home and / or at least call me? She told me she lost her best friend and soul mate. I want to improve myself so I don't do this again to her but, need this last chance to prove it to her. I know we have had some issues with her recent job loss, me moving away for employment 3 months ago and both have gained some weight. We were generally happy for the most part prior to this.

Does she need more time? How do I get her to call and talk on her own? How do I get her to come home on her own? I need help fast! I really do love her and really need to get her home somehow. This is serious!
I cheated on my wife & she left me!
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