Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving her?

[Anonymous]

I was dating her for 3 years. She was everything I could've asked for. I was madly in love with her when we met.

But by the end of the relationship, my love changed to a different kind. I loved her because she was a part of my life, but I wasn't in love with her like I used to be.

Things changed and I was surrounded by temptation. I was weak and at one point even tried to cheat on her, but was only stopped because the girl didn't want to sleep with a taken man. There was a lot of women talking to me. I started getting feelings for someone else in my school.

I decided that she didn't deserve that kind of treatment, and I tried to let her down softly. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I came clean on everything, but even after all that, she still said she loves me and wants to make it work.

She is the most caring, sweet, compassionate, and loving woman in the world, but for some reason I wasn't satisfied. Did I just lose the best thing that ever happened to me?

Updates

+1 y

I've never felt so heartbroken before, and I'm the one who broke up with her. She deserves someone way better.

I feel sick to my stomach and depressed. I just don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

[OmniSlug]

"Of your life?" No... no, no, far from it, no. Despite how it might feel, she is far from the best thing to ever happen to you. Did you do wrong here? Yes, by wanting to cheat on her -- that is very wrong. Breaking up with her, however, I don't think that was wrong or a mistake.

First, allow me to console you by letting you know that yes, you have found a wonderful and loving lady of extraordinary quality, but she is far from the only one on the planet, and among the others out there, there ARE ladies who would be willing to go out and even fall in love with you after a fantastic friendship.

With that said, you need to get a handle on yourself. It is not good to want other ladies, but it is also not unnatural. What's important is how we react to such temptation. Giving in to such desires, we tell our brain that it's okay and permissible to do such things, especially if you aren't caught, and the temptation is strengthened.

However, I WILL say that it's kind of her to want to make things continue to work. I would say give yourselves some time apart and examine your feelings towards her. A relationship can only work when BOTH parties work cooperatively. If you want her back for the things she does for you and how she makes you feel and NOT for genuinely caring for her, it's likely she's not the one for you.

Continue to be apologetic and kind to her. She deserves that. I wish you well wherever your lives take you!

[Asker]

Thanks for your input.

[EloquentlySpeaking]

If you almost cheated on her, its over bro. You were willing to completely violate her trust and her respect. That's not something to take lightly. Its over, love, I'm sorry, but it really is. Humans are creatures of habit, and tend to want things to stay the same, which is why the change is so jarring, and you're gonna miss her and want to hear her voice or feel her skin. But if you aren't ok with being with her forever, everyday, dealing with her bullshit. Than you don't deserve her compassion or love. That's it.
I know breaking up is difficult, but the person you should spend your life with is someone you'll love unconditionally. Even if she does that annoying shit she does, you STILL want to have her by your side, because your life is simply incomplete without HER. Not just any girl, but THE girl. If you can look at another woman with longing, she isn't the one. If you can hurt her knowingly and still be ok, she's not the one. If the only thing that stopped you from cheating was someone else, she's not the one.

This pain you're feeling is change and its a tough pill to swallow, but any attempt at a relationship with her again won't be positive.

[findingdreamland]

You are feeling regretful because feelings are still so hot. You still need some time to think logically.

In relationships we need to be in love. We need to feel that love. If not as your example, we start to search it outside. And it shows us it is time to move on. You moved on at right time. You haven't betrayed her. You haven't done something ugly.

She is maybe the sweetest person in the world, but is it enough? We love people not just because of sweetness. We just love, that is all about it.

Now, give yourself some time, you will feel better.

[RedCoatCece]

Hai!
First of all you can't blame yourself for letting her go. We can't tell our heart how to feel.
You're heartbroken. Because you're a good guy and you still care about her. But you can't be with someone you love. You can't sacrifice yourself noone needs to do that. Years will pass you'll find a new girl. But so will she. Maybe it just wasn't ment to be for you two. Don't blame yourself. And to answer your question No you didn't do the biggest mistake of your life by leaving her.
-xo

[Anonymous]

It was good that you left her, you didn't feel the same and if you stayed you would of cheated on her and broke her heart. Dont be to hard on yourself, maybe you just needed a break because you hadn't had time to explore the world?