Is this breakup temporary or permanent?

My boyfriend and I dated for a year and we were the best of friends, never fought, had so much in common, and knew each other like the backs of our hands. Our friends would always tell us how much they loved us together. He was diagnosed with depression about 4 months into our relationship and it's fluctuated ever since- sometimes getting really awful and he'd isolate himself from everyone and overthink things. He's been in a rut for the past few weeks but I didn't realize how awful it was this time. Things were going totally fine I thought and he was being sweet but then he disappeared for a few hours and then called me and had a breakdown. He kept saying he couldn't do this anymore and was so depressed and so we went on a break. Two days ago, he broke up with me. He said he's never felt this depressed before and he couldn't feel anything. He said he wasn't happy with anything. He said he cares about me more than anyone and I'm the most special person he's ever met and that he doesn't understand why he feels like this. He said once he gets straightened out and therapy that he'd want to try again. I'm close with his friends and they all said they're really worried about him and that he's not himself. I talked to my psychology professor and she said that the things he said to me is textbook definition of what happens when someone is chronically depressed and that I shouldn't think its him talking because it's his depression. This whole thing came out of nowjere- his episodes always did. She said that he's incapable of feeling those emotions or thinking rationally right now. He told me he wants me in his life and still sees my in his future but he can't give himself to a relationship right now. Do you think that once he's able to get stable again we'll be able to get back together? He admitted that there were no problems with our relationship & he said he's been going crazy with overthinking things. We had such an amazing relationship & i love him so much

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Most Helpful Guy

  • What he's doing, he's doing for the both of you, speaking from experience, depression episodes make you feel like a burden to those around you. Also even if you don't ask much of him the little obligations he has to you feel much worse when the episode kicks in.
    Sad truth is, there is no cure to it, you won't be able to just chipper him up. What you can do is be there, if not as a gf then as a close friend. Despite how much he's pushing, you need to pull harder and remind him why you're pulling, because he'll make every excuse in the book to escape the idea that there's still something positive in his life.
    I won't bull shit you it'll be incredibly stressful for you, however.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in this exact same situation all though now we're back to dating, it's still a bit rocky, but only time will tell, depression can take over someones lives, I think the main reason he can't do the relationship currently because he knows he needs to focus on himself, and with you there he can't because he will be constantly worrying if he's pleasing you and its too much to handle at once. Ofcourse I was heart broken when this happened, but I was always there for him, and he saw that, as it became easier to love me and be with me that I didn't put any expectations on our relationship. You can't help him, he needs to help himself, keep in mind if you guys get back together your relationship will not go back to the way it is, it can only get better or worse, it's up to you if you want to support him during this vulnerable stage, I know its hard to see them close up and isolate themselves but there's nothing really you can do. Just give it time be patient and hope for the best, its hard to be happy with your relationship when you're not happy in general.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to wait. If you truly love him, then you need to learn to be patient. If you had intentions to marry him, then this is a test for that path. He is at his worst, are you able to stick with him at his weakest?

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  • Yes in this case its a break that you guys sometimes you have to be strong for the ones you love

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