He's seeing someone else. How do I handle this situation?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy for three months this week. We see each other and communicate pretty frequently. He attended my company holiday party with me this weekend and met my parents on the same evening. I've been feeling the need to have "the talk" but wanted to be very careful about how I approached the subject. It's been a while since I've asked if he's seeing anyone else so I asked again yesterday and he said occasionally. I also asked for the third time if he was sleeping with anyone else and he also answered occasionally. Thing is, the first two times I asked he said no. Why suddenly did he say yes? I don't know how to handle this situation. I'm not ok with sleeping with someone who's sleeping with other people and I'm also upset that he lied to me. He tried to play it off as if it was the first time I'd asked but we both knew it was bull. He also tried to be all affectionate but I wasn't feeling it. He said, okay you're mad at me now and I said yes, you lied to me. That was the end of that conversation and we pretty much drove in silence on the way to my house. I heard from him via text later in the afternoon. He said he felt bad and asked if he made me sad. I still haven't responded. I just don't understand why he met my parents or why he's making plans with me in the future. How much longer does he think that he can string more than one woman along. Any advice?

[ArtistBboy]

You were interrogating him asking 3 times, so to give you an answered "he believed you wanted" - he said on occasion to enforce the fact of hearing what you do not want to hear.

Here's a test - let's see how long it takes until you have been annoyed. Answer each question without copy / pasting responses. Act as if someone was asking you this - without it being a "test".

1) Have you slept with anyone recently? (You should be feeling awkward, I'm a stranger)

2) Do you have any experience sexually? (Now it should just be creepy)

3) If so, how do you have experience? Describe it for me...? (Now it should be rude)

4) Who was it with? (Now I've gone too far and you are blocking up)

5) You can tell me, I'm not gonna tell anyone (And now I seem like a creeper, completely)

As you can see - I am pressuring the situation above as an example - by only asking questions that you are unwilling to answer. This may be different compared to your level of comittment with this individual; however, as it's only someone you are "seeing" then I don't see it appropriate to ask these questions so soon.

It's always nice to know; however, when he told you "no" the first time you should have accepted that answer and continued with your day.

Regardless - I would advise you to break up with him. 1) being that there are insecurities in the relationship about seeing other people ;; 2) that he may be offended ;; 3) that he gave answers that vary, after repetitive questions.

Best regards,

ArtistBBoy

Best regards,

ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

I asked on three separate occassions. Not all in one day.

[ArtistBboy]

Thank you for confirming; however, that's the same thing - he gave you 3 answers for the same question. What more needs to be said? It's interrogating and rude not to trust him, when he didn't do anything wrong.

Break up with him or get over your previous experiences- If the guy is cheating on you - break up with him, don't inquire about it. P.s. The way you phrase words seems "snappy" I'm not trying to be rude; so please don't interpret my assistance that way =)

[Asker]

It's neither interrogating nor rude to ask a person you're having sex with if they're having sex with other people. It's a valid question and is something most people want to know for health reasons. And he lied, so that is doing something wrong. It's not cheating if you're not officially together but he didn't give me the option to decide if I wanted to sleep with him while he's been sleeping with other people. He "rudely" made that decision for me. Obviously, I was right not to trust him.

[ArtistBboy]

So wait... you didn't trust him and decided to sleep with him? I don't think it was "RUDE" by him at all. I think that was your maljudgment and you should stop making accusations and remarks without accepting some form of responsibility.

By sleeping with someone you were not dating, it wasn't anyone's fault but your own, so to accuse anyone of doing wrong without accusing yourself seems very hypocritical

P.s. As the tone has continued - I'm assuming your comfortable with this type of tone

[Asker]

That's just it, we are dating and have been dating since date number one three months ago. This is not some casual, friends with benefits situation, which is why I'm upset about the lie. I've been honest with him from day one so I expect the same in return. I don't think that's too much to ask of someone you've been dating for three months. Bottomline, a lie is a lie. He may have thought he was sparing my feelings but I really would have preferred the truth the first time I asked.

[ArtistBboy]

Hmm it seems I have mixed your post with another, I appologize. Granted with your situation of dating this man, you have the full right in asking these questions; however, even in a relationship I wouldn't recommend asking repetitive questions.

Again I do appologize about the entire confusion and your right to be upset. Even if this guy didn't do what "he said he did" I would recommend avoiding any future communication with him. The lie, like you have said, is irresponsible on his behalf.

[mikess314]

I say this isn't beyond repair by any means. He should have told you that he was sleeping with other women so that you could be an informed consensual partner. I can see that he probably lied out of selfish reasons of not wanting to lose you just yet. But that aside, the truth is that you never asked for any exclusivity and you're putting the hurt of the other partners all on the lie. That's not fair to him. You're probably just as mad at yourself as you are at him.

Your relationship is at a very nebulous and delicate stage right now. If you like him and want him then you need to have the talk. He took the time to come to a company party and meet your parents so he seems to like you too.

You deserve to be angry about the failure to disclose. That said you just need to tell him that it's not okay and the he can't do that again, and then you get over it. The actual sleeping with other women was the risk you took holding off on the talk.

[Asker]

You're right, I never asked for exclusivity but that doesn't change the fact that I deserved the truth rather than a lie. All along I've been trying to gauge the situation and didn't want to rush into having the talk but clearly it's long overdue. Yes, he took the time to come to a company party and meet my parents but for all I know he could be treating his other relationships in the same manner. I really like this man but the situation just feels icky to me.

[ArtistBboy]

If it feels icky, break up with him - this is your life, make your decision ^_^

[LeroyJ]

Hello, I’m a Disabled Veteran, I have 2 teenagers and have been married 20 years. I find out 2 days after my birthday that my wife has been cheating on me for some years, i found out with the help of a genuine hacker (BIRDEYE. HACK@GMAIL. COM). I love her with all of my heart, she has taken care of me these past 12 years I have been partially bedridden, been there for the kids, and tried to hold our house and finances together as best she can. I have been in a depressed rut for a while, when we first got married I was on fire for the Lord, we are Christians, I didn’t smoke and I never cursed. Well now I’m the opposite and for the past few days I have moved my smoking to on the porch, I have started to read my bible again and I told her I’m going to change for the better but I see it in her eyes, that she's in love with this other man she's been cheating on me with. Thank you for your time and sorry it went so long.

[KarenShcram]

My husband and I are going through a pretty rough patch in our marriage. We have been together for 18 years, married for 12. Six years ago, he was having an emotional affair and I caught him in the act of trying to plan a getaway with her with the help of a very reputable hacker. He was very apologetic and we agreed that he would cut ties with her and work on our marriage.
Just last month, I found out that he was having conversations with the same woman again for the past 3 months because i still have access to his cellphone, We have 2 daughters together and I love my husband and do not want my kids to leave me and have to stay with his cheating ass so i had the hacker help me get evidence to help with divorce and he did. He also helped me wire some money from his account to mine without any traces. Contact Birdeye. hack@gmail. com or [phone], he's always willing to help. He does all sort of hack ranging from social media accounts hack, cellphone hack to bank accounts hacks. Contact him today and be glad you did.