Why did he cheat on me with my best friend and treat me like crap after? I did nothing to him!

[tealbaby3]

We dated 3 years, had a very healthy sex life that was enjoyable for both of us.. at least I thought.. until I found out he cheated on me (1 night stand) with my best friend. My question does not regard my best friend.. it regards him. Looking back he never showed a single sign he was unhappy. He constantly told me how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, how hot and sexy I was, etc. If he was unhappy, he convinced me the complete opposite! He was a binge drinker.. but that is still no excuse.. or is it? Idk... I am a christian girl and he knew that I really value faithfulness and that in cheating on me period it was a deal breaker (esp with my best friend). Looking back, I realize that right after he cheated he felt bad because he acted weirdly nice, like the perfect boyfriend, planning to take me on all these special dates, talking about our futures etc. I had mentioned to him one day (turns out it was the day after he cheated) that my best friend had called me at 7 am and how I thought that was weird. Then a few days later we got into a small fight on the phone and after that it was like a switch went off inside him. He started treating me very coldly and meanly. was just really heartless. When the truth finally came out of him he made a comment "you should get better friends next time" as I cried and shook on the phone. What was with this whole tough guy attitude? I mean, he already did the worst thing he could've done to me... why treat me like crap on top of it? Is that who he really was? Or was it 4 his pride or to make himself feel better about himself after doing smoething so terrible? He knew he had made a mistake and that once I found out it'd be over, but he totally put all of the blame on her... and all of it on me by saying I "picked" the wrong friends. Did he start treating me like crap because he wanted me to feel like I'm to blame, so he didn't feel as badly about what he did? Or had he decided I wasn't worth it? (still doesn't explain y he treated me like crap..). Did he think my friend was better than me? He threw away my trust, love, and respect for a piece of her ass while he was drunk... so he must've! After all the time we spent together... I don't know this all came out of left field, I'm still confused about it and so is my family. Had he liked my friend all along and I just never knew it? Was he angry at me deep down and doing it as a way to punish me or is he just a horny bastard and the alcohol brought it out finally to the open? Do you think he enjoyed it/ thought it was worth it? Or do you think deep down he regrets it, but is just too prideful to admit it to himself or anyone else, because he knows I'll never take him back? Idfk. I just had no idea he looked at her like that, especially when he had me. I feel like I was used and completely fooled for 3 years... I really loved him, but I wasn't enough for him. The worst part was how he treated me after... he couldn't just say sry and leave me in peace, no he had to treat me like sh*t.

[rainydaydreamaway]

I'm so sorry you went through that. Believe me, it is not that you weren't enough for him... it is he that is inadequate and he knows that.

Yes, he knew that you were going to be hurt and that he blew it with you and lost you. He doesn't want you to be able to forgive him because he hasn't forgiven himself... so he acted like a complete jerk on top of everything. Wanna really p*ss him off and show him what a jerk he's been? forgive him... he didn't have the maturity to handle a real relationship and he f*ed up.

But forgiving him will give you peace. You will then have to force yourself to quit analyzing why and move on (because it really doesn't matter - he will have to figure out 'why' for himself).

[tealbaby3]

Out of all the 7 comments yet, I find urs the most helpful/comforting. I keep trying 2 tell myself evrything you said in paragraph 1. It helps a lot at getting thru neg. thoughts. People say when some1 cheats it's because things were missing in the relationship or because you neglected needs of ur partner.. idt that's always tru. Sometimes people will have everything and screw it all up and 4 no reason! It wasn't fair how I was left with the "y questions" and mess.. but I am learning 2 let go like you say. ty

[rainydaydreamaway]

I'm glad that helps... thanks for letting me know.

People do ruin good things for no reason. If there were problems in the relationship and he wanted out, he was not man enough to discuss that with you and end the relationship before being with another girl.

I am curious about your friendship with that girl at this point? I would have a hard time continuing a friendship if someone betrayed me like that. Forgiving both of themvis the key to moving on, but it doesn't mean you stay friends.

[tealbaby3]

Oh god no. we are not friends! lol don't even worry about that. it would b too hard for me to even face her after finding out such a thing. only images of her and him being together would flash through my head and I honestly don't want a friend that disrespects me and that I can't trust. 10 years of friendship out the door! and its fine with me..

[rainydaydreamaway]

I am so sorry you have to deal with losing both people in your life. I'd like to say good riddance to bad rubbish, but I don't know if that helps when you're hurting.

Things will get better.

[dontknowanymore]

If he really loved you and it was indeed a one-time mistake, he would apologize profusely and ask you back. The fact that he's not even apologized? This is NOT good. He knew he did something wrong and hurt you terribly and he can't even apologize? How are you ever going to have a relationship/ marriage with a guy like this?

I've dated too many men. The ones who can't even apologize when they do something wrong have personality problems. SErious mental problems too!

[tealbaby3]

Lol that is exactly what my mom said!! She thinks he has some deep emotional/personality problems! Cause it was just so weird how he flipped a switch on someone he spent his last 3 years with! It definately wasn't normal behavior.. I've been so confused!

[dontknowanymore]

I feel your pain because it's happened to me before. But you should be thankful that you didn't marry him. I also don't know how anyone can switch off like that, but trust me they have problems.

[Ana_Moonsong]

Hmm... I think maybe he was nice to you at first because he felt bad, and still wanted to keep you. But he probably realised later that it was over and maybe even decided that he wanted to break up with you, and started treating you like crap so that you wouldn’t miss him/so you’d have a reason to hate him.

[u04ajf3]

i had an ex of 2 years do somthing simliar, in the space of 7 days we had gone from lieing in bed, I love you (all that sorta thing!), talking about our future, settling down etc and then she just turned in literally days into some sort of monster, denying everything she ever said. Lasshing out at me, treating me like crap and almost trying to be hurtful/ akward. She had phoned me up and ended it with a phone call just like that and was off sleeping with someone else a few days later and felt the need to punish me for it. It was a truly horrible experience and I couldn't work out why she would verbally hurt me in the process

[tealbaby3]

Omg.. so you def know what I'm talking about! I am so sorry that you went thru soemthing like this too. It's terrible all the emotions and baggage and horrible thoughts someone can leave you with. Someone you thought cared about you... How did you manage to get through it? How long ago did this happen?

[u04ajf3]

Hey, its funny all the questions you are asking, ask the same ones and still do. This all happenend in summer August and it turned really nasty in the end and its taken me 4-5 months to get it out my head and forget about it completely. Its like someone you thought you new, spent so long with, you actually new nothing about, like you lived a lie, its a truly horrible experience and until youve been through it its hard to put it into words. My ex did the exact same things your ex did. Email me!

[budphillips]

He sounds like a douchebag. Cut him out of your life and never think about him again. Move on ASAP and you'll be better off.

Don't spend another second thinking about him. Seriously.

[tealbaby3]

Yeah, he is cut out of my life, but I need to cut him outta my head. Same for my best friend eventho I have to drive past her house everday!! (the house where it happened =\ ) But, you're right.. the man I thought was great, was the exact opposite. The past 3 years has felt kinda like a dream now, where the last part is a nightmare. was it even real?! Lol... but anyway, ty for posting. I appreciate it.

[budphillips]

Unfriend him on Facebook and MySpace. That way you won't see his updates or anything about it. Take him off your twitter and out of your phone and off your AOL or MSN list. That way you won't see his name there. Take pictures off the wall, offline and get ride of stuff he gave you. Spend time working out [doesn't look like you need to, though] to burn off some of the frustration. Hang with your close friends and family. Be active. Don't let this get you down. Bounce back stronger.

[budphillips]

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TEXT HIM, CALL HIM OR INCESSANTLY CHECK HIS FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE. This is extremely important. You will never get him out of your head if you keep checking on what he's doing. He's a douchebag, it's OVER, you're better than him so don't stoop to his level. Continue living your life in every way you would, just without any trace of him. The sooner you take these steps, the sooner he's out of your head, the sooner you can be happy again. Trust me. I promise.

[tealbaby3]

Ty for the advice. its so funny because I actually am doing EVERYTHING in your first paragraph. as far as the second part goes... I have no urge to call or text him. it is his place to come and talk 2 me after how he treated me. I haven't talked to him since the day he told me he cheated, because he told me 2 min later that if I called or texted him he'd call the police. real cowardly way out of not answering my question of "why did you do that?" if you ask me. perfect way to put a cherry on top of just...

[tealbaby3]

Of just telling me you f***ed my best friend lol. but anyway, after seeing how much he could change and how horribly he could treat me I have had no urge to ever hear from him again. I just was curious as to why you guys thought this happened. but I guess ill never really know! lol.

[budphillips]

Unfortunately, you'll never know. I'd love to know a bunch of things but probably never will. No biggie. This isn't like trying to solve the Da Vinci Code. I think this happened because he's a pretentious and class A a$$hole. Probably not the best answer you were hoping for, but the one you'll get and the one you can hopefully live with. Good job on moving on from him. Your rock, sister!

[SearchAnAngel777]

Some people are LOW DOWN. Same thing happened to me! I didn't see wtf went so wrong in our relationship that he had to cheat.

[tealbaby3]

That's the hardest thing... when someone screws you over and doesn't really have anything to say for it/ or a good enough reason to do it. I used to think people cheated for a reason.. but now I'm beginning to realize that's not the case. Some people just don't give a f*ck anymore and will seize any opportunity that comes their way.

[Tampabay34]

I really am sorry. Both acohol and sex can destroy relationships. Couples counseling could help any of you future relationships. Don't give up on guys, sex, ect. Because of this one bad experience. Please continue to live your live, nomatter what

[tealbaby3]

Thank you so much for the encouragement and understanding. I appreciate the support and advice, it's def. been hard, but things like this and counseling have been helping. Ty

[Golden-Thread]

Move on dear without asking y to urself. Engage to another kind of things.

[pairy]

is hard to forget about him because you love him. jsut be what you want to be and move on